No, according to the calendar it isn’t, but for me it definitely is!
It’s the first day since months where I woke up to a clear and sunny sky and actually heard the birds chirping through the closed bedroom window.
I drove my son to the kindergarten and missed my sunglasses in the car.
When I arrived back home I would have loved to stay outside instead of sitting on my desk because this sun starts to be warm again.
Now I’m sitting at work and the window behind me is open. The birds are chirping outside as if they were silenced for a long time and have to proof now that their voices are still fine.
Oh how I love this sound, nature is awakening and so are we. I feel lighter than before and my mood is better whenever I hear them.
Living according to nature is so great, if I could do that without being attached to work hours and kindergarten times and, and, and then I would wake up when the sun rises and slow down when the sun sets and the birds are quiet for the night and give over to the crickets. Nature sounds calm me down in the second which shows me how far away we are from a natural style of living here in the middle of Munich without a garden.
But it also shows me that the nature is so powerful because it comes into the city no matter what.
There can be tons of cars, the birds don’t care and settle down.
My spring arrived and I’m looking forward to a warmer period in the coming weeks.
A while ago it was nursing and then he turned away a slept.
Now he turns away and starts to turn and roll and sit up and lay down – I’m happy that I haven’t bruises in my face yet or a knocked out tooth because changing positions is often very spontaneous and energetic.
He’s growing so fast that I often wonder when this will end.
I love our family bed – is there something more cuts than a tiny hand that searches for you at night and a little sigh of relief when it touches you.
Mommy is here, sleep tight!
I know that these days will go by sooner or later and therefore I try especially during nights which are not only relaxed but sleepless to remember that.
One day I will miss these nights, even the sleepless ones when I was hit without warning by an arm or a leg. One day I would wish that this tiny hand would rest on my arm.
I always try to live in the moment and to enjoy and see the positive in every situation but as a mother this now is another dimension – all of a sudden I realise the reason why it is so important.
We build memories with every single ‘now’ moment which cannot be captured by pictures or words, only our heart and soul are able to treasure these nows.
Build as many memories as you can, these are the important things in life!
It’s so amazing to watch him walking as if the world belongs to him.
Fearless he walks into every corner, checking if there is something he hasn’t seen before.
He’s not yet two years old and has seen more of the area we live in than me in eleven years because he doesn’t care what others may think.
There’s a door half-open, an invite for him to squeeze his tiny head through it and have a look around.
Open doors surely aren’t an obstacle at all.
My little mister charming also knows that he just needs to smile and people smile back at him.
He doesn’t know yet what’s wrong or right, he just knows what feels good and what not. Completely driven by wander and lust, with no bad intention just curiosity, this little rebel is doing exactly what he likes.
And I’m following, I follow him to see the world through his eyes, to get that feeling of carefree life for short moments, for holding him softly back when needed, to protect him from danger, to be his safety net.
I’m following and I’m the proudest person on earth because what we taught him as parents is so clearly visible.
He knows that, whatever he is doing, we are close.
He knows we catch him if he falls and that we protect him, he feels unconditional love and therefore goes straight forward without fear, he’s so pure and so honest.
He hugs when he wants to and not when someone asks him, he drinks when he’s thirsty and he sleeps when he’s tired.
I hope he will never lose this sense of wonder and wanders through his life as curios as he wants to be.
I hope he will never doubt how wonderful he is and that he’s loved more than words can describe.
I hope he will take off his shoes and socks as often as he can like he’s doing now to connect and ground himself.
This earth is the place for our children to wander and wonder – let’s give them all they need to start their journey loved and safe.
I do call myself a blogging mom because that’s what I do – sometimes – irregular – when there’s time – yeah, indeed not that often – BUT I do it.
Who’s a blogging mom and who defines that?
If I look just at myself, self reflection is a good thing, isn’t it, then I see that whenever I find the time to write I enjoy it like Christmas and my birthday together. This time is MY time.
But this rarely happens – am I a bad blogger?
I think I’m an authentic blogger, that’s what I like to call myself because it turns me into something positive. Why should I call myself bad and have a bad feeling because of it?
I mean, honestly, I am a mom and how much time moms have? Answer honest.
Almost no time at all which enables us to sit on a clean desk in a clean flat or house with a mind focused only on the newest topics everyone is talking about…
I’m happy when I can catch up with what’s in at the moment at all between changing diaper, playing, working, cooking, doing the laundry, etc. – I don’t have to make that list because most of you know very well what I mean.
How the heck are moms able not only to write twice or more per week OR even do vlogs? You don’t want to see daily vlogs or Instagram stories from me, I promise you.
These perfect families are suspicious (for me) – do they have jobs? Do they have dirty carpets? Do they have to do grocery shopping with a crying child because it’s not getting everything it wants? I wonder where the normal families are where life is wonderful, absolutely wonderful, but far away from perfect.
My home is a place where we live and the only time when it looks completely sorted and clean is either directly after cleaning or when we are not there. That’s real life.
Back to the topic – I would love to write on this blog daily, I would love to be here more frequently and share what’s on my mind, but at the moment my life has other priorities, the main is 22 months old and doesn’t like it at all when mommy is sitting on the desk.
If you go back to my first posts here you see that this blog is my life, it needs to adapt to the needs and I’m happy to adapt to my child’s needs so that’s what we are.
A little family with a blogging mom, a growing child, a husband and dad without whom I would not have this time even, and a life we three love like crazy.
I hope you stay even if you don’t see new posts every week. Be sure there will be another one – soon – when there is a tiny time slot for me to start writing.
Until then take care, kiss your loved ones and embrace the mess in your life because that’s what is most important!
When I had plenty of time – day in and day out. I started to draw and paint to live the creative part of me. I started to do Yoga to move my body and still my mind.
I had time to go to get my nails done, to sit in a café and just watch people walking by while slowly drinking a huge latte macchiato, I had regular hairdresser appointments and lots of time for shopping. I spent lots of time on writing and even more on reading, reading real paper books.
This time has gone!
I have no time at all, this is a feeling that implanted itself into my brain.
I need to rush through my life because everything is planned and organized and if I get off this schedule tragedies will happen.
I rush to the Kindergarten to be in time before they start their day, I rush back to work, I squeeze appointments in between my work schedule as I cannot attend them with my son. I rush to the Kindergarten to pick him up and run with him through the supermarket because he’s tired and cranky. I rush back home and hope he sleeps so that I can finish my work and prepare dinner, when he wakes up there’s no possibility that I sit on my desk as he will go mad.
We need to play (which is his right!) and that’s the first time where I can slow down a bit. After dinner he’s fully awake and energized to enjoy a long evening with us which means not really time for me to do something creative or watch a movie without interruption, a bit of Yoga works as he starts to like that. It’s late when the day ends and sleeping without me is still rarely happening and instead of reading a few “pages” on my e-book I check emails in bed and hope he’s sleeping deeply soon so that I can take a shower before my eyes close because I’m so tired.
Is this the life I imagined with a child? No. Is this how life just is as a working mum? No.
I think I had to go through this to realize something…
No tragedies happen if I’m off the schedule!
Surely work needs to be done and there will always be days like this BUT it’s up to me to change the majority of days to a more relaxed and flexible schedule.
The more relaxed I am, the more relaxed my son is.
We listen to music in the morning while getting ready to leave the house and we snuggle a while, that’s MORE important than sitting five minutes earlier in my office.
These moments won’t come back!
My office day is scheduled, there’s no way to be completely relaxed there as we have timelines and things need to be done in time but that’s just a matter of prioritizing my work and have proper to-do-lists. If I work highly concentrated instead of being distracted by stressed thoughts about what comes next I work in a more efficient way and yes, more de-stressed. If I need to finish something in the evening anyway why not to drive to the supermarket before I pick my son up? This way I’m faster and my son can go home from the kindergarten right away and snuggle up for a good sleep. I prepare dinner, I work, I am finished when he wakes up and we can do some great things together – we can finish cooking on days I didn’t manage to and he loves the kitchen, or we play or we go to the playground for a while, or we bath him, or or or.
I may not have the time still to work on my paintings, to write lots, to read lots, but I find time to enjoy, I find time to look at a caterpillar as if I discovered something completely new because my son shows me how to do that.
We go outside and search the whole sky until we find a plane or the moon or even both. We start to walk and stop again because there’s a cat climbing up a tree and we follow her to see where she goes. My little love is not even two years old.
He learned a ton of things in his life already and he is ruling our day!
I am his mother and it’s my task to be at his site, to carry him when he’s tired, to feed him when he’s hungry, to show him this world and to go on my knees to face him on his level.
It’s my life as his mother and I love to do all of this because he should be the happiest child on this planet.
I’m able to write (as you can see), it isn’t as regularly as it once was but does that matter? I’m able to do things just for myself, they are limited and not much but that’s OK. I’m able to draw once in a while, I’m able to do many things I used to do but is that really important right now? No, it isn’t.
Important right now is that we live in this very moment because these days pass by like crazy. My little baby is a toddler already and he soon will be doing things on his own and doesn’t want me to help him or to play with him. I don’t want to miss these days and look back one day to regret that I wasn’t crawling on the floor, checking what is under the table or under the couch, just because it makes him laugh in such a giggling wonderful way. I will have plenty of time in the future for all the other things but right now every minute spent with this little bunch of pure happiness is all I need.