Retreat

Retreat

A retreat is not only a fancy wellness vacation with a mindful theme like “open your heart”, “find your passion”, “release your inner child”, or whatever you may think of.

A retreat means literally “an act of moving back or withdrawing”.

Just now, I am on my personal, very own, retreat in our bathroom. There were too many tantrums to take in anymore, our parenting as a unity failed fully today and dinner was…let’s better forget it.

As a result I went away from both men, the big one who’s watching football as if nothing happened at all (except of a furious crazy wife, but this seems not of any concern) and the little one who’s watching kids tv (although the furious crazy mom told him that TV today will not be even a question after his behaviour… “but daddy will turn it on for me” – guess he had a point).

So here I am, sitting with my back against the heater – end of April – because I’m tired and freezing.

Scrolling through Instagram won’t help to feel better, neither does any other social media. What helps is to write it all down.

Get it out of my brain, release the tension, cry, let go, embrace this failure of today and accept that days like today are nothing to be ashamed of. Although I indeed was looking left and right earlier on the playground, when my son was the only one shrieking as if I cut off his arm, just because I asked him to stay out of the construction zone (clearly marked as such).

Retreat!

I retreat from being a mom and a wife, for a little while only of course. I retreat to survive this day.

I started into the day with an hour of Yoga, calm and breathing in and out like a champ. All this relaxation and serenity vanished, minute by minute, hour by hour, and left me exhausted on the bathroom floor.

Can you believe that this time spent alone, me and the heater, is a relieve? I am slowly back to the deep breathing, my mind focused and my body relaxes into the heat. A steam bath or sauna would be extraordinary, but for now the bathroom floor is doing a great job.

I still wear my yoga mala and touching the beads clears my mind.

I am fine!

I am myself!

I am allowed to feel all these feelings!

I am not a bad mom nor a bad wife!

I am human!

I am a woman!

I am who I am and all is fine.

My son will surely not learn his lesson today – he was behaving like a little devil and got the TV at the end of the day…

Of course this is not a shining moment in child’s education but it won’t influence his future irrevocable.

My husband won’t stop loving me because we disagreed almost the whole afternoon and evening. He thinks anyway that I’m not normal, so he got a little proof (this is what he thinks today has been, a proof for my insanity) and will not understand that he wasn’t a great support today. But there will be tomorrow morning, when he takes our son to the kindergarten. There will be millions of moments where he is the perfect dad and the perfect husband.

Just one nerve wrecking day will not destroy what we have, the family we are. It won’t harm the love we three have for one another because this love is stronger than anything!

But yes, it surely destroyed my mood and that’s not ok, but it happens. It happens everywhere and nobody is always happy, right?

Just now I am thinking what to do to get some food into my retreat hideaway. I know, as soon as I open the door my son will come to me. I am still mad and I still want my retreat, preferably with the rest of my salad wrap (which I left angry on the dinner table) or some dessert like a ton of ice cream.

A hot shower and cuddling up in front of TV would be a great end of my retreat, unfortunately only in my dreams.

It’s already late and I guess as the mom I have to chase my son to brush his teeth, change into his pjs and bring him to bed, right?

I just can hope that this will happen smoothly without another tantrum.

Cross your fingers please, if he is tired (what I would be after so many anger attacks) I may watch some TV, which means a few minutes, before I doze away fully dressed…

But in the end, all is fine!

Who can relate? Tell me in the comments that I am not the only crazy furious mom and wife, please!!!

Christmas is near…

…and as always we are asking the same old questions. What do you wish for? Is there anything I can buy? Which gifts would be on your wish list?

Isn’t it ridiculous in a way? We beg to give something even though we had a whole year of making our loved ones happy.

What I realize more each year is why my parents tell us since so long that they have all they need. It is indeed true that the time spend together and the memories we make throughout the years are more than we could ever wish for.

Time is the greatest gift. Time well spend with your family.

Even though we know this now we surely will run on last minute and get things wrapped up, an empty floor around the christmas tree is not much appealing, but deep within us we know that nobody will be disappointed when we unwrap the little presents because all we need is already there.

I wish you a merry christmas and lots of time to be spend with your loved ones.

One gift for myself is that I want to revive my page – it seems as if a lifetime passed since I posted the last time.

Stay healthy and happy and soon more.

Toddler on the road or what’s the essence of life


Do you know these families who have a certain area around their home for the first years after a child was born?
"Aurora needs her nap time in her bed."
"Lucas is not sleeping anywhere else."
Or worse, the parents who need the whole children equipment from bottle warmer to rocking chair, the ones who are not able to improvise and stick to their patterns.
We are not like that, neither our child nor we.
We love to travel and the easiest for me ist to travel by car.
You throw all you need inside and off we go.
We spent already lots of time in the car so it's a bit like a second home.
If you don't expect it you'll find a diaper (often when you indeed need it) or jacket which we thought lost.
Yes, it's a bit messy and I admit that we are at the end of October and we still have the beach umbrella in the back and Tuscan sand on the floor, that's us and I love it!
The best of these messy details is that they don't matter, what matters is that we have a big radius around home already and that we know we can go in whatever direction and we are happy.
A travelling toddler who sleeps everywhere is worth the mess.
His seat is based on cookie crumbs and our family is based everywhere.
He sleeps apparently everywhere when he is tired. What he needs is the reassurance that we are around and that he is safe with us.
Everything else doesn't matter, it can be loud or quiet, sunny or dark, crowded or peaceful, when he is tired he grabs our hand or hugs us tight and off to the land of toddlerdreams.
But what about sleeping times and nap times?
We don't have them.
And before someone starts to argue how important steadiness is…we love that we don't have them!
He is 18 months old, he sleeps when he's tired, he eats when he's hungry and we give him the freedom to grow without a strict schedule as much as we can.
Latest with 6 years when he starts school this life is over as he cannot go to school when he likes or stays in bed longer in the morning when he's supposed to be in his class.
What are 6 years compared to a lifetime?
We should cherish these first six years where our kids are mainly free little birds.
The kindergarten (Kita) for kids under three started for us in September and he's doing it great.
He has a nap time there and he's actually napping and he eats when they all eat.
Children are able to adapt quickly and they know which rules apply where so why should we limit his freedom at home?
We are now on our way to my parents and he sleeps in his car seat next to me while I'm writing and my husband drives, this is our on the road life, one glance at it.
Most people tend to make life more complicated than it is. What is really important, especially with children?
Now! Now is all we should focus on. Our children could be our teacher because they know how it works by heart.
BE HERE NOW (look at your child and soak in the love).
At the end of the day WE are important, the core of our beings.
Our travelling toddler is happy, and so are we ♥️ that's the essence of life, isn't it?

Autumn


Autumn was for me always just another season.
It’s getting darker and winter is approaching us but the past years I wasn’t thinking too much about anything else.
Now, as a mother, I start to cherish the seasons more again.
There’s so much beauty hidden inside and I was stupid not to see it.
I think I was a child the last time I collected chestnuts although it’s really fun.
Only now when my little son stands in front of me with his eyes shining brightly because he found a shiny brown chestnut I start to realise how many wonderful things autumn has for us.
It’s not days getting darker and colder, it’s a whole new world to discover in autumn.

Leaves change their colours and start to dance with the wind when they fall from the trees.
They make wonderful noises when you walk through them. They smell differently once they were falling on the earth.
The sun is still warm and when we run outside we can take the jackets off for a little while.
If we watch the birds we can see that they collect nutshells and little branches for building nests.
The squirrels start to collect nuts to be prepared for the winter.
Mornings are foggy and colder these days but we can see if the days will be sunny or not.
Even rainy days in autumn are wonderful days. We can jump into puddles and laugh loud because it’s so much fun.
So many things I just see now again.
Start to see the world through the eyes of a child and you will rediscover a life full of excitements.
No kid would say that autumn is boring or that they like summer more because they take life as it is and see the wonderful parts in everything.
We can learn so much from our children. This purity and positive approach to life is a gift!
I’m watching my son sleeping while writing and am so so so thankful for being his mom and learning from him a whole new way of living (which I knew once but that seems so long ago that I forgot about it).
Enjoy the autumn – it’s so worth it!

Sleeping without mommy

Sleeping without mommy

Sleeping without mommy

I’m sitting in the kindergarten and am not believing what I’ve seen.

My son, the little one who sleeps only with me or his dad, is actually sleeping.
It’s the first day where we wanted to try if he may sleep and he’s surprising us all.

This little bunch of energy was on the arm of his kindergarten teacher and she rocked him into sleep.
Help, this is another point which seems to be harder for me as a mom than for him during this integration phase.

My baby does not need me.

I know I know – it’s not true and surely he needs me and I will be there for him until my last breath but these mini steps away from me always show me how grown up he already is.

The tiny baby is walking through his toddler life and he has a strong will and confidence – we gave him the unconditional love and he knows he can count on us.

He trusts and when I say “I pick you up later, my love” he knows that I will be there.
My heart is bursting – I’m so proud of this little fellow ♥️

Water is one of the #elements …

Water is one of the #elements which is amazingly indifferent – it can be cold and warm and hot and ice and hard and soft and scary and wild and dark and deep and turquoise and sunflooded and so much more.
Today it was calm and calming – just standing at the shore and watching at the different colours and tiny waves ducks leave when swimming by had a #calmingeffect #howasundayshouldbe
It's autumn and it seems as if we can watch the earth slowing down and preparing for winter.
Leaves change their colours and soon they will fall. #life slows down and so should we.

Still on holidays

We are since two weeks in Italy and simply enjoy this first real family vacation and the dolce far niente (the sweetness of doing nothing) or dolce vita (sweet life) 😊
Here are a few impressions:
Tyrol – we are in Italy
I and the doors – I love to take pictures of doors – this one is in Verona
Verona Centro Storico
Arena di Verona First steps into the sea
San Vincenzo Marina
Livorno
Near Volterra
So much to discover in Volterra
Pure Tuscany
Alabaster near Volterra

Sunday Mornings

Sunday Mornings


My son snores to my left and my husband snores to my right and instead of standing up I stay in the bed and start to read a bit.

This time is rarely recently with a toddler.

He slept so late last night and is giving his mummy some rest in the morning now.

We are always talking about the little lion but he already snores like a big one.

How I love Sundays – they belong to the family and it may sound old fashioned but as soon as you have a child/children you know what I’m talking about.

I don’t know yet what we will do today but what I can see through the closed curtains is that the weather is great. 

I will wait for them to wake up and then we will decide together.

I wish you a peaceful and sunny Sunday as well.

Take care!

Happy Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day

To my wonderful husband ❤️
When I married you almost 5 years ago I knew that we belong together and that our whole story was meant to be.
With our little son we were entering a new and so wonderful dimension of our relationship.
Parents – we are parents and wouldn’t change it for anything on this planet, not even in the entire universe.
So much love from such a tiny boy, the sweetest love we have ever felt.
It changed us and seeing you as a daddy makes me so so so happy.
I thought that you would be a great father but thinking and feeling it is so different to what you are.
You are his mountain to climb on, he giggles when he grabs your curls, he’s so still when your beard tickles his tiny chin, he loves to sit and eat lots of fruit with you, he’s saying babababa the whole day long and it starts to be more baba now with him knowing exactly who he means. You, his baba.
I admit that I am a bit jealous, there are no m’s yet so not a blink of mamamama but that’s fine.
He’s pushing us to limits we didn’t knew ourselves before but in the end we stand in front of him when he sleeps or plays or smiles and are so blessed and proud and full of love that he belongs to us and makes us a family.
Look what he did for you, our little artist.
(I’m better not mentioning the color everywhere else.)

Father's Day

He wants to write something special for you as well:
Gxchglhdrgvc
Klö cyber lgkö
Yctikvullk
Jntnl Ulkub hbbzjn

(I assume it means “I love you baba and let’s go to the playground later” 😜)

My husband & my best friend

My husband & my best friend

My husband & my best friend (1)

My husband and my best friend are one and only person.

I truly believe that this is the key for a good relationship.
We are not only husband and wife, we are also best friends.

There’s nothing I’m afraid of telling him. In good times and in bad times, I think that’s the most important part of it. Whenever there is something happening to him or to me we are calling each other and telling each other the news.

I want him to be the first person to know whatever is going on in my life, and fortunately he’s thinking the same way.

I not only love him, no, I trust him, I rely on him, I adore him, I laugh with him, I cry with him, I just want him to be around and to be the most important part of my life.
There are for sure many couple things we are doing together, grocery shopping, candlelight dinners in the evening, serious couple talking or future planning, building up our home, holding hands while strolling through the park, visiting the family and helping each other through tough times.

But there are on the other side also many friend things we are doing together, like sitting in a coffee gossiping about people walking by, chatting about nonsense the whole evening long, watching movie after movie and eating unhealthy things, clothes shopping (even shoe shopping although he is a man) or just sitting on the couch and talking for hours.

The time I spend with him is the most precious time in my life, even if we are fighting from time to time about stupid things, every second belongs to us and this is what I love most.

Whoever said that relationships have to be totally serious is wrong. Most important from my point of view is that you have to find the balance, the balance between being serious as a couple but also having lots of fun.

For sure if you’re tying the knot this is serious, but just because we are now husband and wife doesn’t mean that our personalities changed completely, we are still allowed to laugh out loud when we want to and to take life just as it is.
All facets of life should be displayed in a married life as well. We go through fun times and through sad times, we act serious and not serious, we behave like adults and we behave like children, and if you found the person where you can be all at once without getting a serious or a strange look, then you can be sure that you found it, the love you were looking for.

Keep it safe, hold onto it even if times are hard, it is a gift and it is so unique.
Many out there trying to search for it, they sometimes lose sight of the importance and search for something perfect and get frustrated because they’re not able to find it.
It will find you!

But it will only find you when you stop searching and if you get a way of wanting something perfect, it will never be perfect. It just can’t be perfect because we are humans. I’m truly convinced that these relationships happen by accident, accident in the best sense of the word accident. They hit you when you’re not expecting it. That’s the surprise of the meant to be.

Nobody ever told me that I have to go through so many struggles before this happens, but in the end I can say all these struggles were worth it. We found each other without searching and that was the best thing that happened to us. Now it’s our task to keep it going and we will give the best in us for the future.
Stay faithfully and never stop hoping!

 

Facebook status

Facebook status

Am I on Facebook?
Sure I am as several others, or let me say I hardly know persons who aren’t.
Why is Facebook not showing up on my blog then?
I mean, I’m just writing about it but there is no possibility to follow me on Facebook.
You want the truth?
My Facebook is my private fun.
A network where I’m connected with friends, family members and colleagues and it was hard to separate them into groups with restricted views on my profile.
I’m not shy or prude but I don’t believe that my colleagues need to have access to my latest holiday pics or need to know where I was exactly at which time where on the other hand my friends are allowed to see it.
I’m happy when friends just pop up in the same location as they have seen my status on Facebook. It’s also a nice way to stay in touch with friends or family spread all over the world.
Even now when I’m in the situation that the whole family of my husband is living in Libya I love to have a network like this.
Just yesterday my husband became a proud uncle of a little girl for the first time and the cutie was shown in our private family circle.
You see, this is internal stuff for myself on Facebook and that’s why I haven’t linked it to this blog.
My plan for the future is to have a public Miss Faith profile.
But this needs to be set up in a professional way and I honestly didn’t found the time yet to start working it out. Stay tuned, as soon as its online I will let you know for sure!
Now back to the private account.
What I recently discovered is that Facebook is asking its members directly how they feel, what they think or where they are.
Does they mean they care – I would rather say they want even more information from users.
Some are serving them well already nowadays or would you put in your status that you are just on your way to hospital for giving birth?
Not me, that’s a no-go from my point of view. Even if we are all and everywhere online and connected there should still remain some privacy.
As Facebook isn’t that easy to handle in regards to privacy I just post stuff where I would have no problem if strangers may see it. Means not posting almost naked pictures or status updates which carry my deepest emotions. Break ups are often posted and what for? Should my friends be sorry for me or back bite my then ex-boyfriend? If I want to share these stories with a good friend I pick up the phone and dial his or her number.
Preferred by me are updates like favorite songs, favorite quotes, some funny pics from time to time or congrats to whatever. I can show my new bought couch to my family who is not living directly around the corner or send my husband snowy pictures from Germany to Libya.
What are your favorite status updates and what would you never write on a social network page?
Let me know your “random” thoughts.
Yours Miss Faith
P.S.: the pic is my status on New Year’s Day 😉

Facebook status

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Xmas with the family

Xmas with the family

This year (or to be correct, last years – 2012) I spent Xmas again with my family. The last years we hadn’t had a Xmas only with our inner circle family which means mum, dad, my sister and me. Sometimes it was me and my parents when my sister was with her boyfriend, or it was my sister and my parents while I stayed in Munich. This year all were happy to be together again. For me it was also a time to get some rest while doing nothing. Doing nothing is something I’m absolutely bad at. As long as I’m home I will find something which has to be done instead of just snuggling up on the couch and read a book or watch a movie. This is different at my parents as I don’t have to clean the house or do the washing. I was already looking forward to watch all the Xmas fairy tales on TV, feeling like a child again, no problems, no tasks.
It turned out that I really had a few relaxing days. There was lots of family gathering with aunts and uncles and their families but no stress during my stay. A bit of shopping, coffee with old friends, delicious food and lots of sleep.
Our Xmas tree was a cute small one this year and on twenty fourth we celebrated in the typical German way with potato salad and sausage in the evening, unwrapping the presents and family games for the rest of the evening. This year it was “rummikub” and I’m really keen to win those games. I started good but was the loser in the end – haha. But a saying here says if you aren’t lucky in gambling you are lucky with love. Keeping my love is worth losing the games!
On twenty fifth the traditional Xmas goose was prepared for lunch. If you never tried a goose you miss something, it’s so lovely!
And the last official Xmas day, the twenty sixth, which is also the birthday of one of my aunts we stayed in her house for birthday cake and coffee in the afternoon. All my cousins around and lots of chatting and laughing.
For New Year’s Eve I planned nothing, I just stayed at my friend and we had a nice dinner, lots of talking and TV and watched the fireworks from her balcony.
But like always, as soon as you feel a bit relaxed and would like to relax a bit more it’s time to get back to work. The same for me, directly on the first of January I had to drive back home to start working the next day.
The good thing about it is, that it was only one more month left until I can close my arms around my fiancé again, inshallah. As he told me before, the time will pass quickly.
I hope all of you had a nice holiday and a happy start in 2013.
I have no New Years resolutions but hopefully this year will be exciting with all our plans ahead.
Faithfully, Miss Faith!

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How is it to meet his family

How is it to meet his family

After we spent lovely days with my family we moved on to meet part of his family in Belgium.
I was excited as he told me so many stories upfront about his uncle in Belgium who is married to a Belgian. How will it be? Will I be accepted and welcomed in the same way as he was? Many questions for me as there still is a difference as his uncle is older and Libyan, kind of a respectable person. Even if he’s living in Belgium for a long time and his daughters were raised there I knew also stories about him having problems with the western life style of his daughter.
I’m completely western, yes, I had contact with Arabic cultures but first of all they differ from country to country and second is that people are always acting in a way they can justify for themselves. So what to expect?
I expected nothing, I just assumed from his stories that we would at least go along in a friendly way for the coming days. My thesis always is that I have to meet persons first to see myself how they are and I didn’t changed it in this case. For his uncles wife I was pretty sure upfront that we will like each other and it turned out to be right. When we arrived his uncle was still working but his uncles wife welcomed me in the same loving way I’m used to from my family. We were very quickly talking about each and everything as if we knew each others already. When his uncle arrived home he was acting a bit like my father, greeting me but then watching me eating, moving, talking. During dinner he warmed up and started to ask me what I’m working, about my family, normal stuff. His wife told me later that evening that he likes me and that he’s entirely happy for his nephew that he found his second part. My fiancé told me the same when we went to sleep. Sleeping in one room but in single beds, the uncle is the older one and he’s making the rules in his house. It was ok for two nights even if I think it’s kind of funny. We are no teenagers anymore but we accepted it. The next day was separated in the morning. His uncle likes to go to a big fruit market nearby because he can taste all fruits there without buying them and its kind of a hobby for him to do it. In the end he’s always buying but I like how he behaves, the little boy in the old man is visible. My fiancé was there with him already and liked it too, also in him the child is present, which is great. So the men planned to go there and I had to choose if I want to join them or if I go with the uncles wife to another biological market to buy vegetables for dinner. I choose to join her for several reasons. It’s not that I’m a big fan of shopping for dinner but I wanted the men to be able to talk just for them and I also wanted to listen to stories from a woman’s point of view. The decision was good as we talked non stop and became well acquainted within just a few hours. I heard stories about how difficult it was raising daughters and how they managed it, the mother is always on the daughters side and even more if she’s born and raised in a western country, at least it was the case for them and I can imagine myself being similar if we may face the same discussions to be honest. Maybe even harsher, who knows. We are not there yet.
On the other hand she told me lots about Libya and how much she loves the country, they lived in tripoli for quite a while before moving back to Belgium when the daughters were in a school age as they wanted them to learn French as well as Arabic. Libya is present all over the house, pictures, paintings, books, jewellery, small tea plates, lots of stuff she bought during her travels to keep part of it with her in Belgium. Fascinating!
During lunch time the men returned and we had a quick lunch before his uncle wanted to show us Brussels and Waterloo. He drove fast not to miss a piece of what he planned and guided us through the centre of Brussels, quickly showing all the important places. It was really cute, he was showing me that he likes me in his style. Standing beside me for pictures and happily smiling all the time. He even bought the chocolate I wanted as gift for my parents, not letting us pay.
In Waterloo we were climbing up the felt thousands of stairs on the memorial although it was foggy and slightly raining, breathlessly reaching the top. He was opening up more and we had a coffee together afterwards before heading back. It was a great day!
After dinner at home my fiancé and me went out on the terrace and what we were watching then was again so lovely, his uncle went into the kitchen and started to put dishes and cups on the table to prepare it for breakfast. He’s doing it every night so that his wife doesn’t have to do in the morning. When she’s waking up the breakfast table is already prepared. So much about the MAN in the family, he’s caring and loving. Cutting fruits for all of us so that we get enough vitamins in winter to stay healthy, talking proudly about his grand child’s, that’s why I said in the beginning, never go preoccupied into something, discover yourself how someone is and mostly it’s the small things which matter so much.
The next day we were about to leave after breakfast and the most impressive gesture for me was that his uncle was holding my hand closely, squeezing it while telling me that he is glad we met each other and he hopes to see me soon again. That was the “yes” from his side.
Faithfully, Mrs. Faith!

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How is it to introduce a fiancé to parents

How is it to introduce a fiancé to parents

Exciting! Totally exciting!
For me it was really as if I’m waiting for Xmas like a child, I was so curious on how it will be when we arrive at my parents house. Shortly after our engagement we started to drive to my parents. My fiancé was cool, he told me he’s curious to meet them and can’t wait to arrive there. But when we drove into the street where they live he became quiet. It’s a habit for me to push the horn of my car as soon as I park the car in front of the house so they know I’m there. When I did hit he sank deeper into his seat and told me he’s staying in the car and I should wake him up tomorrow morning. Haha, Mr.Cool was a bit afraid of the first meeting. But it wasn’t to be stopped as all, means my parents and my sister, were already stepping out of the front door to welcome us. Mom was hugging me tight, congratulating to our engagement and quickly on her way to close her arms around a shy man, standing behind me. I think he was really surprised from the look on his face but positively surprised. I hugged my dad but a dad has to be the major of the family, so he was just shaking hands with my fiancé. My sister was writing and joking with him on Facebook several times before but it differs if you are standing in front of each other and she wasn’t sure on what to as was he. They also were shaking hands shyly. The first part was done. But what then, how to communicate, it’s already not easy to find topics in the beginning when you don’t know each other but if you don’t even speak the same language it becomes more difficult. My sister talks English so we didn’t had a problem there but my parents never did and my dad didn’t even learn it at school. He had a few years Russian during his school time but that’s not very helpful. I translated simultaneously, how was the travel, did you like it in Munich, again congratulations to our engagement, how is the family, how is the weather in Libya, it must be hard to travel into winter when being in the desert before, small talk.
The first ice was broken and the men, means father and fiancé, started to take the luggage up to my old room. My old room which has been completely renovated before. Noooo, sure not because we were planning to visit, according to my mom it was needed nevertheless. But to be honest, just because my dad is watching TV there once in a while she wouldn’t have painted the whole room, placed decoration all over, some in shape of hearts. Whatever reason it was, it was lovely, cosy, welcoming and like a new room. When we started to unpack it was the first moment to recap how it was and he was overwhelmed from the loving and kind way he was welcomed into the family. I couldn’t stop smiling for the most of our stay as it really is the best what can happen if you see your loved ones going along that way.
Before dinner my mum brought champagne to have a cheers for our engagement. One bottle of dry champagne for her, one of half sweet for my sister and me and one alcohol free for my fiancé. This habit was completely new for him as it’s not common to say cheers with alcohol, even if it’s alcohol free “alcohol” in Libya.
I’m not the fan of drinking alcohol but I do it from time to time a glass when there’s a special occasion. But the other thing is that I made a compromise and promised to drink nothing in his presence. This has nothing to do with not being allowed or cutting my liberty, I just said for myself that I don’t want him to be bothered by the smell of alcohol when we are together. I don’t miss it as I never drink lots and he’s happy with this compromise. So the idea of champagne was lovely but kind of weird for him. I drank the one without alcohol as he does and we said cheers altogether. Besides, we didn’t forgot my dad but he does not like champagne so he lifted a bottle of beer, what should I say, German, haha.
My dad was still a bit suspicious and during dinner he was watching him like a detective. But when I was alone with my dad in the room I asked him if he’s “approving” my choice and he answered with a big and happy smile. I write approving in brackets as I’m surely don’t need an approval but to know that they like the new family member is important for me and gives me a good feeling. It’s much more easier than going against opinions or struggle because they don’t like each other. The coming days were running quickly but from day to day more convenient, my parents even started to talk English, a mixture of German and English and my fiancé put the words he knows in German into the conversations.
All in all it was a great time being there and realizing that everyone is happy is so precious.
My faith wasn’t disappointing me once again so please keep yours!

Visiting the family

Visiting the family

We are still visiting family parts. Shortly after my fiancé finally arrived we started our introducing trip. First was my family and they welcomed him so warmly – I’m the happiest person on earth at the moment. Today we will visit one of my best friends and tomorrow I will meet a part of his family. Everyone is curious to meet the new parts of the family.
What an exciting time.
Lots of fun, laughter and new faces which become quickly so familiar.

 

Crap TV

Crap TV

I don’t know if its just a German phenomenon but during the past years the tv programm was becoming more and more crap and trash.
Where are all the good movies? Where are the interesting talks and discussions?
When I just start zapping through channels in the evening I hardly find anything interesting to watch. Instead of movies it’s common to have tv shows, singing contests, problematic couples, youngsters, pets, news about catastrophes around the world and celebrity stuff.
I’m wondering which persons are keen to see all this as it seems to be the majority. TV channels are adapting their program to what people want to see. That’s scary if you think about it. Which insane mind wants all this crap each day? Interesting topics are on late in the evening or even in the middle of the night. But the main question is what is happening to our society if that’s the new “normal”? Are we losing our minds from generation to generation? I’m not that old to say sentences like “when I was young it was…” but I already found myself several times saying it. And if you look at people outside you already realize there was a change, which in first place isn’t bad at all, changes are needed cause otherwise it would mean we stopped living, the problem is that these changes are not good ones. It’s not only crap on TV, it’s also just in front of your door when you step outside.
I’m living next to a school with children from twelve to sixteen years, when they have lunch breaks and you see them walking, talking, acting its like another planet. When I imagine myself at this age I was still almost a child, nowadays girls with thirteen look like eighteen or even more, dressed up in mini-mini-skirts, a make up like a parrot, smelling as if they just walked out of a perfume store, wearing the highest high-heels available. Is that the new normal? Every girl is the next top model of the world at this age because that’s what they are taught on TV or the web. Boys are like gangsters, they have to be so cool and stylish, where stylish means the clothing out of the newest rap videos, and what they don’t are allowed too is to show emotions, that would be the worst thing. They can have each girl as their new girl friend if they want, at least that’s what they think.
The problem is from my point of view honestly the lack of possibilities. Parents have no ideas than to place them from sometimes the age of two onwards in front of the TV. And TV to learn what life is about cannot work at all. If I remember my childhood the TV was there but it was not the main part of my childhood. We went outside whenever it was possible, played in the garden, the small forest nearby or just strolled through the village. Collecting beetles in summer, eating corn directly in the field, all the stuff where I would say that’s what children should do. Instead the society is keeping them inside, in summer is too hot, in winter too cold, the surrounding isn’t safe enough and the TV or play station is not disturbing the adults in their daily routine. If that’s really the new normal I will be an awful future mom, I’m sure that my child will not be allowed to watch stupid stuff the whole day. I want it to know how grass smells or a beetle looks like, I want it to activate its fantasy to play instead of reading instructions of the new computer game. And TV will be a hard battle, fortunately all nice movies for children are available as DVDs but for the crap on TV there will be no way, at last as long as I’m in charge of it.
Go outside, read books, choose carefully what to watch on TV, communicate, love, surround yourself with thinking mind, this may beware us of getting “crap” people…

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Waiting for the day…

Waiting for the day…

Waiting for the day...

It’s near now, the day my fiance will finally be with me again, and what am I doing?

Starting to clean my flat but not in a normal way, no, from the deepest places up to what is visible.
Why am I doing it? Simple explanation, I just want to focus on what’s important during his stay and not thinking about stupid cleaning or sorting out or whatever during this precious time.

And besides I do this normally every two or three years but nowadays it’s something special.

One wardrobe is almost empty for him to store his clothes. Nothing would be more stupid than living out of a suitcase for one month and I want him to have the feeling to be at home and not feeling like a guest.

The same for my bathroom which is normally crowded with my bottles and creams and make up, now it’s pure and clean and free space for men’s stuff (which isn’t that much compared to women’s).

The living room is as cosy as it could be because it will be wintertime and it’s already getting colder each day. A place to snuggle up in warm light and relax, that’s how I like it and how it always has been but now it becomes a special meaning. We will spend our time here together once again and I can’t wait for the days to pass by until its reality.

These weeks will be exciting as we will meet parts of the family, mine and his, so the plan is to drive there at the beginning of his stay so that we end up with lots of time afterwards just for the two of us.

It’s interesting to start something new with the unique feeling of having found the missing piece in life.

Sure, as adults, there have been relationships in the past but if you then found someone where it feels so right just from the very first beginning it’s something special. It’s hard to explain but I already thought I found it and was proven wrong afterwards and now it’s so different.

Different in the best meaning as I cannot see one single piece which could separate us. This is something I never had before, the feeling of being completely complete with this man on my side even when it seems for outsiders not that easy – living thousands of miles apart, out of different cultures, that cannot be easy.

I can assure you it is!

If you love each other as basis and then discover the same humor, the same sense of what life should be like for the two of you, the same opinions about values, family, even the same taste in many things, then you are able to make it. Even if I’m completely stressed and tired after a long working day I just need to hear his voice shortly and calm down because I know that this is more important than anything else.

Relationships are precious and not only the one to your wife/husband, boyfriend/girlfriend, partner or fiancé.

Life is built on relationships with every kind of human being as these are the people around you who should be there for you whatever life is going to give you.

People who bring you down, make you sad, are envying you or putting stones on your way are the wrong ones, this is also something to sort out. I did it a few months ago and that was the right decision.

Surround yourself with honest persons!

It’s early for me to write all these sentences but I am absolutely doubtless. Which doesn’t mean that we won’t face difficulties but I’m sure we will go towards each other when facing them to find the middle way instead of running apart.

No one said life is easy so why should we give up on something we finally found so easily?

It will be an absolutely exciting time, my family can’t wait almost like me to meet the new family member and my mom is already caring as if her own son is coming home, asking me every now and then what to cook for the first evening and buying warm bedclothes so that he is not freezing in winter time.

And his family will be another adventure for me. He has an uncle in Belgium who moved there a long time ago, also married to a European, and I like to listen to their stories on how they did it. They still seem to be happy together and this is what we want for our future.

So you see, there are many things more important than cleaning up and when the most is done before he arrives I just can focus on the main parts in life.

Another effect is that I start to sit on my couch more relaxed when I know that I have nothing else to do instead of enjoying quality time.

It’s freeing my mind and soul and is giving me a certain kind of serenity.

Not faithless – no, full of faith!
Take care!

Sleepless Nights

Sleepless Nights

Sleepless Nights

I was always a good sleeper if you can say it like this, means I never had problems to sleep.

Just a few minutes to find the right cosy position and off I was in the land of dreams.

Last year it started that I was facing bad sleepless nights.

Nights which were totally exhausting instead of relaxing.

For sure there are reasons in life why situations like this start over and it’s not popping up out of nowhere. My reasons were private combined with a big workload. No need to go into details, as it had something to do with being heartbroken etc. but this whole thing manifested a kind of ‘feeling uncomfortable in the dark’.

Which is ridiculous because I always liked the nights, that’s when I started to become creative, where my mind is fully awake. What I try is not to give room to that fear, if I tell myself it may happen again tonight it will, but if I try to affirm to myself that these occasions happen only from time to time, I’m feeling better and the nights will be fine. I did a lot of research on remedies and found sleep meditation apps – they make me feel a bit safer as they are like a rescue, almost all of them start with breathing exercises and they calm you down very quickly. But what’s also important is not to ignore these nights, I think it’s better to accept them and to work on a solution to get rid of them step by step.

I’m happy at this moment, happy since I met my future husband, he’s like a shelter for me, my recharge.

Whenever I talk to him I’m fine, even if I was totally tired before, as he brought the feeling back to my life that I’m not alone, that I’m loved and cared for and that everything will be fine. And honestly I knew always that my family is there for me too but its not the same, this feeling of being sheltered by parents or by a partner is different.

Nevertheless, still from time to time I have these stupid insomniac nights, and here I have to realize that a wounded soul cannot recover within a few months, it needs time.

The reason of these wounds is no longer present in my life, all these hurting thoughts are gone for months now, but regaining the full strength is the part which needs time.

That’s why I say to myself its better to accept it rather than ignoring it. As long as I’m actively thinking on how to be totally fine again I see that it’s fading.

But if I would start to ignore it I’m pretty sure it would knock me down one day as nothing in life should be ignored. It sounds a bit pathetic but during these nights I have the feeling as if my soul is telling me: “Hey, I’m on my way but I’m not yet fully back on track, so please do me a favor and take care of yourself.”

And that’s exactly what I have to do. I’m a perfectionist and I do often too much instead of letting things go and take time-outs for myself.

It’s always the same pattern as these nights are hitting me after a row of exhausting days where I tried to get all done which needs to be done plus even more. Days where I worked too much and am hurrying through my life after work instead of sleeping early to take some rest.

I have no final solution but I’m assured that it will fade more and more as long as I take care. Never underestimate your mind and your soul, they are essential in life and we have to care!

Keep the faith!