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Sleep deprivation or how I handle it

As a mom of a 17 months old toddler who is incredibly active I cannot remember when I slept for 8 hours in a row.
It must have been before he was born.
Maybe my breastfeeding dementia is tricking me, but seriously: I MISS SLEEPING
How are you all handling it?
There are millions of moms out there who all went a similar path and we are all still here and 99% of hour days purely happy to have awesome kids.
Is it in our genetics?
I truly think so often in the morning that I have no idea how to make it through the day and then in the end I lay with my son in our bed, for him preferably past midnight (early sleeping is for adults, not for babies or toddlers), and fall asleep in the second he sleeps.
If you ask me how I handle it – I have not the slightest idea.
Don't expect answers here – moreover I would love to hear your thoughts – there must be someone who knows it, right?
Famous tips are lots of coffee or wine (which are surely not meant literally) and both won't work as my toddler is still breastfeeding in the morning and evening and night (and sometimes depending on his mood throughout the day) and no, I don't intend to feed him until he is an adult but for the time being it's mostly ok for us.
I'm not superwoman and I would lie if I would say always because there are early mornings or late evenings where I would love to give him a pacifier in his own bed and close the door.
But our was is different, that's how it is and it's perfect the way it is as I love late night snuggles or how he puts his tiny legs on mine to get closer or snuggles up next to my husband in the morning.
And here I am, writing about sleep deprivation and in the end I tell you how cute and lovely and tiny and wonderful my son is and these sleepless nights or mornings are almost forgotten.
Motherhood is magical, isn't it?

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Sleepless Nights

Sleepless Nights

Sleepless Nights

I was always a good sleeper if you can say it like this, means I never had problems to sleep.

Just a few minutes to find the right cosy position and off I was in the land of dreams.

Last year it started that I was facing bad sleepless nights.

Nights which were totally exhausting instead of relaxing.

For sure there are reasons in life why situations like this start over and it’s not popping up out of nowhere. My reasons were private combined with a big workload. No need to go into details, as it had something to do with being heartbroken etc. but this whole thing manifested a kind of ‘feeling uncomfortable in the dark’.

Which is ridiculous because I always liked the nights, that’s when I started to become creative, where my mind is fully awake. What I try is not to give room to that fear, if I tell myself it may happen again tonight it will, but if I try to affirm to myself that these occasions happen only from time to time, I’m feeling better and the nights will be fine. I did a lot of research on remedies and found sleep meditation apps – they make me feel a bit safer as they are like a rescue, almost all of them start with breathing exercises and they calm you down very quickly. But what’s also important is not to ignore these nights, I think it’s better to accept them and to work on a solution to get rid of them step by step.

I’m happy at this moment, happy since I met my future husband, he’s like a shelter for me, my recharge.

Whenever I talk to him I’m fine, even if I was totally tired before, as he brought the feeling back to my life that I’m not alone, that I’m loved and cared for and that everything will be fine. And honestly I knew always that my family is there for me too but its not the same, this feeling of being sheltered by parents or by a partner is different.

Nevertheless, still from time to time I have these stupid insomniac nights, and here I have to realize that a wounded soul cannot recover within a few months, it needs time.

The reason of these wounds is no longer present in my life, all these hurting thoughts are gone for months now, but regaining the full strength is the part which needs time.

That’s why I say to myself its better to accept it rather than ignoring it. As long as I’m actively thinking on how to be totally fine again I see that it’s fading.

But if I would start to ignore it I’m pretty sure it would knock me down one day as nothing in life should be ignored. It sounds a bit pathetic but during these nights I have the feeling as if my soul is telling me: “Hey, I’m on my way but I’m not yet fully back on track, so please do me a favor and take care of yourself.”

And that’s exactly what I have to do. I’m a perfectionist and I do often too much instead of letting things go and take time-outs for myself.

It’s always the same pattern as these nights are hitting me after a row of exhausting days where I tried to get all done which needs to be done plus even more. Days where I worked too much and am hurrying through my life after work instead of sleeping early to take some rest.

I have no final solution but I’m assured that it will fade more and more as long as I take care. Never underestimate your mind and your soul, they are essential in life and we have to care!

Keep the faith!