Retreat

Retreat

A retreat is not only a fancy wellness vacation with a mindful theme like “open your heart”, “find your passion”, “release your inner child”, or whatever you may think of.

A retreat means literally “an act of moving back or withdrawing”.

Just now, I am on my personal, very own, retreat in our bathroom. There were too many tantrums to take in anymore, our parenting as a unity failed fully today and dinner was…let’s better forget it.

As a result I went away from both men, the big one who’s watching football as if nothing happened at all (except of a furious crazy wife, but this seems not of any concern) and the little one who’s watching kids tv (although the furious crazy mom told him that TV today will not be even a question after his behaviour… “but daddy will turn it on for me” – guess he had a point).

So here I am, sitting with my back against the heater – end of April – because I’m tired and freezing.

Scrolling through Instagram won’t help to feel better, neither does any other social media. What helps is to write it all down.

Get it out of my brain, release the tension, cry, let go, embrace this failure of today and accept that days like today are nothing to be ashamed of. Although I indeed was looking left and right earlier on the playground, when my son was the only one shrieking as if I cut off his arm, just because I asked him to stay out of the construction zone (clearly marked as such).

Retreat!

I retreat from being a mom and a wife, for a little while only of course. I retreat to survive this day.

I started into the day with an hour of Yoga, calm and breathing in and out like a champ. All this relaxation and serenity vanished, minute by minute, hour by hour, and left me exhausted on the bathroom floor.

Can you believe that this time spent alone, me and the heater, is a relieve? I am slowly back to the deep breathing, my mind focused and my body relaxes into the heat. A steam bath or sauna would be extraordinary, but for now the bathroom floor is doing a great job.

I still wear my yoga mala and touching the beads clears my mind.

I am fine!

I am myself!

I am allowed to feel all these feelings!

I am not a bad mom nor a bad wife!

I am human!

I am a woman!

I am who I am and all is fine.

My son will surely not learn his lesson today – he was behaving like a little devil and got the TV at the end of the day…

Of course this is not a shining moment in child’s education but it won’t influence his future irrevocable.

My husband won’t stop loving me because we disagreed almost the whole afternoon and evening. He thinks anyway that I’m not normal, so he got a little proof (this is what he thinks today has been, a proof for my insanity) and will not understand that he wasn’t a great support today. But there will be tomorrow morning, when he takes our son to the kindergarten. There will be millions of moments where he is the perfect dad and the perfect husband.

Just one nerve wrecking day will not destroy what we have, the family we are. It won’t harm the love we three have for one another because this love is stronger than anything!

But yes, it surely destroyed my mood and that’s not ok, but it happens. It happens everywhere and nobody is always happy, right?

Just now I am thinking what to do to get some food into my retreat hideaway. I know, as soon as I open the door my son will come to me. I am still mad and I still want my retreat, preferably with the rest of my salad wrap (which I left angry on the dinner table) or some dessert like a ton of ice cream.

A hot shower and cuddling up in front of TV would be a great end of my retreat, unfortunately only in my dreams.

It’s already late and I guess as the mom I have to chase my son to brush his teeth, change into his pjs and bring him to bed, right?

I just can hope that this will happen smoothly without another tantrum.

Cross your fingers please, if he is tired (what I would be after so many anger attacks) I may watch some TV, which means a few minutes, before I doze away fully dressed…

But in the end, all is fine!

Who can relate? Tell me in the comments that I am not the only crazy furious mom and wife, please!!!

How to create a safe space for your children?

Safe space for children

As  a full-time working mom of a two and a half year old I’m always struggling between feeling completely guilty and the worst mom ever and feeling wonderful and organized and the best mom on earth.

This diversity is driving me nuts even if I know at the end of each day, good and bad days, that I truly am the best mom on earth for MY child.

I feel so often guilty as I would like to spend much more time with him, even if I pick him up at the kindergarten in the afternoon it’s not just time for us but we need to do things he not prefers at all (like grocery shopping or playing alone while “mummy need to write just a couple of emails and then I am fully with you” lies as it often takes more time and then the guilt sets in.

But why am I doing all of this, why am I not quitting and jump to the full-time mom job?

Simply because we cannot afford it and this is not a unique situation, it’s the struggle of sooooo sooooo many other moms out there.

We work hard and we do all of this for our families. We don’t go shopping just for us anymore, each earned cent is in first place for our children, they deserve a warm home, a safe space, clothes, toys, food they like and apparently is mainly healthy – I never went so often into the whole food stores before I had a child. It started when I was pregnant and when I knew I’m NOW responsible for a human, a tiny human incapable of taking care of himself. But that’s another story.

So how do I cope with this guilt and how do I try to create the safest space on earth for this little boy?

1

I first of all love him like nothing else on earth! And I’m telling him, obviously. He needs to know that he’s love from the bottom of our hearts and souls and that he is perfect exactly the way he is.

oh child of mine

2

Second I try to be there for him whenever he needs me – why try? Because he’s going into the Kindergarten and even if I would like to be there 24/7 I need to let go for a couple of hours per day. But, and that’s the good thing, I see how happy he is there and how wonderful they take care of my child. 

3

Third is that I listen – he’s just now starting to speak in sentences and I listen, I don’t start to correct directly or just let him talk, I want to hear and understand what he is saying. He’s not talking because he loves talking, he’s talking because he wants to be heard.

we are his home

4

Fourth is quite easy as I always referred to our home as a nest, he should live in a warm and loving home, we share a family bed and he has his bed attached so that he can decide where he wants to sleep, snuggled up between us or on “his own” in his bed. Our home should be the safest place on earth for him. Here he lives, his toys belong to our living room in the same way as our “toys” belong there. There is no mine and yours, it’s our home. He can for instance reach fruit when he likes to eat a banana or an apple, his water bottle is always standing filled somewhere within his reach, he can move through the flat like he wants to (only the bathroom and the kitchen is “locked” as long as he’s not understanding that flushing the toilet 5 times in 2 minutes isn’t funny or that the stove gets hot if you press the buttons and that this is dangerous.

wooden toys

5

Fifth is not really easy but crucial – I am not a bad mom, I am not a bad mom, I am not a bad mom…

Acknowledge that you are not perfect, that you make mistakes, that you are not always the mom you would like to be, because you are human.

We make mistakes, we learn, we cry, we regret, we should know better but am stuck, we are exhausted, we shout, we heat up a pizza instead of cooking, we break down and night and still we are there and take care as soon as our child just moves while asleep, all that we are makes us the mom our children need.

At the end of each day we love our children, we don’t harm them, we try to do everything we can to make their life the most wonderful life a child can have with all possibilities we have.

We should tell ourselves much more that we are great in what we are doing and that we do enough. Nobody can give 110% every minute of her life, to expect that from ourselves is far from reality. 

I could start now and go on with number 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, … 100, 101, … but in the end all that counts is that you are there for your child and that you do the best of what you think is the best.

Moms tend to criticize each other like crazy but it’s not worth it -we all want the best and there are millions of ways of what is the best. 

Hug your child/children, tell them you love them, listen to what they tell us and enjoy being with them.

These crazy days of sleepless night will one day be a memory, these days of anger attacks and crying for no (for us) visible reason will fade, these tiny hands that grab ours will grow and let go, these wet kisses will become a “don’t mom, the others will think I’m a baby”, all of our struggles will not be what we will remember. We will remember the purest kind of love, we will remember the smell of our child after it was born, we will remember the brightest smile and the first steps. For all of that being there as you are is the most important you can do to let them grow in their safe space.

I love you, my son – thanks for making me one of these real moms who are messy, crazy, loud, laughing and most of all LOVING like never before <3

The Importance of Self-care…

The Importance of Self-care…

The Importance of Self-care...

I believe almost everyone can relate to this and many are saying now: I know but I have no time!

Exactly this “I have no time” is the crucial starting point!

Why do we all have no time?

I’m a mom and I can easily put my child in front of me and have the answer, plus being a full-time employee, so any more questions?

The thing is, it won’t help. It won’t help myself nor my job when I find excuses. I need to approach it differently and find time.

Time for myself, time for my sanity, time for self-care!

Now one of the questions will be, but what is self-care?

Everything that feels good and is lasting!

A glass of red wine in the evening may feel good for some but will it leave a good feeling? I don’t think so (which doesn’t mean that you should not drink it, it’s just not the solution to anything).

What is lasting (for me) for instance is reading a book – it’s giving me a good feeling in several ways. I do something just for myself, I read something which has an effect, it’s maybe funny or thoughtful or even life changing, books can have many effects. I will remember how I felt when I was reading a particular book simply because I built memories. It’s lasting.

Another example is sports (whatever you like), in this case for me Yoga. I roll out my mat, I’m standing bare-feet and grounded and I’m breathing before I start to move. Now you ask why this is lasting? Because my body is gaining strength, flexibility, my muscles ‘remember’ it, my brain is focusing only on one single item and has not “hundreds of tabs open” like a browser. This is sustainability for my body and health and even mental health. It’s lasting.

What else is self-care in general?

The word itself is the explanation. To care for one self!

Many tend to care for others and would give everything to make them happy which is a wonderful thing but it’s also dangerous. Dangerous because if they forget about themselves while focusing on all people around them they may lose themselves along the way.

Surely I care for my family, for my friends, for strangers even from time to time but to have the ability to care for others I need to be cared for and who can do this better than me?

I know myself better than anyone else would be able to so there is the point to start.

What do I need to feel happy, to be healthy, to de-stress, to CARE about me?

There are thousands of examples to be found on the internet which is a wonderful inspiration – important is that out of these you find what suits you best.

Not everybody likes to go in a downward facing dog or do a head stand and feels great afterwards.

YOUR way is the way you should find. It may be that you need an hour per day where you just sit on the front porch doing nothing – any this doing nothing for you means everything (so it’s not nothing!). It’s lasting because this doing nothing contains so much we don’t see as an outsider – it calms your body and mind, your whole system slows down and get’s rest which serves your health after a busy day, you have time to breathe deeply and just be with yourself. So this is exactly what you need? Great, go ahead and “do” this nothing!

Each morning you start your day with 15 minutes just for yourself – that’s self-care!

You need your daily soap for half an hour because there your thoughts are quiet and you just watch TV – that’s self-care!

You dance like crazy to your favorite songs for a while – that’s self-care!

You shower each evening before you go to sleep – that’s self-care!

You buy a chocolate and eat it all alone – that’s self-care! 🙂

You write a diary and this is your daily habit before dinner – that’s self-care!

You walk each weekend an hour alone through nature – that’s self-care!

You sit 10 minutes per day and meditate – that’s self-care!

Self-care has thousands of faces and that’s good.

There’s no ultimate guide, the rule is that you start to be mindful about yourself!

Learn what you need, learn who you are, treat yourself minimum as good as you would treat others.

What do you like most to care about yourself? I’d love to hear your stories <3

Take (self-) care!

 

 

 

Blogging Mom

Blogging Mom

Hey there,

I do call myself a blogging mom because that’s what I do – sometimes – irregular – when there’s time – yeah, indeed not that often – BUT I do it.

Who’s a blogging mom and who defines that?

If I look just at myself, self reflection is a good thing, isn’t it, then I see that whenever I find the time to write I enjoy it like Christmas and my birthday together. This time is MY time.

But this rarely happens – am I a bad blogger?

I think I’m an authentic blogger, that’s what I like to call myself because it turns me into something positive. Why should I call myself bad and have a bad feeling because of it?

I mean, honestly, I am a mom and how much time moms have? Answer honest.

Almost no time at all which enables us to sit on a clean desk in a clean flat or house with a mind focused only on the newest topics everyone is talking about…

I’m happy when I can catch up with what’s in at the moment at all between changing diaper, playing, working, cooking, doing the laundry, etc. – I don’t have to make that list because most of you know very well what I mean.

How the heck are moms able not only to write twice or more per week OR even do vlogs? You don’t want to see daily vlogs or Instagram stories from me, I promise you.

These perfect families are suspicious (for me) – do they have jobs? Do they have dirty carpets? Do they have to do grocery shopping with a crying child because it’s not getting everything it wants? I wonder where the normal families are where life is wonderful, absolutely wonderful, but far away from perfect.

My home is a place where we live and the only time when it looks completely sorted and clean is either directly after cleaning or when we are not there. That’s real life.

Back to the topic – I would love to write on this blog daily, I would love to be here more frequently and share what’s on my mind, but at the moment my life has other priorities, the main is 22 months old and doesn’t like it at all when mommy is sitting on the desk.

If you go back to my first posts here you see that this blog is my life, it needs to adapt to the needs and I’m happy to adapt to my child’s needs so that’s what we are.

A little family with a blogging mom, a growing child, a husband and dad without whom I would not have this time even, and a life we three love like crazy.

I hope you stay even if you don’t see new posts every week. Be sure there will be another one – soon – when there is a tiny time slot for me to start writing.

Until then take care, kiss your loved ones and embrace the mess in your life because that’s what is most important!