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Make yourself a priority…

Make yourself a priority…

That sounds beyond selfish, doesn’t it?

I just flipped a card of self love this morning and it said something similar to the headline – plus that only of you feel good yourself you will be a good companion for others, and that’s exactly the point.

Being my own priority may sound weird, I completely agree on it. We all want to be easy going, we want to be loving and caring persons, persons who are fun to be around, all of it sounds great and it is wonderful if we can be that awesome person. The truth behind is that you can only be that awesome person if you have enough done for yourself.

We all hide when we feel exhausted and depressed, we don’t want to see anyone after a cried-through night with puffy eyes, when anxiety sets in we want to hide like a snail in her house. Aren’t we loveable then at well? Of course we are because only then we learn and grow, only then we would need someone most, only then we reveal our deepest emotions. 

Let me tell you that there is nothing at all selfish when you make yourself a priority! I even tell you that you NEED to do it! 

We all need to have time for ourselves to get grounded, get settled, reconnect with our inner child, listen to the whispers of our soul. Me-time is much more than heading to the hairdresser or get our nails done. Me-Time is the time where you process all what we are exposed to on a daily level. Even if we would avoid the news we still hear stories from neighbors, families, friends – there’s love and laughter and drama, there is so much to cope with that it is overwhelming once in a while.

Life isn’t supposed to be easy, it shows us daily that there is lots of misery on this planet – now, in the middle of a pandemic even more than ever before – but life is also wonderful, even when there are times which are not easy. To realise this and not to get lost in the dark we need these times where we embrace it all.

I am 42 years old, almost 43, and if I learned only one thing it is that nothing is permanent.

I struggle as everyone else, sometimes more and sometimes less, and in the end not one of these struggles has been permanent. 

As time goes by depressions go by, as times change anxiety changes, all is fluid and moving, we are not made of stones.

Last year was a miserable year for me, job wise, of course last year had as many wonderful moments as it had bad. But if I look back to 2019 I often see only the bad (still) because it is a process of processing what happened. This processing is only taking place when I make myself a priority, when I take a time-out and live through parts of it, meditate, or even just lay down and stare at the ceiling. Only if the bad is processed it lifts the veil of the good things that happened to me last year, and of course there were so many of them. People tend to drown in misery and that’s nothing unnormal, it’s part of human nature, it needs strengths to get out of this circle and look out for the positive. Once you start it you will be excited, believe me. 

The lotus flower grows out of mud, this symbolism is wonderful – even if you are covered in shi* from head to toe you can smile and start to wash it off!

So – 2019, the year I wanted to erase in my brain – thanks I did not.

Besides all the bad stories (and they were bad not because I did something wrong!) I would’ve erased memories of our summer vacation, memories of the third birthday of our son (he doesn’t deserve that mummy forgot all about it!), our wedding anniversary in Venice, this wonderful city, Christmas with the family and all these thousands of happy memories in between. 

Even the really crappy times at work left good memories because I went through it, with stomach pain, yes, but today I know they made me stronger and I learned – if there would ever be a next time I would respond earlier and set more boundaries. Karma is the word of 2019 for me because I believe that one day all people involved will feel their Karma hitting them. What goes around, comes around.

For 2020 I am not yet sure which word it could be. This pandemic hit us all in many different ways and also so similar. My plan for 2020 was to relax, to go into a sabbatical and become a Yoga Teacher, learn about Ayurveda and spend time with my family. The plan was to recharge my batteries after 2019 and be ready to start through in 2021.

We are now at the end of 2020 and I am about to finish my Yoga Teacher Training.

I tried to revive this blog – a bit at least, and I take time for myself when needed. We were closer than ever before as a family during the first lockdown due to Covid19 and if I see the news we may have a second lockdown just in front of us. I struggle, not all of the time but in between. There are days when I hardly want to leave the bed because the uncertainty is overwhelming and raises an anxiety of the unknown. How will it be, what will happen next, why do we need to experience this? But there won’t be answers to these questions right away. We may have answers in a few months, in the next years, who knows? We cannot plan life and this is one big lesson learned for someone like me who loves to plan each step ahead. No, not this time. I am forced to see what happens, to step into the unknown daily and wait for what’s next. What I can plan is to control my mindset as best as I can and believe me, this is not easy. I had two really really depressed days with anxiety and everything was overwhelming. Now, day 3 and I’m typing – I sit here with candlelight, we were on the playground before, chatting breathing fresh air and watching our children playing freely, two days ago I would not even been able to think about this. Life is good! It goes on and on and everything is flowing.

You will move through the dark times and always see light again.

Make yourself a priority, hide for two days if needed and then you will be back and people will not scare you but uplift you. Small talks with friends will be good and create once more good memories.

Doing good things for yourself is as important as being good to others. My son needs his mom, my husband his wife and after these two days where they saw me miserable I am now back to be fun to be with. This is how life goes, even a 4 year old is not having good mood all day long – he can relate in his own childish perceptions. 

All that counts at the end is that all is good!

For now all is good and when the next low hits us we know we will make it through – I hope you have many highs and not too much lows, a pandemic isn’t make it easier, but hey, we are all in this together and you are not alone!

***Sending you lots of love and positive vibes***

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Center Yourself exactly where you are…

Center Yourself exactly where you are…

That’s your starting point – being aware of where you are right now is the most important to start moving.

If you want to go into the Yoga tree you need to make sure you know the floor you are standing on. Is it uneven, do you stumble, are there stones, is it possible to slip? Only when you know where you stand you can lift up one leg and still stand steady.

The very same counts for everything in your life – only when we are fully aware of the NOW we are confident to step forward.

Center yourself, listen, feel, breathe – all that you are right now is important. This brings you not only mindfully into the present, it grounds you and makes you completely aware of what you need right now.

If I know where I am I can start going without being afraid to get lost – I will find my way back if needed. But if I’m lost I may not find what I’m looking for because I have no idea where to head to. This may be fine, we all know that often out of these lost times something great emerges. BUT to grasp the greatness that approaches I need to see it. Most probably I won’t realize what’s in front of me when I am not centered and grounded.

When we want to drive somewhere with our car we need to make sure each time that we have fuel and that we have the keys to ignite the engine – without we won’t go anywhere.

When we wake up in the morning we need to ignite our life flame. What are we burning for, do we have enough energy (fuel) for what we want to reach? These questions are important to stay sane.

In my lowest low period I may not start to move mountains but I may be creative and work in silence. On my highest high I may be overflowing with energy and may not bundle it to quiet my mind for something that needs lots of concentration but I may be able to physically work on something, flow through a powerful day or lift other up in being full of positivity.

We have all in us, from the lowest low to the highest high and so many stages in between that we need to adjust.

If we try to go against the nature of our being we will long-term ruin ourselves. That’s why it’s important to check on ourselves and even if our day starts powerful we may slip into a low throughout the day, then take a moment and re-adjust.

The power of mindfulness is so so so damn important if we want to stay healthy and sane! We are workers and doers, we are mothers and fathers, wives and husbands, cleaners and cooks, drivers and guides. We are so much and nobody will tell you to take a minute and listen into yourself while doing all those tasks day in and day out.

We are responsible to be mindful with our life, with our body and soul. We need to listen and accept, the accepting part is often the hardest. We listen, and we know it’s time to stop. But we often ignore this inner voice and risk our well-being instead of adjusting to what we are right here and right now.

Self-care! At the end of the day it’s our own responsibility to take care of ourselves. In low and in high times, in happiness and in sadness, all these times are important; only if we embrace the low and trust that we will be fine again we will be able to embrace the high.

There is no always happy life and even if it seems sometimes so from an outside position we need to trust that all that happens is important. We only grow, and we even grow more during the low times than during the high ones. Many creative minds worked on their masterpieces while being deeply sad or broken – this doesn’t mean that we need to like these times, but we need to love ourselves even more then.

Only if we accept that we are all, all the emotions and feelings that run through us, only then we will be able to create a life we want to live. And even then we will have times where we would like to bury our heads under the blanket and that’s OK! That’s what life is all about – learning, feeling, growing, loving, enjoying, crying, teaching, sharing. Take all and embrace the whole.

Center Yourself exactly where you are…

…because you are worth it, you are deserving it and you are in charge of your life. Take care!

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The Importance of Self-care…

The Importance of Self-care…

The Importance of Self-care...

I believe almost everyone can relate to this and many are saying now: I know but I have no time!

Exactly this “I have no time” is the crucial starting point!

Why do we all have no time?

I’m a mom and I can easily put my child in front of me and have the answer, plus being a full-time employee, so any more questions?

The thing is, it won’t help. It won’t help myself nor my job when I find excuses. I need to approach it differently and find time.

Time for myself, time for my sanity, time for self-care!

Now one of the questions will be, but what is self-care?

Everything that feels good and is lasting!

A glass of red wine in the evening may feel good for some but will it leave a good feeling? I don’t think so (which doesn’t mean that you should not drink it, it’s just not the solution to anything).

What is lasting (for me) for instance is reading a book – it’s giving me a good feeling in several ways. I do something just for myself, I read something which has an effect, it’s maybe funny or thoughtful or even life changing, books can have many effects. I will remember how I felt when I was reading a particular book simply because I built memories. It’s lasting.

Another example is sports (whatever you like), in this case for me Yoga. I roll out my mat, I’m standing bare-feet and grounded and I’m breathing before I start to move. Now you ask why this is lasting? Because my body is gaining strength, flexibility, my muscles ‘remember’ it, my brain is focusing only on one single item and has not “hundreds of tabs open” like a browser. This is sustainability for my body and health and even mental health. It’s lasting.

What else is self-care in general?

The word itself is the explanation. To care for one self!

Many tend to care for others and would give everything to make them happy which is a wonderful thing but it’s also dangerous. Dangerous because if they forget about themselves while focusing on all people around them they may lose themselves along the way.

Surely I care for my family, for my friends, for strangers even from time to time but to have the ability to care for others I need to be cared for and who can do this better than me?

I know myself better than anyone else would be able to so there is the point to start.

What do I need to feel happy, to be healthy, to de-stress, to CARE about me?

There are thousands of examples to be found on the internet which is a wonderful inspiration – important is that out of these you find what suits you best.

Not everybody likes to go in a downward facing dog or do a head stand and feels great afterwards.

YOUR way is the way you should find. It may be that you need an hour per day where you just sit on the front porch doing nothing – any this doing nothing for you means everything (so it’s not nothing!). It’s lasting because this doing nothing contains so much we don’t see as an outsider – it calms your body and mind, your whole system slows down and get’s rest which serves your health after a busy day, you have time to breathe deeply and just be with yourself. So this is exactly what you need? Great, go ahead and “do” this nothing!

Each morning you start your day with 15 minutes just for yourself – that’s self-care!

You need your daily soap for half an hour because there your thoughts are quiet and you just watch TV – that’s self-care!

You dance like crazy to your favorite songs for a while – that’s self-care!

You shower each evening before you go to sleep – that’s self-care!

You buy a chocolate and eat it all alone – that’s self-care! 🙂

You write a diary and this is your daily habit before dinner – that’s self-care!

You walk each weekend an hour alone through nature – that’s self-care!

You sit 10 minutes per day and meditate – that’s self-care!

Self-care has thousands of faces and that’s good.

There’s no ultimate guide, the rule is that you start to be mindful about yourself!

Learn what you need, learn who you are, treat yourself minimum as good as you would treat others.

What do you like most to care about yourself? I’d love to hear your stories <3

Take (self-) care!