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Retreat

Retreat

A retreat is not only a fancy wellness vacation with a mindful theme like “open your heart”, “find your passion”, “release your inner child”, or whatever you may think of.

A retreat means literally “an act of moving back or withdrawing”.

Just now, I am on my personal, very own, retreat in our bathroom. There were too many tantrums to take in anymore, our parenting as a unity failed fully today and dinner was…let’s better forget it.

As a result I went away from both men, the big one who’s watching football as if nothing happened at all (except of a furious crazy wife, but this seems not of any concern) and the little one who’s watching kids tv (although the furious crazy mom told him that TV today will not be even a question after his behaviour… “but daddy will turn it on for me” – guess he had a point).

So here I am, sitting with my back against the heater – end of April – because I’m tired and freezing.

Scrolling through Instagram won’t help to feel better, neither does any other social media. What helps is to write it all down.

Get it out of my brain, release the tension, cry, let go, embrace this failure of today and accept that days like today are nothing to be ashamed of. Although I indeed was looking left and right earlier on the playground, when my son was the only one shrieking as if I cut off his arm, just because I asked him to stay out of the construction zone (clearly marked as such).

Retreat!

I retreat from being a mom and a wife, for a little while only of course. I retreat to survive this day.

I started into the day with an hour of Yoga, calm and breathing in and out like a champ. All this relaxation and serenity vanished, minute by minute, hour by hour, and left me exhausted on the bathroom floor.

Can you believe that this time spent alone, me and the heater, is a relieve? I am slowly back to the deep breathing, my mind focused and my body relaxes into the heat. A steam bath or sauna would be extraordinary, but for now the bathroom floor is doing a great job.

I still wear my yoga mala and touching the beads clears my mind.

I am fine!

I am myself!

I am allowed to feel all these feelings!

I am not a bad mom nor a bad wife!

I am human!

I am a woman!

I am who I am and all is fine.

My son will surely not learn his lesson today – he was behaving like a little devil and got the TV at the end of the day…

Of course this is not a shining moment in child’s education but it won’t influence his future irrevocable.

My husband won’t stop loving me because we disagreed almost the whole afternoon and evening. He thinks anyway that I’m not normal, so he got a little proof (this is what he thinks today has been, a proof for my insanity) and will not understand that he wasn’t a great support today. But there will be tomorrow morning, when he takes our son to the kindergarten. There will be millions of moments where he is the perfect dad and the perfect husband.

Just one nerve wrecking day will not destroy what we have, the family we are. It won’t harm the love we three have for one another because this love is stronger than anything!

But yes, it surely destroyed my mood and that’s not ok, but it happens. It happens everywhere and nobody is always happy, right?

Just now I am thinking what to do to get some food into my retreat hideaway. I know, as soon as I open the door my son will come to me. I am still mad and I still want my retreat, preferably with the rest of my salad wrap (which I left angry on the dinner table) or some dessert like a ton of ice cream.

A hot shower and cuddling up in front of TV would be a great end of my retreat, unfortunately only in my dreams.

It’s already late and I guess as the mom I have to chase my son to brush his teeth, change into his pjs and bring him to bed, right?

I just can hope that this will happen smoothly without another tantrum.

Cross your fingers please, if he is tired (what I would be after so many anger attacks) I may watch some TV, which means a few minutes, before I doze away fully dressed…

But in the end, all is fine!

Who can relate? Tell me in the comments that I am not the only crazy furious mom and wife, please!!!

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The Importance of Self-care…

The Importance of Self-care…

The Importance of Self-care...

I believe almost everyone can relate to this and many are saying now: I know but I have no time!

Exactly this “I have no time” is the crucial starting point!

Why do we all have no time?

I’m a mom and I can easily put my child in front of me and have the answer, plus being a full-time employee, so any more questions?

The thing is, it won’t help. It won’t help myself nor my job when I find excuses. I need to approach it differently and find time.

Time for myself, time for my sanity, time for self-care!

Now one of the questions will be, but what is self-care?

Everything that feels good and is lasting!

A glass of red wine in the evening may feel good for some but will it leave a good feeling? I don’t think so (which doesn’t mean that you should not drink it, it’s just not the solution to anything).

What is lasting (for me) for instance is reading a book – it’s giving me a good feeling in several ways. I do something just for myself, I read something which has an effect, it’s maybe funny or thoughtful or even life changing, books can have many effects. I will remember how I felt when I was reading a particular book simply because I built memories. It’s lasting.

Another example is sports (whatever you like), in this case for me Yoga. I roll out my mat, I’m standing bare-feet and grounded and I’m breathing before I start to move. Now you ask why this is lasting? Because my body is gaining strength, flexibility, my muscles ‘remember’ it, my brain is focusing only on one single item and has not “hundreds of tabs open” like a browser. This is sustainability for my body and health and even mental health. It’s lasting.

What else is self-care in general?

The word itself is the explanation. To care for one self!

Many tend to care for others and would give everything to make them happy which is a wonderful thing but it’s also dangerous. Dangerous because if they forget about themselves while focusing on all people around them they may lose themselves along the way.

Surely I care for my family, for my friends, for strangers even from time to time but to have the ability to care for others I need to be cared for and who can do this better than me?

I know myself better than anyone else would be able to so there is the point to start.

What do I need to feel happy, to be healthy, to de-stress, to CARE about me?

There are thousands of examples to be found on the internet which is a wonderful inspiration – important is that out of these you find what suits you best.

Not everybody likes to go in a downward facing dog or do a head stand and feels great afterwards.

YOUR way is the way you should find. It may be that you need an hour per day where you just sit on the front porch doing nothing – any this doing nothing for you means everything (so it’s not nothing!). It’s lasting because this doing nothing contains so much we don’t see as an outsider – it calms your body and mind, your whole system slows down and get’s rest which serves your health after a busy day, you have time to breathe deeply and just be with yourself. So this is exactly what you need? Great, go ahead and “do” this nothing!

Each morning you start your day with 15 minutes just for yourself – that’s self-care!

You need your daily soap for half an hour because there your thoughts are quiet and you just watch TV – that’s self-care!

You dance like crazy to your favorite songs for a while – that’s self-care!

You shower each evening before you go to sleep – that’s self-care!

You buy a chocolate and eat it all alone – that’s self-care! 🙂

You write a diary and this is your daily habit before dinner – that’s self-care!

You walk each weekend an hour alone through nature – that’s self-care!

You sit 10 minutes per day and meditate – that’s self-care!

Self-care has thousands of faces and that’s good.

There’s no ultimate guide, the rule is that you start to be mindful about yourself!

Learn what you need, learn who you are, treat yourself minimum as good as you would treat others.

What do you like most to care about yourself? I’d love to hear your stories <3

Take (self-) care!