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My Islamic wedding

My Islamic wedding

What is that? Hadn’t I wrote just a few days ago that I’m so happy because I’m engaged? And now already a married wife, how quick is that?
It’s true, I married my fiancé, shortly after our return from the family visits but not in the way that we are now legally bonded husband and wife, we married in the Islamic way which is not legal in Germany.
Why did we do it?
The story started when I met him as I knew from the very first beginning that he is a Muslim and not only by birth, he’s living it. That doesn’t mean that he’s the super religious person as many think when hearing Muslim, but he’s sticking to his religion and believes in it by heart.
To go directly against preoccupied people, no, I’m not married to an extremist, Al Kaida member or self suicide Muslim, I’m married to a faithful person and to the greatest husband ever for me. And another no, he’s not putting pressure on me in any way, I am still free and still without religion.
I’m German and I know also persons around me who are Christians by heart and who believes in their religion just in a natural way, so nothing to even talk about but when it comes to Muslims you always have to justify and clarify and explain just because of the stupid extreme persons showing off something which has in my point of view nothing to do with religion. Sorry, I interrupted myself but that’s something I wanted to add.
So we did it in the Islamic way as it was important for my fiancé. You can consider it like kind of blessing. Similar to what Christians do when they went to a church. Gods mercy through the prayer and advise from an imam.
Ok, it wasn’t that easy to find an imam because I thought in first place we should choose a mosque with Arabic background but it was quickly proofed to be the wrong decision. I don’t know how often we went there in total and to how many persons we spoke but the bottom line was that a twenty something young so called imam started a speech about why he cannot do the wedding. He went so far to almost calling me ‘unpurified’, I don’t even want to write the words I heard unsaid about what he was thinking about me. My reaction was purely to say: honey, lets go, I don’t need to listen to someone like him, judging me without even being able to look at me while talking. This “imam” was looking at the wall behind me while trying to convince me that I have to regret everything I did in my life. I do not regret anything! I had good times and bad times and precious memories and memories which are not sunny and happy but in the end all this made me the person I am today. The person my fiancé fell in love with. Just later a sentence came to my mind which would have fitted: let him who is without sin cast the first stone. And I don’t even think that I have sins – I just lived, I never hurted anyone on purpose or lied about important things, I haven’t killed or stolen my neighbors husband, and so on, I just lived my life for the last thirty-five years and tried to be a good person along the way.
This is not worth talking about because we drove off and my fiancé was as angry as me.
Soon afterwards we found a small mosque nearby where people were almost enthusiastic to find the imam for us. Two old men were almost running stairs up and down to locate him for us.
A bit worried from the first experience I was waiting and then he asked us to come into his rooms.
A white haired old man with, which gave me a good feeling, a kind and calm expression on his face. The two others joined us as during an Islamic wedding you need two witnesses. It turned out to be good as the imam was only talking arabic and Turkish, so the witnesses were also my translators.
The imam was explaining what he will do, what’s the sense of agreeing on a wedding, that in their tradition a sum for the wife has to be written down and agreed on in case of the husband leaving the wife. What for sure is not a bad thing but what we – inshallah – will never need. He was so kind and asked me upfront if it would be OK for me to cover my hair for the celebration. I had a zebra scarf around my neck, maybe not the kind of cover he thought, and did it as even if I’m without a religion I have a deep respect before religious persons. Not only for the imam, also for priests, rabbis, whatever there is on the world, as long as they treat me with respect I respect them too. And he was respectful and even kind of funny as the wife has to agree three times that she’s willing to take the man as her husband and he told me that I have to say “OK” three times. He said OK, OK, OK and I repeated it.
The first time I have ever heard that as an agreement for a wedding, I know the “Yes, I do” but OK was not on my mind before. He said the prayer together with my newlywed husband and the witnesses and afterwards the three old men were congratulating us and wishing us all the best and a happy future together. The witness gave us our wedding documents and they led us out of the mosque. There we were, newlyweds, on a snowy Sunday afternoon in the middle of Munich and what should I say, I’m so happy that we did it.
It’s kind of weird as I never thought that it will change something for me but it is like the engagement day, when you don’t expect anything you will discover in the end, that these steps are changing your life. I’m called wife now from my husband and even if the legal wedding is more important for me as I will take on his last name on that day I feel like his wife already and am talking about my husband. And it has shown me another thing in life, be open-minded, don’t cut precious moments like this out of your life because you are pre-occupied. You never know how it would be unless you do it.
Keep the faith, it hasn’t to be religious but it could, just the way you feel comfortable with is the right one.

And I had a “wedding” piece of cake afterwards 😉

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Buying engagement rings

Buying engagement rings

Sealing the bond of life or at least entering the stage of planning it with an engagement is great!
If you ever have the feeling you found your soulmate, your second half, the one who’s fitting, who’s giving you the feeling of being the most precious person on earth, who’s loving you just the way you are, and if this person is asking you to marry him/her, do yourself a favor and say yes.
Beyond what you can imagine is the love which is growing in the second even if you would have thought before it can’t get more.
Being engaged is great, I love it and I’m proudly wearing my ring so that everyone can see I belong to someone special!
But buying rings was not as easy as I thought before. Sure, as a woman I had a picture in my mind of how it should look like but also a limit in regards to the price.
Tiffany has great stuff if you robbed a bank before but there must be something similar which is affordable without committing a crime.
I started to ask google because in the pre-Christmas season it’s not much fun to go window shopping in Munich. You cannot walk, you will be pushed in directions you never wanted by the crowd of people running for Christmas presents. The other thing was that we wanted to have as much quiet time for ourselves as possible for the duration of my fiancé’s stay in Germany. But what google has shown me was awful, trashy, glittery, immature, ugly, too kittenish or girlish.
I don’t want to wear a ring with hearts on it and colored imitation diamonds. Maybe a twelve year old is dreaming about it but not me as a grown woman. The next was that if they looked acceptable the only difference between the man and the woman was a small “stone” on the woman’s ring but I don’t want a male shape for mine neither a female shape for my fiancé’s ring. Maybe I have to clarify one thing, normally the engagement ring will be switched on the wedding day from the left hand to the right hand or as in Libya the other way round, from the right hand to the left hand. In our case we decided to have an engagement ring AND an extra wedding ring. The wedding ring can be pure with just a little stone but for the engagement I wanted something special.
Means I had to forget the pair couple offers. You will not find a pair where the ring for the woman has a special shape or form, they are all similar.
Fortunately my fiancé was already aware that I’m not the crowd follower, I wanted something unique and different. And who is making the rules? We, as I don’t want to be told by others what and where I have to wear a ring.
After I disagreed on almost all rings I found on the web we went to a tiny small jewellery shop and decided to buy silver rings, but not to choose them because the fit together, instead to choose what we like and what we want to wear.
Our rings are beautiful, for us, and we know what they mean to us, even if they may not fit together in someone’s opinion, we don’t care!
The most important thing is that we love them, gave them their meaning and are wearing them proudly.
They have names inside and the engagement date so they will always reflect this special day for us.
Keep the faith, once again, you can only be happy if you are doing what you like instead of pleasing others.

Busy?!?

Busy?!?

How busy can a person be – not being able to write although writing is one of my favorites during leisure time.
I have to educate myself once again. Being busy is something we often pretend to be although in most cases it is kind of not structuring our life and not taking enough time for the things we love.
It’s almost 2013 and I normally should have had enough time during the last days to just sit down and do things I want to do. Instead of doing it I snuggled up in front of the TV and watched all the Christmas fairy tales – maybe that was what I needed but my book was almost looking at me annoyed and my mind told me that it’s wasted time as I didn’t do anything creative or productive.
TV is really something which is bringing me away from stuff I could do better during that time. Nevertheless – I found the way back to write at least today. This is what I mean with educating myself, I should make a habit like taking one hour per day I concentrate on books and writing, as it should become daily routine after a while if I stick to it. On the other hand there’s a small problem, do I really want it to be routine? No, and I say no because for me routine and creativity or relaxing time has nothing in common. Maybe it’s just my impression but if I hear the word routine I’m thinking about things we have to do, things I do without thinking too much, cleaning is routine, washing is or asking the trash out, but nothing like writing thoughts down. My thoughts change as does my enthusiasm to write about something. There are times when I love todo it but there are also times when I cannot calm down as I know that some things need to be finalized before I have the quiet surrounding to let my thought flow.
Bottom line – I was too busy.
Shortly after my fiancé left Germany for work I was buried with work to finish before driving to my parents for the Christmas celebrations.
Here I am now, sitting in my old children’s room, and finally writing again.
There happened so much during the past months that I started several posts already but it’s too confusing to bring one to an end right now. I can’t wait to get them finalized and posted and this is another point. Am I busy now with writing although I have no idea if people like what I’m writing or not – I will not start to stress myself more than needed. In the end I’m believing that everyone who’s thinking a bit in the same way I do understands how it is and also understands that my blog is a real life persons blog. Life never goes as you plan it and it is ok – otherwise it would be boring, wouldn’t it?
Some drafts are already written and I hope to find the right time and place during the next days and weeks to tell my story, to write about how it is now, being engaged although miles apart, being entirely happy although missing is hard, all the stories I want to write and give them a second thought, remember these times as they were so precious and moving forward into an exciting future.
You see, I need to sort my thought because otherwise no one would understand what I’m writing about, my mind is full of so many impressions.

Keep the faith and already a happy 2013!

Updates!

Upates!

I haven’t been in here for quite a while as my fiancé was in Germany and we tried to catch every second to be together. The are so many ‘updates’ to write about and I have to sort it out during the next days. Time is running as always, he was just her and is now already back in Libya at work. Also the year is ending soon and this means lots to do until I can relax over the Xmas days.
There are only less than two weeks left until I go to my parents for the Xmas celebrations and visit my best friend for New Year’s Eve. Unbelievable how quick one year is over when you are happy.
Wen starting to write this I realize that I missed it but as the electrician will be ringing my bell really early tomorrow morning even now I have to hurry and catch some sleep.
Stay tuned as there will be lots of news I want to write about, how is it to introduce a fiancé to parents, how is it to meet his family, how to marry in a mosque, will a marriage in Germany be as possible as we thought, and we already thought that its not that easy, and so on.
Bye for now & keep the faith!

Shopping in Madrid

Shopping in Madrid

Oh my god, I promised to tell you about shopping in Madrid and then I almost forgot about it. The main reason why I didn’t wrote it shortly after my stay there was on the one hand that my mind was filled up with training topics and on the other hand I had to calm down as I was so angry on a person who crashed this shopping trip. I like to go shopping, some may even say I’m addicted to it. Mostly exciting for me are cities I visit for the first time as I can explore them step by step. My favorite parts are the small streets with small local shops. The main shopping areas always have the same shops we have almost everywhere around Europe and these are less interesting for me. If I buy something new I like it that not everyone has the same piece in his wardrobe. When I knew that I will be in Madrid for a few days I loved the idea of exploring the city but I was aware upfront that I will not go alone, we were three colleagues from Germany and its like an unwritten rule that you go together and not completely alone. That’s not the problem at all, as normally as an adult I would assume that even if I like one shop and the others don’t that they just move on and we meet up a few shops later again. Not in this case. One of the two others, and that was the one who told me upfront that shopping was the main aim, was crashing it completely. Zara and Mango, two shops we have here in Germany too, were the place to go for her. Accepted as I know they are cheaper in Spain because they are Spanish and they often have different collections, but that the first questions afterwards was where to sit down for a coffee was already making me slightly angry. We just went into the city and to sit down after two general shops for rest and coffee was ridiculous for me. Not only because I wanted to see other shops, no, also because I wanted to see Madrid, explore the city instead of staying in a cafe. She was persuaded quickly by me and the other colleague that we like to move on a bit. What happened then was even more ridiculous. She was standing near to the exit in each shop she didn’t liked and there were many she seemed to disapprove, it was like having a guard standing there, pointing to clock, yawning in between, a face like being exhausted and the urgent need to sit down and rest. You an imagine how much fun it was for us to stroll through a shop knowing that she’s waiting. It’s like putting pressure on someone without saying it, completely mean. But if you think we just stopped for a coffee and the world was ok afterwards, haha, not at all. After a coffee it was the same scenery as before, the one who wanted to buy her whole winter wardrobe in Madrid was standing in waiting position in front of each and every shop, one bag in her hand with a tiny, cheap, Mango pullover. I started to ignore it as my day was still kind of fine and I discovered a few more shops to enter as she was suddenly asking if we may go now and have dinner. Dinner at seven pm where the shops are open until nine? I would go for dinner at nine and enjoy the shopping upfront and besides that is seven time for having dinner? Maybe for a child but surely not for me while being in Madrid with shops open. But she was so hungry and her time for dinner is always seven and she made a face like fainting in five minutes if she’s not getting her dinner in time so that we finally said ok and swallowed the bitter pill. We never ate dinner as speedy as this to get out of the restaurant before the shops were closing. Forty five minutes later she was happy again as we were on our way back to the hotel and we, the other two, were sure of one thing: never ever go shopping this person!
As bottom line, Madrid is a wonderful city with lots of shops, there’s the main street, the gran via, and many of small streets with tiny and cute shops. Almost everything in fashion is a bit cheaper than in Germany and I’m really sad that it didn’t turned out as it was planned. I hopefully may go there once again, but this time not on business, just private to really enjoy the city.
My fiancé is already aware that next time he’s needed to carry my shopping bags 😉

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