Exactly 10 years ago you asked me to become your wife and I said happily YES!
Would I say yes again – absolutely!
These past 10 years were great – they made us strong, they were building a bond which is hard to break (so don’t even try it), they made us parents along the way.
We shifted from being carefree to being responsible for the best we ever made, our son.
Love comes and stays, this is how it’s supposed to be and you taught me that it’s not a fairytale but true.
It surely is work, I don’t deny that fact, but at the end of each day, if we are not together this day feels wrong. That’s what marriage is all about, being together and walk beside one another through this crazy life out there.
10 years and off to many more, my friend, my husband, my other half…I want to see us sitting next to each other on a bench under a tree when we are 99 and more.
Love stays, be sure about that, once you found it it can stay if both look in the same direction and support the dreams of one another.
A retreat is not only a fancy wellness vacation with a mindful theme like “open your heart”, “find your passion”, “release your inner child”, or whatever you may think of.
A retreat means literally “an act of moving back or withdrawing”.
Just now, I am on my personal, very own, retreat in our bathroom. There were too many tantrums to take in anymore, our parenting as a unity failed fully today and dinner was…let’s better forget it.
As a result I went away from both men, the big one who’s watching football as if nothing happened at all (except of a furious crazy wife, but this seems not of any concern) and the little one who’s watching kids tv (although the furious crazy mom told him that TV today will not be even a question after his behaviour… “but daddy will turn it on for me” – guess he had a point).
So here I am, sitting with my back against the heater – end of April – because I’m tired and freezing.
Scrolling through Instagram won’t help to feel better, neither does any other social media. What helps is to write it all down.
Get it out of my brain, release the tension, cry, let go, embrace this failure of today and accept that days like today are nothing to be ashamed of. Although I indeed was looking left and right earlier on the playground, when my son was the only one shrieking as if I cut off his arm, just because I asked him to stay out of the construction zone (clearly marked as such).
Retreat!
I retreat from being a mom and a wife, for a little while only of course. I retreat to survive this day.
I started into the day with an hour of Yoga, calm and breathing in and out like a champ. All this relaxation and serenity vanished, minute by minute, hour by hour, and left me exhausted on the bathroom floor.
Can you believe that this time spent alone, me and the heater, is a relieve? I am slowly back to the deep breathing, my mind focused and my body relaxes into the heat. A steam bath or sauna would be extraordinary, but for now the bathroom floor is doing a great job.
I still wear my yoga mala and touching the beads clears my mind.
I am fine!
I am myself!
I am allowed to feel all these feelings!
I am not a bad mom nor a bad wife!
I am human!
I am a woman!
I am who I am and all is fine.
My son will surely not learn his lesson today – he was behaving like a little devil and got the TV at the end of the day…
Of course this is not a shining moment in child’s education but it won’t influence his future irrevocable.
My husband won’t stop loving me because we disagreed almost the whole afternoon and evening. He thinks anyway that I’m not normal, so he got a little proof (this is what he thinks today has been, a proof for my insanity) and will not understand that he wasn’t a great support today. But there will be tomorrow morning, when he takes our son to the kindergarten. There will be millions of moments where he is the perfect dad and the perfect husband.
Just one nerve wrecking day will not destroy what we have, the family we are. It won’t harm the love we three have for one another because this love is stronger than anything!
But yes, it surely destroyed my mood and that’s not ok, but it happens. It happens everywhere and nobody is always happy, right?
Just now I am thinking what to do to get some food into my retreat hideaway. I know, as soon as I open the door my son will come to me. I am still mad and I still want my retreat, preferably with the rest of my salad wrap (which I left angry on the dinner table) or some dessert like a ton of ice cream.
A hot shower and cuddling up in front of TV would be a great end of my retreat, unfortunately only in my dreams.
It’s already late and I guess as the mom I have to chase my son to brush his teeth, change into his pjs and bring him to bed, right?
I just can hope that this will happen smoothly without another tantrum.
Cross your fingers please, if he is tired (what I would be after so many anger attacks) I may watch some TV, which means a few minutes, before I doze away fully dressed…
But in the end, all is fine!
Who can relate? Tell me in the comments that I am not the only crazy furious mom and wife, please!!!
I am a summer person so I should say summer, shouldn’t I?
But there are days in winter I like as well so here I already have a tiny problem to define my most wonderful time.
And if I think further I gave birth to my son in spring, so this time would be supposed to be mine.
Our wedding in August, we are going on summer vacation in August as well, August has long warm summer evenings and we wake up because the bright summer sun is lighting up the bedroom.
What about the golden September days, the end of the summer where we enjoy the still warm sunshine.
In October the first real autumn days are approaching us. Leaves are falling and make funny sounds when we walk through the park.
In November I’ve been born, winter is slowly showing us its face. Nights are starting to be colder and the air in the morning already smells snowy.
In December we like the snowflakes dancing through the cold air, the kitchen is warm and we start to bake Christmas cookies and look forward to spend the Christmas days with family and friends.
In January a new year just begun. We feel as if we have a million possibilities of things we can do throughout that year, we plan, we hope, we look forward to what it has in store for us.
In February my parents have their birthdays and a snowy Phase often starts before we will see the first signs of spring. We settle slowly into the still new year and wait for the warmth to return.
In March the spring feeling hits us, we drink coffee again outside, still in warm jackets but the outside season starts after we were inside for a long cold winter.
In April some days can we really warm already. Our son was born and lights up our life each second since. My sister and best friend are also having their birthdays in April.
In May everything blooms, this time of the year is so wonderful, I start to hear people outside in the evenings and this “life” in the city raises my mood. Almost everyone seems to smile because the dark days are over for a good while.
June is always my busy month to plan our summer vacation. I know there are early booking advantages but somehow I am the last (very last) minute person. However, we spent great summer holidays so far so it doesn’t seem to be too bad.
July is packed with sunshine. We try to spend as much time outside as possible and enjoy this summer atmosphere in the city.
Vacation time starts mid August and ends always with my husbands birthday followed by our wedding anniversary ❤️
So now, how should I decide which time of the year I like most?
If I would ask my son he would answer NOW, simply because he does not have this time feeling yet. If he wants something he wants it directly, not in 5 minutes and surely not tomorrow or next month or even year.
He lives NOW and this is one of the biggest lessons he teaches me day in and day out.
Now is the best time of the year, now is the best time of our life, now is all that matters.
Everything I do now will influence my tomorrow so if I complain the whole day long I may think the next day that I wasted a whole day for nothing, which will make me mad again – this is a vicious circle, it draws me into a life of complaining.
But if I cherish what I have and start to make the best out of even the darkest moments, then I wake up the next day and I will be grateful for what I have.
Be here now and love your life the way you want to – we only have this one!
Much love to you, you are in the most wonderful time of the year now, tomorrow and every day after!
Do you know these families who have a certain area around their home for the first years after a child was born? "Aurora needs her nap time in her bed." "Lucas is not sleeping anywhere else." Or worse, the parents who need the whole children equipment from bottle warmer to rocking chair, the ones who are not able to improvise and stick to their patterns. We are not like that, neither our child nor we. We love to travel and the easiest for me ist to travel by car. You throw all you need inside and off we go. We spent already lots of time in the car so it's a bit like a second home. If you don't expect it you'll find a diaper (often when you indeed need it) or jacket which we thought lost. Yes, it's a bit messy and I admit that we are at the end of October and we still have the beach umbrella in the back and Tuscan sand on the floor, that's us and I love it! The best of these messy details is that they don't matter, what matters is that we have a big radius around home already and that we know we can go in whatever direction and we are happy. A travelling toddler who sleeps everywhere is worth the mess. His seat is based on cookie crumbs and our family is based everywhere. He sleeps apparently everywhere when he is tired. What he needs is the reassurance that we are around and that he is safe with us. Everything else doesn't matter, it can be loud or quiet, sunny or dark, crowded or peaceful, when he is tired he grabs our hand or hugs us tight and off to the land of toddlerdreams. But what about sleeping times and nap times? We don't have them. And before someone starts to argue how important steadiness is…we love that we don't have them! He is 18 months old, he sleeps when he's tired, he eats when he's hungry and we give him the freedom to grow without a strict schedule as much as we can. Latest with 6 years when he starts school this life is over as he cannot go to school when he likes or stays in bed longer in the morning when he's supposed to be in his class. What are 6 years compared to a lifetime? We should cherish these first six years where our kids are mainly free little birds. The kindergarten (Kita) for kids under three started for us in September and he's doing it great. He has a nap time there and he's actually napping and he eats when they all eat. Children are able to adapt quickly and they know which rules apply where so why should we limit his freedom at home? We are now on our way to my parents and he sleeps in his car seat next to me while I'm writing and my husband drives, this is our on the road life, one glance at it. Most people tend to make life more complicated than it is. What is really important, especially with children? Now! Now is all we should focus on. Our children could be our teacher because they know how it works by heart. BE HERE NOW (look at your child and soak in the love). At the end of the day WE are important, the core of our beings. Our travelling toddler is happy, and so are we ♥️ that's the essence of life, isn't it?
Autumn was for me always just another season.
It’s getting darker and winter is approaching us but the past years I wasn’t thinking too much about anything else.
Now, as a mother, I start to cherish the seasons more again.
There’s so much beauty hidden inside and I was stupid not to see it.
I think I was a child the last time I collected chestnuts although it’s really fun.
Only now when my little son stands in front of me with his eyes shining brightly because he found a shiny brown chestnut I start to realise how many wonderful things autumn has for us.
It’s not days getting darker and colder, it’s a whole new world to discover in autumn.
Leaves change their colours and start to dance with the wind when they fall from the trees.
They make wonderful noises when you walk through them. They smell differently once they were falling on the earth.
The sun is still warm and when we run outside we can take the jackets off for a little while.
If we watch the birds we can see that they collect nutshells and little branches for building nests.
The squirrels start to collect nuts to be prepared for the winter.
Mornings are foggy and colder these days but we can see if the days will be sunny or not.
Even rainy days in autumn are wonderful days. We can jump into puddles and laugh loud because it’s so much fun.
So many things I just see now again.
Start to see the world through the eyes of a child and you will rediscover a life full of excitements.
No kid would say that autumn is boring or that they like summer more because they take life as it is and see the wonderful parts in everything.
We can learn so much from our children. This purity and positive approach to life is a gift!
I’m watching my son sleeping while writing and am so so so thankful for being his mom and learning from him a whole new way of living (which I knew once but that seems so long ago that I forgot about it).
Enjoy the autumn – it’s so worth it!
We are since two weeks in Italy and simply enjoy this first real family vacation and the dolce far niente (the sweetness of doing nothing) or dolce vita (sweet life) 😊 Here are a few impressions: Tyrol – we are in Italy I and the doors – I love to take pictures of doors – this one is in Verona Verona Centro Storico Arena di Verona First steps into the sea San Vincenzo Marina Livorno Near Volterra So much to discover in Volterra Pure Tuscany Alabaster near Volterra
My son snores to my left and my husband snores to my right and instead of standing up I stay in the bed and start to read a bit.
This time is rarely recently with a toddler.
He slept so late last night and is giving his mummy some rest in the morning now.
We are always talking about the little lion but he already snores like a big one.
How I love Sundays – they belong to the family and it may sound old fashioned but as soon as you have a child/children you know what I’m talking about.
I don’t know yet what we will do today but what I can see through the closed curtains is that the weather is great.
I will wait for them to wake up and then we will decide together.
Ramadan رمضان is about to start…
… a year passed by so quickly and one month can feel like years if it’s dedicated to fasting.
But it’s not only the fasting, it’s so much more what Ramadan is all about.
A time of recreation, of silence, of serenity, full of spirituality, dedicated to reading and listening, to be mindful, Ramadan should be enriching and blissful, it teaches patience, gratefulness and peace.
I wish all of you but especially my family and friends a month full of all of it!
Enjoy and celebrate and take the Ramadan spirit with you into the months to follow.
Let’s hope for peace which lasts so that we all can live the ways we have chosen right next to each other.
This topic came up a few times since I started to practice Yoga and now I want to tell you that I can be a Yogi without being a Hinduist or a Buddhist!
Not everyone who is running into a Yoga Studio or carries a Yoga mat with him or her has suddenly a religion.
It’s not like “Buy one mat and get a religion for free”.
It is a fact that yoga works with each and every religion.
I am married to a Muslim and therefore I am in a couple of Facebook groups out of curiosity to read how other non Muslim women go along with their Muslim husbands.
What I realized quite quick is that many converted or reverted and are even more strict than a born muslim is.
We had the Yoga topic and I was bombarded with statements like “The wife of a muslim shoulnd’t do this!” as if I would instantly worship a “forbidden” religion.
Here’s my answer:
First of all, yes, my husband is a Muslim, but that doesn’t make me one automatically – like the buy one yoga mat it’s not “marry a Muslim and get his religion for free”. I’m still capable of choosing my own faith!
The second point is that I have never seen Yoga as a religion, why would I?
Many are discussing if you can practice Yoga and still hold your faith.
Why not?
The history of Yoga started around 5000 years ago and was connected to the Vedras which play a role in the roots of Hinduism.
What you can see nowadays, as they share the same language, is that some chanting refets to hindu gods.
Ok, but not every yogi is sitting in a class and is chanting in hindu (many are not even speaking nor understanding hindu so why would they do it?). There are many many people out there practicing yoga regularly whithout having chanted even once! I’m one of them.
I use mantras from time to time – uhuuhhh, what’s that?
A mantra is nothing else than any repeated word or phrase – in meditation you can use it for yourself to manifest certain things for your own life like for instance “Let go of …” or “Trust yourself and love yourself” – whatever is important for you rat that moment. Mantra comes from the Sanskrit word ‘meaning’.
The Yoga language is simply Sanskrit, the same way Christianity is in Latin but Latin itself is not a religion, Islam in Arabic but Arabic itself is not a religion and Judaism is in Hebrew but Hebrew itself is not a religion.
Yoga was even rejected by Hinduism because yoga would not insist that god exists. It didn’t say there was no god but just wouldn’t insist there was.
For me this is another proof that Yoga is not a religion and should not affiliate with any religion.
There’s not one religious creed to be found.
You don’t have to follow certain rituals, such as baptism or confirmation. You don’t have obligations like in several other religions, such as visiting the church or mosque for prayer, fasting, celebrating feasts or receiving sacraments.
What is it then if not a religion? Is it sports, fitness, a hobby?
No, yoga was formed as a way to sit for hours, days, months, maybe longer in a meditative state, as a spiritual practice.
It is a spiritual way of living.
It is a way that teaches you mindfulness, how to take care of your mind, body and soul and how to be a good person.
What about the yogis that eventually would like to reach the state of enlightenment?
This enlightenment will not turn them into a god or a worshiper of god!
It means that they are able to experience a state of inner peace, bliss, some are saying they’ve seen their inner light, they connected to their deepest inner self. But that’s indeed all – no religious sign.
It’s a journey to our inner self.
If I step on my mat I feel calm, I connect with myself and listen to my body, mind and soul.
I breate consciously and fade out the stress of the daily life.
It’s my time to unwind and relax while going in and out of different yoga poses that strengthen my body.
I listen to myself or am still and take the stillness as a recreation for my mind.
The time while I’m doing Yoga is simply the time where I am able to honor all I am and the people around me.
I feel blessed because in times of stillness you are able to connect to what really matters.
If it’s not my religion, why do I post Buddha quotes on my social networks from time to time?
Because I am in charge of who I am and what I like or dislike.
I love Buddha quotes but that doesn’t mean I am a Buddhist, I love quotes from ancient philosophers as well – there is lots of wisdom to be found in many directions and I don’t decide if I like it based on which religion the authors belonged to.
I choose what I like based on the words I read.
One last question was why I can say Namaste without being connected to Hinduism?
Do you have any idea what Namaste means?
My soul honors your soul.
I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides.
I honor the light, love, truth, beauty & peace within you, because it is also within me.
In sharing these things we are united, we are the same, we are one.
Said that I give you now my personal explanation; I’m open-minded and one rule for my life is to respect and tolerate every living being on this earth.
I would dare to say that I am a better person than someone else because it’s not my right to put myself in a higher position.
I appreciate my life how it is and therefore also honor or thank others because people teach people lessons.
I wouldn’t be where I am without all those people on this earth.
Here we go again, the time of being apart has started and we have to jump back into our second routine.
It’s quite interesting to discover that we are leading kind of two lifes.
Whenever we are together we have our routine, the time which belongs to us although we have several things to do throughout our days. Whatever we do, we think about what’s best for both of us.
And then the time follows when we are apart and lead different life’s, I stay and my husband goes back into another country, onto another continent which is so far away from what I know.
I grew up safely in Europe and sometimes start to wonder how he can stand it all.
It’s always good to hear that he arrived safe but there are also always incidents which are beyond my imagination. Roads blocked completely by rebels or people who fight for 1000 of different reasons. I have the feeling as if he is only safe in his house and even this thought is quite childish. I close my eyes and am invisible? Surely not.
I try to live my normal routine and hate it more and more as I love the together time so much. I’m not made for being alone, I found my other half and we should be together. We both know that we are lucky as we found each other.
It’s ridiculous but I’m not doing many things I usually love to do when we are together like for instance writing on this blog, I hardly find the time to just sit down and read a magazine or watch stupid things on TV but do I want him to leave just to have time for it? Not at all – I could say easily I put all these things back as long as I have my husband around – he’s the most precious to spend my time with!
On the other hand we both know that our routine would change if we knew that we are permanently together, there will be another routine one day inshallah. For the time being we just try to soak in every second.
It’s been five weeks and now we are back alone – these weeks were wonderful but flew by like a lear jet – now it will be weeks of waiting which will crawl by like a snail.
Weeks with lots of what’s app and Skype, weeks where we are exhausted by these stupid web connections, weeks where we miss the touch of one another so much, weeks where we have to sleep in beds with an empty half but also weeks where we still know that our love is greater than the distance and which let us look forward to the day we drive back to the airports and close our arms tight around our second half.
Nobody said it will be easy but we are confident that it is exactly the right thing we are doing – love leads the way and opens new facets of life where we weren’t even aware of their existence.
Hey, and being back blogging feels good as well 🙂
Take Care!
I’m partly back, but as my husband is still with me I will not post too regular during the next two or three weeks.
Whenever we are together the time we have is precious as we know the next weeks of being apart are just around the corner.
The weeks when I’m alone I love to focus on writing as my evenings or weekends give me the time to do so.
But a small update here – we spent a wonderful Xmas time at my parents with lots of food and fun and joy. After Xmas we went to Belgium for two days where we visited a part of my husbands family and welcomed the newest family member who’s just three months old.
We spent nice hours there again with food, fun and joy.
I love how welcome we both feel in the other’s families.
After our return to Munich we prepared our first New Year’s Eve together and enjoyed the fireworks in the middle of Munich – my crazy (mahjnoon) husband dragged me to the Marienplatz and everyone who knows Munich can imagine that it’s not too much fun to stand in the middle of a crowd. It was hard to stand straight with so many people pushing and trying to get closer that I was happy when we left. We walked through the cold night for almost two hours and knew that we have a warm place waiting for us with cake and candles to enjoy this first night/morning of the new year. A perfect start!
Today I started to work again so the normal day to day routine is just a few days away but before that we will spent the weekend in Salzburg and enjoy a bit of wellness, spa and sightseeing.
Hope you all had a wonderful time as well as a good and healthy start in 2014!
These hands will be back together tonight, holding each other so tight.
I can’t wait for the energy flooding through me as soon as I can touch my husband again.
It was a long time apart that finally comes to an end. He boarded his first of two flights already and inshallah will arrive this evening.
Weird to be actually married since two and a half months but physically together we were just one month.
You should see what I did last night, like a head over heels super wife I prepared everything for him coming home. The flat looks like new and dinner is almost ready as well as “welcome home” cake and all his favorite fruits and nuts and everything.
I know that this all are just things which are nice to have as the most important part is to hold each other tight after these weeks of missing.
How blessed we are to spend this year the whole Xmas and New Year’s Eve season together!
Do you know the feeling of being jealous?
I do not mean being jealous because there is someone near to your loved one.
No, what I mean is being jealous about what others have.
Are you sometimes envious when you see that others have something you may have not?
I’m not a jealous person in general and in most cases I’m just happy for the others when they have something I don’t have.
Sometimes because I don’t want to have it, sometimes because I already have it or sometimes because I’m not interested in it at all.
But there are these days…
These evil days when I see for instance a couple walking hand in hand on a nice autumn day, their feet kicking leaves and both are laughing and seem to be totally happy.
These are the days when I start to be jealous as I don’t have it right now.
Take for instance supermarkets on Saturdays.
I truly hate to go there on a Saturday afternoon! I’m surrounded by couples and for sure I don’t know their story or something about them, I’m not interested in details as well, but I imagine how it would be when my husband would be there.
All of them may do the grocery shopping for their weekend, cook together in the evening, snuggle up on the couch for a cosy and romantic evening, starting the Sunday with a breakfast in bed but I can’t do all this (and I hate breakfast in bed unless it’s a hotel and I don’t have to care about changing the bed sheets, but if I see them I even want that).
All these stories are just in my mind because I start to hate to be alone.
I’m actually not alone, I have a loving husband and family and and and
BUT I am alone when witnessing these strange mind invented couple stories while just looking at a normal couple and they may even be just best friends, nevertheless they trigger the feeling of lacking something in my life.
Isn’t there a way to schedule opening hours for singles in supermarkets?
And can we adjust these hours during the times when my husband is with me?
Another question would be since when it is allowed to kiss in public?!?
They don’t know what they do to single human beings when celebrating their love in public.
I try hard to ignore it as best as I can and forget for sure completely that I was ever thinking about it as soon as my husband is back in town…
Talking and laughing happily with your spouse while others sit next to you or walk by – be careful, it’s a risk for all, who are alone, to become slightly depressive.
Wouldn’t it be an idea to invent couple restaurants and single restaurants, couple supermarkets and single supermarkets (in this case really worth a second thought as I don’t need family packs just for myself), couple parks and single parks, I would have many ideas to be honest.
What to do when I need to stop at a traffic light just after my husband went back to work and the car beside me inherits a couple – separate driveways or dark windows for couple cars may be a solution.
I think I’m desperate to be complete again and can’t wait for my second half to arrive.
Nobody told us that long distance relationships and in our case now a long distance marriage aren’t always easy to handle (indeed it were lots who told us, but we make our own experience!). We are now married for three and a half month and were physically together one month. That could be the explanation for my developed strange thinking, couldn’t it?
Fortunately the countdown started and I promise that I will do all the things which are “annoying” me now throughout his whole stay!!!
Tyrol – we are in Italy 
I and the doors – I love to take pictures of doors – this one is in Verona 
Verona Centro Storico 
Arena di Verona 
First steps into the sea
San Vincenzo Marina 
Livorno 
Near Volterra 
So much to discover in Volterra 
Pure Tuscany 
