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Please BE Yourself

Please BE Yourself

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I start to go mad more and more – as a mom and as a woman and as a human – why the heck do people tend to be pretenders?

I mean, seriously, there are tons of face filters in social media nowadays and yes, it’s sometimes fun, but as soon as someone is not seeing it like a fun gimmick anymore but seriously thinks that we need them it’s weird.

Where are the real sunsets, where are the real wrinkles after long nights, where are the real bad hair days, where are the real people?

I’m afraid to meet people I know only from their social accounts as I would expect flowers in their hair or ears from dogs on their head (how weird is that in between?). If the face has no softener applied, would I even recognize them in real life?

Also, the #eathealthy hash taggers, would I recognize you sitting in the fast food restaurant with a huge burger in your hand?

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And I can confess that under the apples there is a drawer full of chocolate – this is what life is about! The balance! I don’t have make-up applied, just a filter – why? Besides , I’m not even perfect at using these filter things as my hair still stands up on both sides and I cannot help it 🙂

Are there yogis with picture where they just are normal standing without striking a pose?

I’m happy there are! But I’m not happy that these are still a minority.

There’s a trend now to go back to more reality because life isn’t perfect – there are lots of perfect moments but the majority of them went by too fast to even take a picture and that’s good – only then we start to realize the importance of those moments.

But even for the hashtags #reallife or #morerealityon… I see thousand of pictures where I ask myself where the reality is visible.

I said I’m mad and I can tell you why – we are adults, we are leaders, we are teachers, we set expectations and if we keep it like it is we will have generations of insecure people who never feel good enough in everything they are doing. They feel ugly because their face isn’t lit up by a virtual rainbow in the morning, they feel incapable because their so delicious meal doesn’t look delicious at all regardless from which ankle they try to make that picture, they feel boring because they don’t have each day five really exciting pictures to post.

Do we want the next generations to be like that? Do we want to teach our children that life happens in these devices?

NO – I don’t want this!

I absolutely love my online, virtual communities, but I want to see a shift there, I want to see what’s really going on.

Nobody needs to pour their heart out in public, unless you want to, but can we stick to what is instead of what I want it to be?

I’m tired, my hair isn’t perfect, I look pale due to a lack of sleep, but my eyes shine when I see my son learning something new. These moments are visible if you focus on what counts – no judging but loving.

I slowly get back to my yoga – one step at a time, sometimes two steps back, yes, that’s real! I would love to send each day a great yoga pose out on Instagram to impress, but that’s simply not me. I struggle to hold the crow that I could so perfectly two years ago. I will never go into a headstand (or at least I feel as if I will never manage that right now!). This NOW is my reality but that doesn’t mean that my NOW is not enough, not worthy, not something I like.

We all have phases where we accomplish more and phases where we are adjusting and phases where we are still and where we are loud, phases where we are beyond happy and phases where we are depressed – ALL of this is us and that’s PERFECT!!!

Be real – do it for your own sanity, do it to show others that this life is not a fairy-tale and that it’s OK to be … (however you feel right now)!

Rant over – enjoy this beautiful life and embrace every moment!

If you like – follow me on Instagram and let’s create a #BeREAL community which is uplifting and empowering! See you there 🙂

 

 

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Fighting my perfectionism

Fighting my perfectionism
 
 
I’m cleaning up my life.
Trying to get rid of old habits is not as easy as getting rid of old stuff.
I cannot sell my bad habits on eBay.
 
Who wants a piece of my perfectionism?
Maybe some people would say directly yes if they don’t have it all. But if it would be so easy…it wouldn’t change me. It’s something you have to work on.
 
If I ask friends or tell them what I don’t like in me it’s common that they don’t understand it at all.
For them my life is near to be perfect.
But who wants to be perfect?
At least not me – it’s more an insult than a compliment for me.
 
So the first step is, what is my perfectionism in detail, splitting it into its various details.
These are only a few examples. If I list each single item I could write a book of thousand pages.
Just a small example on how things influence us and if we become aware it’s the first step of changing them.

Cleaning – I cannot sit quietly and read something or relax if I have the feeling that my flat needs some cleaning.
Problem: it’s only me seeing the dust on the cupboard, water drops on the mirror or dirt in the corner behind my couch, people who visit me just see a complete clean flat.

Solution so far: I started now to set rules for my weekends.
Weekends are cleaning free days from now on. For sure I’m not keeping it too harsh but I try my best to remind myself if I want to start a “cleaning-action”. Just sit on the carpet and read a book or start a meditation and even if I see the dust on the TV, just leave it. I could clean it later or during the week. There will always be something not perfect, as I’m living here, it’s not a sterile area, it’s my home.

Work – having the complete overview. Being aware of every step my staff is doing and detecting the need of additional work or problem solving directly before anyone is considering it.
Problem: I have no twenty-four hour days and even if it’s not my task. Sure I want to deliver quality but the first thing to learn is to trust others that they are doing their jobs and second is to delegate. Delegate with checking it again in depths afterwards, I could have done it myself if I feel the need to check it.

Solution so far: Letting go and trusting, that’s on my to do list for work.
I work with professionals so why don’t trust. I started to let go at least a bit and one of the results is that I’m really stop working after my contracted working hours. And not as before with a bad feeling as still so many things need to be done. No, with the feeling, that things are fine and my leisure time can start. I’m not feeling as exhausted as I felt weeks before. Just get some time for yourself to be with yourself, friends and live. Work life shouldn’t be the major part of your life. We work to live, not we live to work!

Look – everything is fitting, the nail polish is chosen to meet the colour of my shoes, belt, handbag, my shape is completely underlined by the clothes I’m wearing. My hair is shiny and perfect but should look a bit undone, not too perfect. No spots in my face or lipstick on my teeth. Skin needs to be slightly tanned.
Problem: No one is perfect and no one is looking like women in magazines – and I know that, there’s no photoshop in real life and it’s good that we are all unique beings, so why am I like this?
I have to relax!
All these small things bothering me are not realized by anyone around me. It’s just my mind pushing me into this direction. Simply be and don’t think too much.

Solution so far: I tried it with tiny steps.
Hair undone and I go for shopping, once you realize that no one is looking in a strange way at you, you become more confident with yourself. Only because the nail polish is not matching the rest of your style doesn’t make you a person which looks weird or strange. The truth is nobody is realizing but you. Instead of needing at least fifteen minutes before leaving the flat I go out now without checking and re-checking. A more relaxed way and also something others will like in you. You aren’t the one to wait for any longer.

Others – what may they think about me and my life?
Problem: fortunately no problem.
Solution: I changed already and not recently, no, years ago. When you are young you think about what others think of you. You try to adapt just to fit into the picture others want to have of you. It’s not like this in life. I grew into myself which means whatever decision I made, I made it for my life. So don’t care what others think. It’s your life and you should be happy. It doesn’t mean that you deny other opinions, no, as they are essential, you just judge for yourself if you follow them, took parts out of them into your life or just ignore them totally. For sure I care about what my loved ones think, but this a small holy circle in my life and they don’t expect me to be perfect or to be like they want me to be. They take me as I am. For the rest: I really don’t care what they think.

And again my motto is matching a blog post – keep the faith in you and you are fine.

If you want to fight your perfectionism – check this book, it is a great help to start.