Posted on

Retreat

Retreat

A retreat is not only a fancy wellness vacation with a mindful theme like “open your heart”, “find your passion”, “release your inner child”, or whatever you may think of.

A retreat means literally “an act of moving back or withdrawing”.

Just now, I am on my personal, very own, retreat in our bathroom. There were too many tantrums to take in anymore, our parenting as a unity failed fully today and dinner was…let’s better forget it.

As a result I went away from both men, the big one who’s watching football as if nothing happened at all (except of a furious crazy wife, but this seems not of any concern) and the little one who’s watching kids tv (although the furious crazy mom told him that TV today will not be even a question after his behaviour… “but daddy will turn it on for me” – guess he had a point).

So here I am, sitting with my back against the heater – end of April – because I’m tired and freezing.

Scrolling through Instagram won’t help to feel better, neither does any other social media. What helps is to write it all down.

Get it out of my brain, release the tension, cry, let go, embrace this failure of today and accept that days like today are nothing to be ashamed of. Although I indeed was looking left and right earlier on the playground, when my son was the only one shrieking as if I cut off his arm, just because I asked him to stay out of the construction zone (clearly marked as such).

Retreat!

I retreat from being a mom and a wife, for a little while only of course. I retreat to survive this day.

I started into the day with an hour of Yoga, calm and breathing in and out like a champ. All this relaxation and serenity vanished, minute by minute, hour by hour, and left me exhausted on the bathroom floor.

Can you believe that this time spent alone, me and the heater, is a relieve? I am slowly back to the deep breathing, my mind focused and my body relaxes into the heat. A steam bath or sauna would be extraordinary, but for now the bathroom floor is doing a great job.

I still wear my yoga mala and touching the beads clears my mind.

I am fine!

I am myself!

I am allowed to feel all these feelings!

I am not a bad mom nor a bad wife!

I am human!

I am a woman!

I am who I am and all is fine.

My son will surely not learn his lesson today – he was behaving like a little devil and got the TV at the end of the day…

Of course this is not a shining moment in child’s education but it won’t influence his future irrevocable.

My husband won’t stop loving me because we disagreed almost the whole afternoon and evening. He thinks anyway that I’m not normal, so he got a little proof (this is what he thinks today has been, a proof for my insanity) and will not understand that he wasn’t a great support today. But there will be tomorrow morning, when he takes our son to the kindergarten. There will be millions of moments where he is the perfect dad and the perfect husband.

Just one nerve wrecking day will not destroy what we have, the family we are. It won’t harm the love we three have for one another because this love is stronger than anything!

But yes, it surely destroyed my mood and that’s not ok, but it happens. It happens everywhere and nobody is always happy, right?

Just now I am thinking what to do to get some food into my retreat hideaway. I know, as soon as I open the door my son will come to me. I am still mad and I still want my retreat, preferably with the rest of my salad wrap (which I left angry on the dinner table) or some dessert like a ton of ice cream.

A hot shower and cuddling up in front of TV would be a great end of my retreat, unfortunately only in my dreams.

It’s already late and I guess as the mom I have to chase my son to brush his teeth, change into his pjs and bring him to bed, right?

I just can hope that this will happen smoothly without another tantrum.

Cross your fingers please, if he is tired (what I would be after so many anger attacks) I may watch some TV, which means a few minutes, before I doze away fully dressed…

But in the end, all is fine!

Who can relate? Tell me in the comments that I am not the only crazy furious mom and wife, please!!!

Posted on

Week 10 of quarantine and night of destiny in Ramadan

Wow, we made it already to week 10 of this crazy corona quarantine and more than 3 weeks now additionally with a fasting husband at home.

If you ask me how I feel – a mixture of insanity, being tired, running out of ideas for our son, trying to move forward with my yoga teacher training, keeping the mood bearable, when will this be over???

As I know my husband since 2011 we are I guess one of the lucky couples who knew each other already well enough to “survive” a lock-down and a quarantine with no real end in sight (why has this virus to be so greedy – it’s enough little covid, time for you to disappear, please!).

As parents we were put into the situation to be…yeah, to be parents still, right? I need to admit that we are currently in the very fortunate situation to be at home, so no worry about how to get work done while having to take care of our son, this helps immensely and I remember my home office days with him around me too – if you are able to complete 50% of your tasks with your child at home then kudos (it’s like reaching level 200 in Super Mario I guess). I can’t say thanks often enough for platforms like pinterest to give us idea 196 for DIY projects with a 4 year old but also need to mention one book which gave us lots of inspiration and great times already.

Recommended so much (and no cooperation or link where I earn something) – I bought it just because I discovered Laura Brand on Instagram and her ideas are indeed magical!

I’m not lying – there are days where I want to hide under the blanket the whole day watching nonsense on Netflix uninterrupted because I cannot face this world anymore. But then a little hand reaches out to me and I know I cannot. These times are scary and uncertain but my fear is nothing to teach my son – his childhood lays on us and we are the ones to build memories for him. I want him to remember this as a very intense family time, a time we spent happily together, walking through the forest, discovering snails, searching for flat stones to draw on at home. This is our destiny, isn’t it? So we have to make the best out of it!

And writing about destiny – today is day 71 of our quarantine and tonight is the night of destiny in Ramadan. My husband told me last night and shame on me, he tells me each year the meaning but I often forget the whole story behind. As a short explanation:

Allah the Almighty states in the Holy Koran: “Surely, we sent it [the Koran] on the Night of Destiny. And what should make thee know what the Night of Destiny is? The Night of Destiny is better than a thousand months. Therein descend angels and the Spirit by the command of their Lord with their Lord’s decree concerning everything. Peace — so will it be even at the rising of the dawn.” (Surah al-Qadr, Ch 97: V 1-6)

So tonight will be the night of great blessings where god (Allah the Almighty) showers his mercy upon faithful believers. In the Koran it’s said the revelation of the Koran began on this very night. Especially in its last ten days there has been the a showering of blessings and mercy in the month of Ramadan.

If you want to read more in depths you can visit this site:

The Night of Destiny

When you know my blog you know that my husband is muslim whereas I am not – we live very well with these different beliefs but of course we discuss lots. But what we also do, and that’s I guess is the most important, we support each other in what we do. So when he is fasting during the month of Ramadan I adapt (not always to his mood 🙂 but to the schedule) and I like some of the rituals. We should spend a peaceful night tonight and there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe there are angles, a spirit, a higher force – I am not the one who judges that. Especially when you raise a child together you need to treat each other with full respect and that’s what we do.

As yogi I believe more in destiny in general – not linked to a certain religion. There surely are shifts and I very often use the sentence “it was meant to be” and that’s what I belive in. The choices we make are made for reasons and they guide us to where we should be. If it turned out to be a direction we don’t feel fine in then we take it as a lesson learned and move on.

This is also the way from my perspective to treat this quarantine. Of course I made plans in the beginning (10 weeks ago), we can do so many great things as a family together. And of course this didn’t work out. There were days where I was struggling so so much with anxiety and panic, there were days where our mood was only enough to stare at the TV in disbelief of what’s going on, there were days where we stayed in our PJs from dusk till dawn and that’s OK. If it already taught me one thing than to let go. Letting go of trying to be strong when I feel weak – both are vaild and both are essential in life. Only when you know how it feels to be weak you can be strong.

Tell me, how do you experience this quarantine? I’d love to hear stories from around the globe because one thing is for sure:

We are all in this together!

Stay safe and healty

Posted on

Do we expect too much (to be happy)?

Do we expect too much (to be happy)?

do we expect too much (to be happy)

There is no correct answer to this question! But there are many examples of where we indeed expect too much or have wrong expectations.

Life is not a fairy tale and even if many are dreaming of a big love story lots of them are disappointed in the end.

The question is why.

You meet the person you fall in love with and luckily this person falls in love with you as well.

What else can we wish for?

But there it starts – we start to expect.

The romance should stay a lifetime.

I want to be treated as a princess.

The butterflies should always be there.

That won’t happen!

Do you know that you are one of the luckiest persons on earth if you fall in love and you are loved back?

So many long for this experience and will never know how it feels like!

Why do we start to destroy this love by expecting it to be like this or like that?

Our love is unique as our fingerprint and once we feel our heart beating in the same rhythm as the heart of our loved one nothing will be like it was before.

This pure luck will change us forever!

Change – yes, we do change! But we don’t change to be part of a movie romance story with a happily ever after, where everything falls into place like we wish and smells like roses and candy.

We change as we start to balance between who we are, who we are as a couple, where we want to go (alone and as a couple). There are so many questions and some of them are asked while some are considered answered already because we love each other, don’t we?

Here the first wrong expectations start to set in.

I love but how strong is this love?

Am I able to go against anything if I would have to; to save it or not?

Do I know everything about my partner or do I guess?

Just because I want to spent the rest of my life with this person and have children doesn’t mean my partner wants the same. Or maybe he wants the same but not within the same time I wish for.

Guessing is feeding my wrong expectations.

Of course “we” want to marry – that’s what couples do. Can you answer for your partner? He may have no idea that you think this way and will never ask you because he’s happy just like it is.

Love is happening. That’s correct. So why don’t we take it like it is and instead put this precious love into a time-schedule? And what would be the time-schedule?

If you feel that the love you feel is not making me happy – that’s hard but that happens because of different expectations.

The hardest is to let go!

Once you have the strength to let go and acknowledge that this love is wonderful and all you wished for, but that it wasn’t meant to be for a lifetime; only then you are able to make peace with yourself and with the person who wasn’t fulfilling what you wished for.

It’s not the task of somebody else to fulfill your desires. You are responsible to live the life you want to live. So don’t make the mistake to attach your “happy” to a person. Instead be happy together with that person as long as it lasts!

Life is never black or white. We are so unique and have millions of different thoughts and wishes and hopes; there is no right or wrong when love sets in.

  • Be thankful!
  • Be thankful for this fast beating heart and the butterflies in your stomach.
  • Be thankful for the memories you have, for this warm feeling in your heart when you remember how love feels.
  • Be thankful for the time, for the emotions, for the heartache.
  • Be thankful for raw pure moments of total bliss.
  • Be thankful for a heart wide open, letting love flow as if there’s no tomorrow.
  • Also be thankful for the heartache, for the grief and tears when a love ended.

Only the one who loves deeply will understand what love is.

You know what love is and you are able to love, that’s a gift.

Every love has its uniqueness – if you loved once it doesn’t mean that you will experience the same again.

I can assure you that it won’t be the same. Not because I’m a love expert but because it can never be the same.

You are a different person and the person you love is either a different one or a different person like you due to experiences made before.

I’m not talking about a certain kind of love. Even if we distinguish between the love for a partner, the love for family, the love for a child or the love for friends – they all will never be the same.

Be even more thankful when you live with your love and tell them! Go ahead and tell them how happy you are to be around them, how love is surrounding you.

Happiness in first place is always something inside of you! It can take a million people who love you, they won’t make you happy if you are not able to accept this love in your life.

I wish you a life full of love, a heart warm and happy and with lots of memories and a stomach full of butterflies. But always remember, you are the first person you need to love truly before anyone else has a chance and don’t expect them to love you in a certain way. Take them as they are and be happy!

Posted on

Why being an egoist isn’t always bad

Nobody will tell you to take care of yourself!
Your life – your responsibility

Why being an egoist isn’t always bad

We are growing up learning to take care of one another and to share, which in general is great, but what nobody is telling us along the way is that we will face times where nobody will take care of you.

We should not act egoistic, being an egoist is bad – we are bad if we are an egoist. While I partly agree, because I’d love to see non-egoists everywhere, I partly disagree quite strong.

To put myself behind is something which is valuable in many ways, if I stand up for elder persons and offer them my seat for instance. I can start and collect many examples why it’s good to think about others. The main problem is that it will not work out 100% because nobody is perfect and social and caring like I would like them to be.

To be a caring person is wonderful as long as it’s not affecting my own sanity and here the egoist has to step in.

Only if I take care about myself, if I give myself enough time to rest, to recover, to grow, to meditate, to move, to think, to whatever makes you feel good – only then I have the strength to be there when others need me. Center yourself exactly where you are!

We are often truly exchangeable – which is not nice but sadly the reality.

If I just think about work-life, be it my own or everyone else’s, every single one of us can be exchanged within the blink of an eye. The world isn’t stopping just because I’m not there anymore. Even if many think that they are very important especially in their professional life, I can assure you, YOU ARE NOT!

A waitress is kicked out and the next is starting right away, of course that can work, you think if you are the vice president of a large traditional family business and nobody can replace you? From whom did you take over? There will always be someone coming after and that’s life, nothing is permanent.

Knowing this and knowing that I can only be the best version of myself if I take care of myself taught me to step back if I need to. I worked through many “just a small” colds instead of going on sick leave and recover properly before being back at work. NOBODY will say thanks for that and that’s good because only then you learn what’s important.

No work is more important than my health. Only if I’m healthy I can work.

So here we are – if I answer the phone with a croaky voice being obviously not healthy not many will ask you to go to the doctor and stay in bed. Many will ask you with the pity in their voices if you don’t feel fine but will switch in the next second to tasks that need to be done.

Be an egoist and RECOVER properly, long-term this is the only possibility to stay healthy and maybe to reach the change you want to see in this society.

What about invisible problems? A croaky voice, ok, but if you have mental illnesses it’s not even visible. You will tell me now that you are happy about that fact but that’s wrong.

I would love to invent something like a face turning pink-striped when having mental health issues not to put the spotlight on that person but to raise awareness of how many people are affected. This taboo needs to be broken and people should be treated properly as if they have a broken leg. It may take longer, yes, but it’s as important as any other illness to be cured!

I seriously don’t want to stamp persons as sick but I am sure that many are not asking for help or are going to get help themselves because this stamp “crazy” is still so active in our society. If you are not visibly ill then what? You have a day where you don’t feel fine, that’s normal. If it’s more than one day, then pull yourself together, it’s easy like that, isn’t it?

No, it isn’t and everyone who thinks it is has luckily never experienced mental health issues!

So please, don’t be shy, don’t be ashamed, don’t feel ‘not normal’ or crazy – there is help out there and please reach for it!

There is slowly a re-thinking on it’s way in our society but it needs people to go out and to show their pink-striped faces, people to say “Yes, I have problems”, people to assure that it is nothing to be afraid of! I promise you, if we really would put stripes in our faces the ones without would even be in the minority.

To reach a change we need to start.

Be the change you want to see…

Be an egoist and take care of yourself!!!

(Because nothing is permanent 🙂 )

Posted on

Every year we start again…

Every year we start again…

…and write down new year’s resolutions, we think what we could do better than last year, what we could change, what was good and what wasn’t a masterpiece at all.

And every year I am wondering why we are doing it…

I never set new years resolutions for myself – the typical ones are to eat less sweets, stop smoking, loosing weight, etc. and I have seen to often that all those weren’t met anyway.

Are we too weak or do people just set the wrong goals? I believe it’s the later.

When I want to reach a goal it doesn’t matter if I write it down on 31st Dec or on any other day. If I want it desperately then I will work on it.

If I don’t want it desperately, then no date will help me to reach it and that’s why so many great resolutions never become real.

Why don’t we change this habit to reflect each day on where we are and what we want. This is a routine with more depth than a once-per-year kind of deep thought. I take a certain time just for myself and reflect the past 24 hours.

  • Am I happy?
  • What was good today?
  • What was not so could and how can I change it?
  • What’s my plan for the next days?
  • Do I need something that can help me?
  • Am I treating myself with love?

There are so many questions I can ask myself at the end of the day or in the morning of a new day – these are just a few examples.

Life is complicated enough so we should not start to make it more complicated with setting goals we are not able to reach, this is just frustrating and will bring us down. What we need are things that lift us up, goals which are realistic, people who support us, dreams to catch…

I miss my Yoga and instead of writing down that I want to take 15 min. per day to do some Yoga I stand up and do some sun salutations right here and right now. I can write in my journal “8 sun salutations” and that feels good!

Yesterday I wrote on Instagram the following: Be simply happy is often the most complicated

This sentence has so much to say and but is also so simple to follow. It’s saying nothing more than be simple and live now! We tend to over-do, over-plan, over-think, over-write, over-talk instead of doing what we want to do.

I am one of them, I’m maybe the best worst example for that because I over-think literally EVERYTHING. I try to reach a perfection instead of just taking the moment and that all with knowing very well that nothing is perfect and that imperfection is even more interesting than something that seems to be perfect. I struggle as we all struggle and that’s why it is even more important to remind me and all that we are not here to be perfect.

We should be happy, we should love and smile and enjoy and treat us well.

At the end of our life nobody will remember the perfect house, the neat clothes, the combed hair, the clean windows or the success at work. At the end all that counts are all those imperfect happy moments we spent.

Instead of running after imaginary goals start and live now!

Stand up wherever you are right now, look up, breathe, reach your arms up high and embrace all the beauty around you. This life is wonderful if we let it be…

<3

Posted on

The most wonderful time…

The most wonderful time…

… of the year is when?

I am a summer person so I should say summer, shouldn’t I?

But there are days in winter I like as well so here I already have a tiny problem to define my most wonderful time.

And if I think further I gave birth to my son in spring, so this time would be supposed to be mine.

Our wedding in August, we are going on summer vacation in August as well, August has long warm summer evenings and we wake up because the bright summer sun is lighting up the bedroom.

What about the golden September days, the end of the summer where we enjoy the still warm sunshine.

In October the first real autumn days are approaching us. Leaves are falling and make funny sounds when we walk through the park.

In November I’ve been born, winter is slowly showing us its face. Nights are starting to be colder and the air in the morning already smells snowy.

In December we like the snowflakes dancing through the cold air, the kitchen is warm and we start to bake Christmas cookies and look forward to spend the Christmas days with family and friends.

In January a new year just begun. We feel as if we have a million possibilities of things we can do throughout that year, we plan, we hope, we look forward to what it has in store for us.

In February my parents have their birthdays and a snowy Phase often starts before we will see the first signs of spring. We settle slowly into the still new year and wait for the warmth to return.

In March the spring feeling hits us, we drink coffee again outside, still in warm jackets but the outside season starts after we were inside for a long cold winter.

In April some days can we really warm already. Our son was born and lights up our life each second since. My sister and best friend are also having their birthdays in April.

In May everything blooms, this time of the year is so wonderful, I start to hear people outside in the evenings and this “life” in the city raises my mood. Almost everyone seems to smile because the dark days are over for a good while.

June is always my busy month to plan our summer vacation. I know there are early booking advantages but somehow I am the last (very last) minute person. However, we spent great summer holidays so far so it doesn’t seem to be too bad.

July is packed with sunshine. We try to spend as much time outside as possible and enjoy this summer atmosphere in the city.

Vacation time starts mid August and ends always with my husbands birthday followed by our wedding anniversary ❤️

So now, how should I decide which time of the year I like most?

If I would ask my son he would answer NOW, simply because he does not have this time feeling yet. If he wants something he wants it directly, not in 5 minutes and surely not tomorrow or next month or even year.

He lives NOW and this is one of the biggest lessons he teaches me day in and day out.

Now is the best time of the year, now is the best time of our life, now is all that matters.

Everything I do now will influence my tomorrow so if I complain the whole day long I may think the next day that I wasted a whole day for nothing, which will make me mad again – this is a vicious circle, it draws me into a life of complaining.

But if I cherish what I have and start to make the best out of even the darkest moments, then I wake up the next day and I will be grateful for what I have.

Be here now and love your life the way you want to – we only have this one!

Much love to you, you are in the most wonderful time of the year now, tomorrow and every day after!

Posted on

Night thoughts

Night thoughts

Night thoughts

Night thoughts are creative, sometimes blurred but still strong enough to survive the night, they are anxious from time to time and vivid, oh yes how vivid they can be.

When everyone is asleep but me and the world outside silent for a few hours they appear.

These thoughts wake me up and they are annoying in the beginning because I need my sleep but in the end they are truly amazing.

The night is the only time when I am as calm as I can be and where thoughts can flow uninterrupted for a while, thinking something through without disturbances.

The best ideas I had appeared during those nights.

I worked hard, I still do, and sometimes I work even harder and when I think I will fall into my bed and sleep will come over me before my head even rests – then, exactly then, these wonderful thoughts will be there like a never-ending fountain.

Listen to the silence of the night and create a whole new mindset – these nights form your being.

I never was scared of the night setting in and being awake when everyone else is asleep is rest for my soul. Specially when days are busy and breaks rare these nights are needed – every one needs silence and when it’s quiet around me my soul has time to be loud, to finally express what needs to be express, to communicate with being heard.

I’m a strong believer of intuition – my brain may want to talk me back into sleep because the next day will be busy and I need rest, but my intuition tells me that I will feel much more relaxed if I dive into this sacred space of the darkness and listen, just listen and feel.

When do you truly feel connected, connected to yourself but also to this big whole universe? In an open space, be it under a gigantic dark sky with thousands of stars above you or be it surrounded by darkness and silence when all you can hear is your own heartbeat and breath.

Listen – listen – listen and feel the depth of your being!

You are so much more than the outer layer, so much more than the visible, dive into the invisible and embrace all that you are!

Namaste <3

 

 

Posted on

The Magic of being a Mother

The Magic of being a Mother

The Magic of being a Mother (1)

Yesterday was mother’s day, the day where mothers are cherished a bit more than normal.

Shouldn’t we be celebrated daily? I mean, honestly, aren’t we doing extraordinary jobs day in and day out?

Yes, we do and we know deep down in our heart. And you know what? All the people around us know this as well, they just don’t tell us daily.

There’s lots of sparkle and magic around us, we are just often too blind to see it. If we could once see ourselves through the eyes of our children we would know.

If I feel exhausted, tired and crappy I doubt that I would smile to my own face in the mirror BUT my son is looking at me and smiles, he’s kissing me and hugs me in the morning with a look on his face as if there’s nothing better than having morning snuggles in bed with me.

He doesn’t care if my hair isn’t sorted or if I have an imprint of the pillow on my cheek – he sees his mom, his shelter, his world, his universe – he see’s me with a childish purity and this purity is what we lost along the way while growing up.

For him I sparkle even on my worst days. For him I am surrounded by magic day in and day out (he is Crafted by Magic). I can blow away the pain if he got hurt, I can give hugs which save him from bad dreams, I can do so many things he sees as magic and I want to keep him in his little bubble of pure happiness for as long as I can.

We went out of the city yesterday and while being at a lake it started to rain heavily but instead of leaving we ate crepes and watched the rain.

We are the ones who show how life is, if I run and hide each time I see a raindrop my child will do it too. Why don’t we follow our children once in a while and jump into puddles simply because it is so much fun?

There was a thunderstorm in the evening when we were back home and we stood in the darkness on the window and were waiting excited for the lightning, counting the seconds until the thunder was following. These are the magic moments of motherhood, stillness, awe, magic, thunder and lightning, life in its purest form, scared hugs to realize after a while that mom isn’t scared so I can let go as well and enjoy the sound of the rolling thunder.

You see – my mother’s day wasn’t all sunny and pink and flower-ish BUT it doesn’t have to be to be a wonderful day. What makes my mother’s day perfect and any other day as well is the wonderful child I am allowed to raise and my husband who shows me maybe not daily how wonderful I am but who sees with his heart and that’s the magic we all need in our life!

Happy Mother's Day

This heart

Posted on

What nobody tells you about being a mom

What nobody tells you about being a mom

What nobody tells you

It is the most wonderful thing on earth to become a mom, I sign this sentence every second of my life because it is the ultimate truth!

But, and this but isn’t diminishing the overall happiness, there are times where you ask yourself how to move on. You will, so don’t worry, the question for me is always where the strength is coming from and I haven’t found an answer yet.

What nobody tells you is that you indeed will never sleep like before. Even if you are one of the lucky moms with sleep-through babies or toddlers, the sleep isn’t the same. If the neighbor 2 miles down the road opens a water bottle you will hear it. You are in an alerted state the whole night long, which indeed is great to protect your child. Whenever it breathes somehow strange for your ears you are wide awake.

I enjoyed the luxury of a full year staying at home with my baby and you think that will be like a long vacation – forget that.

Diaper changes are very frequent in the beginning and I mean frequent, as is the feeding routine. There were days where I was breastfeeding 24/7 (at least it felt like it). Spending 2 minutes on your own in the bathroom were the vacation.

Sports, your new hobby will be “running in circles” as this is what happens with a baby. Once you think all is done it will start all over again.

I love to read BOOKS and I always was in denial of getting a kindle or something similar because books need to be out of paper, live, smell. Did you ever try to read a book when the baby sleeps next to you? The light is too much, turning a page sounds as if you are reconstructing the bedroom while your baby should sleep, I’m so glad that I gave in and bought a kindle, otherwise I wouldn’t have read a page in a year.

Now that my baby is a walking toddler he discovers how to make fun of mommy and he’s doing things on purpose. Especially things he shouldn’t do at all. It’s driving you insane when you run after him for the same thing over and over again but the smile on his face because he has so much fun is worth all of it.

I loved every second when he was a baby and every time has its own enchantment.

Now with 14 months he comes on his own to give kisses and to snuggle and there’s nothing more lovely than tiny arms wrapped around your neck – this unconditional love you give from the second your child is born and even before is coming back to you. There is someone who loves you in the purest form of love and who trusts without boundaries.

reaching out for mommy

Were there sleepless night, was their food on the floor, were there diapers everywhere as he found out how to open the diaper box, was there a phone in the toilet, were your keys in the trash bin? EVERYTHING is forgotten at those moments and you are again 100% sure that having a child is the one thing in life which you will always be most proud of and which was the best decision you’ve ever made.

The most important in my life is my son and his well-being – blessed with a wonderful childhood myself I’m trying my best to give him exactly this, a carefree time, building memories, trust, love, understanding, time, time to grow and to discover the world in his own speed, time to spend with his parents, a family, the feeling of being loved and wanted because that’s the truth.

It’s a whole new dimension in life when you become a parent – I thought I had a rough idea on how it would be but I was innocent, only when you are a parent you will be able to partly understand what it’s all about and even then you will doubt if you are doing all right and if you are a good parent.

Believe me, you are!

Our children know more than we do and these little souls know that we are giving all we can to make their life wonderful.

What do you love most about being a mom?

childhood is wonderful

 

Posted on

Happy Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day

To my wonderful husband ❤️
When I married you almost 5 years ago I knew that we belong together and that our whole story was meant to be.
With our little son we were entering a new and so wonderful dimension of our relationship.
Parents – we are parents and wouldn’t change it for anything on this planet, not even in the entire universe.
So much love from such a tiny boy, the sweetest love we have ever felt.
It changed us and seeing you as a daddy makes me so so so happy.
I thought that you would be a great father but thinking and feeling it is so different to what you are.
You are his mountain to climb on, he giggles when he grabs your curls, he’s so still when your beard tickles his tiny chin, he loves to sit and eat lots of fruit with you, he’s saying babababa the whole day long and it starts to be more baba now with him knowing exactly who he means. You, his baba.
I admit that I am a bit jealous, there are no m’s yet so not a blink of mamamama but that’s fine.
He’s pushing us to limits we didn’t knew ourselves before but in the end we stand in front of him when he sleeps or plays or smiles and are so blessed and proud and full of love that he belongs to us and makes us a family.
Look what he did for you, our little artist.
(I’m better not mentioning the color everywhere else.)

Father's Day

He wants to write something special for you as well:
Gxchglhdrgvc
Klö cyber lgkö
Yctikvullk
Jntnl Ulkub hbbzjn

(I assume it means “I love you baba and let’s go to the playground later” 😜)

Posted on

Yoga isn’t my religion

Yoga isn't my religion

Yoga isn’t my religion

This topic came up a few times since I started to practice Yoga and now I want to tell you that I can be a Yogi without being a Hinduist or a Buddhist!

Not everyone who is running into a Yoga Studio or carries a Yoga mat with him or her has suddenly a religion.

It’s not like “Buy one mat and get a religion for free”.

It is a fact that yoga works with each and every religion.

I am married to a Muslim and therefore I am in a couple of Facebook groups out of curiosity to read how other non Muslim women go along with their Muslim husbands.

What I realized quite quick is that many converted or reverted and are even more strict than a born muslim is.

We had the Yoga topic and I was bombarded with statements like “The wife of a muslim shoulnd’t do this!” as if I would instantly worship a “forbidden” religion.

Here’s my answer:

First of all, yes, my husband is a Muslim, but that doesn’t make me one automatically – like the buy one yoga mat it’s not “marry a Muslim and get his religion for free”. I’m still capable of choosing my own faith!

The second point is that I have never seen Yoga as a religion, why would I?

Many are discussing if you can practice Yoga and still hold your faith.

Why not?

The history of Yoga started around 5000 years ago and was connected to the Vedras which play a role in the roots of Hinduism.

What you can see nowadays, as they share the same language, is that some chanting refets to hindu gods.

Ok, but not every yogi is sitting in a class and is chanting in hindu (many are not even speaking nor understanding hindu so why would they do it?). There are many many people out there practicing yoga regularly whithout having chanted even once! I’m one of them.

I use mantras from time to time – uhuuhhh, what’s that?

A mantra is nothing else than any repeated word or phrase – in meditation you can use it for yourself to manifest certain things for your own life like for instance “Let go of …” or “Trust yourself and love yourself” – whatever is important for you rat that moment. Mantra comes from the Sanskrit word ‘meaning’.

The Yoga language is simply Sanskrit, the same way Christianity is in Latin but Latin itself is not a religion, Islam in Arabic but Arabic itself is not a religion and Judaism is in Hebrew but Hebrew itself is not a religion.

Yoga was even rejected by Hinduism because yoga would not insist that god exists. It didn’t say there was no god but just wouldn’t insist there was.

For me this is another proof that Yoga is not a religion and should not affiliate with any religion.

There’s not one religious creed to be found.

You don’t have to follow certain rituals, such as baptism or confirmation. You don’t have obligations like in several other religions, such as visiting the church or mosque for prayer, fasting, celebrating feasts or receiving sacraments.

What is it then if not a religion? Is it sports, fitness, a hobby?

No, yoga was formed as a way to sit for hours, days, months, maybe longer in a meditative state, as a spiritual practice.

It is a spiritual way of living.

It is a way that teaches you mindfulness, how to take care of your mind, body and soul and how to be a good person.

What about the yogis that eventually would like to reach the state of enlightenment?

This enlightenment will not turn them into a god or a worshiper of god!

It means that they are able to experience a state of inner peace, bliss, some are saying they’ve seen their inner light, they connected to their deepest inner self. But that’s indeed all – no religious sign.

It’s a journey to our inner self.

If I step on my mat I feel calm, I connect with myself and listen to my body, mind and soul.

I breate consciously and fade out the stress of the daily life.

It’s my time to unwind and relax while going in and out of different yoga poses that strengthen my body.

I listen to myself or am still and take the stillness as a recreation for my mind.

The time while I’m doing Yoga is simply the time where I am able to honor all I am and the people around me.

I feel blessed because in times of stillness you are able to connect to what really matters.

If it’s not my religion, why do I post Buddha quotes on my social networks from time to time?

Because I am in charge of who I am and what I like or dislike.

I love Buddha quotes but that doesn’t mean I am a Buddhist, I love quotes from ancient philosophers as well – there is lots of wisdom to be found in many directions and I don’t decide if I like it based on which religion the authors belonged to.

I choose what I like based on the words I read.

One last question was why I can say Namaste without being connected to Hinduism?

Do you have any idea what Namaste means?

My soul honors your soul.

I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides.

I honor the light, love, truth, beauty & peace within you, because it is also within me.

In sharing these things we are united, we are the same, we are one.

Said that I give you now my personal explanation; I’m open-minded and one rule for my life is to respect and tolerate every living being on this earth.

I would dare to say that I am a better person than someone else because it’s not my right to put myself in a higher position.

I appreciate my life how it is and therefore also honor or thank others because people teach people lessons.

I wouldn’t be where I am without all those people on this earth.

Sending love & light.

Namaste ॐ

Posted on

Momlife

IMG_0059

Hello my dears,

I’m not sure how many of you are still there as I abandoned my blog for quite a long time.
But for those who are still with me – Thanks Thanks Thanks!
And for those who decide to join in – you are very welcome!

I need to go over the published posts, I need to sort out, I need to shape and renew my blog but most of all I need to WRITE.

I indeed missed writing and as my life profoundly changed while this blog was laying on ice I’m happy if I find the time to.

As you can read in the title “Momlife” this is the profound change ❤️
Since April 2016 I am a mom and I couldn’t imagine something more wonderful than this state of being.
This little boy turned our world upside down and he’s so so so wonderful.
There are so many stories to tell – how was the pregnancy, my birth story, when do we sleep 😴, are we good parents, how is this little boy developing, how do I manage to work with a toddler, and and and.
Besides being a mom I still remain me and also here are challenges to write about.
Do I still stick to my Yoga practice, how is meditation working, can I remain the old me with a baby, the more I think about it all the more topics I have on my mind.

Let’s see how regular I will be able to write and publish.
I don’t set myself a goal (not yet at least) and let it happen.
If it’s only a short post once in a while then it is like that, if it’s more than that I’m happy.

Happy to be back and I hope to read comments from you soon.
What do you want to know, what should I write about, how do you manage kid and blog and husband and work and household and and and.

Take care 🕉

Posted on

Our summer wedding in the garden – part VII and last

Our summer wedding in the garden

Our summer wedding in the garden – part VII and last

And then there was only one thing left – a good sit-down in a garden lighted up with several fire places to let dinner settle and enjoy the slightly cooler temperature. Music for those who would like to dance and blankets for those who weren’t heated up the we were.
We didn’t had a couples first dance as my husband isn’t a dancer and my whole family isn’t as well. So even more a highlight of the evening as my dad started to dance with me. A father daughter dance, I think he didn’t even dance when he married mom so it was another very precious moment for me.
The atmosphere of the garden was awesome and at midnight we had the wedding soup to warm up from the inside although it wasn’t ended at least not for me. I was thinking before what to wear in the night as my dress had a cut out back but I wasn’t freezing at all.
We were enjoying our day to the fullest and even after all guests left we were still listening to the music, sitting outside for a while with mom and dad and my sister until around 3 am.
What should I say?
Our wedding was exactly how we wished it would be and it will always stay as this in our memories. A perfect & wonderful long summer wedding day!

20131020-154225.jpg

20131020-154258.jpg

20131020-154307.jpg

20131020-154327.jpg

20131020-154237.jpg

Posted on

Our summer wedding in the garden – part VI

Our-summer-wedding-in-the-garden

Our summer wedding in the garden – part VI

Next on the list was cutting the wedding cake. Our imperfect Pisa wedding cake, as this cake decided over night to drop to one side. My sister and me were doing it the day before and the plan was to give it the final finish the next day but when I opened the fridge in the morning I saw an uneven cake. We fixed it a bit an then decided not to add more as it may fall completely to one side. Nevertheless, the cutting worked without ruining it and it tasted wonderful.
Everybody was now completely relaxed after the ceremony. There was music playing in the garden and plenty of people were enjoying chatting and eating and enjoying the day. We took the opportunity to walk around and talk to everyone, sit down here and there and capture every moment while always looking out for each other and smile happily. We weren’t able to take our eyes off each other. After a while friends of my sister arrived to prepare the summer barbecue we planned as dinner. They were more than professional as almost invisible and did a great job.
We’ve got lots of wonderful feedback for the variety of the dinner and especially for the quality and taste which is also a thanks to our barbecue masters. We prepared everything the other day but only if you know how to prepare it on the fire it will end up perfect.
Our dessert was a big buffet of fresh fruits with a double chocolate fountain on top and it seems as if what one of the highlights for many. They were gathering around it as if there’s no tomorrow.

imageimage

Posted on

Our summer wedding in the garden – part V

Our-summer-wedding-in-the-garden

Our summer wedding in the garden – part V

My best friend came and told me embarrassed that she forgot to hand out the happy tears handkerchiefs but that she gave them now to all guests and that was exactly the right thing.

There were no tears during the ceremony but after we arrived we started again music – Van Morrison with these are the days – and I started my bridal speech.

Standing next to my husband in front of all of my family and friends I felt exited, emotional, happy – all at once. I had so much on my notes but ended up talking freely instead of reading what I wrote down. Welcoming all was the easiest part but when I started to talk to my parents and about his parents it was the moment when tears started to run and handkerchiefs were needed. My sister came quickly to give me a handkerchief as well and after all was said we’ve got applause from all.

My husband told me later that evening that it was one of the most appreciated things I did that day and that he never expected me to mention his parents as well as I unfortunately never met them.

But I knew how important they are for him and they are as well for me as they are the reason for him being alive and being now my husband.

20131017-132547.jpg

20131018-123007.jpg

Posted on

Our summer wedding in the garden – part IV

Our-summer-wedding-in-the-garden
Our summer wedding in the garden – part IV
 
The reception started and everyone was hugging and congratulating while saying cheers to the couple, handing over gifts and flowers. I just felt like the happiest person on earth at that moment.
 
We had all our loved ones around us and the moment was perfect.
 
As this villa were we married has big stairs into a garden, we told the photographer upfront that we would like to have a picture of the whole wedding party exactly there on the stairs with my little cousin as flower girl in front of us.
She was proud to have these important tasks – she was also responsible to bring us the wedding rings during the ceremony. So cute!
 
Time to throw the bouquet.
I started to pick up all the single women and went up the staircase. They were gathering behind me and after I threw it I glimpsed while turning around that my best friend was almost jumping like a basketball player to get the bouquet.
 
After the reception all guests started to drive or walk to our garden and we stayed with the photographer and went straight out into the beautiful summer afternoon for some sun-kissed, romantic bride and groom photos.
 
The plan was that we arrive in our garden when all guests were sitting and had coffee or tea in front of them so that I can start my bridal speech before we cut the cake and open the cake buffet.
 
What I wasn’t aware of and I think my husband although hadn’t planned it like that is that he asked me after we parked the car if I want to walk up the street towards our house. I was wondering what he meant, why shouldn’t I be able to walk these 100 meters?
All of a sudden he grabbed me and started to carry me towards the garden.
Unfortunately no one was aware that he will do that so only a few saw our arrival and we don’t have pictures of him carrying his wife.
But the surprise was so lovely that I will never forget it.
 
 
Posted on

Our summer wedding in the garden – part III

Our-summer-wedding-in-the-garden
Our summer wedding in the garden – part III
 
Mom and my best friend left 5 min earlier than me and dad so that we were really the last ones to arrive at the ceremony.
 
My best friend was carrying our happy tears handkerchiefs as she was intended to give them to the guests. 
 
I, the bride herself, was driving as I have a company car and dad is not allowed to drive it without permission from the company so I decided a modern bride can drive herself. It was much stress and all of a sudden this stress was gone when I stepped out of the car and was walking at dad’s side towards the ceremony.
Our photographer was waiting for the first shots of the arriving bride and two of my best friends were waiting in front of the old villa to wish me good luck.
 
When the music started the door opened and I wasn’t able to stop smiling.
 
There he was – standing, waiting for me, my love, kissing me slightly when he took my hand.
He was desperate for me to arrive as he was standing there alone in front of all our guests which were mostly my family and friends.
I chose “I’m ready” from Bryan Adams for my arrival as it was exactly how I felt. Glad to be together we sat down and started to listen to all the officer told us. Our translator explained everything to my husband and his uncle and finally we had to answer the question we were waiting for. Yes, I do! Yes, I do!
Then we were announced husband and wife.
Woohoo – officially, legally married, husband and wife, Mr. and Mrs. K.
I never imagined how it may feel and can just say, it was wonderful!
My little cousin brought the wedding rings and it wasn’t that easy for my husband to get it on my finger. This ring is really sitting tight and I love it!
After changing the wedding rings, signing up the document with our witnesses and the congratulations of the officer the music started again and we walked out of the room into a sunbathed park full of flowers and singing birds. “You’ll never walk alone” from Mathou as leaving the ceremony song.
 
 
 
Posted on

Our Summer Wedding in the Garden – Part II

Our-summer-wedding-in-the-garden
Our Summer Wedding in the Garden – Part II
 Our Summer Wedding in the Garden Part II
I drove to the hairdresser during lunchtime.
 
My husband-to-be was happy to have this time for himself to get ready without me bothering him with questions “think about…have you…what if…”.
 
When I came back home he welcomed me fully dressed and he looked amazing!
 
From that time on he wasn’t allowed to go upstairs anymore where I intended to get ready but he enjoyed the fully decorated garden already while having coffee with his uncle.
While I was running in circles in jeans and t-shirt and my done wedding hair to fix the last details he left as he was supposed to leave half an hour before me.
 
My intention was to have 30-40 minutes for myself before I had to leave just to have a quick shower, get the last finish on my makeup, step freshly into my dress and put on the earrings, the new bracelet, etc.
Plans are there to be ruined, aren’t they?
 
Honestly, I ended up with roughly 15 min. During these 15 min. Dad was reminding me every felt 5 seconds that we have to go, that I need to hurry, that he’s ready downstairs and just waiting for me to come down.
I think he was even more exited than me as he would lead me down the aisle where my husband would wait. And another point that I’m his eldest daughter and the first who married.
I’m glad that I always was a perfectionist although it’s not one of my best habits but on the wedding day it was helping. I already had make up on so it was quickly pimped and the evening before the wedding I had a long bath so a quick shower was really enough to feel still bridal.
 
Posted on

Our Summer Wedding in the Garden – Part I

Our-summer-wedding-in-the-garden
Our Summer Wedding in the Garden – Part I
 
There are those long, hot Summer days that just seem to go on for ever and that usually end in an evening of sitting outside, drinking, chatting and laughing.
 
Our wedding in the garden of my parents was exactly one of these days.
 
The most perfect weather for a wedding you could imagine and a perfect location in which to enjoy it.
From start to end it was a wonderful, sunny, happy day and we so enjoyed it.
 
On the morning of the wedding we still had lots to prepare although we did a good job the days before.
But as always, there are many small things which need time and I loved to see how everyone was helping us along to make it happen in time and for us to have an amazing wedding.
We can’t say Thanks often enough for that.
 
My husbands uncle and aunt arrived shortly before I had to leave for the hairdresser and gave me the first touching moment of the day.
I never had the opportunity to meet my parents in law because they died years before we met.
One touching story is that my father in law gave a watch to my husband to wear it on his wedding day, I liked this story already and reminded him not to forget to wear this special watch.
His uncle, the brother of his mum, and his wife came to me with a small present. She explained me that this is something she received from my mum in law when she married her brother and she thought it to be perfect for me now.
A silver bracelet which is the most perfect gift for me.
It has even the style I like so much and fits as if it’s meant to be.
 
That was honestly the best and most precious gift I received that day!
image