Another mom post – mmmh – yes and no, I would call it HUMAN but mum influenced.
When you are only responsible for yourself these things like “am I a role model” or “what do others think” seem not to be important at all. OK, for some the second point is their life but let’s go away from those 🙂
What I mean is, I lived my life before I was a mom just the way I wanted to – I never thought of being a good example – I did what I wanted and what I deemed for myself to be correct and that’s it.
Now I see it slightly different because I have to be a good example, especially at the moment with a little parrot toddler.
My child is showing me where I can improve to be a better person on the one hand and on the other I realize that there are many things which I don’t want him to learn as being normal in this world.
It’s funny how wonderful my own childhood is now in my memory. It was wonderful but people tend to remember things brighter as they were. Surely not everything was better and I don’t want to sound like an old grumpy lady stating everything was better in the past because that’s not true but there were VALUES and I start to miss many of them nowadays.
I see children with no respect, running into adults without saying sorry, taking toys for granted and many seem to have no behavior anymore.
I don’t want my son to be that kind of child. He learns that respecting others is important because he wants to be respected as well. He learns that everyone makes mistakes and saying sorry is not a sign of weakness, saying thanks and please is something we live, he learns it as being normal and that’s how I learned it as well when I was a child.
We don’t bury him under the newest toys and gadgets for toddlers because it’s simply not needed. Children are so wonderfully innocent and find always something to play with, I don’t want to take away his curiosity and fantasy because that’s what is so precious in growing up. A simple carton box can be his toy for several days and only he knows what he is playing but if you watch him he’s the happiest little boy on earth.
The new normal is the headline, maybe you realize already what I mean.
I’ve seen a little girl recently which wanted to look like Elsa and I have no idea who Elsa is and had to google it. She’s influenced at the age of not even two by an artificial figure and wants long blond hair and princess dresses “to be also so beautiful”.
A little boy (around 4 to 5 years) is telling his mom in the supermarket that he wants to go home because he is too stressed and wants to relax.
These are only two examples from many many others I could give.
Where is the carefree childhood? Why do girls think they need to look like someone else to be beautiful, why does a boy at the age of four even know the word stressed?
We are the ones who have to give them the carefree childhood they deserve, it’s us who have to protect them from thinking they are not beautiful because they are the most beautiful humans on earth! We need to protect them and give them all the time they need to develop and grow without knowing what the word stress even means.
They need us to assure them day by day that they are perfect the way they are, that they can trust we are there for them whatever may happen, that they are cared for and loved endlessly, this is what they need to build a strong self-confidence, not figures like Elsa or a full calendar at the age of four.
I want to be like daddy, I want to be like mommy – aren’t these the sentences which proof that we are doing our job?
I sit down on the floor and I build castles out of sand, we snuggle and giggle and hide under blankets, we run in a goofy way through the house and can’t stop laughing – these are the memories I want my son to share with his children one day, not that he loved a movie character when he was three and the Chinese teacher (which seems to be a new trend as well) was his best friend at the age of three.
Let’s start a new normal, let’s be the old-fashioned parents who don’t start to park their children in front of the TV, who don’t support this big movie toy/gadget market out there, who choose to be retro if you want to call it like that in a modern way. We don’t have drive cars without seats for our children because we know better than the generation of our parents how dangerous it can be, but we still don’t need the iPad adapter for the back seats because we can sing all children’s songs loud in the car.
I love to go back to the old style with the knowledge from today!
I discovered a nice way of getting myself back on track if my life feels like upside down.
What many of us forget is how easy life is through the eyes of a child.
Ok, you can start now arguing that naturally a child’s life is more easy as the parents are responsible for earning the money, taking care, providing the food, paying bills and so on.
But this is not the point I’m thinking about.
The first important point is that you had a beloved childhood, that’s the precondition and here I know that this is not the case for each and everyone…everyone who had such a childhood is blessed already.
If I have the feeling that everything is too much and I cannot cope with all expectations others but also I have for myself on how life should be I take a time out. Take myself back for half an hour, make it cosy on the the couch, in my bed or just lay down on my carpet.
Remember how you were calmed down as a child. There were many ways how your mum or dad said “shush, my love, everything’s alright”. It could be a cup of hot chocolate, just snuggling up and listen to a radio play, music or being read to. What was your favorite? What I did a few weeks ago is I ordered my favorite childhood book. It’s a story about a little scallywag and his friends in the ancient caesarean Rome. Stories about their schooldays, how they make fun of their greek teacher Xanthippos and so on.
I love it. When I sit down and read these stories written for kids it’s taking me back to these days, days when everything was so easy. After ten minutes of reading I’m already more calm and relaxed.
Going back to the roots is sometimes the best way to ground you again, it’s not the story itself or the taste of a hot chocolate, it’s the emotions connected to them, the sense, the values your parents taught you.
I am for my life entirely sure that it was never the expectation or the wish of my parents to see a grown up perfect super woman who’s able to handle each and everything.
No, I’m sure they wanted me to be happy with what I’m doing, to be senseful and caring, honest and just me.
No one wants me to be a super woman and the last one expecting it from me should be myself. For all who may want me to be different, sorry to say that, they don’t deserve to be part of my life. I don’t care for those who aren’t accepting me as I am.
Find a place in your home which is just yours, which is protecting you when being angry, scared, sad or worn out. You should not hide yourself there for days, it’s more that you know where to calm down whatever happens just for a short time to ground you and where you regain your inner peace.
It may also be a ritual instead of a place or a combination of both but I think honestly that we need something to ease us in this rushing world.
Keep the faith in what you are and who you are and don’t step to far away from your inner self just to fit into this weird world or to please someone. It’s you who’s counting!