A whole new year…

A whole new year lays ahead of us and I’m excited.

Excited and positive, anxious and scared.

Life is unpredictable which makes it interesting but scary at the same.

As a perfectionist you are going to hate it not to know what comes next but the truth is, we will never know what comes next. Neither planning nor wishing will bring us to the point that a life is going as smoothly as we would like.

I just need to look around our home and since we have a child it looks sometimes as if a bomb of Lego and toy animals exploded.

The wonderful part of these “explosions” is that there is life! I admit that I would sometimes which for this old home where you don’t have to clean 24/7 without an end in sight, the times where I just sat down on the couch with a book because nothing else needed to be done. Nowadays there is no “nothing else needs to be done”. This wishing back the old days are only short moments because reality quickly sets in and I’m so grateful for this reality.

Life is far far far away from perfect and this imperfection is so lovely. We are the happiest when we three are together (my son, my husband and I) because indeed, that’s life, that’s reality, that’s all to wish for.

The perfectionist in me is almost crying because I have no idea how this year will go along but what I know is that we can manage all as long as we are a family and love each other like we do.

Is it wisdom that comes with age? I don’t know. Is it what you learn through motherhood? Maybe.

I cannot tell you when exactly this thinking was setting in for me-The more I think about life and what matters most the more I realize that there are profound things like love, trust, emotions, feeling grounded, mindfulness, thankfulness for what is, appreciation of what we have. These are what matters most.

The NOW of our life.

Tomorrow can be anything but if we manage to be happy now we reached a lot!

I’m not a spiritual teacher nor a motivation guide but the more I read and the more I do some research the more I see that many seem to seek happiness and fulfillment.

Our life has far too many choices to reach this stage and we get lost. We lose focus due to the amount of possibilities we have.

Nobody can have it all! I think this is the first and most important step towards an inner satisfaction of what is.

We need to stop ourselves along the way, take a step back, and start to sort. What are our personal priorities, what makes us really happy.

Social media are great, if used properly, and at the same time our personal nightmare, if used as a comparator (in both directions).

As long as we are realistic enough to know that we never ever see the whole picture on social media the usage may be utterly inspiring, we can learn lots and get input. There are some influencers out there who are really showing lots, their raw authentic self, but careful, for the majority we will never grasp the full picture and this is completely OK. We ourselves would also not expose our most vulnerable moments or dark sides to strangers. Just be sure that everyone has these sides (just not visible). The trick is to get inspired by the exposed good stories but don’t feel less worth because of our own failures.

The same goes for news – I barely read them nowadays because I feel more and more depressed, it seems as if there is no peace on earth at all but that’s wrong. Nobody will write a headline about a country at peace. We are responsible to filter all of this for ourselves because no news agency and no influencer and no person besides you is able to see what you need or what you can take at this moment.

You are the first responsibility for yourself and afterwards you decide what you watch, listen to, hear, read, where you step in, help, work, etc. This sounds selfish but it isn’t. Only if you feel at ease with yourself you will be capable of taking the rest.

My husband’s country is in a war state since we met. It won’t help if we start to site here each day and cry and complain and talk about how blessed we are to live here and what an injustice it is that his family is there and and and – it simply won’t help! We need to make sure that we are fine, we are parents, we have a responsibility. And when we are fine we can work, we can try to support, we can be the realistic part on the outside as we are not within, we can be the uplifting part when things go wrong again and try to soothe, we can only give our best in these moments. It is hard but that’s life – unfortunately – we cannot change the world but we can change our approach to our “small” circle in this world and try to be good examples. If everyone would be the best version of him or herself we would make a step in the right direction.

And at teh end of the day my biggest mantra for this year will be nobody is perfect and new ways are always possible – these sentences from a perfectionist are a big step.

My lessons learned from the past years. They may be an inspiration or just a small hint in which direction to think.

Being grateful for what we have and never taking anything for granted is one of the biggest epiphanies ever.

Living in a country without knowing war is not my achievement, it was simply luck of being born here at that time. Thanks!

Having met my husband was such a coincidence, this could never have been planned. Thanks!

Having a really full fridge is a blessing. Thanks!

You could go on like this but you know what, waking up each morning, feeling my heart beating should be reasonenough to be grateful for this life.

A whole new year…lays in front of us.

Let’s focus on the good.

Let’s try to ease the pain.

Let’s help where we can.

Let’s do what we can to make this a better place for all of us.

This year, next year and as long as we are here.

Fighting my perfectionism

Fighting my perfectionism
 
 
I’m cleaning up my life.
Trying to get rid of old habits is not as easy as getting rid of old stuff.
I cannot sell my bad habits on eBay.
 
Who wants a piece of my perfectionism?
Maybe some people would say directly yes if they don’t have it all. But if it would be so easy…it wouldn’t change me. It’s something you have to work on.
 
If I ask friends or tell them what I don’t like in me it’s common that they don’t understand it at all.
For them my life is near to be perfect.
But who wants to be perfect?
At least not me – it’s more an insult than a compliment for me.
 
So the first step is, what is my perfectionism in detail, splitting it into its various details.
These are only a few examples. If I list each single item I could write a book of thousand pages.
Just a small example on how things influence us and if we become aware it’s the first step of changing them.

Cleaning – I cannot sit quietly and read something or relax if I have the feeling that my flat needs some cleaning.
Problem: it’s only me seeing the dust on the cupboard, water drops on the mirror or dirt in the corner behind my couch, people who visit me just see a complete clean flat.

Solution so far: I started now to set rules for my weekends.
Weekends are cleaning free days from now on. For sure I’m not keeping it too harsh but I try my best to remind myself if I want to start a “cleaning-action”. Just sit on the carpet and read a book or start a meditation and even if I see the dust on the TV, just leave it. I could clean it later or during the week. There will always be something not perfect, as I’m living here, it’s not a sterile area, it’s my home.

Work – having the complete overview. Being aware of every step my staff is doing and detecting the need of additional work or problem solving directly before anyone is considering it.
Problem: I have no twenty-four hour days and even if it’s not my task. Sure I want to deliver quality but the first thing to learn is to trust others that they are doing their jobs and second is to delegate. Delegate with checking it again in depths afterwards, I could have done it myself if I feel the need to check it.

Solution so far: Letting go and trusting, that’s on my to do list for work.
I work with professionals so why don’t trust. I started to let go at least a bit and one of the results is that I’m really stop working after my contracted working hours. And not as before with a bad feeling as still so many things need to be done. No, with the feeling, that things are fine and my leisure time can start. I’m not feeling as exhausted as I felt weeks before. Just get some time for yourself to be with yourself, friends and live. Work life shouldn’t be the major part of your life. We work to live, not we live to work!

Look – everything is fitting, the nail polish is chosen to meet the colour of my shoes, belt, handbag, my shape is completely underlined by the clothes I’m wearing. My hair is shiny and perfect but should look a bit undone, not too perfect. No spots in my face or lipstick on my teeth. Skin needs to be slightly tanned.
Problem: No one is perfect and no one is looking like women in magazines – and I know that, there’s no photoshop in real life and it’s good that we are all unique beings, so why am I like this?
I have to relax!
All these small things bothering me are not realized by anyone around me. It’s just my mind pushing me into this direction. Simply be and don’t think too much.

Solution so far: I tried it with tiny steps.
Hair undone and I go for shopping, once you realize that no one is looking in a strange way at you, you become more confident with yourself. Only because the nail polish is not matching the rest of your style doesn’t make you a person which looks weird or strange. The truth is nobody is realizing but you. Instead of needing at least fifteen minutes before leaving the flat I go out now without checking and re-checking. A more relaxed way and also something others will like in you. You aren’t the one to wait for any longer.

Others – what may they think about me and my life?
Problem: fortunately no problem.
Solution: I changed already and not recently, no, years ago. When you are young you think about what others think of you. You try to adapt just to fit into the picture others want to have of you. It’s not like this in life. I grew into myself which means whatever decision I made, I made it for my life. So don’t care what others think. It’s your life and you should be happy. It doesn’t mean that you deny other opinions, no, as they are essential, you just judge for yourself if you follow them, took parts out of them into your life or just ignore them totally. For sure I care about what my loved ones think, but this a small holy circle in my life and they don’t expect me to be perfect or to be like they want me to be. They take me as I am. For the rest: I really don’t care what they think.

And again my motto is matching a blog post – keep the faith in you and you are fine.

If you want to fight your perfectionism – check this book, it is a great help to start.