Struggling to get into a meditation rhythm
I don’t know if you ever tried it but when I first thought about meditation I bought a small book which told on its cover that you learn quickly how to meditate.
I read it and that’s it. No inspiration, no guiding, no motivation for me at all.
I put it aside but the thought about needing something to stop my mind running in circles was still present. I took my iPad and downloaded some free apps with meditations to listen to and here I started.
Just using the earplugs and listening to it is the easiest way to start instead of reading lots of instructions. What happened for several times is that I just fell asleep after a while but that was fine for me. The women telling me what to do, how to breath, what to focus on, etc. has such a calm voice and in combination with quiet background music it’s really inviting you to have a nap. But again I wasn’t doing it regularly as I planned and I’m still not found a rhythm for myself. What’s the worst about it is that I see myself in front of stupid stuff on TV telling myself that this is relaxing time although I know I’m totally wrong. To change a manifested behavior is not as easy as I thought in first place. So if anyone has tips and tricks on how to change it please let me know. One thing I realized is that even the few nights were helping me getting rid of TV in my bedroom which is already a good thing. I turned back to what I was used to and am reading again. Maybe I’m expecting too much from myself which also isn’t unusual for a perfectionist. And in the end, the big question, what is meditation? Can’t it be a state of just doing something else instead of running in circles on your mind? If yes than reading already would be kind of meditation as its easing. During the time I read I focus on the story and not about problems, work, what to do next, what still isn’t finalized, and and and…
If I start thinking too much I take the earplugs and its calming me down. This will not be the end of this journey as I honestly want to get rid of stupid behavior like staying up too long without a sense but I think I have to accept and also to appreciate that the first steps are already gone, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to write about it. Sometimes you only realize small efforts if you see them written in front of you.
Maybe this blog is also kind of mediation for me as I’m focusing only on one single topic each time and black out the rest going on around and inside me.
I found the following definition and while reading it I was affirming to myself that I’m not too wrong in what I’m doing.
“Meditation is the act of remaining in a silent and calm state for a period of time, as part of a religious training, or so that you are more able to deal with the problems of everyday life.”
And another conclusion after I read is – am I doing it to match the definition or to feel better afterwards? Are we running to much after how we should be and how things are defined from the outside instead of focussing on what we like and feel comfortable with? But that’s another topic.
Keep the faith in your life and most important, keep it within you!