Don’t let Doubt be your Friend!

Don’t let Doubt be your Friend!

One of the lessons learned and believe me, this wasn’t an easy one.

It is natural I guess – throughout or life we are doubting… if we are on the right path, doing the right thing, meeting the right people … this is needed as check or ourselves. We build up confidence like that as well.

Doubt becomes a problem when we doubt more than being sure we did something right.

When I write don’t let doubt be your friend I don’t mean it should be your enemy, you will need it, until the end of your life, like a person you meet once in a while but not regularly. Like this person you know your whole life which tells you after a couple of years that you look great, that you changed your style and it suits you, that you were always adored for your skills in whatever, you get what I mean I hope. This person can also tell you that the old car was better than the new you have chosen, but in the end you are driving that car and you need to be feeling good in it.

What are you doing with the car for instance? You may reconsider changing it back because this person had some proper arguments, or you stop thinking about it because it was well thought over in first place?

Doubt is ALWAYS just an adjuster or a confirmer, it is rarely a complete changer but more a lesson learned.

But what if you think you are doing the right thing and all of a sudden Mr. Doubt shows up regularly? He considers himself your new friend and crawls into your life. He is telling you his opinion whenever he can and it’s always the opposite of what you were considering to be right. He starts to drain your energy because it is not easy to be criticized for every step you make. And it’s wrong!

Many may have this colleague who’s acting like that, or even a boss.

Believe me, a good colleague or a well-trained manager would NEVER make you doubt everything. they would make you aware if something isn’t going to the right direction and offer advise, training or help to fix it.

I doubted – too much, so much that I fell exhausted into my bed in the evening because I felt NOT ENOUGH. From the depth of my heart I knew that I did the right thing(s). I even knew it because I got feedback from many others but that one stupid Mr. Doubt was so present and so nagging with his comments that I started to doubt – more and more.

He stepped into my life as if he was an old friend but that’s not true. I knew him and I met him once in a while but I never considered him to be one of my close friends. The opposite, I was always happy when he disappeared and his permanent presence made me feel not good at all, not sufficient and not enough.

I had to learn this and especially I had to learn to tell him STOP!

Stop for the sake of my health – mentally and physically. Once this step was done it felt better because I gained my worth back. My knowledge that has been built up over the years could not be completely wrong as Mr. Doubt tried to make me believe. I was able again to hold my head up high and face him and tell him that he will not succeed in breaking me, because this is what he wanted as my “friend”.

Doubt is like a toxic person

We all know them and we all know that we should keep them very distanced as they otherwise would start to influence our life (and not in a good way).

Almost a year later I am sitting here typing, my stomach still hurts and seems twisted from time to time which is a reminder of what I went through. I’m not complaining because in the end I know who I am and what I am worth! In the end Mr. Doubt and his companions are the poor ones. They will never be happy in their life because as long as you are constantly criticizing others you ignore your own problems which probably are more intense than I can imagine them to be.

We are all human beings, we are all not perfect and that is perfectly fine!

We are supposed to make mistakes to learn and grow. We are exactly where we should be and if someone makes you start to doubt be careful. We can support, we can share experiences, we can give a helping hand, but if we start to put ourselves higher and make others doubting their worth we are the problem, not the other persons!

The struggle to accept and realize that not everyone is my friend even though they pretend to be was long and intense and I don’t want to go through it once again. But truly, I am more mindful and focused than ever before. I’m thankful to know that not I was the problem but others.

If you read my blog before you have an idea of how I think and in this case I could be mad, I could start to hate persons who tried to harm me but that’s not me.

Karma will catch them sooner or later!

I don’t want to poison my thoughts with hatred, I don’t want to invite negativity to my life and I don’t want to hate. To focus on what’s positive in all this is much more rewarding and makes me happier than giving attention to the bad. It doesn’t mean that I ignore, no, I acknowledge, analyse, take my lesson out and then put it aside as it no longer serves me.

I truly hope that whenever you doubt you don’t let these thoughts taking over the reigns – they won’t guide you in a good way. Doubt is not supposed to be permanently present but occasionally only.

Always tell yourself that you are doing the best you can at that time in your life and you are learning along the way. At every second you are where you are supposed to be as the best version of you.

You are worth to kick Mr. Doubt out if he starts to approach you more than you can take. It’s your life!

Stay strong and never doubt the wholeness of your being!

One month is gone

One month is gone already – it’s February!

We are getting closer to the renewal time of spring. How lovely is alone this thought.

Are you also tired of winter?

In general I like winter, if it would be the winter we all dream of. Snowy landscapes, cosy homes, steaming tea cups, children building a snowman…

The problem is that my winter doesn’t look like that. Whenever we would have time for these real snow days there is no more snow but grey mud or even worse just rain.

The first time my son was on his new slide was the last so far because since then there either was no snow or in the snow regions it was so much that they called out the emergency status. That means we have a new slide, a new snow suit, even wonderful warm boots but no snow.

The same goes for the snowman. As wonderful as a winter could be, this winter wasn’t showing up like we wished (at least not in Munich).

Others may say now that this isn’t entirely true, and they are right. The winter for us wasn’t like we wished for. We work from Monday to Friday and only the weekend is the time where we could fully enjoy the winter-wonderland. If we would have had time throughout the week our feeling towards this winter would be different.

As always in life it’s the personal perception.

I’m not complaining, we are fine, we won’t break into tears because of these missed snowportunities 🙂

The interesting part is indeed how different we all see things.

My husband is Libyan, for him everything under 0°C is too cold to go outside unless you have to. For me, I like the warm days more but it’s OK if it’s cold. I learned there is no wrong weather, there are only wrong clothes, that’s the way to handle the weather in Germany. And our son? With almost three years he is simply exploring the world. If it’s cold or warm, dry or wet, lighted up or dark, he will always find something on every single day that is interesting.

January

We started into this year with a month full of snow, rain, grey days and a bit of winter sun. The first half of January was a re-adjusting at work for me. Even if the break between Christmas and the new year is just a couple of days it seems as everyone is starting new and not too stressed into another year. The second half took the speed up again and currently I ask myself how to survive a full year with this level of stress.

What comes next?

The simple answer would be February.

I know that my work life will change a bit in the next months as projects are closed and new are starting. I hope there will be more time again to focus on my development, professional as well as private.

As days start to be longer again we will wait patiently for the spring to spend more and more time outside. The lack of sunshine is draining the last depots. Even better to have the possibility to plan a short vacation before the long summer vacation this year.

Travelling with a toddler is not pure relaxation but indeed a wonderful experience. We plan another flight with him in March and look already forward to new discoveries.

Apart from that I guess the only plan is to enjoy more and worry less.

People tend to be stressed 24/7

Going back to what really counts in life is one of the keys to happiness. Our jobs are eating lots of time and if we don’t work we worry about work. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. Once you are out of the office you should start to enjoy your private leisure time. Somehow many forgot how it works.

We don’t live to work until we die. The purpose in life should be greater and bigger than heading to work and be a good employee, employer, boss, manager, consultant, sales assistant, truck driver, whatever you work. Where are the happy men and women, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, wives and husbands, cousins, artists, dancers, hippies, all these who don’t have places in their work?

At work I am a manager but the rest of my life I am a woman, a mom, a wife, a yogi, a painter, a cook, an artist, a writer, a blogger, a psychologist, a healer and so much more. I need this work-free time to be happy in everything else that I’m here for and being stressed because of my job should not have a place there. Not I, neither my husband nor my son deserve to be surrounded by a stressed person.

We need to let go

It’s hard to let go and just be. I know because I’m not good at it but I try. I will never stop trying to let go as it is one important part for my own sanity.

One month is already gone. Eleven more will follow until we reach 2020 and what do we want to remember? The sleepless nights of worry, the break-downs of being over-worked, the mistakes we made?

No, we want to remember the lessons learned, the laughter, the love that surrounded us. We want to remember the good time which was more than the bad time. To reach this we have to let go and that means to shift our focus. At work my focus is on my work but as soon as I shut down my laptop and turn off my phone the focus is on me and my family – that’s where it belongs to.

I wish you all a shift of your own personal focus. Let go of what isn’t needed at all and minimize the stress as best as you can.

Months are passing by so fast – we need to cherish the time we have!

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Why being an egoist isn’t always bad

Nobody will tell you to take care of yourself!
Your life – your responsibility

Why being an egoist isn’t always bad

We are growing up learning to take care of one another and to share, which in general is great, but what nobody is telling us along the way is that we will face times where nobody will take care of you.

We should not act egoistic, being an egoist is bad – we are bad if we are an egoist. While I partly agree, because I’d love to see non-egoists everywhere, I partly disagree quite strong.

To put myself behind is something which is valuable in many ways, if I stand up for elder persons and offer them my seat for instance. I can start and collect many examples why it’s good to think about others. The main problem is that it will not work out 100% because nobody is perfect and social and caring like I would like them to be.

To be a caring person is wonderful as long as it’s not affecting my own sanity and here the egoist has to step in.

Only if I take care about myself, if I give myself enough time to rest, to recover, to grow, to meditate, to move, to think, to whatever makes you feel good – only then I have the strength to be there when others need me. Center yourself exactly where you are!

We are often truly exchangeable – which is not nice but sadly the reality.

If I just think about work-life, be it my own or everyone else’s, every single one of us can be exchanged within the blink of an eye. The world isn’t stopping just because I’m not there anymore. Even if many think that they are very important especially in their professional life, I can assure you, YOU ARE NOT!

A waitress is kicked out and the next is starting right away, of course that can work, you think if you are the vice president of a large traditional family business and nobody can replace you? From whom did you take over? There will always be someone coming after and that’s life, nothing is permanent.

Knowing this and knowing that I can only be the best version of myself if I take care of myself taught me to step back if I need to. I worked through many “just a small” colds instead of going on sick leave and recover properly before being back at work. NOBODY will say thanks for that and that’s good because only then you learn what’s important.

No work is more important than my health. Only if I’m healthy I can work.

So here we are – if I answer the phone with a croaky voice being obviously not healthy not many will ask you to go to the doctor and stay in bed. Many will ask you with the pity in their voices if you don’t feel fine but will switch in the next second to tasks that need to be done.

Be an egoist and RECOVER properly, long-term this is the only possibility to stay healthy and maybe to reach the change you want to see in this society.

What about invisible problems? A croaky voice, ok, but if you have mental illnesses it’s not even visible. You will tell me now that you are happy about that fact but that’s wrong.

I would love to invent something like a face turning pink-striped when having mental health issues not to put the spotlight on that person but to raise awareness of how many people are affected. This taboo needs to be broken and people should be treated properly as if they have a broken leg. It may take longer, yes, but it’s as important as any other illness to be cured!

I seriously don’t want to stamp persons as sick but I am sure that many are not asking for help or are going to get help themselves because this stamp “crazy” is still so active in our society. If you are not visibly ill then what? You have a day where you don’t feel fine, that’s normal. If it’s more than one day, then pull yourself together, it’s easy like that, isn’t it?

No, it isn’t and everyone who thinks it is has luckily never experienced mental health issues!

So please, don’t be shy, don’t be ashamed, don’t feel ‘not normal’ or crazy – there is help out there and please reach for it!

There is slowly a re-thinking on it’s way in our society but it needs people to go out and to show their pink-striped faces, people to say “Yes, I have problems”, people to assure that it is nothing to be afraid of! I promise you, if we really would put stripes in our faces the ones without would even be in the minority.

To reach a change we need to start.

Be the change you want to see…

Be an egoist and take care of yourself!!!

(Because nothing is permanent 🙂 )

Center Yourself exactly where you are…

Center Yourself exactly where you are…

That’s your starting point – being aware of where you are right now is the most important to start moving.

If you want to go into the Yoga tree you need to make sure you know the floor you are standing on. Is it uneven, do you stumble, are there stones, is it possible to slip? Only when you know where you stand you can lift up one leg and still stand steady.

The very same counts for everything in your life – only when we are fully aware of the NOW we are confident to step forward.

Center yourself, listen, feel, breathe – all that you are right now is important. This brings you not only mindfully into the present, it grounds you and makes you completely aware of what you need right now.

If I know where I am I can start going without being afraid to get lost – I will find my way back if needed. But if I’m lost I may not find what I’m looking for because I have no idea where to head to. This may be fine, we all know that often out of these lost times something great emerges. BUT to grasp the greatness that approaches I need to see it. Most probably I won’t realize what’s in front of me when I am not centered and grounded.

When we want to drive somewhere with our car we need to make sure each time that we have fuel and that we have the keys to ignite the engine – without we won’t go anywhere.

When we wake up in the morning we need to ignite our life flame. What are we burning for, do we have enough energy (fuel) for what we want to reach? These questions are important to stay sane.

In my lowest low period I may not start to move mountains but I may be creative and work in silence. On my highest high I may be overflowing with energy and may not bundle it to quiet my mind for something that needs lots of concentration but I may be able to physically work on something, flow through a powerful day or lift other up in being full of positivity.

We have all in us, from the lowest low to the highest high and so many stages in between that we need to adjust.

If we try to go against the nature of our being we will long-term ruin ourselves. That’s why it’s important to check on ourselves and even if our day starts powerful we may slip into a low throughout the day, then take a moment and re-adjust.

The power of mindfulness is so so so damn important if we want to stay healthy and sane! We are workers and doers, we are mothers and fathers, wives and husbands, cleaners and cooks, drivers and guides. We are so much and nobody will tell you to take a minute and listen into yourself while doing all those tasks day in and day out.

We are responsible to be mindful with our life, with our body and soul. We need to listen and accept, the accepting part is often the hardest. We listen, and we know it’s time to stop. But we often ignore this inner voice and risk our well-being instead of adjusting to what we are right here and right now.

Self-care! At the end of the day it’s our own responsibility to take care of ourselves. In low and in high times, in happiness and in sadness, all these times are important; only if we embrace the low and trust that we will be fine again we will be able to embrace the high.

There is no always happy life and even if it seems sometimes so from an outside position we need to trust that all that happens is important. We only grow, and we even grow more during the low times than during the high ones. Many creative minds worked on their masterpieces while being deeply sad or broken – this doesn’t mean that we need to like these times, but we need to love ourselves even more then.

Only if we accept that we are all, all the emotions and feelings that run through us, only then we will be able to create a life we want to live. And even then we will have times where we would like to bury our heads under the blanket and that’s OK! That’s what life is all about – learning, feeling, growing, loving, enjoying, crying, teaching, sharing. Take all and embrace the whole.

Center Yourself exactly where you are…

…because you are worth it, you are deserving it and you are in charge of your life. Take care!

Every year we start again…

Every year we start again…

…and write down new year’s resolutions, we think what we could do better than last year, what we could change, what was good and what wasn’t a masterpiece at all.

And every year I am wondering why we are doing it…

I never set new years resolutions for myself – the typical ones are to eat less sweets, stop smoking, loosing weight, etc. and I have seen to often that all those weren’t met anyway.

Are we too weak or do people just set the wrong goals? I believe it’s the later.

When I want to reach a goal it doesn’t matter if I write it down on 31st Dec or on any other day. If I want it desperately then I will work on it.

If I don’t want it desperately, then no date will help me to reach it and that’s why so many great resolutions never become real.

Why don’t we change this habit to reflect each day on where we are and what we want. This is a routine with more depth than a once-per-year kind of deep thought. I take a certain time just for myself and reflect the past 24 hours.

  • Am I happy?
  • What was good today?
  • What was not so could and how can I change it?
  • What’s my plan for the next days?
  • Do I need something that can help me?
  • Am I treating myself with love?

There are so many questions I can ask myself at the end of the day or in the morning of a new day – these are just a few examples.

Life is complicated enough so we should not start to make it more complicated with setting goals we are not able to reach, this is just frustrating and will bring us down. What we need are things that lift us up, goals which are realistic, people who support us, dreams to catch…

I miss my Yoga and instead of writing down that I want to take 15 min. per day to do some Yoga I stand up and do some sun salutations right here and right now. I can write in my journal “8 sun salutations” and that feels good!

Yesterday I wrote on Instagram the following: Be simply happy is often the most complicated

This sentence has so much to say and but is also so simple to follow. It’s saying nothing more than be simple and live now! We tend to over-do, over-plan, over-think, over-write, over-talk instead of doing what we want to do.

I am one of them, I’m maybe the best worst example for that because I over-think literally EVERYTHING. I try to reach a perfection instead of just taking the moment and that all with knowing very well that nothing is perfect and that imperfection is even more interesting than something that seems to be perfect. I struggle as we all struggle and that’s why it is even more important to remind me and all that we are not here to be perfect.

We should be happy, we should love and smile and enjoy and treat us well.

At the end of our life nobody will remember the perfect house, the neat clothes, the combed hair, the clean windows or the success at work. At the end all that counts are all those imperfect happy moments we spent.

Instead of running after imaginary goals start and live now!

Stand up wherever you are right now, look up, breathe, reach your arms up high and embrace all the beauty around you. This life is wonderful if we let it be…

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