I would love love love to write more but at the moment I’m barely able to do all those things that need to be done and fall exhausted into my bed in the evening.
It happened several times that I told my husband I will bring our son to bed and was never seen again this night 🙂
Life has stressful times and calm times, I’m just in the middle of a stressful period.
As “full-time working mom of a toddler” life ain’t always easy but hey, Xmas will soon be here and I will have a couple of days off to relax, so I see a small light at the end of the tunnel – and until then, whenever I need to be cheered up I simply look at my son 🙂
I hope you have a great time and enjoy the cosy days before Christmas – take care!
As a full-time working mom of a two and a half year old I’m always struggling between feeling completely guilty and the worst mom ever and feeling wonderful and organized and the best mom on earth.
This diversity is driving me nuts even if I know at the end of each day, good and bad days, that I truly am the best mom on earth for MY child.
I feel so often guilty as I would like to spend much more time with him, even if I pick him up at the kindergarten in the afternoon it’s not just time for us but we need to do things he not prefers at all (like grocery shopping or playing alone while “mummy need to write just a couple of emails and then I am fully with you” lies as it often takes more time and then the guilt sets in.
But why am I doing all of this, why am I not quitting and jump to the full-time mom job?
Simply because we cannot afford it and this is not a unique situation, it’s the struggle of sooooo sooooo many other moms out there.
We work hard and we do all of this for our families. We don’t go shopping just for us anymore, each earned cent is in first place for our children, they deserve a warm home, a safe space, clothes, toys, food they like and apparently is mainly healthy – I never went so often into the whole food stores before I had a child. It started when I was pregnant and when I knew I’m NOW responsible for a human, a tiny human incapable of taking care of himself. But that’s another story.
So how do I cope with this guilt and how do I try to create the safest space on earth for this little boy?
I first of all love him like nothing else on earth! And I’m telling him, obviously. He needs to know that he’s love from the bottom of our hearts and souls and that he is perfect exactly the way he is.
Second I try to be there for him whenever he needs me – why try? Because he’s going into the Kindergarten and even if I would like to be there 24/7 I need to let go for a couple of hours per day. But, and that’s the good thing, I see how happy he is there and how wonderful they take care of my child.
Third is that I listen – he’s just now starting to speak in sentences and I listen, I don’t start to correct directly or just let him talk, I want to hear and understand what he is saying. He’s not talking because he loves talking, he’s talking because he wants to be heard.
Fourth is quite easy as I always referred to our home as a nest, he should live in a warm and loving home, we share a family bed and he has his bed attached so that he can decide where he wants to sleep, snuggled up between us or on “his own” in his bed. Our home should be the safest place on earth for him. Here he lives, his toys belong to our living room in the same way as our “toys” belong there. There is no mine and yours, it’s our home. He can for instance reach fruit when he likes to eat a banana or an apple, his water bottle is always standing filled somewhere within his reach, he can move through the flat like he wants to (only the bathroom and the kitchen is “locked” as long as he’s not understanding that flushing the toilet 5 times in 2 minutes isn’t funny or that the stove gets hot if you press the buttons and that this is dangerous.
Fifth is not really easy but crucial – I am not a bad mom, I am not a bad mom, I am not a bad mom…
Acknowledge that you are not perfect, that you make mistakes, that you are not always the mom you would like to be, because you are human.
We make mistakes, we learn, we cry, we regret, we should know better but am stuck, we are exhausted, we shout, we heat up a pizza instead of cooking, we break down and night and still we are there and take care as soon as our child just moves while asleep, all that we are makes us the mom our children need.
At the end of each day we love our children, we don’t harm them, we try to do everything we can to make their life the most wonderful life a child can have with all possibilities we have.
We should tell ourselves much more that we are great in what we are doing and that we do enough. Nobody can give 110% every minute of her life, to expect that from ourselves is far from reality.
I could start now and go on with number 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, … 100, 101, … but in the end all that counts is that you are there for your child and that you do the best of what you think is the best.
Moms tend to criticize each other like crazy but it’s not worth it -we all want the best and there are millions of ways of what is the best.
Hug your child/children, tell them you love them, listen to what they tell us and enjoy being with them.
These crazy days of sleepless night will one day be a memory, these days of anger attacks and crying for no (for us) visible reason will fade, these tiny hands that grab ours will grow and let go, these wet kisses will become a “don’t mom, the others will think I’m a baby”, all of our struggles will not be what we will remember. We will remember the purest kind of love, we will remember the smell of our child after it was born, we will remember the brightest smile and the first steps. For all of that being there as you are is the most important you can do to let them grow in their safe space.
I love you, my son – thanks for making me one of these real moms who are messy, crazy, loud, laughing and most of all LOVING like never before <3
While John Mayer’s Album Continuum is playing (which makes me feel good but also weird old as it’s quite old already), my husband is driving our car towards my parents, and my son is holding my hand after he threw his shoe at me, I decided to use this quiet time and type (left-handed because my right hand is occupied from some sticky toddler fingers).
I start to enjoy spending the time in the car in the back next to my son – it’s relaxed. We have created a little living room here, some toys, some sweets, enough to drink, water wipes, a book, charging cable for my phone, a pillow and his baby blanket. What more can we ask for?
Sometimes I miss driving, but often I just enjoy that I don’t have to.
Time in the road was mostly some “lost” time except of course that it brings us to the places we want to go, but these hours in the back of the car are now filled with laughter and fun, with silly singing, snuggles and sleep, with watching the trees and cities go by and (as now) with time to write down my thoughts in a safe space with a sleepy child next to me.
While I type my husband tries every feature our car has, from autopilot to Chinese navigation settings, happy that I seem not to notice that he speeds up and extra happy that I don’t say something to interrupt his “toy” time. Men 🙂
How life has changed.
We are the same yet completely different.
We are parents but still love what we did before this little boy stole our hearts.
I imagined how I will write blog posts while he naps and my husband thought he will watch his soccer games in the evenings while he sleeps – he taught us how life works.
He hates naps when he senses that I may do something that could be interesting for him. He also prefers to sleep only when minimum mommy, even better both of us, are also in the bed. So no more uninterrupted TV time.
And what do we do? We learn to adapt, we shift priorities, we embrace the life as it is now, we love him to the moon and back and we are grateful to learn so much as he shows us what really matters.
We are on the road, our life, our alleys with blooming trees and our dark slippery bumpy roads through dark places, wherever we go, we have the assurance that we can count on each other and that we will make it, we step over stones and take hurdles because we are responsible, not only for ourselves but also for the light that is shining day in day out, for this little heart-thief, the one who makes us a we and us three a family.
Whatever road you are on right now – go, glide, step, slide, walk steady and confident. Adapt to the surface but keep your eyes straight forward. Be on it now and feel this very moment in time.
Night thoughts are creative, sometimes blurred but still strong enough to survive the night, they are anxious from time to time and vivid, oh yes how vivid they can be.
When everyone is asleep but me and the world outside silent for a few hours they appear.
These thoughts wake me up and they are annoying in the beginning because I need my sleep but in the end they are truly amazing.
The night is the only time when I am as calm as I can be and where thoughts can flow uninterrupted for a while, thinking something through without disturbances.
The best ideas I had appeared during those nights.
I worked hard, I still do, and sometimes I work even harder and when I think I will fall into my bed and sleep will come over me before my head even rests – then, exactly then, these wonderful thoughts will be there like a never-ending fountain.
Listen to the silence of the night and create a whole new mindset – these nights form your being.
I never was scared of the night setting in and being awake when everyone else is asleep is rest for my soul. Specially when days are busy and breaks rare these nights are needed – every one needs silence and when it’s quiet around me my soul has time to be loud, to finally express what needs to be express, to communicate with being heard.
I’m a strong believer of intuition – my brain may want to talk me back into sleep because the next day will be busy and I need rest, but my intuition tells me that I will feel much more relaxed if I dive into this sacred space of the darkness and listen, just listen and feel.
When do you truly feel connected, connected to yourself but also to this big whole universe? In an open space, be it under a gigantic dark sky with thousands of stars above you or be it surrounded by darkness and silence when all you can hear is your own heartbeat and breath.
Listen – listen – listen and feel the depth of your being!
You are so much more than the outer layer, so much more than the visible, dive into the invisible and embrace all that you are!