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How I Went From Shy to Less Shy

How I Went From Shy to Less Shy

How I Went From Shy to Less Shy

I was pushed to it mainly when I started my job.

Before, I wouldn’t say I was too shy but unsure or uncertain in many things.

Still like being the teenager and not an adult so how to argue with them about something which they should know better just because they live longer.

Also when meeting new people, it’s not that I was totally quiet but I was holding back with my opinion in first place and even more with private stories. You never know if they may talk you over or try to use it against you.

The lack of self esteem is something normal at an younger age I believe, at least it was the case for me, but when I had to take ownership for my work I was quickly getting more and more confident.

Not only in business where you develop a kind of knowledge about your business but also for me as private person. Part of my job was and still is to work with people around the world and its not a fixed team for the next ten years, no, it’s changing, sometimes very quickly.

New team members, new staff hired, new clients, things and people are moving and to adapt to this world you need to develop a style of getting along with all these changes and cultural differences.

I can never expect that one client is working as the other and for my internal staff I realize that for example the hungarian team member is not working exactly in the same way as the israelian is even if it is exactly the same job.

To be honest, I like it, it’s sometimes driving me crazy but most of the time I’m happy to be in the position to meet so many different persons. I learned a lot for my life even if some tasks like holding a speech in front of several persons was scaring me in the beginning.

Learning while doing is the best for me as you have to go through it and I can say that it was always a lesson learned for me and I was proud when it went good. So no reason to be scared, you will be proud afterwards when it went fine and if not you will have learned what to change for the next time.

Another important part for me was to get used to write and talk English as this is the main language in my business. When I started I had my school English plus a few books I read, nowadays I’m talking as if I never did anything else, this may not be perfect and there may be mistakes but I’m neither an English teacher nor a native speaker, so as long as the main part is good and people are able to understand what I’m saying or writing I’m fine.

Why do I name this post “…from shy to less shy” – am I only less shy?

You could assume I’m not shy at all now but the truth is, I’m still a bit shy and it’s good that way. But it’s something I know, I’m pretty good in hiding it so that most of the people are not realizing that part. It’s not visible, it’s like my inner shield telling me to be cautious or careful. I’m not the one talking about every single moment of my life as long as I don’t know the person in front of me. Sometimes not even when I knew them better for good reasons, as we all know not all people are nice just because they act in a nice way and I never was the person who wants to be topic during lunch for others.

The less I talk about me, the less they have to talk about me.

Only a well picked small circle of friends knows how I am really and they don’t even know everything – that’s enough.

I learned to never arm people with information to use it against me one day. But what counts the most as always is to stay yourself and to be authentic.
Keep the faith and take care!

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Crap TV

Crap TV

I don’t know if its just a German phenomenon but during the past years the tv programm was becoming more and more crap and trash.
Where are all the good movies? Where are the interesting talks and discussions?
When I just start zapping through channels in the evening I hardly find anything interesting to watch. Instead of movies it’s common to have tv shows, singing contests, problematic couples, youngsters, pets, news about catastrophes around the world and celebrity stuff.
I’m wondering which persons are keen to see all this as it seems to be the majority. TV channels are adapting their program to what people want to see. That’s scary if you think about it. Which insane mind wants all this crap each day? Interesting topics are on late in the evening or even in the middle of the night. But the main question is what is happening to our society if that’s the new “normal”? Are we losing our minds from generation to generation? I’m not that old to say sentences like “when I was young it was…” but I already found myself several times saying it. And if you look at people outside you already realize there was a change, which in first place isn’t bad at all, changes are needed cause otherwise it would mean we stopped living, the problem is that these changes are not good ones. It’s not only crap on TV, it’s also just in front of your door when you step outside.
I’m living next to a school with children from twelve to sixteen years, when they have lunch breaks and you see them walking, talking, acting its like another planet. When I imagine myself at this age I was still almost a child, nowadays girls with thirteen look like eighteen or even more, dressed up in mini-mini-skirts, a make up like a parrot, smelling as if they just walked out of a perfume store, wearing the highest high-heels available. Is that the new normal? Every girl is the next top model of the world at this age because that’s what they are taught on TV or the web. Boys are like gangsters, they have to be so cool and stylish, where stylish means the clothing out of the newest rap videos, and what they don’t are allowed too is to show emotions, that would be the worst thing. They can have each girl as their new girl friend if they want, at least that’s what they think.
The problem is from my point of view honestly the lack of possibilities. Parents have no ideas than to place them from sometimes the age of two onwards in front of the TV. And TV to learn what life is about cannot work at all. If I remember my childhood the TV was there but it was not the main part of my childhood. We went outside whenever it was possible, played in the garden, the small forest nearby or just strolled through the village. Collecting beetles in summer, eating corn directly in the field, all the stuff where I would say that’s what children should do. Instead the society is keeping them inside, in summer is too hot, in winter too cold, the surrounding isn’t safe enough and the TV or play station is not disturbing the adults in their daily routine. If that’s really the new normal I will be an awful future mom, I’m sure that my child will not be allowed to watch stupid stuff the whole day. I want it to know how grass smells or a beetle looks like, I want it to activate its fantasy to play instead of reading instructions of the new computer game. And TV will be a hard battle, fortunately all nice movies for children are available as DVDs but for the crap on TV there will be no way, at last as long as I’m in charge of it.
Go outside, read books, choose carefully what to watch on TV, communicate, love, surround yourself with thinking mind, this may beware us of getting “crap” people…

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My ten guilty Pleasures

10 guilty pleasures

My ten guilty Pleasures

I read an article about guilty pleasures and tried to put a list of mine together. It’s not as easy as I thought in first place but in the end I succeeded.

1. Shoes&bags

Seems as if I’m a typical woman but honestly, it was the first coming to my mind. And seeing my lack of space for them it has to be true. I already sorted out shoes I’ve never worn but still can’t walk by a shop taking at least a glimpse.

2. Cake

…with lots of cream on top and I melt away. Ok, I have luckily no weight problem at all but sometimes I feel a bit guilty because we all know that fresh fruits or vegetables are the better food and too much sweet stuff isn’t healthy but if you put a piece in front of me I can barely resist.

3. Sleeping long

When I hear friends or colleagues they think sleeping until ten a.m. is long. No, I mean really long, which is lunch time or even worse. From time to time I feel a bit guilty here as well as the early morning hours are really nice especially in summer when it’s not yet too hot and the sun is rising over the city but these moments are not too often seen by me. And if seen just because I just went to bed by then. I’m a real night owl and wouldn’t I have a job which forces me to sit on my desk in the morning I would switch my life to the night hours. When everything is quiet outside I’m active and also productive. Most inspiration is hitting me in the middle of the night.

4. Hot chocolate with cream

Another sweet stuff. But what is more calming on a cold winter day? I also like tea but the hot chocolate is the yummiest.

5. Romantic movies

Oh yes, I’m a totally romantic. Give me everything from Jane Austen, Charlotte and Emily Brontë but also new romantic comedies. I’ll watch them all and can’t get enough of it. Why a guilty pleasure? Because sometimes the feeling hits me and I start to think if I’m getting stupid with only watching stuff like this. Where are the high intelligence movies with so much deep sense in them? But then I quickly decide I don’t need them. Most of the movies I watch are in original language means English, so that is already a proof for me not to be too dumb headed. And even if not in original – who cares, it’s one of my pleasures and I love it!

6. Magazines

Women magazines, this pleasure started to get worse when I began to travel so much for my job. What else should you do while waiting for the next flight? Ok, many are working during waiting hours and I had my laptop with me but after already eight or more hours at work I decided for myself it’s time to calm down the mind. And for sure these magazines are also feeding my pleasure topics one, seven and eight with lots of information about what’s new, what’s a must have, what to try soon and maybe to stop by the duty free to catch something.

7. Buying clothes

Here I’m really guilty! I started a few weeks ago to clean up my wardrobe and what I realized is really insane. Do you also have double and triple layers of shirts, pullovers and many other stuff? Every style and every shade of my fav colors is present, long sleeve, short sleeve, no sleeve, print on and without print, lengths varying, in the end far too much. I have two wardrobes, a small one and a big one and both were completely full. What I promised to my fiancé is to empty the smaller one for him and I’m not yet there. At least I’m improving as I see free space now. But only because I want to minimize the amount doesn’t mean the fashion industry stops designing and selling. My aim is now to only buy one new piece after I took out at least five old ones.

8. Beauty products

Yep, creams, body lotions, make up, nail polish, perfume, I love it all! And they promise to make me looking brighter, shiny, rosy, tanned, young, sun kissed, natural, so I have to try if it’s true. Who doesn’t want to get the most out of the own beauty and smelling like an exotic jungle queen, an erotic lady, a sporty women or like a flower. And samples are not making it better, some even worse if the result is great and then you realize how expensive the original product is and that you are not buying it. This is a guilty pleasure circle as you will find more products each day. Some are now in my daily use and for all those thousands others just send me samples, haha, I promise to give them a try!

9. My two unique tattoos

To list them as ‘guilty’ pleasure is strange because they belong to me nowadays like my right leg or my nose. But there were a few short moments before I decided to get them under my skin where I was thinking if it is something where I feel guilty in the end. Getting a tattoo is a decision which is not reversible. At least not easily reversible. My fear, which vanished quickly, was to be stamped. But who would stamp me, only people who don’t know me, my life, my way of thinking, so I don’t care. I love them! They are what I am.

10. Staying up too long

This may be a reason for number three. I am a person who has to force herself to sleep. It’s not that I’m insomniac, not at all. I lay down and normally it doesn’t take two minutes and I’m in the land of dreams. It’s more that I like the nights. It’s silent, it’s dark, and it’s the time to focus just on myself. No phone is ringing, no emails are dropping in, I have free time to do whatever I like to do. There are so many things I like during the night. Writing is one of them, but also watching old black and white movies on TV, putting a mask on my hair, reading, having candle light around me which only shows its full beauty when it’s dark outside, checking the web and read stories there or shop online and just let my thoughts run in every direction, getting inspired, making notes of things I want to do or to see. I’m completely calming down but with my mind fully awake. Sleeping would also calm me down but I would miss the hours to think about my life. So I feel guilty because I have a lack of sleep and then I feel guilty because I slept so long the next day but in the end it’s what I am.