I haven’t been in here for quite a while as my fiancé was in Germany and we tried to catch every second to be together. The are so many ‘updates’ to write about and I have to sort it out during the next days. Time is running as always, he was just her and is now already back in Libya at work. Also the year is ending soon and this means lots to do until I can relax over the Xmas days.
There are only less than two weeks left until I go to my parents for the Xmas celebrations and visit my best friend for New Year’s Eve. Unbelievable how quick one year is over when you are happy.
Wen starting to write this I realize that I missed it but as the electrician will be ringing my bell really early tomorrow morning even now I have to hurry and catch some sleep.
Stay tuned as there will be lots of news I want to write about, how is it to introduce a fiancé to parents, how is it to meet his family, how to marry in a mosque, will a marriage in Germany be as possible as we thought, and we already thought that its not that easy, and so on.
Bye for now & keep the faith!
A few days ago I was as always talking over the web to my Libyan fiancé.
I am already used to hear gunshots in the background from time to time. And to say “being used to” is kind of weird. I fortunately grew up in a peaceful area and to hear gunshots is frightening me. But I was convinced that they are far away from his house and he is not affected, so I got calmer.
It started with gunshots but in an unusual way as instead of stopping after a few minutes it was getting more heavy and was followed by sounds I never heard before.
He explained that they shot now with weapons used against tanks. While I was sitting frightened in front of my iPad he tried to call some friends to find out what’s going on and to locate the area.
About five kilometers away from his house and all started with a fight about a car which left one dead. The family of the killed was then looking for revenge and it was getting worse and worse. I’m not even sure about the details exactly and if the national security was involved at some point or not, but that’s not the topic.
After three hours of permanent shootings the next stage were weapons normally used against planes – anti aircraft – and that was the time when I was more quiet than ever before. He was a bit nervous and not as relaxed as one could be when he survived war times. The “normal” heard gunshots aren’t frightening him anymore as he is able after the war to locate just from the sound if it’s near to him or not. But for me, honestly, this was a situation where I realized even more than before how dangerous human beings can be.
To hear gunshots at night from afar where your loved ones are is a real nightmare.
Libya fought so hard to get finally the so long served liberty, they suffered more than anyone without war experience can imagine, and now the newly gained liberty is still a mess and has almost the same sound as a war.
Peace should be silent, comfortable and not frightening, don’t they deserve to live peacefully now, after all these struggles?
And it’s not only that there are a few stupid guys going against each other, no, it’s affecting so many.
Has one of them ever thought about the persons who lost their loved ones, about children survived a traumatic time and still not finding rest, all the innocent out there who shiver at each shot and relive cruel memories?
And even me and I’m surely not the only one having a close relationship to Libya from an outside position. We are sitting here, in a calm and safe area, and we are frightened and hope each time that our loved ones will not be affected.
A feeling I never experienced before, being completely helpless, powerless.
Why are humans like this? They gained the power and they won against a cruel dictator but instead of trying to have a better life afterwards they abuse the weapons they got for selfish reasons. In the end they are not better than the one they fought before. I’m not a political person, I just try to use my normal human thinking. What must be in the minds of those who act so cruel? In the end it’s good that I cannot understand because it would mean I think the same way. But from a realistic point of view they bring even more sadness into the country, the families, the people instead of taking the first steps into a better future.
I hope to be able sooner than later to travel there because from what I’ve heard and read and seen on pictures it must be a wonderful country.
Keep the faith that it soon will be safe first for the people living there and second to all those who already love the country without having been there.
If you want to read a bit about the history of Libya I can recommend this:
I recently asked me this question as I found myself in the situation of always explains that it’s not like that, that it’s different, that it’s not as they think…
What was it about. It was because I met my fiancé who’s not German. Even worse, he’s also not fitting into the European picture as he’s from the unknown continent Africa. Mystical stories about people there are in the heads of the common German or even in the heads of the common European. And for my story it’s even worse. Not only that he’s not European, he’s also a Muslim. All cliches existent, you can be sure I heard them already.
Where is he from? From Libya. Oh god, you will soon be sitting completely covered on a camel in the desert. Yes, that was exactly what I planned for my life was my answer. You can only reply in a sarcastic way to stupid comments like this.
But what I realized in myself was that each time I was asked about him I was already answering in a defensive way. Yes, he’s from Libya but he doesn’t want to marry me for a residence permit. Yes, he’s Muslim, but he’s open minded and it’s ok for him that I’m not religious at all. Yes, he has a big family in Libya but they will not influence him not to marry a non-muslim.
I saw myself acting like this and questioned myself. Why am I answering like this? Am I thinking the same way, are these my hidden fears? Definitely no. We talked hours over hours and are both completely aware that we led different lives up to now. I’m living on my own since years and was raised so freely. He was always close to his family and surrounded by them. As long as you are unmarried it’s normal to stay with your family whereas for me it was normal to leave when earning the first own money and to start a life on your own. Religion plays a big role in his life, which is even bigger as we are at the moment within the holy month of Ramadan. Whereas for me religion was present in an easy way from childhood into the teenage years and as adult I decided that Christianity is not my path and I signed out officially. So I am without any religion at all.
But, and this is what we realized very quickly, even if it seems so different from an outside position, we are not too different. My family is so close to me. We are not living together, not even in the same city, but if we don’t hear from each other like we are used to we feel incomplete. There are never more than two days without contact and news or changes or questions are discussed with my family before anyone else will know. And for the religious part, even if I don’t have one it doesn’t mean I’m unbelieving. I have values in my life, which I’m believing in, most of them already taught by my parents, who still are Christians, but I see them as values of life itself. Being honest, truthful, good to others, not cheating, not stealing, not lying, never harm anyone, don’t kill, don’t do something to others which you never want for yourself, and, and, and…
These are common values in life which also exist in each religion.
He met me like this, I found so many good things in different religions but I also found parts in them, where I cannot say that I agree on them. What I try is to live in the most valuable way I’m able too and to find inner peace with myself. Wherever this way leads to, I will see. And he is completely with me as he knows that I’m not worse than one with an official religion. You will find good and bad people everywhere, this is no proof.
He is him and me is me and we are happy that we found each other – so more more explanations why, how, when and where!
Maybe I write some day sitting on a camel, who knows…