There was a time…

 

There was a time

There was a time…

When I had plenty of time – day in and day out. I started to draw and paint to live the creative part of me. I started to do Yoga to move my body and still my mind.

I had time to go to get my nails done, to sit in a café and just watch people walking by while slowly drinking a huge latte macchiato, I had regular hairdresser appointments and lots of time for shopping.  I spent lots of time on writing and even more on reading, reading real paper books.

This time has gone!

I have no time at all, this is a feeling that implanted itself into my brain.

I need to rush through my life because everything is planned and organized and if I get off this schedule tragedies will happen.

I rush to the Kindergarten to be in time before they start their day, I rush back to work, I squeeze appointments in between my work schedule as I cannot attend them with my son. I rush to the Kindergarten to pick him up and run with him through the supermarket because he’s tired and cranky. I rush back home and hope he sleeps so that I can finish my work and prepare dinner, when he wakes up there’s no possibility that I sit on my desk as he will go mad.

We need to play (which is his right!) and that’s the first time where I can slow down a bit. After dinner he’s fully awake and energized to enjoy a long evening with us which means not really time for me to do something creative or watch a movie without interruption, a bit of Yoga works as he starts to like that. It’s late when the day ends and sleeping without me is still rarely happening and instead of reading a few “pages” on my e-book I check emails in bed and hope he’s sleeping deeply soon so that I can take a shower before my eyes close because I’m so tired.

Is this the life I imagined with a child? No. Is this how life just is as a working mum? No.

I think I had to go through this to realize something…

No tragedies happen if I’m off the schedule!

Surely work needs to be done and there will always be days like this BUT it’s up to me to change the majority of days to a more relaxed and flexible schedule.

The more relaxed I am, the more relaxed my son is.

We listen to music in the morning while getting ready to leave the house and we snuggle a while, that’s MORE important than sitting five minutes earlier in my office.

These moments won’t come back!

My office day is scheduled, there’s no way to be completely relaxed there as we have timelines and things need to be done in time but that’s just a matter of prioritizing my work and have proper to-do-lists. If I work highly concentrated instead of being distracted by stressed thoughts about what comes next I work in a more efficient way and yes, more de-stressed. If I need to finish something in the evening anyway why not to drive to the supermarket before I pick my son up? This way I’m faster and my son can go home from the kindergarten right away and snuggle up for a good sleep. I prepare dinner, I work, I am finished when he wakes up and we can do some great things together – we can finish cooking on days I didn’t manage to and he loves the kitchen, or we play or we go to the playground for a while, or we bath him, or or or.

I may not have the time still to work on my paintings, to write lots, to read lots, but I find time to enjoy, I find time to look at a caterpillar as if I discovered something completely new because my son shows me how to do that.

We go outside and search the whole sky until we find a plane or the moon or even both. We start to walk and stop again because there’s a cat climbing up a tree and we follow her to see where she goes.  My little love is not even two years old.

He learned a ton of things in his life already and he is ruling our day!

I am his mother and it’s my task to be at his site, to carry him when he’s tired, to feed him when he’s hungry, to show him this world and to go on my knees to face him on his level.

It’s my life as his mother and I love to do all of this because he should be the happiest child on this planet.

I’m able to write (as you can see), it isn’t as regularly as it once was but does that matter? I’m able to do things just for myself, they are limited and not much but that’s OK. I’m able to draw once in a while, I’m able to do many things I used to do but is that really important right now? No, it isn’t.

Important right now is that we live in this very moment because these days pass by like crazy. My little baby is a toddler already and he soon will be doing things on his own and doesn’t want me to help him or to play with him. I don’t want to miss these days and look back one day to regret that I wasn’t crawling on the floor, checking what is under the table or under the couch, just because it makes him laugh in such a giggling wonderful way. I will have plenty of time in the future for all the other things but right now every minute spent with this little bunch of pure happiness is all I need.

There was is a time…it’s called NOW!

The life of my dreams – how would it be?

The life of my dreams – how would it be?

I think this is one of the questions many ask themselves, how would it be?
Do I want to be rich, do I want to be kind of perfect, do I want a big career, or just a tiny house and lots of children?
If I should answer this question for myself my life would be like that:
First of all I keep my husband in my life, I think that’s a good thing if he’s reading that, and I want him just to stay as he are and I want me to stay the way I am.
To be honest we already have a quite good life, but I would like to make some adjurations.
We need a home!
Not that we’re homeless right now, but a home where we are together most of the time. At the moment he is traveling lots between work and home, so I would dream of less work and more home but with the highest salary.
For my job I would like to switch from a full-time job to a part-time job also with the highest salary and with changing the job itself.
Okay, we are talking about dreaming, wishing how it could be, right?
So we will have a house by the sea in the south of England, obviously completely furnished in our style, including a few amenities like steam bath, Jacuzzi, a mid size garden, enough rooms for us and two kids, as well as one or two guestrooms with bathrooms en suite, a big kitchen and a big living room.
Our second house, yes, I’m not joking, will be exactly like the first one. The style could be a bit more oriental, a few palm trees in the garden and it is built in Libya.
So here we go, to be more realistic I wish Libya to be a calm country where we can spend half of the year while it’s winter in England.
In both houses I dream of having a room for myself with Gardenview where I can sit down quietly to write, to read a book or to start my paintings again.
I dream of less stress in our lives so that we can spend lots of leisure time with our kids and the family.
In between wish – keep all of them healthy and happy for a long, long time!
I wish our bank accounts to be always full with enough money so that we don’t have to worry about things.
I wish to have two kids, and for them I don’t care if it’s a boy and a girl, two boys or two girls, I just want them to be healthy and happy children that are raised in a loving surrounding. So, that they can say one day when they are grown ups, we had a beloved childhood.
I also wish for my husband and me that we stay healthy and are able to see them grow and have children themselves.
If I am dreaming on we are traveling each year to another destination to discover the world.
One of my personal dreams would be also that I am able at one point in time to send a book written by myself to many publishers just to see if I am able to write from a publishers point of view.
A wider view for sure would include a healthy environment, less poverty and a reduction of all the bad things in this world which are so present and which we see daily in the newspapers – no more wars, people living in peace, etc., but I’m not sure if I can heal the world in my dream.
I mainly dream about my small family circle as these are the most important persons for me. Nevertheless I could imagine as well that I don’t just travel to the nicest spots of this world but also see where is need to help. I don’t mean financial help as I haven’t dreamed of the super super lottery jackpot but to maybe volunteer in some well picked help organizations from time to time.
I’m not that selfish and when it comes to my future kids I want them to know that not everyone has lots of luck.
But back to my dream, I exclude parts like which type of car I want to drive as cars are there to get me from A to B, so not too much luxury needed. As long as the motor works in the morning and it’s a safe car I’m happy.
I wish for inner peace, this is something personal as well and I think I will never stop worrying, but to have an inner peace calming me down would be nice.
I wish I could learn it a bit from my husband, he seems often more relaxed than I.

What else do I wish for? Honestly, nothing, as when these dreams would come true I would be happy. Happy like a general happiness. There will always be dreams and wishes and they will change throughout the years but from my current point in life this would exactly be it.

What are you dreaming of?

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Being able to spend time alone…

Being able to spend time alone…
…is so very important. A full schedule every day of the week just because you are not able to cope with yourself cannot be healthy. It’s essential to know how to spend time alone and to cherish these times. Regardless of sitting on the couch and watch weird things on TV or reading a good book, just being alone shows us that we are we and only if we can be happy with ourselves we will be able to make others happy. I love it from time to time to do only things for me and these things can be thousands of different situations. Reading while eating lots of chocolate, listening to music on an open window with the sun on my face, not talking, not even picking up the phone for two hours. Your friends will still be there after three hours when you are in the mood to call them back.
Stay relaxed,
Miss Faith

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Leisure time

Leisure time

Now that my “husband / fiancé / husband to be” is here with me I try my best to have as much leisure time as possible for us. We decided that I will not take too many vacation days during his stay as we for sure need them. A few for a short trip maybe in May or June and most of them for our planned wedding and honeymoon in late summer.
Now I’m struggling between work, being a good wife and enjoying the precious time we have together.
Who ever said life is easy has never tried to change his old behaviors. Whenever I’m alone I don’t care too much after a long working day on how to spend the evening. I’ll find something to eat in front of TV and that’s it. Being together now means I change these habits as I want to have a nice proper dinner and a cosy relaxed evening.
Why am I writing just now you may think – I just sit on the couch next to my husband who is focussing completely on a movie, rarely noticing if I say something 😉
Men and action movies, I watch them only if we made a compromise like today action but therefore tomorrow comedy or romance…so tomorrow it’s my turn to focus on a movie.
He deserves his time out really as we have been on the first big family gathering last weekend and he was in the focus of almost my whole family. Twenty five persons all keen to meet my precious one. This weekend will be just ours and the plan is to do nothing except of eating, snuggling up, watching movies and having a cosy time. Leisure time as its best.

Take care and cherish the moments!

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