Lao Tzu once said…
so many things that I barely know where to start but one thing stayed in my mind, especially now that I am a mom of an almost two-year old who starts to check where his limits are.
A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.
The more you try as a mom to insist the more your child will try to break through. If I sit down with my son and talk with him and try to explain him the world the more he will lose interest and start doing something else.
If I gently guide him towards an experience he can make himself the more he understands and also accepts.
We are all busy and stressed, there are thousands of things during a normal day we have to do but I actively try more and more to put a stop in, for my son and for my own sanity.
I never decided to become a mother to be a leader and have someone who should obey me. I decided to become a mother because giving life is the biggest miracle, because this amount of pure love is something you can not describe. My son is my life and he should not be the victim of my life choices!
Is there something more pure than a child at the beginning of life?
This treasure of innocence is something I don’t want to lose or better written I don’t want to take it away from him (life will do that anyway one day).
His curiosity is something to “work” with. Children are hungry to explore, they understand so much and we should stay in the background as their guardians to protect them on their journey.
So to better understand what I mean, here’s one of a million examples.
My son starts to take the stairs and yes, it takes a lot of time in the beginning! When I need to be fast because we are late the easiest is to pick him up but this causes frustration on his side and to be honest, on my side as well when I see him frustrated. I’m a human being and it won’t always be possible but if he generally is allowed to walk by himself (and I mean by himself without holding my hand) he realizes quite fast that it’s not yet easy for him. He gives his best and is reaching out to me after a couple of stairs he took alone. He’s the proudest little man when he manages it on his own and it’s his choice to go up and be carried the rest. We both are happy.
There are so many things where we should trust our children – they grow and learn and build their personalities with their own pace and our job is to be there along the way, BE THERE, not chase them, not force them, not expect them to do something because others can do it already, TRUST! Be there and trust your child!
As I’m the mom and by law his legal guardian many consider me to be his authority and yes, I have the responsibility for my son. So if I am the authority in his life then I want to be the gentle one – the one he barely feels, who is meeting him on eye level.
True authority lies in gentleness – this is how we should see it.
My son should one day look back at his childhood and feel a ton of love present along the way, a lot of precious memories, a lot of having fun together, a lot of warmth and lovely shivers when he thinks back to the time we spent together.
We all are human beings which means we all make mistakes, as long as we never lose sight of the big picture, the way we walk side by side, we all are fine.
Sending lots of love <3
“True authority lies in gentleness” is the greatest line I have ever read. Beautifully written post.
Being a parent is such an awesome responsibility. Thanks for reminding us to let our wee ones be independant and learn things in their own time and in their own way.
This is beautifully written. I think that as a child, being independent is one of the most rewarding things! They all learn in their own way.
I think independence is so important in raising a child! They need to discover and learn the world in their own ways. Great post!