To my wonderful husband
When I married you almost 5 years ago I knew that we belong together and that our whole story was meant to be.
With our little son we were entering a new and so wonderful dimension of our relationship.
Parents – we are parents and wouldn’t change it for anything on this planet, not even in the entire universe.
So much love from such a tiny boy, the sweetest love we have ever felt.
It changed us and seeing you as a daddy makes me so so so happy.
I thought that you would be a great father but thinking and feeling it is so different to what you are.
You are his mountain to climb on, he giggles when he grabs your curls, he’s so still when your beard tickles his tiny chin, he loves to sit and eat lots of fruit with you, he’s saying babababa the whole day long and it starts to be more baba now with him knowing exactly who he means. You, his baba.
I admit that I am a bit jealous, there are no m’s yet so not a blink of mamamama but that’s fine.
He’s pushing us to limits we didn’t knew ourselves before but in the end we stand in front of him when he sleeps or plays or smiles and are so blessed and proud and full of love that he belongs to us and makes us a family.
Look what he did for you, our little artist.
(I’m better not mentioning the color everywhere else.)
He wants to write something special for you as well:
Klö cyber lgkö
Jntnl Ulkub hbbzjn
(I assume it means “I love you baba and let’s go to the playground later” )
It was just the beginning of my pregnancy when we drove to Italy.
These holidays were planned and I was even more excited to visit the places with our baby in my belly.
Couple time for almost three weeks without stress, without work, without daily routine, without plan.
Yes, without plan. What I like is that we spend our holidays according to our mood and indeed without a plan.
We want to sleep long, we do it, we want to visit a certain city, we drive there, we want to eat ice-cream for breakfast, yes, we do that. Perfect for a pregnant woman.
I was a bit worried as the way from Munich to the Grosseto region is quite a ride but with lots of breaks it was completely fine.
The interesting is that as soon as we are over the Brenner Pass it’s like a button that is pressed and we run in holiday mode. It’s like a magic line, before we are too close to home to feel the holidays already and after that line all is relaxed and sunny and the radio is already playing Italian music.
We’ve chosen to stay in an agriturismo quite close to the sea which is like an apartment on a rural farm. The year before we were more inside the country and my husband had an encounter with a very tiny scorpion and since then the first question before we even check for the price is: “Have you seen scorpions in your area?”.
Our choice was close to perfect! (I will add the address as a footnote for those interested)
We were expected by Marzia Lucchetti, the owner, and found a homemade cake on our kitchen table to welcome us made by her mother. A family run farm where you feel the warm-hearted atmosphere on the doorstep.
This was our base camp to start excursions in all directions. It would be our last Tuscany visit as a couple. The next time we would go to Italy it would be a family vacation where activities need to be more baby friendly.
First on the list – find a beach nearby which is not too full and has nice sand. That was easy as the region has indeed wonderful beaches.
Checking the area is something we love, we just start to drive and see where we end up. Going north felt familiar as we went there the year before and many places were close to our hearts already and a must for this year like San Vincenzo, San Gimignano, Piombino with the wonderful view to the island Elba and of course the bigger cities Siena and Florence.
Exploring the Maremma area was new and we found some hidden jewels for us there as well, Castiglione della Pescaia is one of our favorites, so small but such a wonderful atmosphere in the evening.
Grosseto itself is also nice, we liked it to sit on the market place in the evening when families gather there and children are playing, when will we be back with our child? Will he or she run crazily around like the other kids do, these thoughts were so new yet so full of love already.
These holidays would be the best before a new chapter in our life would start, I was sure about that and the fear that something could go wrong (again) subsided step by step.
I’m soooo tired and I read Dr Jay Gordon’s article a couple of times thinking about if that’s a way for us.
Tonight I tried it the very first time.
I cannot even tell you what time it is right now as we are laying in our family bed and the room is dark except of a hidden salt lamp in a corner which gives a tiny bit of light for us as orientation.
Rami went to bed with me as usual, we snuggled and then I breastfed him into sleep.
I have no idea how often I fed him since then as he turns around quite often to get soothed and I stopped counting.
Being tired and exhausted due to this lack of sleep seemed almost normal but tonight I gave it s first try and I’m so so so thankful for this advice.
When Rami turned towards me the felt 100th time tonight I started to rub his back instead of feeding him, talking to him, explaining him that it’s still nighttime and that we go back to sleep.
As expected he started to be angry not to say very very angry.
He didn’t expect me to that as he always got exactly what he wanted for the past 13 months and 2 days or better said nights.
I was prepared (by the article and by fellow moms who did it already) and he started to cry, heartbreaking tears on my babies / toddlers cheeks to dry.
I took him up, trying to rock him like we used to when he was younger but my little stubborn child got more angry.
He flipped and turned and cried, a really angry crying as if he wanted to shout at me “how dare you, mommy”.
I knew it wouldn’t be easy but his crying is really hurting me on the core of my soul.
I stay “hard” and hug him and rock him and soothe him and step by step he started to calm down.
Sobbing the way they do after a long cry but he calms down.
We lay down snuggled up, he lays in my arms and I tell him stories of what we did that day and that we go tomorrow to the playground again, that the sun is hopefully shining brightly when we wake up and that we watch out for dogs again like we used to. He will run after the doves again and we walk to the swing, all these things I tell him and he relaxes more and more, holding my hands while listening with wide open eyes to my voice.
His face looks calm now in the bare shadow of the light and I fall head over heels in love with this little boy again, like every day.
I can’t believe that we made it, the first time in the middle of the night where he is calm without breastfeeding and he looks at me as if he wants to say “it’s ok, mommy, I’m fine. Let’s sleep now as long as I am allowed to be close to you”.
He is allowed to be as close to me as he wants and while I sing to him he turns around in my arms having his nose close to mine, yawning and closing his eyes.
He sleeps and I could cry now.
He’s the purest kind of love I’ve ever met and I never thought that this “hard” way will bring us even closer than before.
Breastfeeding is the closest way of being together is what I thought but it’s not true anymore. He’s growing and our relationship is starting to go to another level.
I write it all down not to forget these precious first moments.
For sure we will continue to breastfeed and this was just the very first night of trying to get nights of sleep but during daytime he can drink lots of his milk as well as in the morning after he woke up and at night when we go and sleep.
This wonderful routine won’t stop for another couple of months I assume and that’s OK!
He deserves the best, my little love ❤️
(So far gone already and before I even introduce Rami, my son, to you I write about last night. This is where we are right now but surely you will read more stories how we got here soon!)
I’m not sure how many of you are still there as I abandoned my blog for quite a long time.
But for those who are still with me – Thanks Thanks Thanks!
And for those who decide to join in – you are very welcome!
I need to go over the published posts, I need to sort out, I need to shape and renew my blog but most of all I need to WRITE.
I indeed missed writing and as my life profoundly changed while this blog was laying on ice I’m happy if I find the time to.
As you can read in the title “Momlife” this is the profound change ❤️
Since April 2016 I am a mom and I couldn’t imagine something more wonderful than this state of being.
This little boy turned our world upside down and he’s so so so wonderful.
There are so many stories to tell – how was the pregnancy, my birth story, when do we sleep 😴, are we good parents, how is this little boy developing, how do I manage to work with a toddler, and and and.
Besides being a mom I still remain me and also here are challenges to write about.
Do I still stick to my Yoga practice, how is meditation working, can I remain the old me with a baby, the more I think about it all the more topics I have on my mind.
Let’s see how regular I will be able to write and publish.
I don’t set myself a goal (not yet at least) and let it happen.
If it’s only a short post once in a while then it is like that, if it’s more than that I’m happy.
Happy to be back and I hope to read comments from you soon.
What do you want to know, what should I write about, how do you manage kid and blog and husband and work and household and and and.