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Our life search

Our life search

You only know what you are searching for when you loose something…

It can be good and bad, each will leave a trace in your life and suddenly you realize what’s important.
There may be times when you feel lost, when you don’t see reasons for things that happened, but be faithful, these incidents open new doors you weren’t aware of that they exist.
Fairytales are for kids, this is partly true as in each of them you will find hints on what’s important and the knight is mostly appearing when the princess went through her struggles.
I found my “knight” although I don’t say I’m a princess, but there will be a time when you realize what the past was for. I truly believe that this “meant to be” does exist.
Maybe it strengthens you, makes you more mature, gives you happy times and memories.
We are all searching and this search will never stop. If you stop searching you will stop living as we have still so much to discover.
I like to say that I arrived in my life but this is only half true. I did actually feel as if I arrived, but only partly (which is already a great achievement).
There are many other parts left as life is big and full of challenges, wonders and experiences.
Don’t aim for all at once, take steps on your way.
Nobody can stand on the top of a mountain without walking upwards, having rest in between, struggles, is about to give up, feels exhausted or just takes a break to enjoy the moment. We all start on the foot of the mountain called life and I’m not sure who’s the happier person when reaching the top.
Is it the one running upwards, who may miss the silence, the view, the temperature changes and all the things which are present around him?
Or is it the one walking step by step, who knows how the snow smells at a certain height, who see ice crystals on his nose and feels the cold creeping up, who breathes in the cold air while having the view backwards to realize how far he got already?

What do you prefer? Are you the runner or the walker in life?
Happy journey!

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My window into a new life

My window into a new life

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You see the window on this picture, that’s “my” window, it was taken while we were on our first holidays on Cyprus.
My husband gave me the sight back – I was blind, blind in regards to life.
Too many struggles, never ending thoughts, resignation, running in circles, I simply lost the view towards my own future. Life was mainly dark and silent and then he stepped all of a sudden into my life and was so optimistic.
Life is not easy but we should live it as whatever is meant to happen will happen – his faith. We are both faithful persons but in complete different meanings.
What counts is the outcome – being able to love yourself, listen to your heart, trust others, look forward instead of living in the past.

The past is not our life anymore so we need to let it go.

This window is special as it was in an old castle and the way up scared me, always the abyss in sight and for me far too close to the car.
He reassured me, nothing will happen.
He was wrong – something happened – within me!

I trusted because he was confident to take us up there safe.
I looked forward to discover the ruins.
I enjoyed this amazing view with his arms around me, safe and sheltered.
And most important – I was absolutely sure that this view will change my life, this view we enjoyed together, the old ruins we discovered but then left behind like our past.

Sometimes you need to fall, but there will always be one person helping you getting back on track if you struggle and are scared of making it on your own.
I was on the edge of my own darkness, I crawled up slowly throughout the year before these holidays and I have to thank him for dragging me out there before I may fall in again.
This last piece of the way was what stopped me. Maybe because I had no aim to walk towards to.
Love is a great power in both ways, the good and the bad.
Today I can say I found the good, the one that is real and the one where you are loved just the way you are.

 

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Curious or genuinely interested?

Curious or genuinely interested?

I would say the second applies to me but who is willing to admit that he or she is genuinely curious?
Whereas I would say either way isn’t a bad way. It just shows that you still are interested in things outside of your own comfort zone. I’m for sure not loving everyone but that doesn’t mean that I’m not interested. Sometimes it’s the fascination or maybe even malicious joy and on other occasions it could be empathy, learning from others, thinking outside of the box.
As long as you are acting in a kind way no one will feel laughed at or not taken seriously so is no harm you’re doing.
Humans in general are interesting and fascinating in many different ways. This whole big game of action and reaction is not only interesting for psychologists, no, it’s even helpful to look at myself. Why are we doing what, why are we feeling served, disappointed, cheated on, etc. Many things just happen because we are thinking in the wrong way, about ourselves or about others. Why should a stranger think something about me, like e.g. “How is she walking” – there are two options why we think that, either we know we are walking quite different compared to others or we don’t feel confident in walking which could have thousands of reasons. So who’s problem is it, in the end ours. If we want to avoid these thoughts we have to work on ourselves. Work doesn’t mean you have to change your style, it could as well just mean we don’t care any more about what others may think.
So back to the topic, I love being curious as this is one of the free things in human learning. You don’t have to pay a penny to learn from others behavior.

Be keen, enjoy life and grab as many input as you can get – it doesn’t harm, it just shows us different options and we may adopt a few and neglect others and that’s fine.

Faith in yourself is the greatest thing you can earn,
Miss Faith

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What I Spend Money On

What I Spend Money On
Honestly, on too many things. And often on things I don’t even would need but which give me the feeling of having a piece of luxury for my long working days and short free times. Food, as food is something where I seldom save money. If I want to eat a piece of beef fillet, I just buy it. I’m not eating it daily but if, then it has to be a good one. As women, and I’m pretty sure I am one, clothes, shoes, beauty stuff or something nice to decorate my flat and make it cosy is also something where I can spend lots of money.
Nowadays I try to take myself back as we need to plan a wedding and weddings let money vanish quickly. But during normal times there is always a certain piece of something which I haven’t yet and which is needed desperately. Men can’t understand that we need everything in different colors and shapes as they go along quite perfectly with a brown and a black pair of shoes and that’s all they need. But think how stupid it would look like if I wear black shoes to a yellow dotted pink skirt. And the clutch in brown wouldn’t fit either. Women do not have problems in buying all that stuff, it’s more the men who are scared as they see their hard earned money going over the counter every time we wear something new. Luckily I’m a full time worker which means I don’t have to rely on my husbands money and what’s even more important I don’t have to ask for permission.
Happy shopping, girls!
Take care, yours
Miss Faith

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Could writing be my destiny?

Could writing be my destiny?
Sometimes I’m thinking if I could be able to make a living out of writing, if I’m able to set up a plot in a direction that others like to read it. The main problem currently is that I have no idea when and where to start. There are stories popping up out of my fantasy and vanish as I haven’t the time to sit down in this very moment to get them on paper.
And what about all the thousands of rules authors should keep in mind? If you start to google it will bring you even more away from the initial idea as it seems to be so complicated. On the other hand I cannot imagine that all the big authors were sitting in front of their drafts to check them for rules. Isn’t the miracle to pin down what your fantasy is telling you? Sure there are re-reads and corrections needed but is that the most important?
On the other hand the main problem is to find the time besides a full-time job and a relationship. I cannot start to write during working hours and my husband would be annoyed and think I have a big spleen if I would focus the remaining time on writing instead of a couples life.
A never ending circle where I have to find a way to break through.
The first step for me at the moment is my writing here. This is at least a good opportunity to check for myself if there are persons outside of my comfort zone which may like to read what I write. And even this is not as easy as I thought.
How many blogs do we have on the web? I never started to count as this would be a 24/7 job for the next weeks. It seems as if I’m not the only one trying my writing skills in front of an audience. A blog needs to be cared about and to be updated, improved, adapted and so many things more. Also a permanent audience is something you need to work on. No one will just step over my personal blog and think I’m the greatest writer ever without me feeding him or her with new stories. Stories are the next key point. Which stories exactly meet the audience I would like to see for myself, this is again a key to find out and needs efforts from my side. So bottom line, where am I now after around seventy published posts?
Yes, right away at the start. The time where I discover day by day a writing style, how to find post ideas and discover what I like to write about.
One thing I learned already for myself is that the story of Miss Faith is a life story where not everything is fitting which is randomly popping up on my mind. So there will be posts in between, all my random thoughts about different aspects in life, pictures I love or quotes which inspire me.
Is that all? Again a surely said no. I need to find ways to distribute what I’m writing, means different channels to get a bigger audience. For the time being I started with this account and connected it to google+ and twitter. Next step is to create a Facebook page for Miss Faith. This task is a big challenge, at least for me. Why is that? As it will be another story to tell stay tuned, there will be a post about my struggles while creating it soon.
Last key, and here I need you, are comments on my posts. I would love to get some feedback on everything. Everything means do you like how I write, the topics I’m writing about, how this blog is set up, what do you think in general about “Miss Faith”? I don’t want to be pampered, if you dislike it please tell me also as this is the only opportunity for me to improve.
Thanks and take care,
Yours Miss Faith

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Busy?!?

Busy?!?

How busy can a person be – not being able to write although writing is one of my favorites during leisure time.
I have to educate myself once again. Being busy is something we often pretend to be although in most cases it is kind of not structuring our life and not taking enough time for the things we love.
It’s almost 2013 and I normally should have had enough time during the last days to just sit down and do things I want to do. Instead of doing it I snuggled up in front of the TV and watched all the Christmas fairy tales – maybe that was what I needed but my book was almost looking at me annoyed and my mind told me that it’s wasted time as I didn’t do anything creative or productive.
TV is really something which is bringing me away from stuff I could do better during that time. Nevertheless – I found the way back to write at least today. This is what I mean with educating myself, I should make a habit like taking one hour per day I concentrate on books and writing, as it should become daily routine after a while if I stick to it. On the other hand there’s a small problem, do I really want it to be routine? No, and I say no because for me routine and creativity or relaxing time has nothing in common. Maybe it’s just my impression but if I hear the word routine I’m thinking about things we have to do, things I do without thinking too much, cleaning is routine, washing is or asking the trash out, but nothing like writing thoughts down. My thoughts change as does my enthusiasm to write about something. There are times when I love todo it but there are also times when I cannot calm down as I know that some things need to be finalized before I have the quiet surrounding to let my thought flow.
Bottom line – I was too busy.
Shortly after my fiancé left Germany for work I was buried with work to finish before driving to my parents for the Christmas celebrations.
Here I am now, sitting in my old children’s room, and finally writing again.
There happened so much during the past months that I started several posts already but it’s too confusing to bring one to an end right now. I can’t wait to get them finalized and posted and this is another point. Am I busy now with writing although I have no idea if people like what I’m writing or not – I will not start to stress myself more than needed. In the end I’m believing that everyone who’s thinking a bit in the same way I do understands how it is and also understands that my blog is a real life persons blog. Life never goes as you plan it and it is ok – otherwise it would be boring, wouldn’t it?
Some drafts are already written and I hope to find the right time and place during the next days and weeks to tell my story, to write about how it is now, being engaged although miles apart, being entirely happy although missing is hard, all the stories I want to write and give them a second thought, remember these times as they were so precious and moving forward into an exciting future.
You see, I need to sort my thought because otherwise no one would understand what I’m writing about, my mind is full of so many impressions.

Keep the faith and already a happy 2013!

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Sleepless Nights

Sleepless Nights

Sleepless Nights

I was always a good sleeper if you can say it like this, means I never had problems to sleep.

Just a few minutes to find the right cosy position and off I was in the land of dreams.

Last year it started that I was facing bad sleepless nights.

Nights which were totally exhausting instead of relaxing.

For sure there are reasons in life why situations like this start over and it’s not popping up out of nowhere. My reasons were private combined with a big workload. No need to go into details, as it had something to do with being heartbroken etc. but this whole thing manifested a kind of ‘feeling uncomfortable in the dark’.

Which is ridiculous because I always liked the nights, that’s when I started to become creative, where my mind is fully awake. What I try is not to give room to that fear, if I tell myself it may happen again tonight it will, but if I try to affirm to myself that these occasions happen only from time to time, I’m feeling better and the nights will be fine. I did a lot of research on remedies and found sleep meditation apps – they make me feel a bit safer as they are like a rescue, almost all of them start with breathing exercises and they calm you down very quickly. But what’s also important is not to ignore these nights, I think it’s better to accept them and to work on a solution to get rid of them step by step.

I’m happy at this moment, happy since I met my future husband, he’s like a shelter for me, my recharge.

Whenever I talk to him I’m fine, even if I was totally tired before, as he brought the feeling back to my life that I’m not alone, that I’m loved and cared for and that everything will be fine. And honestly I knew always that my family is there for me too but its not the same, this feeling of being sheltered by parents or by a partner is different.

Nevertheless, still from time to time I have these stupid insomniac nights, and here I have to realize that a wounded soul cannot recover within a few months, it needs time.

The reason of these wounds is no longer present in my life, all these hurting thoughts are gone for months now, but regaining the full strength is the part which needs time.

That’s why I say to myself its better to accept it rather than ignoring it. As long as I’m actively thinking on how to be totally fine again I see that it’s fading.

But if I would start to ignore it I’m pretty sure it would knock me down one day as nothing in life should be ignored. It sounds a bit pathetic but during these nights I have the feeling as if my soul is telling me: “Hey, I’m on my way but I’m not yet fully back on track, so please do me a favor and take care of yourself.”

And that’s exactly what I have to do. I’m a perfectionist and I do often too much instead of letting things go and take time-outs for myself.

It’s always the same pattern as these nights are hitting me after a row of exhausting days where I tried to get all done which needs to be done plus even more. Days where I worked too much and am hurrying through my life after work instead of sleeping early to take some rest.

I have no final solution but I’m assured that it will fade more and more as long as I take care. Never underestimate your mind and your soul, they are essential in life and we have to care!

Keep the faith!

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Struggling to get into a meditation rhythm

Meditation

Struggling to get into a meditation rhythm

I don’t know if you ever tried it but when I first thought about meditation I bought a small book which told on its cover that you learn quickly how to meditate.

I read it and that’s it. No inspiration, no guiding, no motivation for me at all.

I put it aside but the thought about needing something to stop my mind running in circles was still present. I took my iPad and downloaded some free apps with meditations to listen to and here I started.

Just using the earplugs and listening to it is the easiest way to start instead of reading lots of instructions. What happened for several times is that I just fell asleep after a while but that was fine for me. The women telling me what to do, how to breath, what to focus on, etc. has such a calm voice and in combination with quiet background music it’s really inviting you to have a nap. But again I wasn’t doing it regularly as I planned and I’m still not found a rhythm for myself. What’s the worst about it is that I see myself in front of stupid stuff on TV telling myself that this is relaxing time although I know I’m totally wrong. To change a manifested behavior is not as easy as I thought in first place. So if anyone has tips and tricks on how to change it please let me know. One thing I realized is that even the few nights were helping me getting rid of TV in my bedroom which is already a good thing. I turned back to what I was used to and am reading again. Maybe I’m expecting too much from myself which also isn’t unusual for a perfectionist. And in the end, the big question, what is meditation? Can’t it be a state of just doing something else instead of running in circles on your mind? If yes than reading already would be kind of meditation as its easing. During the time I read I focus on the story and not about problems, work, what to do next, what still isn’t finalized, and and and…

If I start thinking too much I take the earplugs and its calming me down. This will not be the end of this journey as I honestly want to get rid of stupid behavior like staying up too long without a sense but I think I have to accept and also to appreciate that the first steps are already gone, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to write about it. Sometimes you only realize small efforts if you see them written in front of you.

Maybe this blog is also kind of mediation for me as I’m focusing only on one single topic each time and black out the rest going on around and inside me.

I found the following definition and while reading it I was affirming to myself that I’m not too wrong in what I’m doing.

“Meditation is the act of remaining in a silent and calm state for a period of time, as part of a religious training, or so that you are more able to deal with the problems of everyday life.”

And another conclusion after I read is – am I doing it to match the definition or to feel better afterwards? Are we running to much after how we should be and how things are defined from the outside instead of focussing on what we like and feel comfortable with? But that’s another topic.

Keep the faith in your life and most important, keep it within you!

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15 Things you should do once in your life

15 Things you should do once in your life
 
Things to do once in your life
 
You will find thousands of these listings in many women magazines and they differ. I just tried to start some of them and these are the results and what I think about it so far.

 

1. Make a compliment or honor someone

– That’s really easy and something we should do more often as it put a smile on faces. Just think about yourself, we all like to hear compliments.

2. Consciously breathing

– Interesting as it makes you aware of purity again. I did it as part of a guided meditation and it’s astonishing how breath techniques can help to relax and calm down. I can recommend to give it a try.

3. A lazy day in bed from morning to evening without TV, Radio or Internet

– Here I failed up to now. As long as I haven’t muted my phone and iPad I’m too curious if it’s beeping, checking Facebook, emails…something to put also on my list to work on.

4. Getting rid of ballast – an old radio or cleaning up the cellar

– I cleaned up my wardrobe, each piece which I didn’t touch during the last 3 months was put out. What I did then is selling all on eBay and the nice side effect was that I got so much for all these clothes that I was able to buy me the iPad where I was too stingy before as its just another toy. But with this extra money I made myself a gift.

5. Cook your favourite food just for yourself and enjoy

– In my opinion a stupid one. I never cook something for myself which I don’t like, so this is daily routine.

6. Build something with your own hands

– Thanks to my neighbor I really did it a few weeks ago. I thought this will not happen and I could never check this task but one of our neighbors children turned six and we built a small theater out of everything we found, painted it colorful and put little dolls and sweets in as birthday surprise. I felt like back in kindergarten but it was really funny when you finally look at the result, even if I still think children can do it much better than adults. They have more fantasy than almost all adults nowadays.

7. Dive into the idyllic world of childhood (watch movies you loved as child, read children’s books)

– Perfect relaxation for me, I think this depends on how your childhood has been. I took one of my favorite books I read as child and it was like a flashback to the age of six or seven where you were free of problems and where your parents gave you good night hugs and kisses and checked if the blanket is covering you before you sleep tight. I recommend this one for a rainy Sunday afternoon.

8. Travel the world (all continents)

– I stepped on two continents so far…if I win the lottery one day I will let you know if I like this task or not.

9. Go consciously into nature – sense details (flower, grass, insects)

– Just stroll around and breath the smell of trees and flowers, watch ants carrying leaves six times bigger than themselves, it’s a bit like a meditation. You are just watching and breathing and not thinking, makes the mind free.

10. Not to buy new clothes for the next six months

– I’m pretty sure it was written for men. They will succeed easily but I am a woman! No way, even if I would try it I would fail, that’s 100% sure. Do you think I can walk by a shop if I see something nice which isn’t yet in my wardrobe but soooo cute and the colour is matching and it’s on sale and and and? Even if I stay at home for six months, there are so many newsletters offering us daily new stuff. I have to admit, yes, I am weak in regards to shopping. I can’t resist for such a long time.

11. Admit you made a mistake and say sorry

– That’s not too long ago and something I do whenever needed. I can’t understand people who are not able to say sorry. We are all humans and humans make mistakes, no one is free from it as no one is perfect and always right. So why should I bother myself with negative thoughts longer than needed? If I realize I was wrong or mean for sure I admit and say sorry.

12. Travel alone

– I did and you will soon read about it here (that’s how I keep it thrilling, haha).

13. Don’t talk one day

– Is talking to myself counting?

14. Watch an opera

– I listened around seven minutes to one where I don’t even know the title. Sorry, but this kind of music is nothing for my ears. Call me low-brow, I can live without. (But for sure only my opinion!)

15. Afford a cleaning woman/man for your home

– As long as I’m living on fifty five square meters I do it myself. This is another pair of shoes which is more important for me than someone doing the cleaning for me. If I move into a palace I will over think this item.

Bye for now, hope you enjoyed it a bit.

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I have a tattoo and am not a bad girl

I have a tattoo and am not a bad girl

Believe it or not: Not all tattooed people are possessed by the devil.
It’s fashionable to have a tattoo recently. Many get new tattoos to be in style or feel like a rock star.
You see them printed in almost every magazine and it’s almost uncool to be without.
But is that the right reason to decide if you want one? I don’t think so.
It took me thirty-three years until I decided to have a tattoo.
I was thinking and thinking and thinking because even if the news want to assure you that celebrities change their tattoos like their underwear, it’s not easy to remove one if you don’t like it any longer.
I’m happy that my parents gave me the gift of judging wisely so I’m not having the tramp stamp which was so common in my teenager years and also no butterflies on my body or hearts or, beware, names written on my skin.
My first one is my design as well as my second, so it’s unique as nobody has my handwriting compared with my thoughts.
If one then it should be unique, that was the most important part for me.
Also important, as I’m a working woman, was to be able to hide it during business meetings or when it’s inadequate.
The only person knowing the deeper sense of my tattoos is me, I’m not explaining what exactly was on my mind while designing them and also no one has to like them as long as I’m happy and I definitely am.
Shortly after I had the first one on my skin I met my fiancé and realized that our culture, or let’s say the western culture, is easy going with tattooed people but it’s not common all over the world.
His first question was if it can be removed.
No, it cannot and I was thinking about how to explain him that this will not be last one. The second was already planned to kind of finalize my personal artwork.
He was rubbing my wrist and told me that he doesn’t like it all and me having a second one was one of our first fights.
It took me so much time and thoughts and changing and over thinking until I knew exactly what I wanted just for me and now the first part of the two part unique tattoo was on my skin and the second had to follow.
That was me and even when he wasn’t understanding it, if he wanted me as woman he had to accept it.
Take it or leave it, my decision was made before he stepped into my life and I’m not canceling the second part now. I felt incomplete as the meaning for me wasn’t finished yet.
I was convincing him that it’s not the devil in me, that I’m not possessed or insane, that it will not change me as person with him, it will change me as I’m doing it for myself and that I would feel complete afterwards, it is as if you have a part of your life lived and now it’s time to move on with this first part in a locker or in my case inked under my skin.
The sense should be present in my life as it’s part of me. Not to be forgotten, to be remembered and as a reminder for myself.
As I wrote, there’s even a more and deeper sense which I won’t explain and which would only be understood by a person which walked the exact same path I walked – so nobody else than me.
Harsh sentences and tears rolled but in the end I did what I needed to do.
What I liked is that we were fighting in an emotional way, which meant we cared.
The first signs of emotions going deeper than we imagined.
Nevertheless he was ignoring it first and didn’t want to see it at all. That was not too complicated as we were only communicating over Skype. The long distance between us was not only bad, during this time it was OK.
It’s easy not to show it but we were already planning and booking our holidays on Cyprus. If not before, he would see it then as I wasn’t planning to cover it for the rest of my life.
What happened then while we were together is that on the first evening when we undressed to get rest after long flights and travels I tried to avoid him seeing it. I was just tired and exhausted and starting another discussion was the last thing on earth I wanted that night.
He got a glimpse on it as I put on my sleeping shirt and asked me to show it completely.
My fear of a fight instead of relax into sleep was within one’s reach.
“It’s really nice, honey. And not as big as I thought it would be. You don’t have to hide it from me. I’m the one who loves you, you don’t have to hide anything, never forget that.”
So how to unwind differences?
Don’t leave your main path in life. Sure you can step to the right and to left and make compromises but always stay yourself. Being honest and authentic is important because it makes you the person you truly are.
Keep the faith!

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Fighting my perfectionism

Fighting my perfectionism
 
 
I’m cleaning up my life.
Trying to get rid of old habits is not as easy as getting rid of old stuff.
I cannot sell my bad habits on eBay.
 
Who wants a piece of my perfectionism?
Maybe some people would say directly yes if they don’t have it all. But if it would be so easy…it wouldn’t change me. It’s something you have to work on.
 
If I ask friends or tell them what I don’t like in me it’s common that they don’t understand it at all.
For them my life is near to be perfect.
But who wants to be perfect?
At least not me – it’s more an insult than a compliment for me.
 
So the first step is, what is my perfectionism in detail, splitting it into its various details.
These are only a few examples. If I list each single item I could write a book of thousand pages.
Just a small example on how things influence us and if we become aware it’s the first step of changing them.

Cleaning – I cannot sit quietly and read something or relax if I have the feeling that my flat needs some cleaning.
Problem: it’s only me seeing the dust on the cupboard, water drops on the mirror or dirt in the corner behind my couch, people who visit me just see a complete clean flat.

Solution so far: I started now to set rules for my weekends.
Weekends are cleaning free days from now on. For sure I’m not keeping it too harsh but I try my best to remind myself if I want to start a “cleaning-action”. Just sit on the carpet and read a book or start a meditation and even if I see the dust on the TV, just leave it. I could clean it later or during the week. There will always be something not perfect, as I’m living here, it’s not a sterile area, it’s my home.

Work – having the complete overview. Being aware of every step my staff is doing and detecting the need of additional work or problem solving directly before anyone is considering it.
Problem: I have no twenty-four hour days and even if it’s not my task. Sure I want to deliver quality but the first thing to learn is to trust others that they are doing their jobs and second is to delegate. Delegate with checking it again in depths afterwards, I could have done it myself if I feel the need to check it.

Solution so far: Letting go and trusting, that’s on my to do list for work.
I work with professionals so why don’t trust. I started to let go at least a bit and one of the results is that I’m really stop working after my contracted working hours. And not as before with a bad feeling as still so many things need to be done. No, with the feeling, that things are fine and my leisure time can start. I’m not feeling as exhausted as I felt weeks before. Just get some time for yourself to be with yourself, friends and live. Work life shouldn’t be the major part of your life. We work to live, not we live to work!

Look – everything is fitting, the nail polish is chosen to meet the colour of my shoes, belt, handbag, my shape is completely underlined by the clothes I’m wearing. My hair is shiny and perfect but should look a bit undone, not too perfect. No spots in my face or lipstick on my teeth. Skin needs to be slightly tanned.
Problem: No one is perfect and no one is looking like women in magazines – and I know that, there’s no photoshop in real life and it’s good that we are all unique beings, so why am I like this?
I have to relax!
All these small things bothering me are not realized by anyone around me. It’s just my mind pushing me into this direction. Simply be and don’t think too much.

Solution so far: I tried it with tiny steps.
Hair undone and I go for shopping, once you realize that no one is looking in a strange way at you, you become more confident with yourself. Only because the nail polish is not matching the rest of your style doesn’t make you a person which looks weird or strange. The truth is nobody is realizing but you. Instead of needing at least fifteen minutes before leaving the flat I go out now without checking and re-checking. A more relaxed way and also something others will like in you. You aren’t the one to wait for any longer.

Others – what may they think about me and my life?
Problem: fortunately no problem.
Solution: I changed already and not recently, no, years ago. When you are young you think about what others think of you. You try to adapt just to fit into the picture others want to have of you. It’s not like this in life. I grew into myself which means whatever decision I made, I made it for my life. So don’t care what others think. It’s your life and you should be happy. It doesn’t mean that you deny other opinions, no, as they are essential, you just judge for yourself if you follow them, took parts out of them into your life or just ignore them totally. For sure I care about what my loved ones think, but this a small holy circle in my life and they don’t expect me to be perfect or to be like they want me to be. They take me as I am. For the rest: I really don’t care what they think.

And again my motto is matching a blog post – keep the faith in you and you are fine.

If you want to fight your perfectionism – check this book, it is a great help to start.