How I Went From Shy to Less Shy

How I Went From Shy to Less Shy

How I Went From Shy to Less Shy

I was pushed to it mainly when I started my job.

Before, I wouldn’t say I was too shy but unsure or uncertain in many things.

Still like being the teenager and not an adult so how to argue with them about something which they should know better just because they live longer.

Also when meeting new people, it’s not that I was totally quiet but I was holding back with my opinion in first place and even more with private stories. You never know if they may talk you over or try to use it against you.

The lack of self esteem is something normal at an younger age I believe, at least it was the case for me, but when I had to take ownership for my work I was quickly getting more and more confident.

Not only in business where you develop a kind of knowledge about your business but also for me as private person. Part of my job was and still is to work with people around the world and its not a fixed team for the next ten years, no, it’s changing, sometimes very quickly.

New team members, new staff hired, new clients, things and people are moving and to adapt to this world you need to develop a style of getting along with all these changes and cultural differences.

I can never expect that one client is working as the other and for my internal staff I realize that for example the hungarian team member is not working exactly in the same way as the israelian is even if it is exactly the same job.

To be honest, I like it, it’s sometimes driving me crazy but most of the time I’m happy to be in the position to meet so many different persons. I learned a lot for my life even if some tasks like holding a speech in front of several persons was scaring me in the beginning.

Learning while doing is the best for me as you have to go through it and I can say that it was always a lesson learned for me and I was proud when it went good. So no reason to be scared, you will be proud afterwards when it went fine and if not you will have learned what to change for the next time.

Another important part for me was to get used to write and talk English as this is the main language in my business. When I started I had my school English plus a few books I read, nowadays I’m talking as if I never did anything else, this may not be perfect and there may be mistakes but I’m neither an English teacher nor a native speaker, so as long as the main part is good and people are able to understand what I’m saying or writing I’m fine.

Why do I name this post “…from shy to less shy” – am I only less shy?

You could assume I’m not shy at all now but the truth is, I’m still a bit shy and it’s good that way. But it’s something I know, I’m pretty good in hiding it so that most of the people are not realizing that part. It’s not visible, it’s like my inner shield telling me to be cautious or careful. I’m not the one talking about every single moment of my life as long as I don’t know the person in front of me. Sometimes not even when I knew them better for good reasons, as we all know not all people are nice just because they act in a nice way and I never was the person who wants to be topic during lunch for others.

The less I talk about me, the less they have to talk about me.

Only a well picked small circle of friends knows how I am really and they don’t even know everything – that’s enough.

I learned to never arm people with information to use it against me one day. But what counts the most as always is to stay yourself and to be authentic.
Keep the faith and take care!

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The Sound of War…

sound of war

The Sound of War…

A few days ago I was as always talking over the web to my Libyan fiancé.

I am already used to hear gunshots in the background from time to time. And to say “being used to” is kind of weird. I fortunately grew up in a peaceful area and to hear gunshots is frightening me. But I was convinced that they are far away from his house and he is not affected, so I got calmer.

But what happened this night was scaring the hell out of me.

It started with gunshots but in an unusual way as instead of stopping after a few minutes it was getting more heavy and was followed by sounds I never heard before.

He explained that they shot now with weapons used against tanks. While I was sitting frightened in front of my iPad he tried to call some friends to find out what’s going on and to locate the area.

About five kilometers away from his house and all started with a fight about a car which left one dead. The family of the killed was then looking for revenge and it was getting worse and worse. I’m not even sure about the details exactly and if the national security was involved at some point or not, but that’s not the topic.

After three hours of permanent shootings the next stage were weapons normally used against planes – anti aircraft – and that was the time when I was more quiet than ever before. He was a bit nervous and not as relaxed as one could be when he survived war times. The “normal” heard gunshots aren’t frightening him anymore as he is able after the war to locate just from the sound if it’s near to him or not. But for me, honestly, this was a situation where I realized even more than before how dangerous human beings can be.

Libya fought so hard to get finally the so long served liberty, they suffered more than anyone without war experience can imagine, and now the newly gained liberty is still a mess and has almost the same sound as a war.

Peace should be silent, comfortable and not frightening, don’t they deserve to live peacefully now, after all these struggles?

And it’s not only that there are a few stupid guys going against each other, no, it’s affecting so many.

Has one of them ever thought about the persons who lost their loved ones, about children survived a traumatic time and still not finding rest, all the innocent out there who shiver at each shot and relive cruel memories?

And even me and I’m surely not the only one having a close relationship to Libya from an outside position. We are sitting here, in a calm and safe area, and we are frightened and hope each time that our loved ones will not be affected.

A feeling I never experienced before, being completely helpless, powerless.

Why are humans like this? They gained the power and they won against a cruel dictator but instead of trying to have a better life afterwards they abuse the weapons they got for selfish reasons. In the end they are not better than the one they fought before. I’m not a political person, I just try to use my normal human thinking. What must be in the minds of those who act so cruel? In the end it’s good that I cannot understand because it would mean I think the same way. But from a realistic point of view they bring even more sadness into the country, the families, the people instead of taking the first steps into a better future.

I hope to be able sooner than later to travel there because from what I’ve heard and read and seen on pictures it must be a wonderful country.

Keep the faith that it soon will be safe first for the people living there and second to all those who already love the country without having been there.