Lao Tzu once said…

Lao Tzu once said…

My son is my life

so many things that I barely know where to start but one thing stayed in my mind, especially now that I am a mom of an almost two-year old who starts to check where his limits are.

A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.

The more you try as a mom to insist the more your child will try to break through. If I sit down with my son and talk with him and try to explain him the world the more he will lose interest and start doing something else.

If I gently guide him towards an experience he can make himself the more he understands and also accepts.

We are all busy and stressed, there are thousands of things during a normal day we have to do but I actively try more and more to put a stop in, for my son and for my own sanity.

I never decided to become a mother to be a leader and have someone who should obey me. I decided to become a mother because giving life is the biggest miracle, because this amount of pure love is something you can not describe. My son is my life and he should not be the victim of my life choices!

Is there something more pure than a child at the beginning of life?

This treasure of innocence is something I don’t want to lose or better written I don’t want to take it away from him (life will do that anyway one day).

His curiosity is something to “work” with. Children are hungry to explore, they understand so much and we should stay in the background as their guardians to protect them on their journey.

So to better understand what I mean, here’s one of a million examples.

My son starts to take the stairs and yes, it takes a lot of time in the beginning! When I need to be fast because we are late the easiest is to pick him up but this causes frustration on his side and to be honest, on my side as well when I see him frustrated. I’m a human being and it won’t always be possible but if he generally is allowed to walk by himself (and I mean by himself without holding my hand) he realizes quite fast that it’s not yet easy for him. He gives his best and is reaching out to me after a couple of stairs he took alone.  He’s the proudest little man when he manages it on his own and it’s his choice to go up and be carried the rest. We both are happy.

There are so many things where we should trust our children – they grow and learn and build their personalities with their own pace and our job is to be there along the way, BE THERE, not chase them, not force them, not expect them to do something because others can do it already, TRUST! Be there and trust your child!

As I’m the mom and by law his legal guardian many consider me to be his authority and yes, I have the responsibility for my son. So if I am the authority in his life then I want to be the gentle one – the one he barely feels, who is meeting him on eye level.

True authority lies in gentleness – this is how we should see it.

My son should one day look back at his childhood and feel a ton of love present along the way, a lot of precious memories, a lot of having fun together, a lot of warmth and lovely shivers when he thinks back to the time we spent together.

We all are human beings which means we all make mistakes, as long as we never lose sight of the big picture, the way we walk side by side, we all are fine.

Sending lots of love <3

 

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Toddler on the road or what’s the essence of life


Do you know these families who have a certain area around their home for the first years after a child was born?
"Aurora needs her nap time in her bed."
"Lucas is not sleeping anywhere else."
Or worse, the parents who need the whole children equipment from bottle warmer to rocking chair, the ones who are not able to improvise and stick to their patterns.
We are not like that, neither our child nor we.
We love to travel and the easiest for me ist to travel by car.
You throw all you need inside and off we go.
We spent already lots of time in the car so it's a bit like a second home.
If you don't expect it you'll find a diaper (often when you indeed need it) or jacket which we thought lost.
Yes, it's a bit messy and I admit that we are at the end of October and we still have the beach umbrella in the back and Tuscan sand on the floor, that's us and I love it!
The best of these messy details is that they don't matter, what matters is that we have a big radius around home already and that we know we can go in whatever direction and we are happy.
A travelling toddler who sleeps everywhere is worth the mess.
His seat is based on cookie crumbs and our family is based everywhere.
He sleeps apparently everywhere when he is tired. What he needs is the reassurance that we are around and that he is safe with us.
Everything else doesn't matter, it can be loud or quiet, sunny or dark, crowded or peaceful, when he is tired he grabs our hand or hugs us tight and off to the land of toddlerdreams.
But what about sleeping times and nap times?
We don't have them.
And before someone starts to argue how important steadiness is…we love that we don't have them!
He is 18 months old, he sleeps when he's tired, he eats when he's hungry and we give him the freedom to grow without a strict schedule as much as we can.
Latest with 6 years when he starts school this life is over as he cannot go to school when he likes or stays in bed longer in the morning when he's supposed to be in his class.
What are 6 years compared to a lifetime?
We should cherish these first six years where our kids are mainly free little birds.
The kindergarten (Kita) for kids under three started for us in September and he's doing it great.
He has a nap time there and he's actually napping and he eats when they all eat.
Children are able to adapt quickly and they know which rules apply where so why should we limit his freedom at home?
We are now on our way to my parents and he sleeps in his car seat next to me while I'm writing and my husband drives, this is our on the road life, one glance at it.
Most people tend to make life more complicated than it is. What is really important, especially with children?
Now! Now is all we should focus on. Our children could be our teacher because they know how it works by heart.
BE HERE NOW (look at your child and soak in the love).
At the end of the day WE are important, the core of our beings.
Our travelling toddler is happy, and so are we ♥️ that's the essence of life, isn't it?

Stepping back into childhood

Stepping back into childhood

Stepping back into childhood

I discovered a nice way of getting myself back on track if my life feels like upside down.
What many of us forget is how easy life is through the eyes of a child.

Ok, you can start now arguing that naturally a child’s life is more easy as the parents are responsible for earning the money, taking care, providing the food, paying bills and so on.
But this is not the point I’m thinking about.
The first important point is that you had a beloved childhood, that’s the precondition and here I know that this is not the case for each and everyone…everyone who had such a childhood is blessed already.

If I have the feeling that everything is too much and I cannot cope with all expectations others but also I have for myself on how life should be I take a time out. Take myself back for half an hour, make it cosy on the the couch, in my bed or just lay down on my carpet.

Remember how you were calmed down as a child. There were many ways how your mum or dad said “shush, my love, everything’s alright”. It could be a cup of hot chocolate, just snuggling up and listen to a radio play, music or being read to. What was your favorite? What I did a few weeks ago is I ordered my favorite childhood book. It’s a story about a little scallywag and his friends in the ancient caesarean Rome. Stories about their schooldays, how they make fun of their greek teacher Xanthippos and so on.

I love it. When I sit down and read these stories written for kids it’s taking me back to these days, days when everything was so easy. After ten minutes of reading I’m already more calm and relaxed.

Going back to the roots is sometimes the best way to ground you again, it’s not the story itself or the taste of a hot chocolate, it’s the emotions connected to them, the sense, the values your parents taught you.

I am for my life entirely sure that it was never the expectation or the wish of my parents to see a grown up perfect super woman who’s able to handle each and everything.

No, I’m sure they wanted me to be happy with what I’m doing, to be senseful and caring, honest and just me.

No one wants me to be a super woman and the last one expecting it from me should be myself. For all who may want me to be different, sorry to say that, they don’t deserve to be part of my life. I don’t care for those who aren’t accepting me as I am.

Find a place in your home which is just yours, which is protecting you when being angry, scared, sad or worn out. You should not hide yourself there for days, it’s more that you know where to calm down whatever happens just for a short time to ground you and where you regain your inner peace.

It may also be a ritual instead of a place or a combination of both but I think honestly that we need something to ease us in this rushing world.
Keep the faith in what you are and who you are and don’t step to far away from your inner self just to fit into this weird world or to please someone. It’s you who’s counting!