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Yoga isn’t my religion

Yoga isn't my religion

Yoga isn’t my religion

This topic came up a few times since I started to practice Yoga and now I want to tell you that I can be a Yogi without being a Hinduist or a Buddhist!

Not everyone who is running into a Yoga Studio or carries a Yoga mat with him or her has suddenly a religion.

It’s not like “Buy one mat and get a religion for free”.

It is a fact that yoga works with each and every religion.

I am married to a Muslim and therefore I am in a couple of Facebook groups out of curiosity to read how other non Muslim women go along with their Muslim husbands.

What I realized quite quick is that many converted or reverted and are even more strict than a born muslim is.

We had the Yoga topic and I was bombarded with statements like “The wife of a muslim shoulnd’t do this!” as if I would instantly worship a “forbidden” religion.

Here’s my answer:

First of all, yes, my husband is a Muslim, but that doesn’t make me one automatically – like the buy one yoga mat it’s not “marry a Muslim and get his religion for free”. I’m still capable of choosing my own faith!

The second point is that I have never seen Yoga as a religion, why would I?

Many are discussing if you can practice Yoga and still hold your faith.

Why not?

The history of Yoga started around 5000 years ago and was connected to the Vedras which play a role in the roots of Hinduism.

What you can see nowadays, as they share the same language, is that some chanting refets to hindu gods.

Ok, but not every yogi is sitting in a class and is chanting in hindu (many are not even speaking nor understanding hindu so why would they do it?). There are many many people out there practicing yoga regularly whithout having chanted even once! I’m one of them.

I use mantras from time to time – uhuuhhh, what’s that?

A mantra is nothing else than any repeated word or phrase – in meditation you can use it for yourself to manifest certain things for your own life like for instance “Let go of …” or “Trust yourself and love yourself” – whatever is important for you rat that moment. Mantra comes from the Sanskrit word ‘meaning’.

The Yoga language is simply Sanskrit, the same way Christianity is in Latin but Latin itself is not a religion, Islam in Arabic but Arabic itself is not a religion and Judaism is in Hebrew but Hebrew itself is not a religion.

Yoga was even rejected by Hinduism because yoga would not insist that god exists. It didn’t say there was no god but just wouldn’t insist there was.

For me this is another proof that Yoga is not a religion and should not affiliate with any religion.

There’s not one religious creed to be found.

You don’t have to follow certain rituals, such as baptism or confirmation. You don’t have obligations like in several other religions, such as visiting the church or mosque for prayer, fasting, celebrating feasts or receiving sacraments.

What is it then if not a religion? Is it sports, fitness, a hobby?

No, yoga was formed as a way to sit for hours, days, months, maybe longer in a meditative state, as a spiritual practice.

It is a spiritual way of living.

It is a way that teaches you mindfulness, how to take care of your mind, body and soul and how to be a good person.

What about the yogis that eventually would like to reach the state of enlightenment?

This enlightenment will not turn them into a god or a worshiper of god!

It means that they are able to experience a state of inner peace, bliss, some are saying they’ve seen their inner light, they connected to their deepest inner self. But that’s indeed all – no religious sign.

It’s a journey to our inner self.

If I step on my mat I feel calm, I connect with myself and listen to my body, mind and soul.

I breate consciously and fade out the stress of the daily life.

It’s my time to unwind and relax while going in and out of different yoga poses that strengthen my body.

I listen to myself or am still and take the stillness as a recreation for my mind.

The time while I’m doing Yoga is simply the time where I am able to honor all I am and the people around me.

I feel blessed because in times of stillness you are able to connect to what really matters.

If it’s not my religion, why do I post Buddha quotes on my social networks from time to time?

Because I am in charge of who I am and what I like or dislike.

I love Buddha quotes but that doesn’t mean I am a Buddhist, I love quotes from ancient philosophers as well – there is lots of wisdom to be found in many directions and I don’t decide if I like it based on which religion the authors belonged to.

I choose what I like based on the words I read.

One last question was why I can say Namaste without being connected to Hinduism?

Do you have any idea what Namaste means?

My soul honors your soul.

I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides.

I honor the light, love, truth, beauty & peace within you, because it is also within me.

In sharing these things we are united, we are the same, we are one.

Said that I give you now my personal explanation; I’m open-minded and one rule for my life is to respect and tolerate every living being on this earth.

I would dare to say that I am a better person than someone else because it’s not my right to put myself in a higher position.

I appreciate my life how it is and therefore also honor or thank others because people teach people lessons.

I wouldn’t be where I am without all those people on this earth.

Sending love & light.

Namaste ॐ

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The 11th day of Yoga

The 11th day of Yoga

The 11th day of Yoga

I’m a bit proud as I stopped and started so many kinds of “sports” already but it was always the same, after a couple of days I put it aside. I wasn’t able to conquer my weaker self.

But why?

I think now that I haven’t found what I was searching for.
Having a stressful job I didn’t want too much pressure on myself in the few private hours.
I was thinking about Yoga several times but to be honest with you, the typical picture of Yogis I had was not the best and I didn’t want to belong to this “group”.
Another point was that I could not imagine myself in a yoga class sitting between strangers and saying ‘Ommmm’ from time to time, I thought I would rather laugh out loud instead of starting this in a serious way.
Nevertheless, the main benefits of yoga remained in my mind.
So once again I picked this topic up and tried to find some guidance on how to do it without attending classes.
I once tried a CD with a small booklet attached but it wasn’t convincing me at all. I made stupid posing on the floor without any improvement and threw them after a short while.
Don’t ask me what my intention was now to start a new yoga DIY search once again, there wasn’t a particular turning point or “calling” or whatever reason some may have. I was just curious as I couldn’t believe that there isn’t a way. So my reason was curiosity.

And yes, there is a way!

My iPad brought me to the AppStore and I went through so many Apps, looking at the pictures and reading through the descriptions they provide before you hit the buy & install button. The app which was most appealing to what I had in my mind wasn’t free, as usual, but also not as expensive as some others, so I bought it.
And here we go, I went through the introduction, curious to try it directly and again I found myself on the floor doing what? Yoga!

But this time it was different, the yoga instructor explained perfectly with videos what I should do and all videos had relaxing music in the background. You could choose if you want to hear the instructions and music, only instructions or only music. I went with the first, instruction and music, for a couple of days and now I am already able to go along just with the music.

Is this what I was looking for?

Yes, it is!

After ten days only I start to be more confident in each asana, yoga pose, and I start to feel muscles in parts of my body where I would never have assumed them.
My general mood and feeling is better, this may be a result of being focused.
I realize that I’m more focused and that I can shut off thoughts during the sessions and just listen to my breathing and body.
What I have to admit is that I was desperate for something that enables me to relax after work, so I was searching for a “remedy” that gets me quickly into a calm state.
Maybe this isn’t working for everyone as every person is approaching things differently. I can just speak for myself and my experience here and for me it worked.
On the third day I went to the city centre to buy a yoga mat. I needed more grip than my carpet or wooden floor could offer me, as well as something not too hard or too soft. But knowing myself I went home with the cheapest one for a start. It is sufficient for now and if I hit day 100 for constant daily yoga I will congratulate myself with a better mat. Still a way to go but I’m confident that I have found something for myself.
The general benefits of yoga you can read almost everywhere.
One description in general is the following:

“Yoga is the physical, mental, and spiritual practices or disciplines which originated in ancient India with a view to attain a state of permanent peace.”

Who doesn’t want permanent peace?
Another one says:

“There is evidence to suggest that regular yoga practice has been shown to improve mood and anxiety. The three main focuses of yoga (exercise, breathing, and meditation) should be beneficial for so many aspects of health.”


I read lots about yoga and what I found is to be taken with caution for sure as there are many ‘so called’ professional yogis out there who want to attract with yogic cancer healing or other suspicious thesis. But what I found as well will be listed below.
For me there are many aspects which makes sense and if we are all honest with ourselves we know that we all could improve our lifestyle and health.

I only list what I think is reasonable – BUT I don’t say it is true or proofed.
These items were just the ones which attracted me more to give it a serious try.

Change your posture and you change the way you breathe. Change your breathing and you change your nervous system.

– Increase of happiness.

– Improves coordination and reaction time.

– Tones your body and gives you a better body feeling.

– Improves your flexibility.

– Yoga and meditation build awareness.

– Yoga encourages you to relax, slow your breath, and focus on the present.

– Improved flexibility and stronger muscles.

– Yoga helps to quiet your mind.

– Yoga gives you the tools to help you change, and you might start to feel better the first time you try practicing.

– A heart rate in the aerobic range lowers the risk of heart attack and can relieve depression.

– Yoga promotes breathing through the nose, which filters the air, warms it, and humidifies it, removing pollen and dirt and other things you’d rather not take into your lungs.

– Just believing you will get better can make you better.

– Yoga can provide relief from the hustle and bustle of modern life.

– Yoga can help your blood circulation, especially in your hands and feet.

– Yoga gets more oxygen to your cells.

– Yoga can strengthen the spine.

– Yoga improves your posture.

– Yoga may also inspire you to become a more conscious eater.

– Regularly yoga improves balance and better sleep.

More about these as well as more explanations are found here:
http://www.yogajournal.com/health/1634

What I discovered as well is that there is a whole philosophy around yoga, means it’s not just about doing physical exercises, it teaches you more.

I would call myself a pretty realistic person but although not everything may sound realistic in first place, I can see that there can be a deeper sense behind. The word faith, which is not just a joke in my name here, is important. You have to believe in many things to reach them and from my point of view it’s the same in Yoga.
If I would just sit down and start to stretch my legs or raise my arms I would end up with giving it up. What keeps me doing it is: I realised while breathing per instruction that I started to calm down. The more sessions I did the more I realised that I’m feeling good while practicing and afterwards.
I believe that I need a certain portion of relaxation and if that’s the way to reach it I’m fine.
Our life is full of stress and distraction and noise – just a few minutes per day to calm down and focus on yourself can’t be wrong, at least not for me.

I know that I need some more changes. Working for more than eleven years in a row without major relaxing time-outs brought me to a point of searching for changes.

Yoga is one of them as well as writing here, let’s see what else I discover on my way.

Take care and keep the faith in whatever you are doing!

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My husband & my best friend

My husband & my best friend

My husband & my best friend (1)

My husband and my best friend are one and only person.

I truly believe that this is the key for a good relationship.
We are not only husband and wife, we are also best friends.

There’s nothing I’m afraid of telling him. In good times and in bad times, I think that’s the most important part of it. Whenever there is something happening to him or to me we are calling each other and telling each other the news.

I want him to be the first person to know whatever is going on in my life, and fortunately he’s thinking the same way.

I not only love him, no, I trust him, I rely on him, I adore him, I laugh with him, I cry with him, I just want him to be around and to be the most important part of my life.
There are for sure many couple things we are doing together, grocery shopping, candlelight dinners in the evening, serious couple talking or future planning, building up our home, holding hands while strolling through the park, visiting the family and helping each other through tough times.

But there are on the other side also many friend things we are doing together, like sitting in a coffee gossiping about people walking by, chatting about nonsense the whole evening long, watching movie after movie and eating unhealthy things, clothes shopping (even shoe shopping although he is a man) or just sitting on the couch and talking for hours.

The time I spend with him is the most precious time in my life, even if we are fighting from time to time about stupid things, every second belongs to us and this is what I love most.

Whoever said that relationships have to be totally serious is wrong. Most important from my point of view is that you have to find the balance, the balance between being serious as a couple but also having lots of fun.

For sure if you’re tying the knot this is serious, but just because we are now husband and wife doesn’t mean that our personalities changed completely, we are still allowed to laugh out loud when we want to and to take life just as it is.
All facets of life should be displayed in a married life as well. We go through fun times and through sad times, we act serious and not serious, we behave like adults and we behave like children, and if you found the person where you can be all at once without getting a serious or a strange look, then you can be sure that you found it, the love you were looking for.

Keep it safe, hold onto it even if times are hard, it is a gift and it is so unique.
Many out there trying to search for it, they sometimes lose sight of the importance and search for something perfect and get frustrated because they’re not able to find it.
It will find you!

But it will only find you when you stop searching and if you get a way of wanting something perfect, it will never be perfect. It just can’t be perfect because we are humans. I’m truly convinced that these relationships happen by accident, accident in the best sense of the word accident. They hit you when you’re not expecting it. That’s the surprise of the meant to be.

Nobody ever told me that I have to go through so many struggles before this happens, but in the end I can say all these struggles were worth it. We found each other without searching and that was the best thing that happened to us. Now it’s our task to keep it going and we will give the best in us for the future.
Stay faithfully and never stop hoping!

 

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My favorite beauty treats…

My favorite beauty treats……are from Origins
Did you ever try the mega-mushroom skin relief?
If not you should. Since I discovered them for myself it’s like my own home spa.
As soon as applied them on my face the skin is relaxing and I smell the cream which has kind of a calming down smell, at least for me. What I do just these days additionally is applying the all-purpose high-elevation cream in the evening to smooth my skin. Wintertime leaves my skin dry as I stay lots in heated rooms and the dry air seems to suck out every moisture of my skin.
Why is the Jo Malone candle also on the pic? Because it smells so nice, I couldn’t resist adding it.
I light it up in the bathroom while pampering myself or just on a small table next to me while reading, writing or listening to music. This scent is addictive.
What are your favorites?
Nourished greetings from Miss Faith

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Love knows no distance

Love knows no distanceBelieve me, I know what I’m talking about! I never expected me to be in a situation like this, my love thousands of miles away from me, but it works.
Sure it’s not the best option but to be honest, it’s not that complicated. I wasn’t sure if it will work out when I was thinking about long distance relationships in the past. The present shows me that it does. But why is it working? Because of the persons themselves. If you are jealous beyond words you will have a big problem as well as when you have difficulties with trust. If you are loving and trusting from the bottom of your heart and if you are truthful and faithful, maybe even trusting that it was meant to be this way, then the love is growing more than in a day to day relationship, at least from my point of view.
Within a shorter timeframe you are knowing the other person just because you talk. Talking is essential for relationships and while being apart, what else could you do than talk? No one wants to stay quiet on the phone, on chats or on Skype, if that would be the case it cannot work. We miss each other each day and would be happy to stay together but as long as this is not possible we have to make the best out of it.
Another good thing about missing someone is that you will be even more happy when you finally are back together. Like falling in love over and over again whenever you have the chance to be together.
I’m sure that the time is limited as when it comes to planning a life together, a family and a future there must be a place called home. But until then we keep our spirits high, make the best out of each situation we have to faith and trust that there is a way for us together in the same place one day.
Life has no rules – we have to face everything as a challenge and believe that it will work.
Stay faithfully!

Amazon.de Widgets

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Crap TV

Crap TV

I don’t know if its just a German phenomenon but during the past years the tv programm was becoming more and more crap and trash.
Where are all the good movies? Where are the interesting talks and discussions?
When I just start zapping through channels in the evening I hardly find anything interesting to watch. Instead of movies it’s common to have tv shows, singing contests, problematic couples, youngsters, pets, news about catastrophes around the world and celebrity stuff.
I’m wondering which persons are keen to see all this as it seems to be the majority. TV channels are adapting their program to what people want to see. That’s scary if you think about it. Which insane mind wants all this crap each day? Interesting topics are on late in the evening or even in the middle of the night. But the main question is what is happening to our society if that’s the new “normal”? Are we losing our minds from generation to generation? I’m not that old to say sentences like “when I was young it was…” but I already found myself several times saying it. And if you look at people outside you already realize there was a change, which in first place isn’t bad at all, changes are needed cause otherwise it would mean we stopped living, the problem is that these changes are not good ones. It’s not only crap on TV, it’s also just in front of your door when you step outside.
I’m living next to a school with children from twelve to sixteen years, when they have lunch breaks and you see them walking, talking, acting its like another planet. When I imagine myself at this age I was still almost a child, nowadays girls with thirteen look like eighteen or even more, dressed up in mini-mini-skirts, a make up like a parrot, smelling as if they just walked out of a perfume store, wearing the highest high-heels available. Is that the new normal? Every girl is the next top model of the world at this age because that’s what they are taught on TV or the web. Boys are like gangsters, they have to be so cool and stylish, where stylish means the clothing out of the newest rap videos, and what they don’t are allowed too is to show emotions, that would be the worst thing. They can have each girl as their new girl friend if they want, at least that’s what they think.
The problem is from my point of view honestly the lack of possibilities. Parents have no ideas than to place them from sometimes the age of two onwards in front of the TV. And TV to learn what life is about cannot work at all. If I remember my childhood the TV was there but it was not the main part of my childhood. We went outside whenever it was possible, played in the garden, the small forest nearby or just strolled through the village. Collecting beetles in summer, eating corn directly in the field, all the stuff where I would say that’s what children should do. Instead the society is keeping them inside, in summer is too hot, in winter too cold, the surrounding isn’t safe enough and the TV or play station is not disturbing the adults in their daily routine. If that’s really the new normal I will be an awful future mom, I’m sure that my child will not be allowed to watch stupid stuff the whole day. I want it to know how grass smells or a beetle looks like, I want it to activate its fantasy to play instead of reading instructions of the new computer game. And TV will be a hard battle, fortunately all nice movies for children are available as DVDs but for the crap on TV there will be no way, at last as long as I’m in charge of it.
Go outside, read books, choose carefully what to watch on TV, communicate, love, surround yourself with thinking mind, this may beware us of getting “crap” people…

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Weird advertising

Weird advertising

A perfume is called an “essence” for woman – what do I do without it? My life has to be senseless as I’m lacking the “essence”. Best to hide myself from society from today onwards as I will never be able to fit into all these ideal ‘what a women should be like’ pictures.
Make up for a “bare skin effect”, make up for “naked skin effect”? Why to wear it then at all? Am I the only one not getting the sense here? I thought make up should underline, cover, make the skin even, but naked?
If I finally buy the “essence” perfume what about the one which gives me “the scent of eternal beauty” – can I use them both at the same time or do I have to choose between “essence” and “eternal beauty”? As long as I have the cream on my face which is bringing the “illuminating magic light” onto my skin I will choose the “essence”. And good to know that I can completely ruin my hair with too much heat as I just have to use the shampoo “to erase the damage of 100 blow-drys within 7 days” afterwards. As addition I can use the hair cream which makes my hair ten times healthier. Next advertisement and I have another problem. A new scent which should make me able to “choose your own path to happiness”. I want this too but am not sure if it can be combined with “essence” and “eternal beauty”.
Enhance your flawless face…may I use it under or above the “naked skin effect”?
The “24 hour eyeshadow” is a nice idea but not sure if I have to take it off before I add the “over night repair” cream to my skin which can do miracles while I’m sleeping. And is it still OK to use the patches to keep wrinkles in check and prevent furrows while sleeping?
I think I found the solution for my face. I just buy the cream “within ten days a 25% reduction of wrinkles” – means forty days and I look like in my twenties and no need for any further make up or cream, right?
My face is OK now and i don’t care too much about my hair as the solution is the wonder shampoo but the next problem is just around the corner – my body. Is it appropriate to use the “anti-aging” body lotion with thirty-four or should I go with the one for “dry skin”? And which for “dry-skin”? The slightly tanning lotion with sparkling effect or better with silk proteins? I would love the one with this blend of rosemary but this may not go together with the perfume. You think these decisions are not easy? Ha, in comparison of what is adequate to wear it is, believe me. Clothes are more difficult to choose. The skirt which is too mini should not be on a women above twenty-five but the longer version looks like my grandma’s. And why looks it so nice on a cover but when I have the same combination my mirror says “NOOOO”? Do I have to choose upfront if I’m the boho, pure, leather, business, mexican, clean, color or nude type or is it ok to be kin of schizophrenic in regards to fashion? Oh gosh, is there a therapist specialized on “who am I and how should I look like”?!? I’m lost in this world. Can I still drive a BMW wearing flat boots or is it only possible with the red sole high heels? And what about my flat, is it stylish enough to go out to the new opened “low carb, healthy vegetable” restaurant or do I have to move upfront into a loft?
Are these the important questions in life? If you believe what you see, then yes.
Fortunately I’m not believing all this and just do what I like, wear what I like, eat what I like and live in a way which makes me happy. Nothing is perfect or flawless or illuminated and you know what – that’s exactly what I want! Maybe I’m the individual, unique type.
Find yourself regardless of what the majority think as you don’t live for them, your life is just for you!
Keep the faith!

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Sleepless Nights

Sleepless Nights

Sleepless Nights

I was always a good sleeper if you can say it like this, means I never had problems to sleep.

Just a few minutes to find the right cosy position and off I was in the land of dreams.

Last year it started that I was facing bad sleepless nights.

Nights which were totally exhausting instead of relaxing.

For sure there are reasons in life why situations like this start over and it’s not popping up out of nowhere. My reasons were private combined with a big workload. No need to go into details, as it had something to do with being heartbroken etc. but this whole thing manifested a kind of ‘feeling uncomfortable in the dark’.

Which is ridiculous because I always liked the nights, that’s when I started to become creative, where my mind is fully awake. What I try is not to give room to that fear, if I tell myself it may happen again tonight it will, but if I try to affirm to myself that these occasions happen only from time to time, I’m feeling better and the nights will be fine. I did a lot of research on remedies and found sleep meditation apps – they make me feel a bit safer as they are like a rescue, almost all of them start with breathing exercises and they calm you down very quickly. But what’s also important is not to ignore these nights, I think it’s better to accept them and to work on a solution to get rid of them step by step.

I’m happy at this moment, happy since I met my future husband, he’s like a shelter for me, my recharge.

Whenever I talk to him I’m fine, even if I was totally tired before, as he brought the feeling back to my life that I’m not alone, that I’m loved and cared for and that everything will be fine. And honestly I knew always that my family is there for me too but its not the same, this feeling of being sheltered by parents or by a partner is different.

Nevertheless, still from time to time I have these stupid insomniac nights, and here I have to realize that a wounded soul cannot recover within a few months, it needs time.

The reason of these wounds is no longer present in my life, all these hurting thoughts are gone for months now, but regaining the full strength is the part which needs time.

That’s why I say to myself its better to accept it rather than ignoring it. As long as I’m actively thinking on how to be totally fine again I see that it’s fading.

But if I would start to ignore it I’m pretty sure it would knock me down one day as nothing in life should be ignored. It sounds a bit pathetic but during these nights I have the feeling as if my soul is telling me: “Hey, I’m on my way but I’m not yet fully back on track, so please do me a favor and take care of yourself.”

And that’s exactly what I have to do. I’m a perfectionist and I do often too much instead of letting things go and take time-outs for myself.

It’s always the same pattern as these nights are hitting me after a row of exhausting days where I tried to get all done which needs to be done plus even more. Days where I worked too much and am hurrying through my life after work instead of sleeping early to take some rest.

I have no final solution but I’m assured that it will fade more and more as long as I take care. Never underestimate your mind and your soul, they are essential in life and we have to care!

Keep the faith!

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Struggling to get into a meditation rhythm

Meditation

Struggling to get into a meditation rhythm

I don’t know if you ever tried it but when I first thought about meditation I bought a small book which told on its cover that you learn quickly how to meditate.

I read it and that’s it. No inspiration, no guiding, no motivation for me at all.

I put it aside but the thought about needing something to stop my mind running in circles was still present. I took my iPad and downloaded some free apps with meditations to listen to and here I started.

Just using the earplugs and listening to it is the easiest way to start instead of reading lots of instructions. What happened for several times is that I just fell asleep after a while but that was fine for me. The women telling me what to do, how to breath, what to focus on, etc. has such a calm voice and in combination with quiet background music it’s really inviting you to have a nap. But again I wasn’t doing it regularly as I planned and I’m still not found a rhythm for myself. What’s the worst about it is that I see myself in front of stupid stuff on TV telling myself that this is relaxing time although I know I’m totally wrong. To change a manifested behavior is not as easy as I thought in first place. So if anyone has tips and tricks on how to change it please let me know. One thing I realized is that even the few nights were helping me getting rid of TV in my bedroom which is already a good thing. I turned back to what I was used to and am reading again. Maybe I’m expecting too much from myself which also isn’t unusual for a perfectionist. And in the end, the big question, what is meditation? Can’t it be a state of just doing something else instead of running in circles on your mind? If yes than reading already would be kind of meditation as its easing. During the time I read I focus on the story and not about problems, work, what to do next, what still isn’t finalized, and and and…

If I start thinking too much I take the earplugs and its calming me down. This will not be the end of this journey as I honestly want to get rid of stupid behavior like staying up too long without a sense but I think I have to accept and also to appreciate that the first steps are already gone, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to write about it. Sometimes you only realize small efforts if you see them written in front of you.

Maybe this blog is also kind of mediation for me as I’m focusing only on one single topic each time and black out the rest going on around and inside me.

I found the following definition and while reading it I was affirming to myself that I’m not too wrong in what I’m doing.

“Meditation is the act of remaining in a silent and calm state for a period of time, as part of a religious training, or so that you are more able to deal with the problems of everyday life.”

And another conclusion after I read is – am I doing it to match the definition or to feel better afterwards? Are we running to much after how we should be and how things are defined from the outside instead of focussing on what we like and feel comfortable with? But that’s another topic.

Keep the faith in your life and most important, keep it within you!

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Fighting my perfectionism

Fighting my perfectionism
 
 
I’m cleaning up my life.
Trying to get rid of old habits is not as easy as getting rid of old stuff.
I cannot sell my bad habits on eBay.
 
Who wants a piece of my perfectionism?
Maybe some people would say directly yes if they don’t have it all. But if it would be so easy…it wouldn’t change me. It’s something you have to work on.
 
If I ask friends or tell them what I don’t like in me it’s common that they don’t understand it at all.
For them my life is near to be perfect.
But who wants to be perfect?
At least not me – it’s more an insult than a compliment for me.
 
So the first step is, what is my perfectionism in detail, splitting it into its various details.
These are only a few examples. If I list each single item I could write a book of thousand pages.
Just a small example on how things influence us and if we become aware it’s the first step of changing them.

Cleaning – I cannot sit quietly and read something or relax if I have the feeling that my flat needs some cleaning.
Problem: it’s only me seeing the dust on the cupboard, water drops on the mirror or dirt in the corner behind my couch, people who visit me just see a complete clean flat.

Solution so far: I started now to set rules for my weekends.
Weekends are cleaning free days from now on. For sure I’m not keeping it too harsh but I try my best to remind myself if I want to start a “cleaning-action”. Just sit on the carpet and read a book or start a meditation and even if I see the dust on the TV, just leave it. I could clean it later or during the week. There will always be something not perfect, as I’m living here, it’s not a sterile area, it’s my home.

Work – having the complete overview. Being aware of every step my staff is doing and detecting the need of additional work or problem solving directly before anyone is considering it.
Problem: I have no twenty-four hour days and even if it’s not my task. Sure I want to deliver quality but the first thing to learn is to trust others that they are doing their jobs and second is to delegate. Delegate with checking it again in depths afterwards, I could have done it myself if I feel the need to check it.

Solution so far: Letting go and trusting, that’s on my to do list for work.
I work with professionals so why don’t trust. I started to let go at least a bit and one of the results is that I’m really stop working after my contracted working hours. And not as before with a bad feeling as still so many things need to be done. No, with the feeling, that things are fine and my leisure time can start. I’m not feeling as exhausted as I felt weeks before. Just get some time for yourself to be with yourself, friends and live. Work life shouldn’t be the major part of your life. We work to live, not we live to work!

Look – everything is fitting, the nail polish is chosen to meet the colour of my shoes, belt, handbag, my shape is completely underlined by the clothes I’m wearing. My hair is shiny and perfect but should look a bit undone, not too perfect. No spots in my face or lipstick on my teeth. Skin needs to be slightly tanned.
Problem: No one is perfect and no one is looking like women in magazines – and I know that, there’s no photoshop in real life and it’s good that we are all unique beings, so why am I like this?
I have to relax!
All these small things bothering me are not realized by anyone around me. It’s just my mind pushing me into this direction. Simply be and don’t think too much.

Solution so far: I tried it with tiny steps.
Hair undone and I go for shopping, once you realize that no one is looking in a strange way at you, you become more confident with yourself. Only because the nail polish is not matching the rest of your style doesn’t make you a person which looks weird or strange. The truth is nobody is realizing but you. Instead of needing at least fifteen minutes before leaving the flat I go out now without checking and re-checking. A more relaxed way and also something others will like in you. You aren’t the one to wait for any longer.

Others – what may they think about me and my life?
Problem: fortunately no problem.
Solution: I changed already and not recently, no, years ago. When you are young you think about what others think of you. You try to adapt just to fit into the picture others want to have of you. It’s not like this in life. I grew into myself which means whatever decision I made, I made it for my life. So don’t care what others think. It’s your life and you should be happy. It doesn’t mean that you deny other opinions, no, as they are essential, you just judge for yourself if you follow them, took parts out of them into your life or just ignore them totally. For sure I care about what my loved ones think, but this a small holy circle in my life and they don’t expect me to be perfect or to be like they want me to be. They take me as I am. For the rest: I really don’t care what they think.

And again my motto is matching a blog post – keep the faith in you and you are fine.

If you want to fight your perfectionism – check this book, it is a great help to start.

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What is high society about?

What is high society about?

Fame and fortune, money and sex, drugs and Rock’n’Roll, many think these are the key words for high society.
I see it differently and say it is superficiality.
 
Superficiality?!?
My impression and experience are saying definitely YES.
I had a very bad year in Munich.
(Ok, it were two but the second was a hard way back to myself, that’s another story.)
 
The first year had the overall theme “how to distract myself from the messy life I’m leading”.
 
A relationship where I wasn’t sure if it’s better to stay or to leave.
In order not to think too much about it I was putting myself in a surrounding of ‘so-called’ friends.
Friends who are always happy and smiling and who have no problems at all in their entire life.
 

The first superficial sign!

 
Any human being around the globe has good and not so good or sometimes really bad days. The ones who are hiding who they really are behind a certainly bleached smile are the persons I am writing about.
 
Of course I can only write about my experience. This is no social report about people in Munich, but I think you can find this phenomenon everywhere.
 
As long as you meet these society’s expectations you are very welcome on each and every occasion.
 

What means meeting expectations?

 
They want you to be perfect.
Perfectly dressed, stylish, educated, on the top of actual discussion topics, intelligent, always in a good mood, funny, slightly sarcastic, successful in your business (even better if it’s your own business), interested, and that is how the list goes on and on.
You should have, or at least pretend to have, the money to live an above average standard.
 
Adapt to these expectations is much easier for women, you only pay the drinks once and show that you could afford it and from there on it is definitely a self runner.
You will be invited most of the times – the only money you need is for the taxi back home (if you want to go home alone). It is not that you are invited by men who expect something in return, it is more that you become part of this society. Several persons just book half restaurants to celebrate something and you are invited. As soon as the “group leaders” know your name you’ll find yourself on guest lists for events, openings, charity concerts and more.
 

That sounds awesome, does it? But believe me, it isn’t!

 
I have to admit that I really had lots of fun in the beginning – me, grown up in a small village, in the society of “top” people, which are all successful in what they do and the world is just so easy. Just enjoy life to the fullest.
The dark site of this game is quicker there than you think.
All these people live something which they a.) cannot afford or b.) is a fake or (and this is the biggest mistake) c.) they think life is all about.
 
It’s a big society of pretenders.
They are all artists, singers, actors, high society ladies and so on but at the end of the day they are all poor human beings with low self esteem, lonely and without friends – until the next event starts.
They’re also not successful, the really successful people will not show up there because they know the game.
If you enter the community you will be pulled into it which isn’t good.
Fake Persons
How I Learned To Stop Being Superficial

Leaving this part of my life behind…

  I realized after a few weeks that you see the same faces, each and everywhere; why? Because they have no personal life and no real sense in their being. I intended to live this lifestyle because I was also running. Running away from myself, from lonely nights, from decisions which were long overdue and which I wanted to avoid. The difference is that most of these people, these always seen faces, lead their life in this way since years, sometimes more than decades.   I saw them all, if you start to look behind the scenes you’ll find the actor who has no engagements anymore, who drinks at night to survive the dark and lonely nights.   Or the old rockstar, who once was great, who was successful with his band for a year or two and who is still not accepting that his life is not the rockstar life anymore, and it will not return just because he dresses like one with over sixty.   The model from the seventies thinks she is not getting older because of botox and beauty surgeries.   If the curtains fall, then piece by piece you will find yourself in the middle of the rocky horror “people” show.

Is this what I wanted? NO

My decision was clear, leaving this life behind and face why I turned towards it. Facing the mess my life has been at this stage was the hard way. Running away is much easier, or better said, it seems much easier. Running isn’t easy too, maybe it is the sad way because this life is so unreal until they awake, if they wake up at all, and for some it will be too late by then. My hard way was the way to get back on my path, to find my values, what do I expect from myself and how do I wanna live.   A journey which is never ending and where you can never say I reached the goal until you die but at least I’m on the way to the right direction. But this is another topic, another idea for the next post maybe…

One book recommendation would be “An Elegant Madness: High Society in Regency England”. Enjoy