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Make yourself a priority…

Make yourself a priority…

That sounds beyond selfish, doesn’t it?

I just flipped a card of self love this morning and it said something similar to the headline – plus that only of you feel good yourself you will be a good companion for others, and that’s exactly the point.

Being my own priority may sound weird, I completely agree on it. We all want to be easy going, we want to be loving and caring persons, persons who are fun to be around, all of it sounds great and it is wonderful if we can be that awesome person. The truth behind is that you can only be that awesome person if you have enough done for yourself.

We all hide when we feel exhausted and depressed, we don’t want to see anyone after a cried-through night with puffy eyes, when anxiety sets in we want to hide like a snail in her house. Aren’t we loveable then at well? Of course we are because only then we learn and grow, only then we would need someone most, only then we reveal our deepest emotions. 

Let me tell you that there is nothing at all selfish when you make yourself a priority! I even tell you that you NEED to do it! 

We all need to have time for ourselves to get grounded, get settled, reconnect with our inner child, listen to the whispers of our soul. Me-time is much more than heading to the hairdresser or get our nails done. Me-Time is the time where you process all what we are exposed to on a daily level. Even if we would avoid the news we still hear stories from neighbors, families, friends – there’s love and laughter and drama, there is so much to cope with that it is overwhelming once in a while.

Life isn’t supposed to be easy, it shows us daily that there is lots of misery on this planet – now, in the middle of a pandemic even more than ever before – but life is also wonderful, even when there are times which are not easy. To realise this and not to get lost in the dark we need these times where we embrace it all.

I am 42 years old, almost 43, and if I learned only one thing it is that nothing is permanent.

I struggle as everyone else, sometimes more and sometimes less, and in the end not one of these struggles has been permanent. 

As time goes by depressions go by, as times change anxiety changes, all is fluid and moving, we are not made of stones.

Last year was a miserable year for me, job wise, of course last year had as many wonderful moments as it had bad. But if I look back to 2019 I often see only the bad (still) because it is a process of processing what happened. This processing is only taking place when I make myself a priority, when I take a time-out and live through parts of it, meditate, or even just lay down and stare at the ceiling. Only if the bad is processed it lifts the veil of the good things that happened to me last year, and of course there were so many of them. People tend to drown in misery and that’s nothing unnormal, it’s part of human nature, it needs strengths to get out of this circle and look out for the positive. Once you start it you will be excited, believe me. 

The lotus flower grows out of mud, this symbolism is wonderful – even if you are covered in shi* from head to toe you can smile and start to wash it off!

So – 2019, the year I wanted to erase in my brain – thanks I did not.

Besides all the bad stories (and they were bad not because I did something wrong!) I would’ve erased memories of our summer vacation, memories of the third birthday of our son (he doesn’t deserve that mummy forgot all about it!), our wedding anniversary in Venice, this wonderful city, Christmas with the family and all these thousands of happy memories in between. 

Even the really crappy times at work left good memories because I went through it, with stomach pain, yes, but today I know they made me stronger and I learned – if there would ever be a next time I would respond earlier and set more boundaries. Karma is the word of 2019 for me because I believe that one day all people involved will feel their Karma hitting them. What goes around, comes around.

For 2020 I am not yet sure which word it could be. This pandemic hit us all in many different ways and also so similar. My plan for 2020 was to relax, to go into a sabbatical and become a Yoga Teacher, learn about Ayurveda and spend time with my family. The plan was to recharge my batteries after 2019 and be ready to start through in 2021.

We are now at the end of 2020 and I am about to finish my Yoga Teacher Training.

I tried to revive this blog – a bit at least, and I take time for myself when needed. We were closer than ever before as a family during the first lockdown due to Covid19 and if I see the news we may have a second lockdown just in front of us. I struggle, not all of the time but in between. There are days when I hardly want to leave the bed because the uncertainty is overwhelming and raises an anxiety of the unknown. How will it be, what will happen next, why do we need to experience this? But there won’t be answers to these questions right away. We may have answers in a few months, in the next years, who knows? We cannot plan life and this is one big lesson learned for someone like me who loves to plan each step ahead. No, not this time. I am forced to see what happens, to step into the unknown daily and wait for what’s next. What I can plan is to control my mindset as best as I can and believe me, this is not easy. I had two really really depressed days with anxiety and everything was overwhelming. Now, day 3 and I’m typing – I sit here with candlelight, we were on the playground before, chatting breathing fresh air and watching our children playing freely, two days ago I would not even been able to think about this. Life is good! It goes on and on and everything is flowing.

You will move through the dark times and always see light again.

Make yourself a priority, hide for two days if needed and then you will be back and people will not scare you but uplift you. Small talks with friends will be good and create once more good memories.

Doing good things for yourself is as important as being good to others. My son needs his mom, my husband his wife and after these two days where they saw me miserable I am now back to be fun to be with. This is how life goes, even a 4 year old is not having good mood all day long – he can relate in his own childish perceptions. 

All that counts at the end is that all is good!

For now all is good and when the next low hits us we know we will make it through – I hope you have many highs and not too much lows, a pandemic isn’t make it easier, but hey, we are all in this together and you are not alone!

***Sending you lots of love and positive vibes***

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Fighting my perfectionism

Fighting my perfectionism
 
 
I’m cleaning up my life.
Trying to get rid of old habits is not as easy as getting rid of old stuff.
I cannot sell my bad habits on eBay.
 
Who wants a piece of my perfectionism?
Maybe some people would say directly yes if they don’t have it all. But if it would be so easy…it wouldn’t change me. It’s something you have to work on.
 
If I ask friends or tell them what I don’t like in me it’s common that they don’t understand it at all.
For them my life is near to be perfect.
But who wants to be perfect?
At least not me – it’s more an insult than a compliment for me.
 
So the first step is, what is my perfectionism in detail, splitting it into its various details.
These are only a few examples. If I list each single item I could write a book of thousand pages.
Just a small example on how things influence us and if we become aware it’s the first step of changing them.

Cleaning – I cannot sit quietly and read something or relax if I have the feeling that my flat needs some cleaning.
Problem: it’s only me seeing the dust on the cupboard, water drops on the mirror or dirt in the corner behind my couch, people who visit me just see a complete clean flat.

Solution so far: I started now to set rules for my weekends.
Weekends are cleaning free days from now on. For sure I’m not keeping it too harsh but I try my best to remind myself if I want to start a “cleaning-action”. Just sit on the carpet and read a book or start a meditation and even if I see the dust on the TV, just leave it. I could clean it later or during the week. There will always be something not perfect, as I’m living here, it’s not a sterile area, it’s my home.

Work – having the complete overview. Being aware of every step my staff is doing and detecting the need of additional work or problem solving directly before anyone is considering it.
Problem: I have no twenty-four hour days and even if it’s not my task. Sure I want to deliver quality but the first thing to learn is to trust others that they are doing their jobs and second is to delegate. Delegate with checking it again in depths afterwards, I could have done it myself if I feel the need to check it.

Solution so far: Letting go and trusting, that’s on my to do list for work.
I work with professionals so why don’t trust. I started to let go at least a bit and one of the results is that I’m really stop working after my contracted working hours. And not as before with a bad feeling as still so many things need to be done. No, with the feeling, that things are fine and my leisure time can start. I’m not feeling as exhausted as I felt weeks before. Just get some time for yourself to be with yourself, friends and live. Work life shouldn’t be the major part of your life. We work to live, not we live to work!

Look – everything is fitting, the nail polish is chosen to meet the colour of my shoes, belt, handbag, my shape is completely underlined by the clothes I’m wearing. My hair is shiny and perfect but should look a bit undone, not too perfect. No spots in my face or lipstick on my teeth. Skin needs to be slightly tanned.
Problem: No one is perfect and no one is looking like women in magazines – and I know that, there’s no photoshop in real life and it’s good that we are all unique beings, so why am I like this?
I have to relax!
All these small things bothering me are not realized by anyone around me. It’s just my mind pushing me into this direction. Simply be and don’t think too much.

Solution so far: I tried it with tiny steps.
Hair undone and I go for shopping, once you realize that no one is looking in a strange way at you, you become more confident with yourself. Only because the nail polish is not matching the rest of your style doesn’t make you a person which looks weird or strange. The truth is nobody is realizing but you. Instead of needing at least fifteen minutes before leaving the flat I go out now without checking and re-checking. A more relaxed way and also something others will like in you. You aren’t the one to wait for any longer.

Others – what may they think about me and my life?
Problem: fortunately no problem.
Solution: I changed already and not recently, no, years ago. When you are young you think about what others think of you. You try to adapt just to fit into the picture others want to have of you. It’s not like this in life. I grew into myself which means whatever decision I made, I made it for my life. So don’t care what others think. It’s your life and you should be happy. It doesn’t mean that you deny other opinions, no, as they are essential, you just judge for yourself if you follow them, took parts out of them into your life or just ignore them totally. For sure I care about what my loved ones think, but this a small holy circle in my life and they don’t expect me to be perfect or to be like they want me to be. They take me as I am. For the rest: I really don’t care what they think.

And again my motto is matching a blog post – keep the faith in you and you are fine.

If you want to fight your perfectionism – check this book, it is a great help to start.