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Who am I

Crazy days of motherhood (2)

Who am I and where am I is maybe the better title.

I am just sitting here in a quiet flat (if you can ignore the washing machine and dryer in the background), my son sleeps and my husband is at work.

It’s Saturday afternoon and I have finally time just for myself.

The whole week was insanely busy – our bathroom is renewed which means that we had workers in the flat EACH day and really EARLY in the morning.

As a home office worker that’s great because you don’t have to leave them unattended, but honestly, no bathroom is a nightmare and strangers in the flat as well.

The whole week I was rushing my son in the morning to the kita, followed by a day of work and answering questions like “where is the heater”, “why wasn’t that done years ago” and “where do you want the towel holder”. When I finished work I rushed back to pick up my son, followed by quick grocery shopping before starting to cook at home (not to mention that each day I had to remove layers of dust which found their way outside of the bathroom within seconds, even in the last corner of the living room we found it.

I am happy that it’s weekend (even if the bathroom isn’t ready as promised) but at least there is time to re-charge.

And while I’m sitting here this question popped up in my mind – who am I?

This week I was only a mom and an employee, barely a wife and just me was almost invisible.

There are seldom days where I’m just me because with a toddler you are a 24/7 mom, but that’s fine, I like it (most of the times) and I wanted exactly this.

I’m a wife too and the combination of me, mom and wife is really great, just recently I have the feeling as if the employee is taking far too much time and I’m hardly able to be the rest.

I am also a yogi, if I’m lucky for half an hour per day, sometimes less and sometimes more.

Whom I’m missing recently are the artist, the jewelry maker, the relaxed and the shopping me, they are hiding themselves somewhere and I need to dig hard to find them I think, but I know that they are there.

Also the reading one seems to got lost along the way, I try so hard but after a few sentences I cannot keep my eyes open on most of the days.

I know that these times change and I know that it is all worth it in the end. I just have to look into the eyes of my son to know that this overflowing pure love is the greatest gift in life, everything else is a plus, an extra, something I will have time for when he’s older.

I also lost some mes along the way and that’s great, I’m happy that I’m not them anymore. That doesn’t mean I didn’t like them, they were wonderful the way they were, they are just not important any more and their time is over. There was the single and the undecided twen, the partying and the what cost’s the world one, the newly hired and the where do I wanna be in 20 years one, the blindly in love and the sad and depressed one, I look back and say thanks to all of them, you made me the person I am today and I won’t miss anyone of you.

Who are you right now? And are you happy with the others vanishing or hiding? Who won’t show up again?

Questions over questions, I’d love to read your stories.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Crazy days of motherhood

Crazy days of motherhood

Crazy days of motherhood

Life ain’t always easy…

After a working day, without the still breastfed toddler at home, I thought I pick him up in the kindergarten and quickly jump into the supermarket to buy a few things.

Bad bad bad idea, that was the worst idea I ever had.

I think there is a breastfeeding brain which is similar to the pregnancy dementia.

What happened?
I’m sitting just now in the back of our car, toddler is drinking half asleep from a breast the size of a giant melon.
I was barely able to focus on what I wanted to buy, forgot the soup but didn’t care because the main goal was to get somehow back to the car without fainting or crying or both because of the milk overproduction.

When I went into the supermarket I thought all is fine until all of a sudden this insanely pain was hitting me and the mean part is, without warning, in waves, just as if it wants to pinch me once in a while to tell me there are more important things than food for mom – food for the toddler is ready.

Whoever said breastfeeding is all snuggling and lovely and precious and nice (which it of course is very often) forgot that it can be painful and raw like this as well.
As soon as he latched I felt the first small relief, after 5 minutes I felt already better and not scared anymore.
If you are alone with your child in a big store and feel so crappy it is scary, isn’t it?
For me thoughts run weird and uncontrolled through my mind. It’s similar to a panick attack which is hitting you out of the blue without upfront warning.
What if I would faint?

Would I fall in a direction, onto my child or just collapse – why did I put him in the carrier – he’s in danger if I faint – is my husband at work answering the phone if someone would call him now – what was that stabbing sensation in my left breast – who’s taking care of my son – or was it from the heart – how should he get up to here when I have the car – calm down, you won’t faint, it’s just too much milk – he will be completely scared if mommy isn’t there – get out here as fast as you can – now it seems to be better – no, the pain comes in waves – do I leave or grab some more milk, better go, right?

This is a thought-circle which I cannot stop at that moment although I know very well that instead of calming down it’s pushing me more into the panicking corner.
Am I the only one who has these thoughts?

We start to relax now, the fear subsides and life comes back, how glad I am today for this car. Sitting here is like a shelter, it’s our little place to securely and safe with locked doors get back to a normal state. I wrote in another post about our messy car but in exactly this moment I’m so thankful that we have everything inside that car – a blanket to cover my little boy who’s really sleepy now, a bottle of water for me to drink something while feeding him, I could even charge my phone if I want to but right now we are fine.

Who needs soup?

I put the sleeping precious milk vampire into his car seat, cover him with his elephant blanket, check my shirt if all is covered again before I leave the backseat and start the engine to drive us home.

Thanks for these days because sometimes I need exactly that to realize how blessed we are and how happy I can be that we have all these possibilities.

What’s one of your crazy motherhood experiences?

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Daily Mindfulness is so easy

Daily Mindfulness is so easy

Daily Mindfulness

Seriously, we often forget how easily we can have small time-outs because we are too stressed to realize.

Life is not that complicated, we make it complicated.

Are you showering? What question is that you may ask now.

Did you ever try to shut down your thoughts while being in the shower and started to be aware of the moment?

Raise your awareness instead of thinking about what to do next. Listen to the sound of the water, smell the soap, really smell it. Watch the water and follow it’s path, one drop against the tile, it’s slowly running down and ends up in the puddle your’re standing in. Realize how your hair becomes softer when it’s getting wet, see the chicken pox on your arm when you turn the water off. This shower experiences is like a little spa visit for free. You will feel better afterwards than before if you give yourself these little brain time-outs.

Another daily mindfulness idea is going for a walk. You don’t have to walk an hour if you don’t like walking because it’s not really about the walking itself, it’s more about the whole experience. You step outside and actively feel and see and smell where you are.

What sound does it make when you walk, are your shoes making a sound or the surface you are walking on and how does it change when you step on another surface from tar to grass for instance. What are you doing with your arms, are they swinging, are you walking with your hands in your pockets? Is your breathing different? Listen to your breath, try to calm it down while you are walking and inhale deeply, how does it feel?

Do you see the little birds along the way or the trees which are loosing all leaves right now? There are so many little things we don’t see when we daily rush by and it’s beautiful to realize them one after the other.

So, and for how long were you walking now, because the best thing is that you start to loose track of time and all of a sudden you were walking much longer than anticipated. These are the precious moment which energize you and give you the power to go through the really stressful times for example at work.

I have lots of other examples but will end up with giving you my favorite third one.

Lay down – yeah, that’s a great one, isn’t it?

If you read my blog for a while you know that I love Yoga and when I say “lay down” I mean laying down in a yoga way.

One wonderful asana (yoga pose) to relax is Supta Baddha Konasana or the reclined bound angle:

images

Actually my aim was to show you a picture of me in one of my favorite relaxing positions but try to make some yoga pictures when your toddler in running around you.

The result was the following:

© by misssfaith2017 (10)

That’s life with children and it’s so worth it!

You’ll find millions of pictures on the web but this moment will last a lifetime.

Back to the relaxation pose – besides this reclined bound angle there are several other Yoga poses which are not complicated at all but give you instantly a time out and also time to focus on something completely different.

Child’s Pose is one, it relieves back pain and when you lay your forehead on the floor you will have new sensations I assume you never did since a while – did you smell the floor? I like our wooden floor as it has a wonderful smell which I only can realize when I am like that on the floor.. Outside in the grass is great as well, when the grass is tickling your nose and you close your eyes and just feel the earth below you.

If it comes to relaxing yoga poses I could go ahead for a while I assume, but the essence is that you do what feels good for you and that you just start to open your mind to what surrounds you at that very moment.

It’s indeed much easier than we think as life is not that complicated, it’s all about feeling, tasting, smelling, being, living – mindful moments are present every second of our life, we just have to raise our awareness to appreciate them instead of rushing through our life as if we are hunted. We aren’t, we are here to live this life we have.

What are your mindful moments? What do you like to do to feel yourself again?

I would be happy to know your thoughts.

Take care!

 

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Wintertime – Oh how I missed you

Wintertime – Oh how I missed you

Wintertime

The winter time is really close now and if you don’t want to stay inside for the next months to come here are a few ideas on what you can do outside.

Living with a toddler means for me fresh air is a MUST. Children need to be outside and explore the world no matter if it’s snowing or raining – properly dressed every weather is good weather and that counts for us adults as well.

1.

We live in Munich and instead of walking the known ways around our home it’s fun to explore new ways. Step out and turn left instead of right, cross a road you never crossed before and see what’s on the other side. Thanks to smartphones we won’t get lost, don’t worry.

You will see “your” city from a whole new perspective.

2.

A walk in the park.

Parks are wonderful places for each season of the year. The autumn is almost over and you will barely find chestnuts by now but wait for the first snow, the park will look completely different again when it’s covered in snow.

Besides that, if you have children, parks are great to let your children run without being scared they end up on the street. The air in parks is better as well so deep breathing while walking will give you a whole new energy.

3.

Wellness in Winter

We can’t wait for the real dark and cold days because what we love to do once in a while is drive to a spa.

Steam bath, outside swimming are with hot water, sauna, oriental hammam, wrapped in flushy bath robes life is great. The last time we went was when I was pregnant so it’s really time to do that again. This time our little son will join and there are wonderful spas with kids areas as well.

4.

Christmas markets

My husband can’t wait for them to start just for the simple reason that he loves the bavarian “Reiberdatschi” which is grated potatoe fried in oil and served with applesauce or creme fraiche.

Christmas Markets are wonderful, they are lovely lighted up and you smell something else in every corner. Handmade soaps are sold as christmas presents, spices to bake are available, everything looks warm and cozy even if it’s deepest winter.

5.

Go into the nature

Forests as well as lakes are great destinations in winter. The snowy frozen forest smells so fresh, I literally would love to bottle up that air and take it home with me. Maybe you can take a slide if you are with children, they love to sit there covered in blankets when they are tired of walking.

Lakes have also a very special atmosphere in winter. They often look a bit foggy and mysterious. If they are really really small or if it’s really really cold you may be lucky to find one where you can walk on. The sound of the cracking ice is a wonderful sound as it often echoes over the lake (just make 100% sure that it’s allowed and secure – if not stay on the shore!).

 

I’m sure there are lots of things which can be done in winter, these are my five highlights and I can’t wait to enter the real winter time just to do all of the above.

 

What do you love most in winter – what could you recommend?

I’m happy to get more tips.

Take care and stay warm!

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Daily habits of gratitude

Daily habits of gratitude

The year is ending and it’s time to recap (as each year) – what was good, what was bad, what could have been better and how. People tend to start thinking about their life when days are shorter and the dark time is longer, they become even slightly depressive and make big plans on new years resolutions not to be in the same misery at the end of the coming year but is it helping?

Are new years resolutions worth the time at all? I don’t think so.

Most people I know started happily into the new year, proud that they managed 5 days in a row not to eat meat for instance. And then?

Latest in February everything is over and on thanksgiving the turkey is filled even with bacon and they start to dwell about what they have to change for the year to come.

A vicious circle, isn’t it?

I don’t like resolutions at all, I don’t like to promise myself that I do something over and over again just because it may sound good as a Facebook post and probably will bring me a hand full of likes and loves and shares.

What I like is to do something because I want to do it from the bottom of my soul, something which won’t let me down if I miss one day or two. Something which adapts to my way of living while changing my way of living.

Gratitude – gratitude is so easy if we open our minds and it will change your mood instantly, I promise!

Thinking about something you are grateful for is an easy task which directly guides your thoughts into a positive way of thinking. I don’t know someone who is grateful for the spilled coffee in the morning. But I assure you that you will be in a good mood when thinking about the colleague who was so kind helping you cleaning the floor where you spilled your coffee and the nice chat you had while doing so.

Your day won’t be over when you miss one day of thinking about grateful moments, it still will be a normal day, you won’t feel bad because if you would you directly start to think about something positive again. You see, it’s another vicious circle, this time a very positive one.

Do we need big life changers? I don’t think so. What we need is a level of awareness.

We are here now, this very moment is a moment to be grateful for. I’m sitting and writing while my son sleeps and life is calm and quiet. I don’t hear bad news and I don’t feel cold or sick. I try to motivate people with what I’m writing and that’s good. This is a simple moment, nothing fancy and exciting, BUT it is a moment I’m grateful for, right here, right now.

I hope you see the point I try to make and I hope you have days full of these grateful moments because what we need in life is a series of good times plus the willingness to see the good which is coming after the bad (yes, bad moments happen, I cannot deny that). The art of living is to turn everything into something you can be grateful for.

That’s not easy, indeed not, but it is so damn worth it, believe me.

Instead of crying start to smile, instead of shouting start to whisper, give it a serious try and you will see, it works. Not always, that’s for sure and good, only if we experience the crying and shouting we know why we should smile and whisper.

I try to wrap it up and I don’t find a proper sentence – this is my imperfect life just now just here and I love it.

Share these thoughts if you like, it would make me happy and would give me another grateful moment – if you don’t want that’s good as well because my life is not depending on one moment, it depends on a series of moments as does yours.

Take care and be grateful.