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Real-Life Thoughts Of a Working Mom

Real-Life Thoughts Of a Working Mom

Travelling for work sounds fancy – but this is the real-life part of it.

It’s 4 am – I’m freezing and beyond tired.

Sitting on a  Canadian air plane with hot black tea, as I needed something warm, and a bag of pretzels in front of me.

Thoughts are shifting from the purpose of life to let me finally sleep and back. 

This life is crazy.

The full moon is following us all the way from Toronto to Raleigh, it’s shining brightly and is bigger than last time.

Somehow the moon is always earthing me, bringing me down to what really counts.

Being alone here isn’t it. I miss my family and try to shift the thought from missing to being thankful that I am loved. 

fly me to the moon

It will be a firework of kisses and hugs when I return. How lucky am I?

That’s the essence, the purest kind of life purposes, family hugs, wet toddler kisses, husband hugs that feel like safe haven, unity.

I’m almost 20 hours awake now and after so many hours of travelling the only important thought is about my two men, snuggled up home deeply sleeping in our bed. 

This is the second time that I travel alone since our son is born. I miss him like crazy, his tiny little hand searching for me in the night to sleep, assured that he’s safe. His hugs so tight and so full of love around my neck.

That is all that matters, he, my husband, my family. I needs sometimes a full moon night all alone to remember what is known deep inside. We forget too offen because daily life occupies and stresses us too much. 

All the small wonderful moments, nothing more is needed to be happy.

Being so far away is somehow scary, as a mom you not only start to feel a love beyond imagination, you also start to worry in a way you never thought about. 

Many of the worries are like an instinct and naturally good, they serve you and don’t disturb. But there are also worries which my husband would call ridiculous. Moms “What ifs” like “what if he falls and I cannot hug him and kiss the pain away as I always do?”. Yes, that one is maybe ridiculous because I know that  his dad can take care, I know that I cannot protect him his entire life, I know he will handle it without me, but was someone ever thinking about me?

I want to be there, I am not ready to let go, I feel the pain deeper than anything as he’s the most important part of me. Oh my, did I write that?

Am I now a ridiculous helicopter mom?

No, I’m not and I can tell you why.

Because I am sitting on a plane on the other of the globe, I left him alone with my husband and I know that this is more than fine. Rational I know all of it! I let him discover the world and am not overprotective, even if I would like to be.

But emotionally, mentally, this is the hardest part of motherhood, letting go.

I put the pretzels in my bag. I guess my suitcase will be full of tiny things for him because he likes them. Apart from that, it’s 4:30 am – who eats pretzels at this time?

Ok, it’s 10:30 pm over here but I have mentally not arrived in this time zone. I could sleep standing now.

We prepare for landing and the thing what I want most now is rush as fast as I can to the hotel, jump into the bed and fall asleep thinking of how safe and sound he sleeps next to my husband. 

As long as you are working, the missing subsides a tiny bit…

Its 3 pm – four days later. Bright daylight and with short sleeves on the plane to Toronto. You can’t believe how good that feels. These past days were great, tired, new, exhausted, successful, and so much more. I worked more than on normal days but staying in a hotel and evenings in restaurants also meant I had less to do after work than on normal days at home. No cooking, washing, cleaning. Many pros and cons, at the end, the cons definitely are more because everything I see while travelling is only my memory and especially when I discover new areas I want to share these memories. I want to tell my husband “do you remember that humid warm evening where we went to the Angus Barn in Durham and had a delicious steak?”. I want to ask my son if he liked all those big trucks on the street which are much bigger than what we see at home.

I can’t. I can try to capture as much as I want on photographs but at the end of the day it will only be my memory.

There is still a long flight ahead of me and many thoughts to come and words to write but for now I just stare out of the window, let my eyes be blinded by the white clouds we fly through, and dream away so that my soul rests. I’m getting closer to home, the place where my heart beats faster and feels more at ease, surrounded by my family and hugged and kissed. Soon.

It’s 11pm and we just departed – that’s 5am in Germany already and means we will surely not arrive as planned.

First we were getting a one-hour delay due to bad weather conditions, which I personally love so much. The incoming plane wasn’t allowed to land on time because of heavy rain. Great! And I’m sitting at the airport and wonder if we are allowed to start once the plane is there or if these weather conditions influence our start as well. I already thought about a bumpy ride back. 

But – because of late arrival – our plane got an outside parking position to be fast ready to go (instead of waiting for a free gate). Sounds good, right? Our plane also got covered stairs for us! They care that we are not getting wet on the way from the shuttle to the plane, wohoo. Another plus!

Did I say stairs? I’d rather become wet instead after what happened then. It took the ground staff in Toronto over an hour to get exactly these stairs DEtached. It sounds like a joke but that really happened.

Means we are now in total 3 hours behind and I hate it. 

But why do I hate it? 

I could list several reasons why. I’m tired and hungry, it will take three more hours until I’m finally back home, this week was already long enough, all these things are annoying.

But, what if all of this happened for a reason?

What if we would have ended up in a thunderstorm when departing on time, what if?

There are a million things in life where we won’t be able to find answers, to know why it happened exactly the way it does. But what we know is what is now. Now I am sitting on a plane. I am fine, food will come soon and then I can sleep.  When I wake up I will be much closer to my loved ones. All is fine!

Trust and focus on the good and all is fine. 

The end of the story are indeed hugs and kisses. A tired mom who plays for hours, trying to catch up on the missed time, lots of stories to tell and a warm feeling inside of me to be where I belong. Looking back you may even say that all these thoughts were not necessary, but no, they were. And they will always be, because they are me, all of this is me. Reflecting, thinking, dreaming, listening, hoping, discovering, and so much more is within these thoughts that I will never stop cherishing these full-moon nights, these lonely moments where you are grounded even in a plane across an ocean. This is life.

If you want to read more from me – just jump into my archive and see what post it guides you to. Life is about trust, maybe you pick exactly what you need at this time.

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Renting until you are broken – the new city life?

Renting until you are broken – the new city life?

Can someone explain to me why rents are increasing as if there’s no tomorrow?

I mean, honestly, I understand fully that a landlord is not giving away his house/ flat for free and wants to earn some money with it. Some money, enough money to be able to maintain everything plus money on top for their own, I got this. What I am not getting anymore is why people who rent are seen as a luxury income. Hey, and I’m not writing about deluxe apartments or big mansions, I’m writing about normal flats, houses for families.

You can argue now that it is my very own fault if I decide to live in Munich and yes, you are partly right with it. Partly because I accept that everything is a bit more expensive here than in a small countryside city, but what I do not accept is that you pay a fortune for nothing.

I am checking offers since a couple of years now and the market is truly insane. People offer for instance a house which is in the state of the 1980’s, the bathroom is a disaster, kitchen not available (means you have to bring your own), carpets everywhere also from the 1980’s, the garden not maintained at all. The size is 110 square metres and they ask for either a monthly rent of 2300 Euro (without gas and water) or if you want to buy the price is 980.000 Euro.

If only I could tell you that this is a joke, but they are indeed serious.

What should a family earn in order to have a nice family home to stay in?

As a family we are willing to pay entry for the zoo, we love to go and eat outside, grab ice-cream on the way to the playground, buy local and support smaller shops in our area, we love the “hood” we are living in. But all of this would be impossible when we move to a bigger place because of these ridiculous prices.

Our current living situation is tiny, our place is small but we live where we want to live. Of course we wouldn’t mind to have more place and a garden, not at all, but not if we have to cut our visits to the museum, eating out or summer vacations.

Are cities only made for the rich?

Are only the top managers allowed to live here? Is it the newly rich clients you are looking for to spend their money here? A city will lose its spirit like this and a city will not have any more stories to tell.

Apart from ‘normal’ families, has anyone ever thought about the elder people? A 82-year old widow who would love to stay in the flat where her husband died but cannot afford it anymore. A 90-year old man who is half blind but knows all the ways he needs for his daily life by heart. A couple married for 60 years and rooted exactly where they live. There is a saying that you cannot plug a tree out of the soil and plant it somewhere else, the same counts for many of the elder. It breaks my heart if I see them shattered because they don’t know where their life will go on. I even forget about all the young ones (us included) because we could make it anywhere, still.

Munich has a history, like every other city, there are biographies of people who lived here and brought something with them. There are statues all over the city and every single one of them tells a story. We will not write further history like this. A city lives through the personalities and if these are all forced to move outside the city spirit will slowly disappear.

Every even little personality surely was not rich and famous by the time they left their footprint in the heart of this city. Some where, some were not, it has always been a good mixture and that is how it should be.

Greedy is the new normal especially when it comes to living spaces within a city. Who has the newest building, who has the best view, who is in the most expensive area,… Shouldn’t it be: who can help neighbours when needed, who can support the homeless, who smiles at strangers because life is a wonderful thing?

Instead of greed let happiness rule because it doubles if you share – at the end of the day that counts more than the number on your bank account, does it not?

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First World Problems

Finally we decided to take a break from our munich corona quarantine routine and visit my parents. We waited so long because they are living in a small town and we wanted to avoid to bring the virus out of a big city into their area. Once we decided that we go we tried to avoid even more the contacts we had in munich than before.

Talking about our contacts, truly, that weren’t many because apart from our essential errands the only contacts we had here were neighbours which you obviously meet when you live in the same building.

These “problems” are seriously first world problems. We are both relatively young (depends from which perspective you see it) and in general healthy. Both of us were working, were because the situation changed for me already at the end of last year, but not in a bad way, and my husband “lost” his job due to corona which is also nothing bad as it gives us exclusive family-corona-time if you would like to call it that way. We are not struggling moneywise and our fridge is full.

Humans are strange – especially when they have too much time.

misssfaith

What I have seen in the beginning and also throughout the course of the first weeks from this pandemic lockdown is that many people are wise. Wiser than they probably know even themselves before the pandemic started. Or how would you explain that persons with an immense knowledge of virology never thought about a career in science? Why don’t we have more people willing to study politics? There seem to be many potential leaders out there who know much better how to rule countries?

This pandemic is showing the truth and this truth is for many not as charming as they would love to be seen.

Complaints I cannot hear anymore – and these are just the main ones, meaning the top of an iceberg:

I cannot breathe under that mask, it is ridiculous to ask all people to wear it.

Where are all these issues coming from, I would really love to understand it? As a normal healthy person it is maybe unusual in the beginning and it may get sweaty now during summer, BUT nobody has to wear these masks 24/7. They should be worn in closed buildings, during grocery shopping, etc. Apart from this we still should try to go only when needed and not for extensive shopping trips into some malls, right?

I cannot celebrate my birthday with friends and family because gathering of more than 5 persons is not allowed.

Seriously? Even my 4-year-old wasn’t making a huge issue. Be happy that you are turning a year older! There are people who worry that not all are allowed to attend the funeral of a loved one. This is something really to be sad about!

Our garden is so small, how should we manage to keep the kids entertained?

Our family is living in a two-room apartment, what is a garden? There is plenty of nature on this planet and in many cases you don’t have to drive hours to be in a forest, on a field, at a lake…if you have a garden you are already one of the really lucky ones and you don’t realize?

My favourite restaurant is closed because of corona.

It’s hard to comment here even. Do people know that there are others who have nothing to eat AT ALL? People who struggle to survive?

It’s all made up by the pharma industry to sell their vaccines.

Yes, I’m part of the pharma industry if you want as I work in that area…and surprisingly for many I don’t say everything out there is needed! There are tons of products which may not be life saving or important. But vaccines in general saved millions of lives and still nobody ever forces you to get vaccine, right? It is still your choice in the end!

Third world…

I know already what comments I may get. You cannot argue with third world problems (and this third world is already making me angry as we are one world!). I tell you YES, yes I can argue with it because a pandemic is not stopping anywhere. It is crawling into each little corner of this planet and this virus doesn’t care at all if it hits the poor or the rich. The truth is that we as the rich (and that’s what we are when we have access to health care and internet) have higher chances to survive. We may end up in hospitals, and yes, people died and will die, but they didn’t die in a dark and dirty mud hole without being seen even.

I’m so angry, angry at people who don’t realize how lucky they are, angry when everything which could help is neglected without a valid reason. It is NOT a reason if it doesn’t fit into their way of living or style. A mask isn’t matching the handbag? But you have access to masks, right?

Take a step back for your own sake.

From my perspective it is even essential to compare to be grounded again. Many were flying high as we had no limits and now we see what this can cause? Striving to go higher and higher in general is not a bad thing but it should be done in a mindful way. Question things and analyse them, are they worth doing it? Who would benefit? Would it serve others? What is it doing to the planet?

Seeing the earth recovering is wonderful and sad at the same time. It was us doing the harm!!! There’s no way to neglect this.

We all should use this time as a wake-up call to be a change.

Ok, I started with our decision to visit my parents and that’s what we did.

My lesson to take from there is the following:

Family is the most important!

A garden is wonderful and I would lie if I wouldn’t miss it but the essence of our stay is really just that. People we love are the most precious gift, to have this time together gave us all rest and strength to move forward.

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Family time is the greatest – also during quarantine

Family time is the greatest – also during quarantine

It’s unbelievable how you feel when you see your own child with your parents or your siblings.
Since our son was born in April 2016 we drove more often than ever before to my parents. Family time for all of us.
When I grew up I had my grandparents close by, from moms side direct next to us and from dads side a ten minutes walk away.
Now we are in Munich and we have 550 kilometres between us.
Family is so important and our son should feel the same about his family as we did when we were little.

At the moment we have more family time than ever before due to the quarantine, unfortunately just the three of us as we obviously are at home. But even this time will once be a memory and we should take it as a gift. Who has throughout the normal day-to-day schedules such an intense time with the family?

Surely, I would lie if it’s all joy and fun and laughter, we are stressed, we reach limits, we would love to stay in bed a whole day but with a 4-year old this is unimaginable. We are human beings, we cannot handle everything, we need to adapt, learn, fall, stand up again and try.

Now we are patiently (most of the time) waiting for news which enable us to visit my parents, at least some contact to family, we start to be tired of phone calls and facetime, but at the end of the day I need to remind myself that it’s fine. All is fine and we are here and healthy and very fortunate.

There are thousands of facebook groups where I read the most weird theories about this pandemic, where parents complain that their children will be traumatized once all of this is over, where people are seriously thinking we all will be vaccinated against our will, …

There are days where I cannot take it all in anymore, where I just scroll further, tired of so much nonsense. Then there are days where I start to argue, trying to explain that I see it differently, trying to explain why it is nonsense what some are posting but it is like talking to walls. And then I wonder, where are their families? Are they all thinking so weird?

One really important part I love about family time – the exchange, the discussion, the pure honesty. If I talk bullshit tis is exactly what I get to hear. Everything is discussed and at the end of the day we are all (for the main topics) thinking at least in the same direction and if anyone of us would now start to explain that tomorrow someone will start to vaccinate all people born on November, 12th, because this is how Bill Gates wrote it in his secret diary I am 100% sure we would be able to turn this person into the right direction – with facts!

Family time during quarantine is different, yes, but it is also a big chance to build some memories. We can spend so much time together to do things we normally don’t do. Spending hours in nature to stare at the clouds, to watch snails climbing up a small tree (normally nobody has the patience anymore to sit and wait until she reaches the top), being just us without pressure and without someone running after us to do this and that until yesterday if possible.

I know that these times are scary as well, believe me, and if I focus on the good I don’t neglect the bad which is of course there as well. Some days I feel the panic bubbling in me and anxiety which stops me from everything other than laying down and let it pass. BUT, and I extra write it in capital bold letters, I don’t want to let the negative outweigh the positive. To focus on the good is healthier than focussing on the bad. Do you know the law of attraction? This is one of the lessons, you attract what you think and as I don’t want any of these negative stories in my life I acknowledge their presence, I’m sorry for the people who were hit so hard already, I try to help where I can (like supporting locals for instance) and then I let the negative pass my life and focus on the good.

How are you living the quarantine? Are you depressed, do you see it as a chance, tell me how the quarantine life is for you.

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Week 10 of quarantine and night of destiny in Ramadan

Wow, we made it already to week 10 of this crazy corona quarantine and more than 3 weeks now additionally with a fasting husband at home.

If you ask me how I feel – a mixture of insanity, being tired, running out of ideas for our son, trying to move forward with my yoga teacher training, keeping the mood bearable, when will this be over???

As I know my husband since 2011 we are I guess one of the lucky couples who knew each other already well enough to “survive” a lock-down and a quarantine with no real end in sight (why has this virus to be so greedy – it’s enough little covid, time for you to disappear, please!).

As parents we were put into the situation to be…yeah, to be parents still, right? I need to admit that we are currently in the very fortunate situation to be at home, so no worry about how to get work done while having to take care of our son, this helps immensely and I remember my home office days with him around me too – if you are able to complete 50% of your tasks with your child at home then kudos (it’s like reaching level 200 in Super Mario I guess). I can’t say thanks often enough for platforms like pinterest to give us idea 196 for DIY projects with a 4 year old but also need to mention one book which gave us lots of inspiration and great times already.

Recommended so much (and no cooperation or link where I earn something) – I bought it just because I discovered Laura Brand on Instagram and her ideas are indeed magical!

I’m not lying – there are days where I want to hide under the blanket the whole day watching nonsense on Netflix uninterrupted because I cannot face this world anymore. But then a little hand reaches out to me and I know I cannot. These times are scary and uncertain but my fear is nothing to teach my son – his childhood lays on us and we are the ones to build memories for him. I want him to remember this as a very intense family time, a time we spent happily together, walking through the forest, discovering snails, searching for flat stones to draw on at home. This is our destiny, isn’t it? So we have to make the best out of it!

And writing about destiny – today is day 71 of our quarantine and tonight is the night of destiny in Ramadan. My husband told me last night and shame on me, he tells me each year the meaning but I often forget the whole story behind. As a short explanation:

Allah the Almighty states in the Holy Koran: “Surely, we sent it [the Koran] on the Night of Destiny. And what should make thee know what the Night of Destiny is? The Night of Destiny is better than a thousand months. Therein descend angels and the Spirit by the command of their Lord with their Lord’s decree concerning everything. Peace — so will it be even at the rising of the dawn.” (Surah al-Qadr, Ch 97: V 1-6)

So tonight will be the night of great blessings where god (Allah the Almighty) showers his mercy upon faithful believers. In the Koran it’s said the revelation of the Koran began on this very night. Especially in its last ten days there has been the a showering of blessings and mercy in the month of Ramadan.

If you want to read more in depths you can visit this site:

The Night of Destiny

When you know my blog you know that my husband is muslim whereas I am not – we live very well with these different beliefs but of course we discuss lots. But what we also do, and that’s I guess is the most important, we support each other in what we do. So when he is fasting during the month of Ramadan I adapt (not always to his mood 🙂 but to the schedule) and I like some of the rituals. We should spend a peaceful night tonight and there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe there are angles, a spirit, a higher force – I am not the one who judges that. Especially when you raise a child together you need to treat each other with full respect and that’s what we do.

As yogi I believe more in destiny in general – not linked to a certain religion. There surely are shifts and I very often use the sentence “it was meant to be” and that’s what I belive in. The choices we make are made for reasons and they guide us to where we should be. If it turned out to be a direction we don’t feel fine in then we take it as a lesson learned and move on.

This is also the way from my perspective to treat this quarantine. Of course I made plans in the beginning (10 weeks ago), we can do so many great things as a family together. And of course this didn’t work out. There were days where I was struggling so so much with anxiety and panic, there were days where our mood was only enough to stare at the TV in disbelief of what’s going on, there were days where we stayed in our PJs from dusk till dawn and that’s OK. If it already taught me one thing than to let go. Letting go of trying to be strong when I feel weak – both are vaild and both are essential in life. Only when you know how it feels to be weak you can be strong.

Tell me, how do you experience this quarantine? I’d love to hear stories from around the globe because one thing is for sure:

We are all in this together!

Stay safe and healty

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Christmas is near…

…and as always we are asking the same old questions. What do you wish for? Is there anything I can buy? Which gifts would be on your wish list?

Isn’t it ridiculous in a way? We beg to give something even though we had a whole year of making our loved ones happy.

What I realize more each year is why my parents tell us since so long that they have all they need. It is indeed true that the time spend together and the memories we make throughout the years are more than we could ever wish for.

Time is the greatest gift. Time well spend with your family.

Even though we know this now we surely will run on last minute and get things wrapped up, an empty floor around the christmas tree is not much appealing, but deep within us we know that nobody will be disappointed when we unwrap the little presents because all we need is already there.

I wish you a merry christmas and lots of time to be spend with your loved ones.

One gift for myself is that I want to revive my page – it seems as if a lifetime passed since I posted the last time.

Stay healthy and happy and soon more.

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The Magic of being a Mother

The Magic of being a Mother

The Magic of being a Mother (1)

Yesterday was mother’s day, the day where mothers are cherished a bit more than normal.

Shouldn’t we be celebrated daily? I mean, honestly, aren’t we doing extraordinary jobs day in and day out?

Yes, we do and we know deep down in our heart. And you know what? All the people around us know this as well, they just don’t tell us daily.

There’s lots of sparkle and magic around us, we are just often too blind to see it. If we could once see ourselves through the eyes of our children we would know.

If I feel exhausted, tired and crappy I doubt that I would smile to my own face in the mirror BUT my son is looking at me and smiles, he’s kissing me and hugs me in the morning with a look on his face as if there’s nothing better than having morning snuggles in bed with me.

He doesn’t care if my hair isn’t sorted or if I have an imprint of the pillow on my cheek – he sees his mom, his shelter, his world, his universe – he see’s me with a childish purity and this purity is what we lost along the way while growing up.

For him I sparkle even on my worst days. For him I am surrounded by magic day in and day out (he is Crafted by Magic). I can blow away the pain if he got hurt, I can give hugs which save him from bad dreams, I can do so many things he sees as magic and I want to keep him in his little bubble of pure happiness for as long as I can.

We went out of the city yesterday and while being at a lake it started to rain heavily but instead of leaving we ate crepes and watched the rain.

We are the ones who show how life is, if I run and hide each time I see a raindrop my child will do it too. Why don’t we follow our children once in a while and jump into puddles simply because it is so much fun?

There was a thunderstorm in the evening when we were back home and we stood in the darkness on the window and were waiting excited for the lightning, counting the seconds until the thunder was following. These are the magic moments of motherhood, stillness, awe, magic, thunder and lightning, life in its purest form, scared hugs to realize after a while that mom isn’t scared so I can let go as well and enjoy the sound of the rolling thunder.

You see – my mother’s day wasn’t all sunny and pink and flower-ish BUT it doesn’t have to be to be a wonderful day. What makes my mother’s day perfect and any other day as well is the wonderful child I am allowed to raise and my husband who shows me maybe not daily how wonderful I am but who sees with his heart and that’s the magic we all need in our life!

Happy Mother's Day

This heart

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Blogging Mom

Blogging Mom

Hey there,

I do call myself a blogging mom because that’s what I do – sometimes – irregular – when there’s time – yeah, indeed not that often – BUT I do it.

Who’s a blogging mom and who defines that?

If I look just at myself, self reflection is a good thing, isn’t it, then I see that whenever I find the time to write I enjoy it like Christmas and my birthday together. This time is MY time.

But this rarely happens – am I a bad blogger?

I think I’m an authentic blogger, that’s what I like to call myself because it turns me into something positive. Why should I call myself bad and have a bad feeling because of it?

I mean, honestly, I am a mom and how much time moms have? Answer honest.

Almost no time at all which enables us to sit on a clean desk in a clean flat or house with a mind focused only on the newest topics everyone is talking about…

I’m happy when I can catch up with what’s in at the moment at all between changing diaper, playing, working, cooking, doing the laundry, etc. – I don’t have to make that list because most of you know very well what I mean.

How the heck are moms able not only to write twice or more per week OR even do vlogs? You don’t want to see daily vlogs or Instagram stories from me, I promise you.

These perfect families are suspicious (for me) – do they have jobs? Do they have dirty carpets? Do they have to do grocery shopping with a crying child because it’s not getting everything it wants? I wonder where the normal families are where life is wonderful, absolutely wonderful, but far away from perfect.

My home is a place where we live and the only time when it looks completely sorted and clean is either directly after cleaning or when we are not there. That’s real life.

Back to the topic – I would love to write on this blog daily, I would love to be here more frequently and share what’s on my mind, but at the moment my life has other priorities, the main is 22 months old and doesn’t like it at all when mommy is sitting on the desk.

If you go back to my first posts here you see that this blog is my life, it needs to adapt to the needs and I’m happy to adapt to my child’s needs so that’s what we are.

A little family with a blogging mom, a growing child, a husband and dad without whom I would not have this time even, and a life we three love like crazy.

I hope you stay even if you don’t see new posts every week. Be sure there will be another one – soon – when there is a tiny time slot for me to start writing.

Until then take care, kiss your loved ones and embrace the mess in your life because that’s what is most important!

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Crazy days of motherhood

Crazy days of motherhood

Crazy days of motherhood

Life ain’t always easy…

After a working day, without the still breastfed toddler at home, I thought I pick him up in the kindergarten and quickly jump into the supermarket to buy a few things.

Bad bad bad idea, that was the worst idea I ever had.

I think there is a breastfeeding brain which is similar to the pregnancy dementia.

What happened?
I’m sitting just now in the back of our car, toddler is drinking half asleep from a breast the size of a giant melon.
I was barely able to focus on what I wanted to buy, forgot the soup but didn’t care because the main goal was to get somehow back to the car without fainting or crying or both because of the milk overproduction.

When I went into the supermarket I thought all is fine until all of a sudden this insanely pain was hitting me and the mean part is, without warning, in waves, just as if it wants to pinch me once in a while to tell me there are more important things than food for mom – food for the toddler is ready.

Whoever said breastfeeding is all snuggling and lovely and precious and nice (which it of course is very often) forgot that it can be painful and raw like this as well.
As soon as he latched I felt the first small relief, after 5 minutes I felt already better and not scared anymore.
If you are alone with your child in a big store and feel so crappy it is scary, isn’t it?
For me thoughts run weird and uncontrolled through my mind. It’s similar to a panick attack which is hitting you out of the blue without upfront warning.
What if I would faint?

Would I fall in a direction, onto my child or just collapse – why did I put him in the carrier – he’s in danger if I faint – is my husband at work answering the phone if someone would call him now – what was that stabbing sensation in my left breast – who’s taking care of my son – or was it from the heart – how should he get up to here when I have the car – calm down, you won’t faint, it’s just too much milk – he will be completely scared if mommy isn’t there – get out here as fast as you can – now it seems to be better – no, the pain comes in waves – do I leave or grab some more milk, better go, right?

This is a thought-circle which I cannot stop at that moment although I know very well that instead of calming down it’s pushing me more into the panicking corner.
Am I the only one who has these thoughts?

We start to relax now, the fear subsides and life comes back, how glad I am today for this car. Sitting here is like a shelter, it’s our little place to securely and safe with locked doors get back to a normal state. I wrote in another post about our messy car but in exactly this moment I’m so thankful that we have everything inside that car – a blanket to cover my little boy who’s really sleepy now, a bottle of water for me to drink something while feeding him, I could even charge my phone if I want to but right now we are fine.

Who needs soup?

I put the sleeping precious milk vampire into his car seat, cover him with his elephant blanket, check my shirt if all is covered again before I leave the backseat and start the engine to drive us home.

Thanks for these days because sometimes I need exactly that to realize how blessed we are and how happy I can be that we have all these possibilities.

What’s one of your crazy motherhood experiences?

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Toddler on the road or what’s the essence of life


Do you know these families who have a certain area around their home for the first years after a child was born?
"Aurora needs her nap time in her bed."
"Lucas is not sleeping anywhere else."
Or worse, the parents who need the whole children equipment from bottle warmer to rocking chair, the ones who are not able to improvise and stick to their patterns.
We are not like that, neither our child nor we.
We love to travel and the easiest for me ist to travel by car.
You throw all you need inside and off we go.
We spent already lots of time in the car so it's a bit like a second home.
If you don't expect it you'll find a diaper (often when you indeed need it) or jacket which we thought lost.
Yes, it's a bit messy and I admit that we are at the end of October and we still have the beach umbrella in the back and Tuscan sand on the floor, that's us and I love it!
The best of these messy details is that they don't matter, what matters is that we have a big radius around home already and that we know we can go in whatever direction and we are happy.
A travelling toddler who sleeps everywhere is worth the mess.
His seat is based on cookie crumbs and our family is based everywhere.
He sleeps apparently everywhere when he is tired. What he needs is the reassurance that we are around and that he is safe with us.
Everything else doesn't matter, it can be loud or quiet, sunny or dark, crowded or peaceful, when he is tired he grabs our hand or hugs us tight and off to the land of toddlerdreams.
But what about sleeping times and nap times?
We don't have them.
And before someone starts to argue how important steadiness is…we love that we don't have them!
He is 18 months old, he sleeps when he's tired, he eats when he's hungry and we give him the freedom to grow without a strict schedule as much as we can.
Latest with 6 years when he starts school this life is over as he cannot go to school when he likes or stays in bed longer in the morning when he's supposed to be in his class.
What are 6 years compared to a lifetime?
We should cherish these first six years where our kids are mainly free little birds.
The kindergarten (Kita) for kids under three started for us in September and he's doing it great.
He has a nap time there and he's actually napping and he eats when they all eat.
Children are able to adapt quickly and they know which rules apply where so why should we limit his freedom at home?
We are now on our way to my parents and he sleeps in his car seat next to me while I'm writing and my husband drives, this is our on the road life, one glance at it.
Most people tend to make life more complicated than it is. What is really important, especially with children?
Now! Now is all we should focus on. Our children could be our teacher because they know how it works by heart.
BE HERE NOW (look at your child and soak in the love).
At the end of the day WE are important, the core of our beings.
Our travelling toddler is happy, and so are we ♥️ that's the essence of life, isn't it?

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A day in the life of a working mum…

 

A day in the life of a working mum…without childcare

toddler at home

Let me show you a typical working day with a toddler at home.

8.00 am – 9.30 am – I actually work

9.30 am – the toddler wakes up

Washing him and changing diapers, breastfeeding, carrying him, sitting and rocking , playing, emptying the dishwasher, starting the washing machine, feed him, playing, answering the phone, breastfeed again, dressing him, reading mails in between, answering IMs from colleagues…

…and all of a sudden it’s 11.45 am.

He yawns.

So off to the bed, breastfeeding until he drifts off into sleep.

12.01 pm conference call

12.25 pm – the toddler (who found out recently how to leave the family bed on his own) taps into the room (seriously, only half an hour where I hoped for at least triple that time to get work done).

Breastfeeding number 4 – he still doesn’t want to eat, I tried.

I shift clothes from the washing machine into the dryer, make soap bubbles to entertain my son and try to answer some emails in between.

12.45 pm – I feel like a cow as he’s sitting on my lap latched again – number 5 for today and no end in sight. I truly love it but when you work you wish that he just eats his bread, yogurt, fruit, instead of occupying me every minute of the day (although he has the right for sure).

1.00 pm – my husband is home so that I can finally work properly at least for a while.

1.30 pm – I cooked pasta for my son with the end result that he ate exactly two while I ate the salad from yesterday evening.

It’s now 2.00 pm – I have a conference call soon that needs preparation (at 3.30 pm) and my lovely toddler sits on the floor beside me, makes noises with a paper box and yawns.

At least I can answer emails again – the sound would have disturbed me a year ago but hey, you’re getting used to focus even when it’s completely noisy around you.

2:30 pm – he ate a few bites of bread and the last was spit well chewed on the floor, and not on the wooden part, no, on the carpet so that I need to clean it with more efforts than on the wooden floor. Still no sign of being ready to sleep, I know after 14 months when it makes sense to lay down with him and when not. In his current mood we would spend an hour in the bed and he wouldn’t sleep so I let him play with the hope that he is soon really tired.

3.00 pm – less than 30 min left until my conference call and my toddler isn’t tired at all – the only option will be that he stays with his dad.

3:29 pm and he’s ‘talking’ loudly with his dad in the bedroom – I have a toddler resistant to sleep on some days. He will sleep, exactly then when we would like to go outside and do some grocery shopping.

Just happy that it’s Friday and this work week is almost over.

4.00 pm – he seems to sleep as I don’t hear anything but I can’t check as I need to jump from one conference call into the next, fortunately the last for today.

For this call I only need to listen so I can start to think about what to cook for dinner today and what we need to buy before shops are closing.

5.30 pm – I’m stuck in that call longer than expected and meanwhile all are awake again so I’m sitting on my desk with a muted headset, my son is running around and wondering what mommy is doing, breastfeeding number 6 for today (I’m not sure if I missed some already as it’s so normal these days) and I’m annoyed because I would give everything to just throw the laptop and enjoy the time with my family. But this job is paying lots what we love in our life and quitting is not an option, besides it is a great job at many times but just now I wish I would be a millionaire not caring for such things as conference calls.

Am I the only one or are other working moms also feel guilty not to be there 100% for their children. I’m apologizing so often to him although he won’t understand a word I’m saying that I still need to do this or that before we can play.

It’ll be past 6.00 pm when I finally am off work and then the private stress will start – what do we really need today, is there something that can’t wait until tomorrow? Cooking dinner is hanging like the Damocles sword above me because I long to have a bit time for NOTHING. No thinking, no you need to, you have to, have you already or when will you – just a quiet hour to recharge but that won’t happen until my son sleeps which recently is rarely before midnight.

I send this post now, unfinished, as the rest of the day until I will fall into my bed (or better until I try to go to my side of the bed without waking him up) I won’t find the time anymore. If I don’t send it now it may sit in my drafts for the next weeks.

That’s motherhood, a day of a working mom without childcare, a crazy day with a toddler, that’s my life and even if it is often beyond exhausting I would NEVER EVER change it back.

Stay strong – we are strong!

And stay away of the thought to be perfect, nobody needs to be perfect! My messy hair will be in a bun in 5 minutes to leave the house and if you look around then you will see many imperfections, so no worries. Most important now is a happy toddler and that’s why I’m off into the weekend now. Bye

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Pregnant through the Tuscany – part IV

Pregnant through the Tuscany – part IV

415 km later we are back in ‘our’ area and still enjoy our holidays.

The garden of the farm where we stay (see part 1) is a dream and perfect to relax in.

We go almost daily to the beach, just lying in the shadow of our umbrella, swimming, eating and living the Italian sentence “dolce far niente” which means the sweetness of doing nothing.

 

Beach
Beach Food

On the beach free days we love to visit cities.

Siena is worth several visits as is San Gimignano.

We kept Florence for the way back home and decided to stay one night in Florence and one night in Verona before we are completely back in our day-to-day routine at home.

I have the feeling as if I walk on clouds during these holidays – knowing that I’m responsible now for a tiny human being is lifting my mood to a level I didn’t knew before, is it called bliss, I don’t know. Sure is that it feels so good that I will remember it for the rest of my life!

It is known that women change during pregnancy (obviously) and that the perception (smell, taste) can change.

I have only two things I cannot stand at the moment which are bananas and my husband’s perfume. Both nothing which bothers me too much, besides these everything is just much more intense. The food tastes better, the flowers smell more, life is wonderful.

I soak in everything nice during this summer, I want my baby to smell the summer in Italy, it’s the first holidays we have as a family and he or she is living inside of me. I believe that embryos sense what’s going on around them, even at that early stage.

After the full dose of relaxation we have to start packing for the way back.

For the last evening we decided to say “goodbye” with a barbecue in the wonderful garden (I can’t say it often enough) and once we finished eating it started to rain slightly as if Grosseto was sad too that we gonna leave the next day.

Barbecue

After we said goodbye to Marzena and her family in the morning and promised that we will be back one day with the bambini I’m happy that we will stop twice before leaving Italy and not drive back all the way at once.

Florence, here we come.

The David is “someone” I need to show you – here he is the famous David from Michelangelo:

Michelangelo's David

The ‘Dolce far niente’ is something you can also enjoy in the middle of a city full of tourists and noises, here my yoga practice is diving in as I learn to focus on one thing at a time and this time it’s a wonderful Moroccan peppermint tea.

Peppermint tea

The city is wonderful and we love to go through without a plan. My husband bought tourism-like a selfie-stick so the crazy parents-to-be have quite an album full of selfies.

What I see now besides the fun we had is the glow everyone was talking about – here I see the first time this pregnancy glow on my face and if men have it as well my husband is one of them. We were as happy as we thought we could be.

Florence is wonderful so I’ll leave you with some impressions for now. The fifth part will follow, I promise!

© by misssfaith2017 (18)© by misssfaith2017 (18)© by misssfaith2017 (4)© by misssfaith2017 (2)© by misssfaith2017 (1)Florence© by misssfaith2017© by misssfaith2017 (3)© by misssfaith2017

 

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Pregnant through the Tuscany – part III

Pregnant through the Tuscany – part III

To give our ‘laziness’ a break we decided to spend our wedding anniversary in Pompeii and Naples. My husband’s birthday is one day before our anniversary so I tried to organize an ice cake the evening before to surprise him with at midnight.

That’s not an easy task when you are 24/7 more or less together but being pregnant I had always the excuse to go and check for a toilet. As much as I hated it, this time it was really good as an excuse.

When we were walking through Grosseto a couple of days before I’ve seen a small shop with wonderful ice cake creations (it’s a pity that I don’t remember the name, I would’ve told you but the struggle with pregnancy dementia is not a joke.) and as we were about to drive back to the apartment I ran there, asked them to put the ice cake on ice so that it’s not melted before we’re arriving and put it into the car before I went back to my husband.

I can tell you, that wasn’t easy, the most complicated part was not to buy all of them as they all looked so delicious and you know how it is, once you want something you can’t stop yourself from craving it so much that it hurts (and always say “It’s the baby, the baby wants it, not me.”).

Oh how I loved being pregnant – while writing down all these memories I cannot wait for having a second baby – it was such a wonderful time.

The birthday surprise was good as my husband really was wondering how and when I bought the cake – I love being able to surprise him like this.

Little Ice cake

We had a wonderful sunny day and planned the trip to Naples the next day.

Marzia was checking if her guests were happy and we told her that we leave the next morning not that she wonders why our apartment is empty for two days. It’s really as if you tell your family what you plan so that they won’t worry.

Lots of water to drink in the car and something to eat as well – we had 415 km to go and planned to drive early in the morning so that we arrive before the heat of the day would be there. What we underestimated is that the Naples region is again much warmer than the Grosseto region so we ended up with 39°C at noon.

On the road

Pompeii – my little baby deep inside my belly, Pompeii is a very special place because your mommy was soaking in everything she could find about the story of Pompeii and the archaeological site. It took her 37 years to finally be at the gates of this ancient city and sharing this with your daddy and of course with you is very special. Let’s have a wonderful afternoon in here and I promise I will rest in the shadow when I find shadow and drink lots so that you can swim happily deep inside my belly.

pompeii garden

Hot, hot, hot, it looks as if we had chosen one of the hottest days of the year but when you think about the tragedy of Pompeii you start to shiver and inside a building where some of the people of Pompeii were laying even your blood freezes. It’s so interesting and sad at the same time. You can see a child buried in his father’s arm – the cruelty touches especially when you expect your own child.

Hot pompeii

I knew by then already that whatever happens I would throw myself in front of this baby no matter what but that these people had to do it because there was no other way out and even if they did all died in the end is a nightmare.

Vineyard Pompeii

My dream of Pompeii was reality and I was standing there but besides all this bittersweet beauty of that place I was a bit disappointed – archaeologists work to uncover every tiny bit of this story but as a visitor you have no idea because the people who “run” this place seem not to care. I’m not sure if it’s the city of Naples that’s in charge or who it is but I would’ve been willing even to pay more entry if I would get more information for that.

pompeii old cobble

There are streets, houses, gardens where certain people surely know who was living there, was that a bakery next to a butcher, where were the areas of the richer people, all these stories behind the stones are missing pieces from my point of view when you walk through Pompeii.

pompeii streets

Where were the school and the senate? Did they had a public swimming area like there were in Rome?

© pompeii people

These are the remaining parts – so cruel to see yet even more important to show that they all were human beings having a normal life.

reconstruction

If I would get paid I would move there for as long as it takes to work with the archaeologists, read the history in the files of the city, do research and create a way to guide the visitor’s through a Pompeii that’s full of life, through a Pompeii on the day before the Vesuvio erupted, on a normal day in the city. Oh what a dream this would be.

Vesuv

After a long afternoon we checked in at our hotel in Naples.

The hotel was nice and quite central but not easy to find and with an outside parking area which seems normal for Naples but is a bit scary when you know that Naples is a city full of crime.

Once there we showered off the dust of Pompeii and started relaxed into an evening of what? Of food…Naples is known as the birthplace of Pizza so we had to try Pizza but also some pasta and gelato.

Pasta napoli

After Pizza and Pasta we started to walk through Naples, we followed our heart, walking hand in hand, free as birds, stopped for ice cream, enjoyed the evening air which settled in and took a bit of the heat of the day away, we went into small streets where clothes were on lines between the houses like you see it on typical Naples picture. Naples is not only nice, it’s also dirty but we tried to ignore the fact as we wouldn’t stay long.

me napoli

The three of us had a relaxed evening and slept great after such an exciting day.

On the next morning we started with breakfast in the hotel which I love while my husband hates it.

Before we left the room I had a green tea which started to become a daily habit to reduce my coffee intake during the pregnancy.

green tea napoli

After that I has a buffet in front of me and I can sit hours to eat and have coffee and eat and enjoy the morning while my husband wants his coffee and that’s it.

Now with me being pregnant he couldn’t tell me I should eat quickly as our baby needs all the vitamins and of course a relaxed and happy mom.

Before we started to drive back to our apartment in Grosseto we enjoyed the morning in Naples and strolled through some shops, had a last coffee in this city and stocked up the water for our way.

Coffee Naples

All in all that was a great 2nd wedding anniversary and we may come back but only to show Pompeii to our child (or if they want me to work for the archaeological site 🙂 ).

415 km to go now – more of the Tuscany will follow in another post.

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Suddenly pregnant

Suddenly pregnant

We weren’t trying trying like many couples do when they want to start a family shortly after the wedding.

What we did is to just see what happens – what’s meant to be will happen when the time is right.

And then there comes a day when you think something is not normal and maybe a pregnancy test could be the answer. The answer was pink, two pink stripes on a test. I was standing in front of it in disbelief.

Is it really real?

Is there seriously a human being growing inside of me?

Are we ready?

You can think you are ready but once you see these two little stripes you start to question everything all over again.

37 years old and you start to question everything you are – am I really prepared to be a mother, am I capable of taking care until the end of my life, will I be able to give enough love to a child, am I good enough, is that really what we want right now or is it too early or shouldn’t we have started earlier and are already too old?

I tried to calm down and made a couple of tests just to be sure my eyes weren’t tricking me, which she surely didn’t.

The next question is how to tell my husband – there are thousands of ideas you will find on Pinterest but who has time to prepare something like that when you just found out yourself and the next thing you would like to do is shouting it out of the window so that everyone knows how happy you are?

What I managed as my husband wasn’t home is to walk to a children’s shop nearby and buy a pair of really tiny socks. The pregnancy test safely in my bag I walked to the café nearby where we had a date (yes, husband and wife and still dates for a coffee, it is possible).

My husband ordered a coffee for me and I was patiently waiting for it to be on the table as I wasn’t trusting myself in regards to emotions and the last I wanted is to burst out in tears (even if these would be tears of happiness) in front of a waitress.

The coffee was served and I pulled out the baby socks out of the bag behind my back.

“I need to tell you something…today at home I was so curious because I’m a bit overdue as you know…so I bought a couple of days ago…eeehm…what I mean is…I made a test. And…”.

I gave him the tiny socks and tears were welling up in my eyes when I saw his expression on his face.

Here we are – two adult persons sitting in a café – touched at the core of our beings by a very very very tiny being hidden inside of me.

A moment to keep in my mind for the rest of my life.

At this moment all these questions were answered – we ARE parents, whatever comes we will be able to handle it together as a family.

(What we didn’t knew by then is that sooner than we could imagine indeed had to handle a situation that wasn’t on our radar at all but that’s another story.)

© by misssfaith2017 (1)

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Stop gently breastfeeding at night

IMG_5192

Stop breastfeeding at night according to Gordon

I’m soooo tired and I read Dr Jay Gordon’s article a couple of times thinking about if that’s a way for us.
Tonight I tried it the very first time.
I cannot even tell you what time it is right now as we are laying in our family bed and the room is dark except of a hidden salt lamp in a corner which gives a tiny bit of light for us as orientation.
Rami went to bed with me as usual, we snuggled and then I breastfed him into sleep.
I have no idea how often I fed him since then as he turns around quite often to get soothed and I stopped counting.
Being tired and exhausted due to this lack of sleep seemed almost normal but tonight I gave it s first try and I’m so so so thankful for this advice.
When Rami turned towards me the felt 100th time tonight I started to rub his back instead of feeding him, talking to him, explaining him that it’s still nighttime and that we go back to sleep.
As expected he started to be angry not to say very very angry.
He didn’t expect me to that as he always got exactly what he wanted for the past 13 months and 2 days or better said nights.
I was prepared (by the article and by fellow moms who did it already) and he started to cry, heartbreaking tears on my babies / toddlers cheeks to dry.
I took him up, trying to rock him like we used to when he was younger but my little stubborn child got more angry.
He flipped and turned and cried, a really angry crying as if he wanted to shout at me “how dare you, mommy”.
I knew it wouldn’t be easy but his crying is really hurting me on the core of my soul.
I stay “hard” and hug him and rock him and soothe him and step by step he started to calm down.
Sobbing the way they do after a long cry but he calms down.
We lay down snuggled up, he lays in my arms and I tell him stories of what we did that day and that we go tomorrow to the playground again, that the sun is hopefully shining brightly when we wake up and that we watch out for dogs again like we used to. He will run after the doves again and we walk to the swing, all these things I tell him and he relaxes more and more, holding my hands while listening with wide open eyes to my voice.
His face looks calm now in the bare shadow of the light and I fall head over heels in love with this little boy again, like every day.
I can’t believe that we made it, the first time in the middle of the night where he is calm without breastfeeding and he looks at me as if he wants to say “it’s ok, mommy, I’m fine. Let’s sleep now as long as I am allowed to be close to you”.
He is allowed to be as close to me as he wants and while I sing to him he turns around in my arms having his nose close to mine, yawning and closing his eyes.
He sleeps and I could cry now.
He’s the purest kind of love I’ve ever met and I never thought that this “hard” way will bring us even closer than before.
Breastfeeding is the closest way of being together is what I thought but it’s not true anymore. He’s growing and our relationship is starting to go to another level.
I write it all down not to forget these precious first moments.
For sure we will continue to breastfeed and this was just the very first night of trying to get nights of sleep but during daytime he can drink lots of his milk as well as in the morning after he woke up and at night when we go and sleep.
This wonderful routine won’t stop for another couple of months I assume and that’s OK!
He deserves the best, my little love ❤️

(So far gone already and before I even introduce Rami, my son, to you I write about last night. This is where we are right now but surely you will read more stories how we got here soon!)

For all who are interested in the Dr Jay Gordon method here the link:
http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

 

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Momlife

IMG_0059

Hello my dears,

I’m not sure how many of you are still there as I abandoned my blog for quite a long time.
But for those who are still with me – Thanks Thanks Thanks!
And for those who decide to join in – you are very welcome!

I need to go over the published posts, I need to sort out, I need to shape and renew my blog but most of all I need to WRITE.

I indeed missed writing and as my life profoundly changed while this blog was laying on ice I’m happy if I find the time to.

As you can read in the title “Momlife” this is the profound change ❤️
Since April 2016 I am a mom and I couldn’t imagine something more wonderful than this state of being.
This little boy turned our world upside down and he’s so so so wonderful.
There are so many stories to tell – how was the pregnancy, my birth story, when do we sleep 😴, are we good parents, how is this little boy developing, how do I manage to work with a toddler, and and and.
Besides being a mom I still remain me and also here are challenges to write about.
Do I still stick to my Yoga practice, how is meditation working, can I remain the old me with a baby, the more I think about it all the more topics I have on my mind.

Let’s see how regular I will be able to write and publish.
I don’t set myself a goal (not yet at least) and let it happen.
If it’s only a short post once in a while then it is like that, if it’s more than that I’m happy.

Happy to be back and I hope to read comments from you soon.
What do you want to know, what should I write about, how do you manage kid and blog and husband and work and household and and and.

Take care 🕉

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My husband & my best friend

My husband & my best friend

My husband & my best friend (1)

My husband and my best friend are one and only person.

I truly believe that this is the key for a good relationship.
We are not only husband and wife, we are also best friends.

There’s nothing I’m afraid of telling him. In good times and in bad times, I think that’s the most important part of it. Whenever there is something happening to him or to me we are calling each other and telling each other the news.

I want him to be the first person to know whatever is going on in my life, and fortunately he’s thinking the same way.

I not only love him, no, I trust him, I rely on him, I adore him, I laugh with him, I cry with him, I just want him to be around and to be the most important part of my life.
There are for sure many couple things we are doing together, grocery shopping, candlelight dinners in the evening, serious couple talking or future planning, building up our home, holding hands while strolling through the park, visiting the family and helping each other through tough times.

But there are on the other side also many friend things we are doing together, like sitting in a coffee gossiping about people walking by, chatting about nonsense the whole evening long, watching movie after movie and eating unhealthy things, clothes shopping (even shoe shopping although he is a man) or just sitting on the couch and talking for hours.

The time I spend with him is the most precious time in my life, even if we are fighting from time to time about stupid things, every second belongs to us and this is what I love most.

Whoever said that relationships have to be totally serious is wrong. Most important from my point of view is that you have to find the balance, the balance between being serious as a couple but also having lots of fun.

For sure if you’re tying the knot this is serious, but just because we are now husband and wife doesn’t mean that our personalities changed completely, we are still allowed to laugh out loud when we want to and to take life just as it is.
All facets of life should be displayed in a married life as well. We go through fun times and through sad times, we act serious and not serious, we behave like adults and we behave like children, and if you found the person where you can be all at once without getting a serious or a strange look, then you can be sure that you found it, the love you were looking for.

Keep it safe, hold onto it even if times are hard, it is a gift and it is so unique.
Many out there trying to search for it, they sometimes lose sight of the importance and search for something perfect and get frustrated because they’re not able to find it.
It will find you!

But it will only find you when you stop searching and if you get a way of wanting something perfect, it will never be perfect. It just can’t be perfect because we are humans. I’m truly convinced that these relationships happen by accident, accident in the best sense of the word accident. They hit you when you’re not expecting it. That’s the surprise of the meant to be.

Nobody ever told me that I have to go through so many struggles before this happens, but in the end I can say all these struggles were worth it. We found each other without searching and that was the best thing that happened to us. Now it’s our task to keep it going and we will give the best in us for the future.
Stay faithfully and never stop hoping!

 

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Xmas with the family

Xmas with the family

This year (or to be correct, last years – 2012) I spent Xmas again with my family. The last years we hadn’t had a Xmas only with our inner circle family which means mum, dad, my sister and me. Sometimes it was me and my parents when my sister was with her boyfriend, or it was my sister and my parents while I stayed in Munich. This year all were happy to be together again. For me it was also a time to get some rest while doing nothing. Doing nothing is something I’m absolutely bad at. As long as I’m home I will find something which has to be done instead of just snuggling up on the couch and read a book or watch a movie. This is different at my parents as I don’t have to clean the house or do the washing. I was already looking forward to watch all the Xmas fairy tales on TV, feeling like a child again, no problems, no tasks.
It turned out that I really had a few relaxing days. There was lots of family gathering with aunts and uncles and their families but no stress during my stay. A bit of shopping, coffee with old friends, delicious food and lots of sleep.
Our Xmas tree was a cute small one this year and on twenty fourth we celebrated in the typical German way with potato salad and sausage in the evening, unwrapping the presents and family games for the rest of the evening. This year it was “rummikub” and I’m really keen to win those games. I started good but was the loser in the end – haha. But a saying here says if you aren’t lucky in gambling you are lucky with love. Keeping my love is worth losing the games!
On twenty fifth the traditional Xmas goose was prepared for lunch. If you never tried a goose you miss something, it’s so lovely!
And the last official Xmas day, the twenty sixth, which is also the birthday of one of my aunts we stayed in her house for birthday cake and coffee in the afternoon. All my cousins around and lots of chatting and laughing.
For New Year’s Eve I planned nothing, I just stayed at my friend and we had a nice dinner, lots of talking and TV and watched the fireworks from her balcony.
But like always, as soon as you feel a bit relaxed and would like to relax a bit more it’s time to get back to work. The same for me, directly on the first of January I had to drive back home to start working the next day.
The good thing about it is, that it was only one more month left until I can close my arms around my fiancé again, inshallah. As he told me before, the time will pass quickly.
I hope all of you had a nice holiday and a happy start in 2013.
I have no New Years resolutions but hopefully this year will be exciting with all our plans ahead.
Faithfully, Miss Faith!

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