He was a tiny baby yesterday and today he is already staying a few hours alone in the kindergarten.
Alone, without me, without the one who was by his side since the day he was born.
I remember vividly how this tiny human being was laid on my chest and how good it felt.
My life changed in that second, profoundly; he is the most important person and only if he feels fine and has all he needs I feel fine.
My heart is walking outside of my body, this sounds strange but that's exactly how it is when you are hit by a love so pure and unique.
And now we are at a stage where I have to leave him, that's hard, for us, for him and for me.
He doesn't understand why mommy is leaving, she has been there his entire life.

How can she smile and say goodbye? She's saying she picks me up later but I have no idea what that later means. I just see her leaving and I don't want her to leave.

And I, I have to smile and tell my baby goodbye, I see tears welling up because he doesn't understand and I want to take him and hug him tight and whisper into his ear that all is fine and mommy is here.

Instead I smile and kiss him and leave.

The door closes and I listen, his crying never lasts long, he is quickly distracted by something they offer and I know he's fine but still my heart aches.
He's almost 18 months now, one and a half years old, when did that happen, I don't know.

Motherhood is an amazing roller coaster journey and the speed is crazy.
One moment you find out that you're pregnant and the next your child starts kindergarten.

Soak in every minute you have, these memories will last a lifetime and there won't be something nicer than telling your child one day how it started to walk, to eat, when it had the first tooth or said the first word.

 

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