Posted on

Don’t let Doubt be your Friend!

Don’t let Doubt be your Friend!

One of the lessons learned and believe me, this wasn’t an easy one.

It is natural I guess – throughout or life we are doubting… if we are on the right path, doing the right thing, meeting the right people … this is needed as check or ourselves. We build up confidence like that as well.

Doubt becomes a problem when we doubt more than being sure we did something right.

When I write don’t let doubt be your friend I don’t mean it should be your enemy, you will need it, until the end of your life, like a person you meet once in a while but not regularly. Like this person you know your whole life which tells you after a couple of years that you look great, that you changed your style and it suits you, that you were always adored for your skills in whatever, you get what I mean I hope. This person can also tell you that the old car was better than the new you have chosen, but in the end you are driving that car and you need to be feeling good in it.

What are you doing with the car for instance? You may reconsider changing it back because this person had some proper arguments, or you stop thinking about it because it was well thought over in first place?

Doubt is ALWAYS just an adjuster or a confirmer, it is rarely a complete changer but more a lesson learned.

But what if you think you are doing the right thing and all of a sudden Mr. Doubt shows up regularly? He considers himself your new friend and crawls into your life. He is telling you his opinion whenever he can and it’s always the opposite of what you were considering to be right. He starts to drain your energy because it is not easy to be criticized for every step you make. And it’s wrong!

Many may have this colleague who’s acting like that, or even a boss.

Believe me, a good colleague or a well-trained manager would NEVER make you doubt everything. they would make you aware if something isn’t going to the right direction and offer advise, training or help to fix it.

I doubted – too much, so much that I fell exhausted into my bed in the evening because I felt NOT ENOUGH. From the depth of my heart I knew that I did the right thing(s). I even knew it because I got feedback from many others but that one stupid Mr. Doubt was so present and so nagging with his comments that I started to doubt – more and more.

He stepped into my life as if he was an old friend but that’s not true. I knew him and I met him once in a while but I never considered him to be one of my close friends. The opposite, I was always happy when he disappeared and his permanent presence made me feel not good at all, not sufficient and not enough.

I had to learn this and especially I had to learn to tell him STOP!

Stop for the sake of my health – mentally and physically. Once this step was done it felt better because I gained my worth back. My knowledge that has been built up over the years could not be completely wrong as Mr. Doubt tried to make me believe. I was able again to hold my head up high and face him and tell him that he will not succeed in breaking me, because this is what he wanted as my “friend”.

Doubt is like a toxic person

We all know them and we all know that we should keep them very distanced as they otherwise would start to influence our life (and not in a good way).

Almost a year later I am sitting here typing, my stomach still hurts and seems twisted from time to time which is a reminder of what I went through. I’m not complaining because in the end I know who I am and what I am worth! In the end Mr. Doubt and his companions are the poor ones. They will never be happy in their life because as long as you are constantly criticizing others you ignore your own problems which probably are more intense than I can imagine them to be.

We are all human beings, we are all not perfect and that is perfectly fine!

We are supposed to make mistakes to learn and grow. We are exactly where we should be and if someone makes you start to doubt be careful. We can support, we can share experiences, we can give a helping hand, but if we start to put ourselves higher and make others doubting their worth we are the problem, not the other persons!

The struggle to accept and realize that not everyone is my friend even though they pretend to be was long and intense and I don’t want to go through it once again. But truly, I am more mindful and focused than ever before. I’m thankful to know that not I was the problem but others.

If you read my blog before you have an idea of how I think and in this case I could be mad, I could start to hate persons who tried to harm me but that’s not me.

Karma will catch them sooner or later!

I don’t want to poison my thoughts with hatred, I don’t want to invite negativity to my life and I don’t want to hate. To focus on what’s positive in all this is much more rewarding and makes me happier than giving attention to the bad. It doesn’t mean that I ignore, no, I acknowledge, analyse, take my lesson out and then put it aside as it no longer serves me.

I truly hope that whenever you doubt you don’t let these thoughts taking over the reigns – they won’t guide you in a good way. Doubt is not supposed to be permanently present but occasionally only.

Always tell yourself that you are doing the best you can at that time in your life and you are learning along the way. At every second you are where you are supposed to be as the best version of you.

You are worth to kick Mr. Doubt out if he starts to approach you more than you can take. It’s your life!

Stay strong and never doubt the wholeness of your being!

Posted on

A whole new year…

A whole new year lays ahead of us and I’m excited.

Excited and positive, anxious and scared.

Life is unpredictable which makes it interesting but scary at the same.

As a perfectionist you are going to hate it not to know what comes next but the truth is, we will never know what comes next. Neither planning nor wishing will bring us to the point that a life is going as smoothly as we would like.

I just need to look around our home and since we have a child it looks sometimes as if a bomb of Lego and toy animals exploded.

The wonderful part of these “explosions” is that there is life! I admit that I would sometimes which for this old home where you don’t have to clean 24/7 without an end in sight, the times where I just sat down on the couch with a book because nothing else needed to be done. Nowadays there is no “nothing else needs to be done”. This wishing back the old days are only short moments because reality quickly sets in and I’m so grateful for this reality.

Life is far far far away from perfect and this imperfection is so lovely. We are the happiest when we three are together (my son, my husband and I) because indeed, that’s life, that’s reality, that’s all to wish for.

The perfectionist in me is almost crying because I have no idea how this year will go along but what I know is that we can manage all as long as we are a family and love each other like we do.

Is it wisdom that comes with age? I don’t know. Is it what you learn through motherhood? Maybe.

I cannot tell you when exactly this thinking was setting in for me-The more I think about life and what matters most the more I realize that there are profound things like love, trust, emotions, feeling grounded, mindfulness, thankfulness for what is, appreciation of what we have. These are what matters most.

The NOW of our life.

Tomorrow can be anything but if we manage to be happy now we reached a lot!

I’m not a spiritual teacher nor a motivation guide but the more I read and the more I do some research the more I see that many seem to seek happiness and fulfillment.

Our life has far too many choices to reach this stage and we get lost. We lose focus due to the amount of possibilities we have.

Nobody can have it all! I think this is the first and most important step towards an inner satisfaction of what is.

We need to stop ourselves along the way, take a step back, and start to sort. What are our personal priorities, what makes us really happy.

Social media are great, if used properly, and at the same time our personal nightmare, if used as a comparator (in both directions).

As long as we are realistic enough to know that we never ever see the whole picture on social media the usage may be utterly inspiring, we can learn lots and get input. There are some influencers out there who are really showing lots, their raw authentic self, but careful, for the majority we will never grasp the full picture and this is completely OK. We ourselves would also not expose our most vulnerable moments or dark sides to strangers. Just be sure that everyone has these sides (just not visible). The trick is to get inspired by the exposed good stories but don’t feel less worth because of our own failures.

The same goes for news – I barely read them nowadays because I feel more and more depressed, it seems as if there is no peace on earth at all but that’s wrong. Nobody will write a headline about a country at peace. We are responsible to filter all of this for ourselves because no news agency and no influencer and no person besides you is able to see what you need or what you can take at this moment.

You are the first responsibility for yourself and afterwards you decide what you watch, listen to, hear, read, where you step in, help, work, etc. This sounds selfish but it isn’t. Only if you feel at ease with yourself you will be capable of taking the rest.

My husband’s country is in a war state since we met. It won’t help if we start to site here each day and cry and complain and talk about how blessed we are to live here and what an injustice it is that his family is there and and and – it simply won’t help! We need to make sure that we are fine, we are parents, we have a responsibility. And when we are fine we can work, we can try to support, we can be the realistic part on the outside as we are not within, we can be the uplifting part when things go wrong again and try to soothe, we can only give our best in these moments. It is hard but that’s life – unfortunately – we cannot change the world but we can change our approach to our “small” circle in this world and try to be good examples. If everyone would be the best version of him or herself we would make a step in the right direction.

And at teh end of the day my biggest mantra for this year will be nobody is perfect and new ways are always possible – these sentences from a perfectionist are a big step.

My lessons learned from the past years. They may be an inspiration or just a small hint in which direction to think.

Being grateful for what we have and never taking anything for granted is one of the biggest epiphanies ever.

Living in a country without knowing war is not my achievement, it was simply luck of being born here at that time. Thanks!

Having met my husband was such a coincidence, this could never have been planned. Thanks!

Having a really full fridge is a blessing. Thanks!

You could go on like this but you know what, waking up each morning, feeling my heart beating should be reasonenough to be grateful for this life.

A whole new year…lays in front of us.

Let’s focus on the good.

Let’s try to ease the pain.

Let’s help where we can.

Let’s do what we can to make this a better place for all of us.

This year, next year and as long as we are here.

Posted on

An extract of my work – journey towards the unknown

I’m writing – that’s why I’m here. My plan is to have written one book at least one day – no time schedule up to now – and here is an extract, I’m on my way but I wonder what professionals would say as well as for sure readers.
If you take the time to read what I produced I would be more than happy to receive feedback!
Please be honest, I can stand it 🙂

Thanks a lot upfront!!!

Downstairs I’m standing now with my suitcase and the keys in my hand to remember where I parked the car. It’s autumn already and I always try to find a place away from the trees. I walk through the autumn filled air to my car, it’s covered with leaves already although the autumn just starts. I see it but my mind is already traveling, far ahead of me. My scarf isn’t protecting me from the cold air, or is it just my inner feeling?
The first thing after starting the car is turning the heater on, I’m freezing. The way to the airport is an half an hour drive and normally I turn the radio on and sometimes I even sing along but today I don’t even realize the silence in the car. My mind is loud enough, thoughts of how it will be and how I will feel. The streets are still empty, it’s early morning and weekend. The river besides the street is flowing quietly, no more kids playing there before they head off to the school, just a few people go for a walk with their dogs. We have many dogs in the city, this is what my husband realized quickly when he was here for the very first time. He’s scared of dogs and to have one as a pet is normal here but completely unusual for him. There are dogs existing where he is and he even had one as a child but nowadays it’s not common anymore.
I stand a the first traffic lights, wondering how often I drove this way and when I will be there again. The way to the airport is well known, I went there a felt thousand times. In the past mainly for catching flights for work, after I changed my job position the drives were rarely. Once or twice a year for work or holidays but it wasn’t my weekly drive anymore. When I met my husband the first time in person it was the first time for me as well to drive there and wait for someone to leave the arrival area. Someone I rarely knew at that time. It was exciting, scary, a strange feeling deep inside on what will happen and how we will spend the weekend.
Since then this airport has a special meaning for me, or better said, two.
The pick ups every few weeks are the happy drives. When I am near I even imagine in which arriving plane he may is or if he is already so near to me as I wish. The departure drives are the sad ones and we both try to catch every second of us before he is walking through the security check. I mostly try to walk away quickly so that he is not seeing the tears welling up. And also not to be one of those movie women at airports, crying because a spouse is leaving. I want to be stronger.
My car is parked and I am on my way to the check-in. The flight is on plan so far and I don’t have to hurry. Time to have a coffee and check the duty free offers but I’m walking like absent minded through the shops. I buy his perfume as it’s cheaper here and I love his smell so much. At home I open his wardrobe from time to time just to catch his scent. It’s easing somehow. He’s not there but I can smell him.
The gate opens and I walk between strangers into the plane. This is not unusual as I did it many times but this time it feels different. The language already changed although we haven’t started yet and I am happy that the stewardesses speak my language. I’m able to communicate at least until I arrive. Most of the passengers seem to be residents of our destination and the cultural difference is already present. Women are covered, some loosely, some from head to toe. They smell different than European women. I’m feeling slightly uncomfortable as I have the feeling as if everyone is staring at me. Who is she, the blonde woman, uncovered on her way to their country. I’m not uncovered like uncovered in a European meaning. I’m wearing comfortable jeans, flat shoes, a T-shirt and my wool jacket as I’m always freezing in planes. My scarf is in my bag, I’m sure I need it later on when the air condition of the plane starts. I’m pretty sure that they aren’t watching me because I’m not covered, they will always do that as I’m different. I will never fit into their picture on how women should look like and I will always be whiter and blonder. At this moment I’m glad to have booked a window seat as usual, that way I can snuggle up in my corner without strangers stepping over me to grab their bags, needing a toilet or whatever. A last message is sent to say that I’m in the plane, arrival time should be on schedule and that I will call as soon as I have arrived and the phone has net. Time to plug in the ear phones, music is always calming me down. Not because I’m scared of flying, I like it, but in general. To listen to my favorite music while starting is one thing I love. Everything is getting smaller below me and we break through the clouds and fly directly into the shining sun. The sun will be the same here and there but its intensity will change.
I am leaving, I am really leaving and am on my way. It’s kind of exciting and nervous at the same. Yes, I’m nervous as I go into a country I have never been to before. A country where the war is just over and it’s still not as calm as I would wish. A culture so different from ours. I tried to imagine several times how it will be but I will never know until I’m there. Imaginations, pictures, scenes from TV news, everything is running through my mind.

20131126-201344.jpg

Posted on

Train yourself to let go…

Train yourself to let go...

Train yourself to let go…

…of pictures on how others think you should be – focus on how you want to be.

…of the feeling that you need to be perfect – being imperfect is authentic.

…of the past which was hunting you far too long – life is going on now.

…of the aim of being better than everyone around you – you are better than you probably think.

...of thoughts of how something could be – live the moment.

…of stress, as life is too short to be permanently stressed, enjoy as much as you can.

…of anger, take it as something you cannot change or try to change it.

…of frustration, every frustration bears a hint on how to do it better the next time. Take it as a lesson learned.

…of bitterness because it makes you lonely.

…of jealousy as things are meant to be, if the time is right you will see that there was no reason for being jealous.

…of mistrust as it will make your life easier. If you have reasons for mistrust kick these persons out of your life, they don’t belong there.

…of envy as you are the person with the reins in your hands on how your life should be, if you don’t like it try to change it.

If you want to read more about it I can recommend this blog:

Letting Go: How to Master the Art

Posted on

Writing – passion or possession?

Writing – passion or possession?

And what about my day job…

Since I joined wordpress and imported everything I wrote before, this page is getting me back to what I thought blogging is in first place.
Even more to be honest, it’s really the best platform for me to do what I want to do around my blog.
And here it starts, now that I get more and more into it I want to spend more time with my writing passion – the problem is that I have a day job which consumes lots of my time and sometimes doesn’t leave much for enjoying my writing.
What’s dragging me to the blog – several reasons if I listen carefully to my heart.
It’s not only that I love to write and to pin all ideas down, it’s also kind of thrilling when I see likes coming in or persons start to follow.
Follow me!
Who am I that persons click the follow button?
Is it really interesting what I do on this blog or is it just me, thinking that I may improve now in writing?
Are they following because it’s a bad example on “how not to start a blog” or do they understand what I mean?
If I would write now that it is for sure that I am good and that’s the reason for people following me, the great thinker and writer, it would be insane.
I really think sometimes I’m getting insane, but vice versa.
From the bottom of my heart I believe that I’m not the dumbest person alive, I was always interested in many things with a certain kind of intelligence to understand them properly. Literature is accompanying me since I read the first word. A life without books is impossible for me, it’s like the air we need to breathe.
But there are times when I start feeling insecure. Am I really good enough? There are so many blogs, why should mine be the one dragging people to it?
Isn’t my layout too easy, shouldn’t there be more features included, but in the end I find back to myself and back to the reason why I have started.
I want to write, purely and simply write. So why to have the most stylish layout if the main focus should lay on what I write?
To be honest, I don’t want to spend hours on trying a light green background with purple dots or a sidebar with pop ups and polls as I see more purpose in using the time to write new posts.
Yet it is another kind of life story what I’m doing here. My life story, sometimes mixed with fiction, sometimes pure reality, and sometimes just things I love and adore.
But if I see how I am, then it’s not yet another life story as I’m the kind of person who loves to listen or read from someone else’s life. Not because I’m a stalker or jealous on how others go along, no, just because I think that each life is unique and each story can fulfill needs.
What needs?
There are the ones, which can amuse us, or make us cry, the ones that raise awareness and let us realize that we should be thankful for what we have, the ones which are similar to ours and which may show us another way when we feel to be on the one way road. And still there are so many stories out there which should be written but can’t as not everyone is in the wonderful position of being able to write, read or having a computer and electricity.
I hope you see the point, this is why I am writing.
I wouldn’t call it a possession although I realize since I’m here that life is so much more than working – where is my way, is it really to work through the day and write through the night?
Is my passion to have a lack of sleep because I need both?
I think I’m on my way and this is indeed something good already. I’m curious to see where this way will lead to but it would be far too early to know now. Another story which still needs to be written, one day, when I may found out the purpose of this passion possession.
What was your first intention when you started to blog?

20131112-194416.jpg

Posted on

Do Rock Stars Need Social Media Strategies

Do Rock Stars Need Social Media Strategies

Yes, they definitely do!
I’m not a social media expert but I’m a social media user. This is written from my point of view, the user site. I’m not a fan in the meaning of the word fan but I like some singers, songwriters, etc. and I realized that there a big differences for instance in Facebook fan pages.
In times of Facebook and twitter there’s no way to ignore these media. But it’s not done with only sharing a fan page.

Fans want to get updates on what’s going on in their idols life. And most of them do not only want to read news about the development of a new album or getting the next dates for gigs, no, they want to have the feeling of participating a bit. They wanna see pictures from “behind the scenes”, having insight in the ‘private’ part of them.
On the other hand it’s absolutely understandable that the artist him/herself is not keen to share too much private life and to draw a strict line between business and private life.
That’s the reason why strategies are needed. What to share when and what not.

Surely one important thing is how known the artist is. If Justin Bieber is posting the view from his hotel room he may run into problems. Some of his fans will know the city where he is currently staying, some the view itself and the hunt is opened whereas some “unknown” or niche artist can do that without sharing too much information.

To develop a strategy the artist him/herself is needed. It doesn’t make sense if a management is updating and the artist not involved at all.
People realize that. There are some good profiles which proof that it’s working whereas you have also the bad examples in masses out there.
I don’t even believe that the amount of likes or followers is the most important. It has an importance but it’s not the key to success of a page. We all know that the follow or like button is quickly pressed but that doesn’t mean they are all honestly interested.

Connection is another bullet point on the development list.
Spread the message on many social networks instead of focussing on one.
You will always have some who love for instance myspace whereas others just log onto twitter.
Technology nowadays makes it really easy to take one network as a main page but connect it to several others ones so that one post is distributed to all – so all get the same message at the same time.

If you don’t want to loose fans or followers, inform them! There’s nothing bad in posting that you will be on holidays for two weeks and therefore not posting but that there will be news on the date you return. This way they’ll stay curious and wait for the next message.
Also inform them about dates, not only gigs, when are TV shows, press conferences, radio interviews, etc. Here it’s important to let them know in time. Is a date fixed, inform them. You still can send a reminder on the day itself but too short notice will minimize the audience. Not everyone is 24/7 on the web but many will put notes in their calendars if they are aware upfront.

Read comments – you don’t have to read them all as that would in some cases fill a full day, no, sneak in randomly – it’s always good to see what they think or may request. “There was no update on the new album release, when will it be on the shelves?” – this is a good comments to base the next post on.

Interact, not like talk to all of them personally but ask – did you like…, what can I improve…, where do you want to see me…, etc. they will have the feeling as if they are a part.

Give them previews on new things, they follow you because they expect to have a bit more insight than the public mass. “I’m working on a new song called…, stay tuned”.

Add small challenges – to give away an album or autograph doesn’t hurt you but will keep your fans happy.

Mention cities where the audience was awesome, they get the feeling as if they were special.

All in all what I want to emphasize is that this is a wide spread topic and that it’s not enough to just have an account. It needs to be feeded.
Good luck!

20131111-154236.jpg

Posted on

Our life search

Our life search

You only know what you are searching for when you loose something…

It can be good and bad, each will leave a trace in your life and suddenly you realize what’s important.
There may be times when you feel lost, when you don’t see reasons for things that happened, but be faithful, these incidents open new doors you weren’t aware of that they exist.
Fairytales are for kids, this is partly true as in each of them you will find hints on what’s important and the knight is mostly appearing when the princess went through her struggles.
I found my “knight” although I don’t say I’m a princess, but there will be a time when you realize what the past was for. I truly believe that this “meant to be” does exist.
Maybe it strengthens you, makes you more mature, gives you happy times and memories.
We are all searching and this search will never stop. If you stop searching you will stop living as we have still so much to discover.
I like to say that I arrived in my life but this is only half true. I did actually feel as if I arrived, but only partly (which is already a great achievement).
There are many other parts left as life is big and full of challenges, wonders and experiences.
Don’t aim for all at once, take steps on your way.
Nobody can stand on the top of a mountain without walking upwards, having rest in between, struggles, is about to give up, feels exhausted or just takes a break to enjoy the moment. We all start on the foot of the mountain called life and I’m not sure who’s the happier person when reaching the top.
Is it the one running upwards, who may miss the silence, the view, the temperature changes and all the things which are present around him?
Or is it the one walking step by step, who knows how the snow smells at a certain height, who see ice crystals on his nose and feels the cold creeping up, who breathes in the cold air while having the view backwards to realize how far he got already?

What do you prefer? Are you the runner or the walker in life?
Happy journey!

20131108-202204.jpg

Posted on

Curious or genuinely interested?

Curious or genuinely interested?

I would say the second applies to me but who is willing to admit that he or she is genuinely curious?
Whereas I would say either way isn’t a bad way. It just shows that you still are interested in things outside of your own comfort zone. I’m for sure not loving everyone but that doesn’t mean that I’m not interested. Sometimes it’s the fascination or maybe even malicious joy and on other occasions it could be empathy, learning from others, thinking outside of the box.
As long as you are acting in a kind way no one will feel laughed at or not taken seriously so is no harm you’re doing.
Humans in general are interesting and fascinating in many different ways. This whole big game of action and reaction is not only interesting for psychologists, no, it’s even helpful to look at myself. Why are we doing what, why are we feeling served, disappointed, cheated on, etc. Many things just happen because we are thinking in the wrong way, about ourselves or about others. Why should a stranger think something about me, like e.g. “How is she walking” – there are two options why we think that, either we know we are walking quite different compared to others or we don’t feel confident in walking which could have thousands of reasons. So who’s problem is it, in the end ours. If we want to avoid these thoughts we have to work on ourselves. Work doesn’t mean you have to change your style, it could as well just mean we don’t care any more about what others may think.
So back to the topic, I love being curious as this is one of the free things in human learning. You don’t have to pay a penny to learn from others behavior.

Be keen, enjoy life and grab as many input as you can get – it doesn’t harm, it just shows us different options and we may adopt a few and neglect others and that’s fine.

Faith in yourself is the greatest thing you can earn,
Miss Faith

20131028-104257.jpg