The most wonderful time…

The most wonderful time…

… of the year is when?

I am a summer person so I should say summer, shouldn’t I?

But there are days in winter I like as well so here I already have a tiny problem to define my most wonderful time.

And if I think further I gave birth to my son in spring, so this time would be supposed to be mine.

Our wedding in August, we are going on summer vacation in August as well, August has long warm summer evenings and we wake up because the bright summer sun is lighting up the bedroom.

What about the golden September days, the end of the summer where we enjoy the still warm sunshine.

In October the first real autumn days are approaching us. Leaves are falling and make funny sounds when we walk through the park.

In November I’ve been born, winter is slowly showing us its face. Nights are starting to be colder and the air in the morning already smells snowy.

In December we like the snowflakes dancing through the cold air, the kitchen is warm and we start to bake Christmas cookies and look forward to spend the Christmas days with family and friends.

In January a new year just begun. We feel as if we have a million possibilities of things we can do throughout that year, we plan, we hope, we look forward to what it has in store for us.

In February my parents have their birthdays and a snowy Phase often starts before we will see the first signs of spring. We settle slowly into the still new year and wait for the warmth to return.

In March the spring feeling hits us, we drink coffee again outside, still in warm jackets but the outside season starts after we were inside for a long cold winter.

In April some days can we really warm already. Our son was born and lights up our life each second since. My sister and best friend are also having their birthdays in April.

In May everything blooms, this time of the year is so wonderful, I start to hear people outside in the evenings and this “life” in the city raises my mood. Almost everyone seems to smile because the dark days are over for a good while.

June is always my busy month to plan our summer vacation. I know there are early booking advantages but somehow I am the last (very last) minute person. However, we spent great summer holidays so far so it doesn’t seem to be too bad.

July is packed with sunshine. We try to spend as much time outside as possible and enjoy this summer atmosphere in the city.

Vacation time starts mid August and ends always with my husbands birthday followed by our wedding anniversary ❤️

So now, how should I decide which time of the year I like most?

If I would ask my son he would answer NOW, simply because he does not have this time feeling yet. If he wants something he wants it directly, not in 5 minutes and surely not tomorrow or next month or even year.

He lives NOW and this is one of the biggest lessons he teaches me day in and day out.

Now is the best time of the year, now is the best time of our life, now is all that matters.

Everything I do now will influence my tomorrow so if I complain the whole day long I may think the next day that I wasted a whole day for nothing, which will make me mad again – this is a vicious circle, it draws me into a life of complaining.

But if I cherish what I have and start to make the best out of even the darkest moments, then I wake up the next day and I will be grateful for what I have.

Be here now and love your life the way you want to – we only have this one!

Much love to you, you are in the most wonderful time of the year now, tomorrow and every day after!

Advertisements

How to create a safe space for your children?

As  a full-time working mom of a two and a half year old I’m always struggling between feeling completely guilty and the worst mom ever and feeling wonderful and organized and the best mom on earth.

This diversity is driving me nuts even if I know at the end of each day, good and bad days, that I truly am the best mom on earth for MY child.

I feel so often guilty as I would like to spend much more time with him, even if I pick him up at the kindergarten in the afternoon it’s not just time for us but we need to do things he not prefers at all (like grocery shopping or playing alone while “mummy need to write just a couple of emails and then I am fully with you” lies as it often takes more time and then the guilt sets in.

But why am I doing all of this, why am I not quitting and jump to the full-time mom job?

Simply because we cannot afford it and this is not a unique situation, it’s the struggle of sooooo sooooo many other moms out there.

We work hard and we do all of this for our families. We don’t go shopping just for us anymore, each earned cent is in first place for our children, they deserve a warm home, a safe space, clothes, toys, food they like and apparently is mainly healthy – I never went so often into the whole food stores before I had a child. It started when I was pregnant and when I knew I’m NOW responsible for a human, a tiny human incapable of taking care of himself. But that’s another story.

So how do I cope with this guilt and how do I try to create the safest space on earth for this little boy?

1

I first of all love him like nothing else on earth! And I’m telling him, obviously. He needs to know that he’s love from the bottom of our hearts and souls and that he is perfect exactly the way he is.

2

Second I try to be there for him whenever he needs me – why try? Because he’s going into the Kindergarten and even if I would like to be there 24/7 I need to let go for a couple of hours per day. But, and that’s the good thing, I see how happy he is there and how wonderful they take care of my child. 

3

Third is that I listen – he’s just now starting to speak in sentences and I listen, I don’t start to correct directly or just let him talk, I want to hear and understand what he is saying. He’s not talking because he loves talking, he’s talking because he wants to be heard.

4

Fourth is quite easy as I always referred to our home as a nest, he should live in a warm and loving home, we share a family bed and he has his bed attached so that he can decide where he wants to sleep, snuggled up between us or on “his own” in his bed. Our home should be the safest place on earth for him. Here he lives, his toys belong to our living room in the same way as our “toys” belong there. There is no mine and yours, it’s our home. He can for instance reach fruit when he likes to eat a banana or an apple, his water bottle is always standing filled somewhere within his reach, he can move through the flat like he wants to (only the bathroom and the kitchen is “locked” as long as he’s not understanding that flushing the toilet 5 times in 2 minutes isn’t funny or that the stove gets hot if you press the buttons and that this is dangerous.

5

Fifth is not really easy but crucial – I am not a bad mom, I am not a bad mom, I am not a bad mom…

Acknowledge that you are not perfect, that you make mistakes, that you are not always the mom you would like to be, because you are human.

We make mistakes, we learn, we cry, we regret, we should know better but am stuck, we are exhausted, we shout, we heat up a pizza instead of cooking, we break down and night and still we are there and take care as soon as our child just moves while asleep, all that we are makes us the mom our children need.

At the end of each day we love our children, we don’t harm them, we try to do everything we can to make their life the most wonderful life a child can have with all possibilities we have.

We should tell ourselves much more that we are great in what we are doing and that we do enough. Nobody can give 110% every minute of her life, to expect that from ourselves is far from reality. 

I could start now and go on with number 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, … 100, 101, … but in the end all that counts is that you are there for your child and that you do the best of what you think is the best.

Moms tend to criticize each other like crazy but it’s not worth it -we all want the best and there are millions of ways of what is the best. 

Hug your child/children, tell them you love them, listen to what they tell us and enjoy being with them.

These crazy days of sleepless night will one day be a memory, these days of anger attacks and crying for no (for us) visible reason will fade, these tiny hands that grab ours will grow and let go, these wet kisses will become a “don’t mom, the others will think I’m a baby”, all of our struggles will not be what we will remember. We will remember the purest kind of love, we will remember the smell of our child after it was born, we will remember the brightest smile and the first steps. For all of that being there as you are is the most important you can do to let them grow in their safe space.

I love you, my son – thanks for making me one of these real moms who are messy, crazy, loud, laughing and most of all LOVING like never before <3

On the road

On the road

On the road

While John Mayer’s Album Continuum is playing (which makes me feel good but also weird old as it’s quite old already), my husband is driving our car towards my parents, and my son is holding my hand after he threw his shoe at me, I decided to use this quiet time and type (left-handed because my right hand is occupied from some sticky toddler fingers).

I start to enjoy spending the time in the car in the back next to my son – it’s relaxed. We have created a little living room here, some toys, some sweets, enough to drink, water wipes, a book, charging cable for my phone, a pillow and his baby blanket. What more can we ask for?

Sometimes I miss driving, but often I just enjoy that I don’t have to.

Time in the road was mostly some “lost” time except of course that it brings us to the places we want to go, but these hours in the back of the car are now filled with laughter and fun, with silly singing, snuggles and sleep, with watching the trees and cities go by and (as now) with time to write down my thoughts in a safe space with a sleepy child next to me.

While I type my husband tries every feature our car has, from autopilot to Chinese navigation settings, happy that I seem not to notice that he speeds up and extra happy that I don’t say something to interrupt his “toy” time. Men 🙂

How life has changed.

We are the same yet completely different.

We are parents but still love what we did before this little boy stole our hearts.

I imagined how I will write blog posts while he naps and my husband thought he will watch his soccer games in the evenings while he sleeps – he taught us how life works.

He hates naps when he senses that I may do something that could be interesting for him. He also prefers to sleep only when minimum mommy, even better both of us, are also in the bed. So no more uninterrupted TV time.

And what do we do? We learn to adapt, we shift priorities, we embrace the life as it is now, we love him to the moon and back and we are grateful to learn so much as he shows us what really matters.

We are on the road, our life, our alleys with blooming trees and our dark slippery bumpy roads through dark places, wherever we go, we have the assurance that we can count on each other and that we will make it, we step over stones and take hurdles because we are responsible, not only for ourselves but also for the light that is shining day in day out, for this little heart-thief, the one who makes us a we and us three a family.

Whatever road you are on right now – go, glide, step, slide, walk steady and confident. Adapt to the surface but keep your eyes straight forward. Be on it now and feel this very moment in time.

Love, from the road ❤️

Mommy time is night time…

Mommy time is night time…

…or better said the time when everyone is asleep besides herself.

When to relax and finally have just a little “Me” time?

When nobody wants something from me. When no child is tired or cranky or needs mommy. When my husband is completely busy like now on the phone with his Libyan guys or if he sleeps next to our son.

Time for me and instead of actually DOING something I’m laying next to a snoring toddler in a half dark bedroom and I type. I type my thoughts out of my brain and onto this blog (which started as a combined yoga/relationship/life wisdom blog and feels now like a one in a million mom blog).

I have so many things I would long to do but right here right now I’m too lazy to go back to the living room even if I know there’s some nicely prepared fruit on the table and that means what?

I am exhausted and tired.

Moms are sometimes exhausted and tired and yes, that’s ok!

Even more, it has to be like that!

I mean, seriously, let a man do what we accomplish day in and day out and hear what he will say.

I don’t doubt that there are some men out there who are able to handle our job perfectly, absolutely! But the focus lays on ‘some’. The majority will break down latest on the morning of day two (if not already after a messy day one).

Did I just mention my husband?

He came in and told me that he ate ALL the fruit while being on the phone and now he cuts a nectarine for me and I eat it in bed 😊

We need to be pampered once in a while!

People water plants day by day but they forget their spouses.

If your wife is having a warm dinner ready for you EACH evening, show her that you appreciate it – we need these things like plants need water!

I want to do some yoga since weeks and what am I doing instead?

Laying in bed eating nectarines. And should I tell you something? That’s OK! My muscles are sore anyway because I went the past two days with the bicycle to the kindergarten and as always last minute, so I simply deserve this moment now because I do enough!

I run through my life, from kindergarten to work, from work to kindergarten, from kindergarten to household to cooking to grocery shopping to playtime in between all of this and to being a wife in the evening when our son sleeps.

Isn’t that schizophrenia?

I understand each and every single mom out there who is about to shout a loud Stop once in a while.

We are no machines and we need time to be just ourself.

At least a few minutes. Please.

I go ahead and eat my nectarines now and just take this moment as a “that’s exactly what I need right now ” moment!

No regrets!

Take care of yourself my dear moms – you all are doing a fantastic job!

The Magic of being a Mother

The Magic of being a Mother

The Magic of being a Mother (1)

Yesterday was mother’s day, the day where mothers are cherished a bit more than normal.

Shouldn’t we be celebrated daily? I mean, honestly, aren’t we doing extraordinary jobs day in and day out?

Yes, we do and we know deep down in our heart. And you know what? All the people around us know this as well, they just don’t tell us daily.

There’s lots of sparkle and magic around us, we are just often too blind to see it. If we could once see ourselves through the eyes of our children we would know.

If I feel exhausted, tired and crappy I doubt that I would smile to my own face in the mirror BUT my son is looking at me and smiles, he’s kissing me and hugs me in the morning with a look on his face as if there’s nothing better than having morning snuggles in bed with me.

He doesn’t care if my hair isn’t sorted or if I have an imprint of the pillow on my cheek – he sees his mom, his shelter, his world, his universe – he see’s me with a childish purity and this purity is what we lost along the way while growing up.

For him I sparkle even on my worst days. For him I am surrounded by magic day in and day out (he is Crafted by Magic). I can blow away the pain if he got hurt, I can give hugs which save him from bad dreams, I can do so many things he sees as magic and I want to keep him in his little bubble of pure happiness for as long as I can.

We went out of the city yesterday and while being at a lake it started to rain heavily but instead of leaving we ate crepes and watched the rain.

We are the ones who show how life is, if I run and hide each time I see a raindrop my child will do it too. Why don’t we follow our children once in a while and jump into puddles simply because it is so much fun?

There was a thunderstorm in the evening when we were back home and we stood in the darkness on the window and were waiting excited for the lightning, counting the seconds until the thunder was following. These are the magic moments of motherhood, stillness, awe, magic, thunder and lightning, life in its purest form, scared hugs to realize after a while that mom isn’t scared so I can let go as well and enjoy the sound of the rolling thunder.

You see – my mother’s day wasn’t all sunny and pink and flower-ish BUT it doesn’t have to be to be a wonderful day. What makes my mother’s day perfect and any other day as well is the wonderful child I am allowed to raise and my husband who shows me maybe not daily how wonderful I am but who sees with his heart and that’s the magic we all need in our life!

Happy Mother's Day

This heart