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Fighting my perfectionism

Fighting my perfectionism
I’m cleaning up my life.
Trying to get rid of old habits is not as easy as getting rid of old stuff.
I cannot sell my bad habits on eBay.
Who wants a piece of my perfectionism?
Maybe some people would say directly yes if they don’t have it all. But if it would be so easy…it wouldn’t change me. It’s something you have to work on.
If I ask friends or tell them what I don’t like in me it’s common that they don’t understand it at all.
For them my life is near to be perfect.
But who wants to be perfect?
At least not me – it’s more an insult than a compliment for me.
So the first step is, what is my perfectionism in detail, splitting it into its various details.
These are only a few examples. If I list each single item I could write a book of thousand pages.
Just a small example on how things influence us and if we become aware it’s the first step of changing them.

Cleaning – I cannot sit quietly and read something or relax if I have the feeling that my flat needs some cleaning.
Problem: it’s only me seeing the dust on the cupboard, water drops on the mirror or dirt in the corner behind my couch, people who visit me just see a complete clean flat.

Solution so far: I started now to set rules for my weekends.
Weekends are cleaning free days from now on. For sure I’m not keeping it too harsh but I try my best to remind myself if I want to start a “cleaning-action”. Just sit on the carpet and read a book or start a meditation and even if I see the dust on the TV, just leave it. I could clean it later or during the week. There will always be something not perfect, as I’m living here, it’s not a sterile area, it’s my home.

Work – having the complete overview. Being aware of every step my staff is doing and detecting the need of additional work or problem solving directly before anyone is considering it.
Problem: I have no twenty-four hour days and even if it’s not my task. Sure I want to deliver quality but the first thing to learn is to trust others that they are doing their jobs and second is to delegate. Delegate with checking it again in depths afterwards, I could have done it myself if I feel the need to check it.

Solution so far: Letting go and trusting, that’s on my to do list for work.
I work with professionals so why don’t trust. I started to let go at least a bit and one of the results is that I’m really stop working after my contracted working hours. And not as before with a bad feeling as still so many things need to be done. No, with the feeling, that things are fine and my leisure time can start. I’m not feeling as exhausted as I felt weeks before. Just get some time for yourself to be with yourself, friends and live. Work life shouldn’t be the major part of your life. We work to live, not we live to work!

Look – everything is fitting, the nail polish is chosen to meet the colour of my shoes, belt, handbag, my shape is completely underlined by the clothes I’m wearing. My hair is shiny and perfect but should look a bit undone, not too perfect. No spots in my face or lipstick on my teeth. Skin needs to be slightly tanned.
Problem: No one is perfect and no one is looking like women in magazines – and I know that, there’s no photoshop in real life and it’s good that we are all unique beings, so why am I like this?
I have to relax!
All these small things bothering me are not realized by anyone around me. It’s just my mind pushing me into this direction. Simply be and don’t think too much.

Solution so far: I tried it with tiny steps.
Hair undone and I go for shopping, once you realize that no one is looking in a strange way at you, you become more confident with yourself. Only because the nail polish is not matching the rest of your style doesn’t make you a person which looks weird or strange. The truth is nobody is realizing but you. Instead of needing at least fifteen minutes before leaving the flat I go out now without checking and re-checking. A more relaxed way and also something others will like in you. You aren’t the one to wait for any longer.

Others – what may they think about me and my life?
Problem: fortunately no problem.
Solution: I changed already and not recently, no, years ago. When you are young you think about what others think of you. You try to adapt just to fit into the picture others want to have of you. It’s not like this in life. I grew into myself which means whatever decision I made, I made it for my life. So don’t care what others think. It’s your life and you should be happy. It doesn’t mean that you deny other opinions, no, as they are essential, you just judge for yourself if you follow them, took parts out of them into your life or just ignore them totally. For sure I care about what my loved ones think, but this a small holy circle in my life and they don’t expect me to be perfect or to be like they want me to be. They take me as I am. For the rest: I really don’t care what they think.

And again my motto is matching a blog post – keep the faith in you and you are fine.

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Strawberry Tiramisu easy

Strawberry Tiramisu easy

Today your are getting one of my Favorit dessert recipes.

It’s so tasty and really easy to prepare:

(Ignore calories – otherwise you will not be able to eat it – haha.)

You need the following:

Fresh strawberries – 300g
Mascarpone – 200g
Cream – 200g
Espresso – 100ml
Ladyfingers (also called sponge finger) – 15 pcs
Vanilla sugar – 2-3 teaspoons
Chocolate powder or chocolate plates

The amount differs on how many persons you will make happy or if you like it more fruity, more creamy, it’s up to your taste.
My recipe is for around 4 persons.

Just mix mascarpone, cream and vanilla sugar homogeneous.
Strawberries should be washed and cut into slices.
Espresso – not too hot anymore.
Then you just layer all in a bowl or directly in small dessert bowls.
First the ladyfingers, they will be soaked with Espresso.
Second layer is the cream and then you put the strawberry slices on.
You can have as many layers as you want, the last on top should be the cream.
Cool it down in the fridge for at least 2 hours, the ladyfingers should be soaked completely before it’s served.
Right before serving I put either the chocolate powder or the flakes on top and if you wish you can decorate with a complete strawberry.

Enjoy!

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City or countryside?

City or countryside?
I will turn thirty-five in November and luckily met a man who’s thinking in the same direction as me about life.
I have a small flat in the middle of the city.
Perfect if you wanna have the complete city feeling. Cafés and restaurants are just around the corner as well as supermarkets and the green stripe of the river where you have the feeling to be in nature.
That was exactly what I ever wanted when I moved to this place.
My area has grown during the past years and is nowadays one of the hip places to live in Munich.
But why am I not satisfied anymore?
It’s not that I don’t like my flat, it’s still my home, my place where I’m feeling so comfortable but I’m starting more and more to miss the silence.
Not silence like taking earplugs and shut down the world around you.
No, silence like hearing no cars outside twenty-four hours, like not closing the window just to hear what they say on TV, like being outside and having only birds and bees and wind around you which makes sounds while hitting a tree.
A place to step out of the door and being in peace.
A place to slow down and also a place where you can imagine to raise up a child freely.
Am I getting old or is it just the normal way to settle down at a certain age?
On the other hand I will not completely loose the comfort a city has.
A wide spread variety of different restaurants, we have almost each country here and it’s always exciting to try some unknown food.
Shopping is also so easily done as you will find everything you can think of.
Meeting friends in a café especially in summer is awesome. Sitting outside and just watching the busy people around you is something I like so much.
But would I like it if I always see the same persons like in a small village?
For sure not because this was one of million reasons why I moved.
You have to decide what you want…
I want a quiet place with a small garden and nature around me but it should only take me no more than fifteen minutes to be in the middle of the city.
Also important is that it’s near to an airport as we will need in more often in future.
I need it from time to time as I’m not traveling too much nowadays but my future husband will not move completely to Germany.
He has his job which he likes so much and we may be able to start our life together in 4-5 week rhythms.
So what to look for?
I’m a person who always wants to plan and organize and know where to be when. But that’s not what life’s about.
Perfect would be a small house around Munich where we live and raise our children one day?
No, because where is the father – just there every four weeks?
Perfect would be a house in Libya?
No, as I haven’t been there up to now and I cannot imagine something I never saw.
Perfect would be moving to a country we both can imagine like UK?
No, as we don’t know how it work out with our jobs.
Too many No’s at the moment but where we have a big YES is the question if we want to travel the path of our life together and wherever it will lead us, we will make it hopefully or how libyans say, inshallah.
Keep the faith!
Countryside

What is high society about?

What is high society about?

Superficiality?!?
My impression and experience says definitely YES.
I had a very bad year in Munich.
(Ok, it were two but the second was a hard way back to myself, that’s another story.)
The first was how to distract myself from the messy life I’m leading.
A relationship where I wasn’t sure if it’s better to stay or to leave.
In order not to think too much about it I put myself in a surrounding of ‘so-called’ friends.
Friends who are always happy and smiling and who have no problems at all in their entire life.
The first superficial sign!
Any human being around the globe has good and not so good or sometimes really bad days.
I can only write about my experience, this is no social report about people in Munich but I think you can find this phenomenon everywhere.
As long as you meet the society’s expectations you are very welcome on each and every occasion.
What means meeting expectations?
They want you to be perfect – perfectly dressed, stylish, educated, on the top of actual discussion topics, intelligent, always in a good mood, funny, slightly sarcastic, successful in your business (even better if it’s your own business), interested, and so on.
You should have or at least pretend to have the money to live this all.
Easy for women, you pay once the drinks to show “I’m able to” and the rest is a self runner.
You will be invited most of the times – the only money needed is for the taxi back home. I’m not talking about men inviting you and who may have some expectations afterwards. No, you are quickly part of a group where several persons just book half restaurants to celebrate something and invite you. As soon as the “group leaders” know your name you’ll find yourself on guest lists for events, openings, charity concerts and more.
That sounds awesome, does it? But believe me, it isn’t!
I have to admit that I really had lots of fun in the beginning – me, grown up in a small village, in the society of “top” people, which are all successful in what they do and the world is just so easy. Just enjoy life to the fullest.
The dark site of this game is quicker there than you think.
All these people live something which they a.) cannot afford or b.) is a fake or (and this is the biggest mistake) c.) they think life is all about.
It’s a big society of pretenders.
They are all artists, singers, actors, high society ladies and so on but at the end of the day they are all poor human beings with low self esteem, lonely and without friends – until the next event starts.
They’re also not successful, the really successful people will not show up there because they know the game.
If you enter the community you will be pulled into it which isn’t good.
I realized after a few weeks that you see the same faces, each and everywhere; why? Because they have no personal life and no real sense in their being.
I intended to live this lifestyle because I was also running.
Running away from myself, from lonely nights, from decisions which were long overdue and which I wanted to avoid.
The difference is that most of these people, these always seen faces, lead their life in this way since years, sometimes more than decades.
I saw them all, if you start to look behind the scenes you’ll find the actor who has no engagements anymore, who drinks at night to survive the dark and lonely nights.
Or the singer, who once was a great star for a year or two and who is still not accepting that his life is not the rockstar life anymore, and it will not be again just because he dresses like one with over sixty.
The model from the seventies thinks she’s not getting older because of Botox and beauty surgeries.
If the curtains fall then piece by piece you’ll find yourself in the middle of the rocky horror “people” show.
Is this what I wanted? NO
My decision was the hard way whereas I don’t say their way is easy, their way is unreal until they awake if at all and for some it will be too late by then.
My hard way was the way to get back on my path, to find my values, what do I expect from myself and how do I wanna live.
A journey which is never ending and where you can never say I reached the goal until you die but at least I’m on the way to the right direction. But this is another topic, another idea for the next post maybe…

Who am I?

Here we go – who is Miss Faith and why did she choose this name?
A name which raises questions if someone is thinking over the edge…
Faith is one of the most important things in life from my point of view and it accompanied me my whole life – sometimes more & sometimes less.
My parents gave me something called basic trust. Trust in them at first but also in life itself, in other persons crossing my ways and in myself.
Faith has not only its meaning in religion but also in every single piece included in life and relationships.
I’m human so for sure it got some cracks and scars but it never vanished.
I was raised in a loving surrounding, blessed with my family, in a small village in the middle of Germany.
I grew up, went to school, studied and dropped quicker into work life than planned as there was an offer I couldn’t resist including lots of travelling and a company car. In my early twenties this was beyond my imaginations if I would have joined university, so I took the adult life, instead of years full of low budget, shared flats and train stations.
Fortunately nothing I regret up to today.
The following years I was traveling throughout whole Germany – almost every region has at least one place where I have been, I spent lots of hours at the airport and lots of nights in hotel rooms. Starting slightly to get meetings outside of my country and slipping into lead functions until I decided I travelled enough and started over in management. In our virtual world my job is reliant to phone and email. As I have both at home I’m working in my home office which is really the best I ever could get.
I hate early mornings and it just takes 2 min. from my bed to my office without anyone seeing my messed morning outfit or hairstyle – that’s perfect for me!
In between the work cage I tried to awake my creative part with painting…sounds good, doesn’t it. But the truth is that I always wanted original big paintings on my walls which all where either not my style or far too expensive. So what to do? Do it yourself. I realized that it’s relaxing for me and I liked it but after I moved to Munich this hobby was put aside as my flat here doesn’t have a balcony or a small garden. I’m not too keen to inhale all the different chemicals used for painting.
Ok, then what else to do for a relaxed work-life-balance? Writing!
I know many stick to sports but since I left school and the rowing team, sports plays not really a role in my life. Some small exercises from time to time but I wouldn’t call it sports.
2007 I started “my book” which is still saved on my laptop and a 2nd copy on a memory flash. Almost 200 pages which lay there safer than in Fort Knox as I didn’t touch them since summer 2008.
Why is that? Was it so bad? No, I’m just lacking time and am now so out of the story that it would need lots of passion and effort to work again on it. Maybe I just include some stories here and see what happens. Is it really interesting to an audience what I was writing or is it just totally boring.
Who knows – maybe one day one publisher is reading stuff here and I will be not only a newbie blogger but also a newbie author – haha.